Why are chicks so cray?

jaxdiablo

So I talked to bellydancer this weekend just to get some closure understanding. She told me she is in her open relationship (the guy that was posting all over her facebook), she's morally opposed to monogamy (wtf?), can't have kids (huge issue with me), and is utterly busy 95% of the week approximately and just doesn't have a ton of time... Well, strike that for anything more than friendship or casual dating.

Then I took out the rollerderby girl this weekend to the zoo. Had an amazing time, she was unfortunately on her phone a lot (trying to talk people into coming to the burlesque show, which I'm 100% behind), took her to lunch, walked around the zoo and really enjoyed our time. Then she breaks it all down. She is living with her ex-bf (who decided to one-up me on my trip by taking her to sea world), is in love with her Best Friend who she is moving to California to be with in October, and he is the only guy who she enjoyed being intimate with on any level, all other guys (in her words) are just "there", so she doesn't get physical with anyone unless she really likes them because in her mind it's a sacrifice because she isn't getting anything out of it.

Why in the hell can I not find one decent woman who is at least more normal than weird, who I'm attracted to, and is genuinely interested in me? I mean all in all it was cool having these attractive women in my company for the dates, so that definitely helped my self esteem, but I mean why are they nut jobs? *sigh* I just don't get it.

Carl01

I think it boils down to your own statement...who you are attracted to.
It is probably not a coincidence both these ladies are in a form of exotic entertainment.
For whatever reasons that is what you are attracted to and with it the personalities that it takes.

jaxdiablo

That's kinda what my buddy said. He said I need an "interesting" woman. I agree with that to the Nth degree. I dislike boring and mundane (that's me in the relationship), I need exciting and interesting. Guess I need to find a semi sane girl in an exotic entertainment situation and run with it.

ItsCasey

Okay, I have an honest question, because I hear this kind of thing from men a lot.

Is there really never an indication that these chicks are not what you're looking for maybe BEFORE they "break it down" for you? Sometimes, I think men will continue to date a woman who is obviously not interested, all because she's hot. So it's really hard for me to buy the "I'm just looking for a normal, decent woman who is genuinely interested in me." If that's really the case, I would think y'all would pick up on the selfish/rude/not interested vibes a lot sooner.

lorro

Jax, often people who are attracted to others who have committment issues find relationships in which they may be called on to be totally open and vulnerable quite threatening. Hence they are more comfortable in ones in which they can remain well defended at first. However both parties are not totally there for the other and as this is ultimately what both want then they are often either very complicated, destructive or shallow relationships. Just wondered if you saw yourself in this pattern. Or as Carl says it could be more to do with the fact that the entertainment business they are in attracts the type that are not as keen on a steady relationship. Anyway, I'm sure your girl is out there, so keep looking! :flowerforyou:

HotCuppaJo

Okay, I have an honest question, because I hear this kind of thing from men a lot.

Is there really never an indication that these chicks are not what you're looking for maybe BEFORE they "break it down" for you? Sometimes, I think men will continue to date a woman who is obviously not interested, all because she's hot. So it's really hard for me to buy the "I'm just looking for a normal, decent woman who is genuinely interested in me." If that's really the case, I would think y'all would pick up on the selfish/rude/not interested vibes a lot sooner.

^^^^ This. I completely agree w/ her analysis of the situation.

jaxdiablo

Okay, I have an honest question, because I hear this kind of thing from men a lot.

Is there really never an indication that these chicks are not what you're looking for maybe BEFORE they "break it down" for you? Sometimes, I think men will continue to date a woman who is obviously not interested, all because she's hot. So it's really hard for me to buy the "I'm just looking for a normal, decent woman who is genuinely interested in me." If that's really the case, I would think y'all would pick up on the selfish/rude/not interested vibes a lot sooner.

Well with the bellydancer she was a friend of mine on and off for the last couple of years, we fell out of touch because she thought I was still friends with her ex-boyfriend, but I wasn't. We finally saw each other again after about a year and decided to hang out, she explained the situation, but still showed interest. Then she fell off the map when the guy came into town, so we had 3 dates where everything was awesome, cuddling, closeness all that stuff. So I will take partial responsibility, but it was definitely mixed signals.

Rollerderby girl met 4 days earlier and had 1 date. I didn't invest a ton of time in that so I don't think it fits your assumption of the situation. She kinda explained her situation, but not to the depth in which she explained it when we were out on the date.

I really think I picked up on these things as quickly as I possibly could.

rammsteinsoldier

That is really a hard question. There are crazy guys and crazy girls on the dating scene. Maybe move away from the exotic entertainment situation. There are really hot girls that aren't in those professions that I am sure would be interested in going out with you. There is someone out there just waiting for you but sometimes I think we have to go through some duds before finding someone special.

kapeluza

Okay, I have an honest question, because I hear this kind of thing from men a lot.

Is there really never an indication that these chicks are not what you're looking for maybe BEFORE they "break it down" for you? Sometimes, I think men will continue to date a woman who is obviously not interested, all because she's hot. So it's really hard for me to buy the "I'm just looking for a normal, decent woman who is genuinely interested in me." If that's really the case, I would think y'all would pick up on the selfish/rude/not interested vibes a lot sooner.

What she said.

AnnaPixie

Why in the hell can I not find one decent woman who is at least more normal than weird, who I'm attracted to, and is genuinely interested in me? I mean all in all it was cool having these attractive women in my company for the dates, so that definitely helped my self esteem, but I mean why are they nut jobs? *sigh* I just don't get it.

Try finding a woman that works by day? I know you have a 'thing' for the exotic ladies, but really, you have to be a certain type of woman to entertain!! If that type is turning out to be nuts (and I'm not saying they all are, just that there is a pattern developing here), then you need to seek your soulmate elsewhere. There are plenty of attractive and interesting ladies that hold down a less expressive profession.

Good luck Jax. I'm glad you've at least increased your self esteem. Now you just need to put it to better use :flowerforyou:

jaxdiablo

Ok, seriously, I don't have a thing for "exotic" ladies. I work with a burlesque troupe when I'm not at my 40+ hour a week office job. I just happen to spend a bit of time out of the office with those folks. It's either spend time with them or sit in my house and lose my mind.

Before this most recent run (2 whole girls), that majority of the women I dated or went on dates with were plain normal women who had office jobs and stuff like that. This is just the two most recent girls. I'm really not looking to date a stripper, burlesque dancer, or bellydancer, they just happen to be the two most recent girls I happened to get interested in from hanging out.

dbrightwell1270

To some extent, the fact that they are hot and single should be a signal. It's not like guys won't flock to hot women. If no other guys are willing or able to take her off the market, that should send up big red flags that she is probably the problem.

AnnaPixie

Ok, seriously, I don't have a thing for "exotic" ladies. I work with a burlesque troupe when I'm not at my 40+ hour a week office job. I just happen to spend a bit of time out of the office with those folks. It's either spend time with them or sit in my house and lose my mind.

Before this most recent run (2 whole girls), that majority of the women I dated or went on dates with were plain normal women who had office jobs and stuff like that. This is just the two most recent girls. I'm really not looking to date a stripper, burlesque dancer, or bellydancer, they just happen to be the two most recent girls I happened to get interested in from hanging out.

Ok, cool. We only know about the recent girls :flowerforyou:

So were the office girls nuts too?? Or is it just the last two?

And nothing wrong with spending time with the peeps :bigsmile:

ItsCasey

To some extent, the fact that they are hot and single should be a signal. It's not like guys won't flock to hot women. If no other guys are willing or able to take her off the market, that should send up big red flags that she is probably the problem.

This is true, to a large degree. There are hot women who are single because they don't like *kitten*, and, let's just put it out there, the singles market is full of them. But those women are pretty easy to spot; they speak, dress, and behave a little differently than the hot crazy chicks.

AnnaPixie

To some extent, the fact that they are hot and single should be a signal. It's not like guys won't flock to hot women. If no other guys are willing or able to take her off the market, that should send up big red flags that she is probably the problem.

This is true, to a large degree. There are hot women who are single because they don't like *kitten*, and, let's just put it out there, the singles market is full of them. But those women are pretty easy to spot; they speak, dress, and behave a little differently than the hot crazy chicks.

I'm glad you said it :flowerforyou:

You know @dbrightwell sometimes women just dont meet the right guy. The one that completes them. What this has to do with 'hot' I will never know. There are two sides to every story.... :flowerforyou:

JanieJack

Why in the **** can I not find one decent woman who is at least more normal than weird, who I'm attracted to, and is genuinely interested in me? I mean all in all it was cool having these attractive women in my company for the dates, so that definitely helped my self esteem, but I mean why are they nut jobs? *sigh* I just don't get it.

I don't get it either. But it's a good question for you to internally explore. Not "why are all the hot girls crazy" but "why aren't I attracted to the sane, good women." When you figure it out, please let me know because this is the #1 thing I don't get about guys.* Why do guys say they want a good woman, but chase beautiful nut jobs (check out the clinical definition of narcissists and bi-polar… generally start off as very beautiful people)?

I have a few guy friends (mostly in my church singles groups) who lament they can't find a great girl. But when we go out, all they do is hang out with the vulgar, crazy ones who have drama and issues. I'm sure part of it is they are dressed and carry themselves more "sexy" than the church girls. Men say they want smart girls, but boobs sure seem to win out over brains in my observation.











*PS: I know this works both ways... women say they want a good man, but go after the drug-addicted bad boys. I dunno why, because if a man is “too” good looking or “too” edgy, I’m not interested. I seriously am attracted to the guy-next-door types. But some of my friends, WOW, the guys they bring home and then are surprised to get their heart broken.

Moe4572

Besides "hot" is totally in the eye of the beholder..........yes, there are some girls that everyone would agree is "hot", but there are differences.........Angelina Jolie....some men think she is 'the hottest",......some strongly disagree............just depends on that, too

JanieJack

To some extent, the fact that they are hot and single should be a signal. It's not like guys won't flock to hot women. If no other guys are willing or able to take her off the market, that should send up big red flags that she is probably the problem.

Not always... !!... I'm hot and single... lol

(that said, see my above point about narcissists and bi-polar)

MaraDiaz

You dislike boring and mundane, yet that's the role you say you fill in the relationship. I suggest you forget women for a while and spend your time doing wild and crazy things of your own.

Edit to expand on that:

1. Wild and crazy people generally don't date boring, mundane people, so you're disadvantaged from the start.

2. If you go do all the wild and crazy things you dreamed of in your own life, you'll meet women doing those things too, and then you'll have something in common.

3. If you're wild and crazy, you may find your tastes are toned down a bit and you can find someone wild and crazy but not in a bad, unstable way, if you know what I mean.

4. This advice comes to you from me, but it originated with a college psychology professor I got in a conversation with once when I was young and had a tendency to date Mr. Wild, Crazy, and Wrong.

He suggested I take up hang gliding instead of dating. I have since often followed the spirit, if not the letter, of his advice.

DMZ_1

Sometimes there is a reason why a hot woman is single. I remember one date I went on with a quite attractive teacher (legit 8 on a 10 point scale-10 being perfect). She resisted my advances and was unnecessarily b1tchy about it too. Obviously, I never called her back.

ItsCasey

Sometimes there is a reason why a hot woman is single. I remember one date I went on with a quite attractive teacher (legit 8 on a 10 point scale-10 being perfect). She resisted my advances and was unnecessarily b1tchy about it too. Obviously, I never called her back.

A man with balls. I'm intrigued.

Seriously, guys, if you want to make yourself instantly less attractive to a "decent" woman, allow yourself to be led around by the nose by a woman who doesn't respect you.

oddyogi

I've been called hot.. I mean I think I'm definitely good looking, but not in the crazy way.

But I think I might be a little crazy, cuz I'm single and I want to stay single for a while. Wait, I just confused myself..

Is being a roller derby girl considered exotic entertainment or were we talking about the burlesque part?

AllanMisner

Girls that belly dance and roller derby are wired a certain way. I've known a few of both. It all seems fun, but yes, they typically have their issues. They do those things to add excitement (read drama), into their lives.

If you took the time to write out exactly what you wanted in a girl, then rank each item, you'd have a clearer picture of what matters most to you. Then you can decide if normal outranks exotic.

Meghan0116

A friend of mine says that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. Okay, the way she says it is much more vulgar but we are going with the frog/prince thing. lol

You may just have to go out with a lot of crazy women to find your one. Figure out what is most important to you in a woman and go from there. I know quite a few incredible, sexy, interesting women who are wondering why they can't find a nice, normal guy. The street definitely goes both ways. And yes, I am stuck in cliches today.

oddyogi

A friend of mine says that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. Okay, the way she says it is much more vulgar but we are going with the frog/prince thing. lol

You may just have to go out with a lot of crazy women to find your one. Figure out what is most important to you in a woman and go from there. I know quite a few incredible, sexy, interesting women who are wondering why they can't find a nice, normal guy. The street definitely goes both ways. And yes, I am stuck in cliches today.

I want to hear the vulgar version.

dbrightwell1270

I want to hear the vulgar version.

Me Too.

jaxdiablo

Ok, so being led around by the nose... 1 date with roller derby girl, and 3 dates with bellydancer girl (who I'd known for 2 years). I'm over both of them already, I'm just venting.

I'm not putting any more effort into either of those ladies. They will still be friends, but I will not be pursuing them, they can chase me if they want me.

I feel like I'm being completely misunderstood with what I'm looking for when I say interesting...

I want a woman with a social life, who is intelligent, caring, giving, interested in similar things to what I'm interested in, has traditional thoughts on relationships (wants a family), I am attracted to, and doesn't expect to be taken care of. I really don't think that's too much to ask, they don't have to be "hot" (which I never used as a descriptor for the women, I said attractive), nor do they have to be in an exotic entertainment industry, that's just what I'm exposed to regularly due to what I do outside of work.

Just getting some clarification out there.

MaraDiaz

Ok, so being led around by the nose... 1 date with roller derby girl, and 3 dates with bellydancer girl (who I'd known for 2 years). I'm over both of them already, I'm just venting.

I'm not putting any more effort into either of those ladies. They will still be friends, but I will not be pursuing them, they can chase me if they want me.

I feel like I'm being completely misunderstood with what I'm looking for when I say interesting...

I want a woman with a social life, who is intelligent, caring, giving, interested in similar things to what I'm interested in, has traditional thoughts on relationships (wants a family), I am attracted to, and doesn't expect to be taken care of. I really don't think that's too much to ask, they don't have to be "hot" (which I never used as a descriptor for the women, I said attractive), nor do they have to be in an exotic entertainment industry, that's just what I'm exposed to regularly due to what I do outside of work.

Just getting some clarification out there.

I totally misunderstood you, then. You sound like a good guy, you'll find what you're looking for. But I notice you're a gamer, and MMOs can suck up a lot of time that could have been used in face to face socializing. Nothing wrong with being a gamer, I've been one for many years, but if you're on the prowl, getting out there, and by that I mean hanging out in public places with your friends, is probably going to make your search easier.

Best of luck, the world doesn't have enough good, down to earth, family oriented men. So get out there and someone will come along shortly.

jaxdiablo

Ok, so being led around by the nose... 1 date with roller derby girl, and 3 dates with bellydancer girl (who I'd known for 2 years). I'm over both of them already, I'm just venting.

I'm not putting any more effort into either of those ladies. They will still be friends, but I will not be pursuing them, they can chase me if they want me.

I feel like I'm being completely misunderstood with what I'm looking for when I say interesting...

I want a woman with a social life, who is intelligent, caring, giving, interested in similar things to what I'm interested in, has traditional thoughts on relationships (wants a family), I am attracted to, and doesn't expect to be taken care of. I really don't think that's too much to ask, they don't have to be "hot" (which I never used as a descriptor for the women, I said attractive), nor do they have to be in an exotic entertainment industry, that's just what I'm exposed to regularly due to what I do outside of work.

Just getting some clarification out there.

I totally misunderstood you, then. You sound like a good guy, you'll find what you're looking for. But I notice you're a gamer, and MMOs can suck up a lot of time that could have been used in face to face socializing. Nothing wrong with being a gamer, I've been one for many years, but if you're on the prowl, getting out there, and by that I mean hanging out in public places with your friends, is probably going to make your search easier.

Best of luck, the world doesn't have enough good, down to earth, family oriented men. So get out there and someone will come along shortly.

Thanks Mara. I actually really liked your other post. I am getting out there and doing the crazy things I want to do. I did the warrior dash a couple of weeks ago, I go to events I enjoy (live music, burlesque, performance stuff), so yeah, sooner or later I will find someone, but it's been 3 years for me since my last legitimate relationship (when the ex-wife left), so I'm just getting frustrated and in that "forever alone" mindset. As for the gaming thing, I do game, but no where near as much as I used to. I make sure I'm exercising and doing social stuff at least 2:1 (social:gaming). I do appreciate the input, concern, and advice. It's awesome!

MaraDiaz

Thanks Mara. I actually really liked your other post. I am getting out there and doing the crazy things I want to do. I did the warrior dash a couple of weeks ago, I go to events I enjoy (live music, burlesque, performance stuff), so yeah, sooner or later I will find someone, but it's been 3 years for me since my last legitimate relationship (when the ex-wife left), so I'm just getting frustrated and in that "forever alone" mindset. As for the gaming thing, I do game, but no where near as much as I used to. I make sure I'm exercising and doing social stuff at least 2:1 (social:gaming). I do appreciate the input, concern, and advice. It's awesome!

Thank you! My college professor was a wise man, and every time I've disregarded his advice, bad things have happened. But I always was stubborn and always do have to learn everything the hard way.

I'm glad you're getting out there and enjoying real life. I truly do believe if you do your own thing while meeting new people you will meet someone who is right for you. It's also great that you're so up front with what you're looking for, that way you don't waste your time or hers.

Bikini27

To some extent, the fact that they are hot and single should be a signal. It's not like guys won't flock to hot women. If no other guys are willing or able to take her off the market, that should send up big red flags that she is probably the problem.

This is true, to a large degree. There are hot women who are single because they don't like *kitten*, and, let's just put it out there, the singles market is full of them. But those women are pretty easy to spot; they speak, dress, and behave a little differently than the hot crazy chicks.

Honestly, and I hate admitting this when looking at men. If they are insanely attractive, but very active on their Match profiles...I'm generalizing, but there is a better chance they're trolling for sex than actively searching for a good relationship.

Sad that we categorize things like this... :ohwell: