I don't find anything wrong with this... do you?
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JanieJack
Posts: 3,830 Member
The local gossip buzz is about a high-powered woman going out with a janitor. IMHO, if the janitor is hot and treats her right, who cares, right? I keep overhearing people talk about it. And when I mentioned to a friend that the coach at my son’s school flirts with me every morning when I drop him off, she commented, “You don’t want an elementary school coach: you don’t want to end up like so-and-so.†They've been dating for 8 or so months now, and “So-and-So†seems to be happy. Who doesn’t want to be happy??
We’ve all seen that my mind thinks differently from “the norm†so maybe you guys can explain to me why this is such a big deal?
Edit: I gave this the wrong title... I don't want to know if you agree so much as I'm looking for reasons WHY people care (someone mentioned perception that men should be the breadwinner, others lifestyle, etc). Thanks!
We’ve all seen that my mind thinks differently from “the norm†so maybe you guys can explain to me why this is such a big deal?
Edit: I gave this the wrong title... I don't want to know if you agree so much as I'm looking for reasons WHY people care (someone mentioned perception that men should be the breadwinner, others lifestyle, etc). Thanks!
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Woooow. Some people dude. Who cares as long as the person is happy!
I would date a janitor if he was smart, funny, hot, sweet, caring, etc., all the good qualities I look for in a man. At least he has a job!
Better than Stinky McPajamapants that lives in Mom's basement with no job as a "full-time student" taking one class per freakin' semester. Lol.
I think dating a school coach would be sexy.0 -
I don't think there's anything wrong with it either..
I'd rather much have a guy who is passionate about what he does (but not necessarily make a lot of money) than someone who makes tons of money and is miserable.
And if he's hot and makes me happy?!?! Well a happy guy who wants to make me happy.. hmmm.. don't see anything wrong with that at all.0 -
I don't see anything wrong with it. I think it is the whole stigmata that the man should be the bread winner. As long as the person can support themselves and are happy with what they are doing why should it matter what job they have? As long as two people are happy together why do others have to judge? I think the gossip tells more about the people that are spreading it then the people they are actually talking about.0
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Seriously? If she's happy and he's happy, then why is it a problem?
People aren't defined by their job. A job is something we do to make money to support everything else we want to do. I'm going to be working as an admin assistant (still so FREAKING EXCITED about this!!!), but I'm not going to go around and introduce myself as "Kate the administrative assistant". I don't even introduce myself as "Kate the aspiring opera singer who is working to save money so she can go to grad school and hopefully sing at the Met someday". I'm just Kate. There is so much more to me than what I do for work, and that goes for everyone (well, unless they happen to be a workaholic, but that's just indicative of bigger problems, anyway).
So, no, I think it's great that this high-powered woman is incredibly happy to be dating a janitor. If you decide to date sexy school coach, then I will be jumping up and down, cheering you all the way :flowerforyou:0 -
Anyone who judges people based on their job (especially in this economy) is superficial. I would rather have a great guy over someone with a fancy job or money.0
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There is noting wrong with being a Janitor, who most likely has great benefits and nice summers off to work another job if he desires. People are so wrapped up in titles and stupid stuff like that. If a woman asks me what kind of car I drive I say a 1995 Jeep Wrangler and I never put the tops on so your hair might get blown a bit... P.S. I have other cars but why should I want to have surface!0
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Seriously? If she's happy and he's happy, then why is it a problem?
That's what I'm trying to figure out. I'm not being facetious here. I seriously don’t get it.
Even if you don’t have a problem with it… would you tell me why others do? I don’t want to ask anyone around me because (so far) I’m not part of the gossip ring and I don’t want them to start including me.
Most days it’s nice being a physics geek. With stuff like this, I wish I could be like my little sis (the most amazing “people person†you ever met).0 -
I see no issue at all with the first situation,just people being busy bodies.
Not sure on the second,need more info as to what is being suggested,is she saying that isn`t good enough for you or that you are too good for him?0 -
I think the gossip tells more about the people that are spreading it then the people they are actually talking about.
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THIS!!]0 -
Seriously? If she's happy and he's happy, then why is it a problem?
That's what I'm trying to figure out. I'm not being facetious here. I seriously don’t get it.
Even if you don’t have a problem with it… would you tell me why others do? I don’t want to ask anyone around me because (so far) I’m not part of the gossip ring and I don’t want them to start including me.
Most days it’s nice being a physics geek. With stuff like this, I wish I could be like my little sis (the most amazing “people person†you ever met).
Well, I do know that my parents look frowningly on any guy that I have dated who is not working at a "professional" job or lacks a college degree. Their reasoning is that he's never going to make a whole lot of money to support me, but they also happen to be pretty traditional people who think that I will always need to be taken care of (omg it's stifling sometimes, but that is another story lol). I suppose it goes back to what Miss MN said. People expect the man to be the breadwinner, which I think we can all agree is an outdated concept.0 -
People are so ridiculous. If each person in a relationship is happy who cares what profession they are in.
Being treated right, loved and adored is way more important than what he does for a living.0 -
It is hard enough to keep my own *kitten* together and be happy in a relationship. Why get upset or poke holes in someone else's happiness. Good for them!0
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I don't see anything wrong with any of it. People need to let go of all the crap. In the end what does it matter? Happiness is what makes life worth while .. if you have to have conditions on it then you could be missing out on something AMAZING.0
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Not sure on the second,need more info as to what is being suggested,is she saying that isn`t good enough for you or that you are too good for him?
That's part of why I'm asking... I'm not sure what she means by it...
I'd like to know, so I can decide if it's worth it. For example: If I go out with a guy who is obviously way older than me, it will look like I'm just using him for money and he's just using me for sex (by now you guys know me well enough to know that's not true... but strangers don't know that from looking at me). Especially if he’s white. I’ve gone out with plenty of older guys, but I’m admittedly more picky about them because of this.
I’d like to know if there’s some “suggested perception†to this couple’s situation.0 -
It is hard enough to keep my own *kitten* together and be happy in a relationship. Why get upset or poke holes in someone else's happiness. Good for them!
Good Lord yes!0 -
Not sure on the second,need more info as to what is being suggested,is she saying that isn`t good enough for you or that you are too good for him?
That's part of why I'm asking... I'm not sure what she means by it...
I'd like to know, so I can decide if it's worth it. For example: If I go out with a guy who is obviously way older than me, it will look like I'm just using him for money and he's just using me for sex (by now you guys know me well enough to know that's not true... but strangers don't know that from looking at me). Especially if he’s white. I’ve gone out with plenty of older guys, but I’m admittedly more picky about them because of this.
I’d like to know if there’s some “suggested perception†to this couple’s situation.
The perception is that she is too good for a janitor. That she has made something of herself and he hasn't.0 -
It comes down to tradition. The standard question guys ask each other when they meet is, "What do you do for a living?" We base status (who we are) on what we do for work. Men have traditionally been the breadwinners. So, a man who earns less than his wife is going to get noticed as being different.
This works the same with height and (fortunately not as much so now) race. If you follow a path outside the norm, it gets attention.0 -
I don't think it goes to the quality of the person so much as to the quality of the lifestyle one can expect. I dated a woman that was great but she didn't make a lot of money and she didn't have much flexibility in time off. After a while it got to be draining because I felt like I had to pay for everything that I thought was interesting and even if we found something relatively cheap to do for a weekend, there was no guarantee she'd be able to get off work. After a while it felt like all we did was hang out on the couch watching the food channel all day. It got old pretty quick.0
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a 1995 Jeep Wrangler and I never put the tops on so your hair might get blown a bit
There's something about a Jeep Man.0 -
Those who have their tongues wagging - well none of their business. But having been in a marriage like that, it didn't take long for my husband to resent me for my situation when compared with his. I don't think this HAS to happen - everyone is different. But it DID happen in mine.0
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Not sure on the second,need more info as to what is being suggested,is she saying that isn`t good enough for you or that you are too good for him?
That's part of why I'm asking... I'm not sure what she means by it...
I'd like to know, so I can decide if it's worth it. For example: If I go out with a guy who is obviously way older than me, it will look like I'm just using him for money and he's just using me for sex (by now you guys know me well enough to know that's not true... but strangers don't know that from looking at me). Especially if he’s white. I’ve gone out with plenty of older guys, but I’m admittedly more picky about them because of this.
I’d like to know if there’s some “suggested perception†to this couple’s situation.
The only thing I could say is that if he is right for you then what anyone else thinks is irrelevant.0 -
I don't think it goes to the quality of the person so much as to the quality of the lifestyle one can expect.
I can see that... though with divorce debt and an out-of-state house I can't keep rented I live waaaaaaay below my income. Aside from loving travel, I’m not worried about a high-income lifestyle. And you can travel cheaply yet still have fun ;-)After a while it got to be draining because I felt like I had to pay for everything that I thought was interesting and even if we found something relatively cheap to do for a weekend, there was no guarantee she'd be able to get off work.
I can understand that too! I'll admit I've been the girl in that situation due to financial burdens (see above). My job is amazing, but very inflexible. Since I took this job, I’ve unfortunately made guys think I wasn’t interested by being unavailable. Or made them think I’m looking for a booty call with spontaneous “hey, I can actually get tomorrow off… wanna hang out tonight?â€0 -
The only thing I could say is that if he is right for you then what anyone else thinks is irrelevant.
I agree with the sentiment of this, but not the practicality. I live in the south. Don't many of you? It was different when I lived in DC, or OK, or FL. Here people care about appearances. And it impacts my son (how the school workers treat him, whether or not the other moms let the kids play together). I’d never stop doing what I want because others don’t approve, so in that sense I agree, but if I’m going to send off a negative vibe, I’d at least like to know I’m doing it.
Many times growing up I wish my mom had understood the impact her social actions had on us as kids.0 -
a 1995 Jeep Wrangler and I never put the tops on so your hair might get blown a bit
There's something about a Jeep Man.
A guy in a jeep with a dog next to him = instant turn on0 -
The only thing I could say is that if he is right for you then what anyone else thinks is irrelevant.
I agree with the sentiment of this, but not the practicality. I live in the south. Don't many of you? It was different when I lived in DC, or OK, or FL. Here people care about appearances. And it impacts my son (how the school workers treat him, whether or not the other moms let the kids play together). I’d never stop doing what I want because others don’t approve, so in that sense I agree, but if I’m going to send off a negative vibe, I’d at least like to know I’m doing it.
Many times growing up I wish my mom had understood the impact her social actions had on us as kids.
This I get,from NY but a small rural area near Vermont so in many ways similar to the south.
Still though you have to put happiness first and let everything sort out.
If you know it is right and you walk away because of others you will regret it for life.0 -
I had a situation recently that relates to this...... My friend's fairly new boyfriend commented that I should look for a "white collar working man", and I said, "that is ridiculous", he said that white collar men are a different type of man and I would have a happier life. I was not happy and said..... "well, both my father and stepfather were blue collar and they turned out just fine!!!" But , point is people do have the perception that "white collar" is better.0
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people do have the perception that "white collar" is better.
Funny, even though I'm "white collar" myself, I have the perception that "white collar" is affairs and embezzlement and exotic "schtuff" that adds no value to our lives but is done to keep up with the Jones.
I think my favorite catagory of guy is one like me who comes from blue-collar upbringing but worked himself into a high paying job so he appreciates the time value of money and still has fun stopping to smell the roses.0 -
On a personal level, I think if the two people are happy, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. But it stands to reason that if you're concerned about what other people think of your relationship, then on some level, you are not happy.
I do understand what you're saying about how appearances matter. I work in executive management, so part of my job includes attending social functions with my company's board of directors. We are often expected to bring spouses and/or significant others to these events. If I brought some guy who didn't have a job or was a menial laborer, it would reflect poorly on me. It would look as though I'm dating someone who is lazy or has no ambition, so the implication is that he's riding the gravy train and I'm too stupid to know it or that something is wrong with me and I can't attract a man who has a good job. That's not the impression you want to give your professional peers, let alone your superiors.
There are social ramifications, too. If you're a parent, you may be sending the message that you're not all that concerned about your child having a having an acceptable (i.e. upwardly mobile) role model or that you have low standards for yourself, so maybe your judgment is then "questionable" in the eyes of the other parents. It's noble to say none of this matters, but it's not realistic.0 -
It would look as though I'm dating someone who is lazy or has no ambition, so the implication is that he's riding the gravy train and I'm too stupid to know it or that something is wrong with me and I can't attract a man who has a good job. That's not the impression you want to give your professional peers, let alone your superiors.
There are social ramifications, too. If you're a parent, you may be sending the message that you're not all that concerned about your child having a having an acceptable (i.e. upwardly mobile) role model or that you have low standards for yourself, so maybe your judgment is then "questionable" in the eyes of the other parents. It's noble to say none of this matters, but it's not realistic.
Thanks, wow, I really appreicate you sharing that. I t makes a lot of sense.0 -
a 1995 Jeep Wrangler and I never put the tops on so your hair might get blown a bit
There's something about a Jeep Man.
A guy in a jeep with a dog next to him = instant turn on
you say that now. I bet you lose that sentiment pretty quick if he lets the dog ride up front and makes you sit in the back.0
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