I don't find anything wrong with this... do you?
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I find this kind of sad but if that is what is then the only conclusion then is to basically cross off any guys that won`t fit that model.
Am not sure what other answer there is.0 -
It would look as though I'm dating someone who is lazy or has no ambition, so the implication is that he's riding the gravy train and I'm too stupid to know it or that something is wrong with me and I can't attract a man who has a good job. That's not the impression you want to give your professional peers, let alone your superiors.
There are social ramifications, too. If you're a parent, you may be sending the message that you're not all that concerned about your child having a having an acceptable (i.e. upwardly mobile) role model or that you have low standards for yourself, so maybe your judgment is then "questionable" in the eyes of the other parents. It's noble to say none of this matters, but it's not realistic.
Thanks, wow, I really appreicate you sharing that. I t makes a lot of sense.
I do want to say that I don't think an elementary coach fits into the category of "menial laborer," but maybe in your circle it's different.
My cousin experienced something similar to this recently. She dropped out of college after 2 years because of some medical issues, and she never went back. She was working as a travel coordinator for an oil company, but without a college degree, she was never going to move beyond that position. She started dating a guy who worked for the same company, and he basically told her that unless she finished college, he could never do more than date her because his family wouldn't accept it and it would hurt his career to be married to someone without a degree. In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to worry about these sorts of things, but the world ain't perfect.0 -
I've been here before. I don't mind dating someone that doesn't make a lot of money, but I can't stand someone who has no drive or ambition.
I understand some people weren't given the same opportunities as me growing up, but I still worked my *kitten* off to get where I am today and still work hard 50+ hours a week.
I tried dating someone who worked part time from home, no kids, no hobbies. She turned out to be really needy, who would have thought that?0 -
the only conclusion then is to basically cross off any guys that won`t fit that model.
Not necessarily...but it's something to think about.
<begin joking>
I personally think that woman found in her janitor a man who wasn't intimidated by her... lol...oh, yeah, and weekends/summers off for lots of spontaneous low cost road-trips, and ooooo we can't forget: who probably pays for her dinners out ( :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: )0 -
the only conclusion then is to basically cross off any guys that won`t fit that model.
Not necessarily...but it's something to think about.
<begin joking>
I personally think that woman found in her janitor a man who wasn't intimidated by her... lol...oh, yeah, and weekends/summers off for lots of spontaneous low cost road-trips, and ooooo we can't forget: who probably pays for her dinners out ( :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: )
Well on the plus side she should know that he is okay with cleaning.
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Well on the plus side she should know that he is okay with cleaning.
yeah! Can't underestimate the seductive power of coming home after a long day at work to a nice, clean house!:laugh:
(I'm laughing, but actually, my relationship favorite book says cleaning/domestic support does generate romantic feelings in some people)0 -
(I'm laughing, but actually, my relationship favorite book says cleaning/domestic support does generate romantic feelings in some people)
Even more so if he actually knows HOW to clean. If I have to go behind you and redo it, not quite as romantic.
A man who can do it properly and is willing to do so on occasion ... I am all about that.0 -
Tru dat. Since we're already kinda off topic, lemme tell you this book (His Needs Her Needs) really opened my eyes to a lot. Before I read it, it never occurred to me that someone could generate romantic love in their partner through things like looking good, cooking/cleaning, recreational activities, or financial support. He's got a list of things like that plus sexual fulfillment, affection, conversation, honesty. It's very interesting stuff.0
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according to stats in America only 1% are rich... and of that 1% they aren't all men, they aren't all single and they aren't all strait.... so if you don't want to be single forever maybe considering a janitor isn't the worst thing in the world... food for thought.0
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Tru dat. Since we're already kinda off topic, lemme tell you this book (His Needs Her Needs) really opened my eyes to a lot. Before I read it, it never occurred to me that someone could generate romantic love in their partner through things like looking good, cooking/cleaning, recreational activities, or financial support. He's got a list of things like that plus sexual fulfillment, affection, conversation, honesty. It's very interesting stuff.
is this the same thing as love style/love languages? if so then yeah it is very interesting. people say "i love you and you're special to me" in different ways. some people actually say it, others will fix that annoying sound your fridge makes :laugh:
on to the topic, i know quite a few women who would think twice about dating a janitor or someone else who seemingly in a lower socioeconomic status than they are. i personally dont care, as long as we're compatible what someone does for a living (as long as it's legal and noone gets hurt) is a non factor for me.0 -
Gossip mongers who have no clue about true happiness. Shoot I would be happy if he has a job! More power to her if he treats her the way she desires to be treated- enjoy life, you only have one go around on this marble.
Cheers to her :drinker:0 -
My mom is essentially a janitor (more like facilities serviceperson, doesn't clean but rather repairs) and has been since before I was born. She makes more money than my dad, and my dad has a desk job. You would never guess how much money my mother makes based on her job title.
The point of that is don't judge someone off their occupation - it is sooooo dumb. If the person is happy, then leave it be. The only cause for concern for me would be an unemployed person who has no desire to get a job.0 -
As long as he HAS an occupation (and I don't mean fast food or WalMart) I don't particularly care what he does, as long as he is happy with it.0
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is this the same thing as love style/love languages? if so then yeah it is very interesting. people say "i love you and you're special to me" in different ways. some people actually say it, others will fix that annoying sound your fridge makes :laugh:
Not quite the same thing- love languages is about how people express and understand that you’re expressing love. Very important stuff!
His Needs Her Needs is about how you generate romantic love. He likens romance to deposits in a “love bucket.†People make love deposits by spending time with you, or by listening to you talk, by fulfilling your sexual needs, by doing fun stuff with you, or even just by being hot. There’s a couple others. Once the bucket is filled enough you begin to feel romantic love for that person.
The concept helps explain how couples grow apart
1. They often stop doing the things they did to woo their partner; the things that built up so many love deposits.
2. They weren’t honest about the other regarding their needs/wants until after marriage (for example, the husband who expected his wife to be a stay-at-home sex kitten then got mad when she wanted to work, or the woman who lost 100 pounds to snag her man but then gained it all back because now he has to “love me for who I am.â€)
And it also explains how good people can, over time, fall into an affair if they aren’t careful to use boundaries to prevent others from meeting their deepest needs if their spouse can do that for them.0 -
a 1995 Jeep Wrangler and I never put the tops on so your hair might get blown a bit
There's something about a Jeep Man.
Amen!! I will second that!!0 -
is this the same thing as love style/love languages? if so then yeah it is very interesting. people say "i love you and you're special to me" in different ways. some people actually say it, others will fix that annoying sound your fridge makes :laugh:
Not quite the same thing- love languages is about how people express and understand that you’re expressing love. Very important stuff!
His Needs Her Needs is about how you generate romantic love. He likens romance to deposits in a “love bucket.†People make love deposits by spending time with you, or by listening to you talk, by fulfilling your sexual needs, by doing fun stuff with you, or even just by being hot. There’s a couple others. Once the bucket is filled enough you begin to feel romantic love for that person.
The concept helps explain how couples grow apart
1. They often stop doing the things they did to woo their partner; the things that built up so many love deposits.
2. They weren’t honest about the other regarding their needs/wants until after marriage (for example, the husband who expected his wife to be a stay-at-home sex kitten then got mad when she wanted to work, or the woman who lost 100 pounds to snag her man but then gained it all back because now he has to “love me for who I am.â€)
And it also explains how good people can, over time, fall into an affair if they aren’t careful to use boundaries to prevent others from meeting their deepest needs if their spouse can do that for them.
That sounds almost exactly like the Five Languages of Love that I read lol.0 -
I'm glad you brought this up, and I'm really impressed with the different insights from others.
I deal with this in my life because I have a brother (has a bachelors degree in computer science) who can not stand that I am okay with dating a man who works in a factory, construction, etc. At least he has a job!!! My other brother (works for USPS and is a drill sargent for the US Army) could care less as long as I'm happy.
I will have to go back and read the post on reality though...it kinda makes sense to me, but still it seems I would be conforming to others. I'm just not cool with that.0 -
That sounds almost exactly like the Five Languages of Love that I read lol.
I'll have to go back and read it again. The only thing I took from it the first time is that I thought some family members didn't love me (but they did) becasue they weren't showing they loved me by the way I needed them to. But it was a long time ago. So I'll grab it again. The apology one was REALLY good, because I learned that I'm the kind of person you have to say and show you're sorry, whereas others who just needed to hear an apology thought that's all I needed too.
FWIW, Dr. Harley's "Top 10" catagories are:
Affection
Sexual Fulfillment
Conversation
Recreational Companionship
Honesty and Openness
Physical Attractiveness
Financial Support
Domestic Support
Family Commitment
Admiration
Some of that might sound corny, but the one thing I regret in my marriage is not believing my ex when he said the only (and I mean ONLY) things that were important to him were me looking good and a good daily romp in the sack. I just couldn't believe my attracitiveness was that big of a deal. But to many men, not just shallow jerks, this is very important. So many women on Dr. Harleys site echo my feelings "I spent all that time cooking, cleaning, doing stuff for him and it didn't build up his love bank anywhere NEAR as much as taking better care of myself."0 -
I deal with this in my life because I have a brother (has a bachelors degree in computer science) who can not stand that I am okay with dating a man who works in a factory, construction, etc.
Here's the funny thing... I always get a a variety of guys if I'm in civilian clothes, but when I'm in uniform seems like the only guys who approach me are the ones who are too old to care, or from such a lower-level or agricultural background that they have no idea about my rank. I kinda like those guys, because they treat me like a normal woman; not some high-powered manager who will eventually look down on them.0 -
thanks for the book recommend, janiejack. i'll definitely have to give it a read.
it's definitely important that people be on the same page with that stuff. i've never been married but my last long term relationship it took us a while to figure that stuff out. luckily we had 1 style in common (physical affection) but the second one we were lacking. mine was quality time while his was service. so i would invite him over to have dinner and watch a movie but he would take that opportunity to fix something that i didnt even realize was broken0 -
he would take that opportunity to fix something that i didnt even realize was broken
that's awesome... especially once you figured out that it showed how he cared for you0 -
too late though... we broke up by then :laugh:he would take that opportunity to fix something that i didnt even realize was broken
that's awesome... especially once you figured out that it showed how he cared for you
i didnt realize it until months later when i read the love styles book for work. ah well, hoping my knowledge will help in the next LTR
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hoping my knowledge will help in the next LTR
it definitely will! It's a strong, wise, woman who can accept her mistakes and learn from them.0
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