First Date From Match...This dating pool needs chlorine...
Bikini27
Posts: 1,290 Member
Ah the first date...the jitters, the conversations with yourself in the mirror...the having to change resturants and being stood up before getting there....Ah, yes...the first date.
Saturday.....One of the better guys I met on Match had called me the night before and amidst the 2-3 hour long conversation, we had set a date to meet at California Pizza Kitchen and just relax and enjoy our first date. I spent a semi lazy day (which included an Insanity workout) doing the prep a woman goes through for a first date: mani-pedi in front of the TV, exfoliating and de-fuzzing of any area in need of it, full on lotion and relax.
About an hour and a half before the date is to happen, I go up, do my hair, fiddle with outfits, and am in the middle of the makeup process when Dude starts texting. "Makin' sure we're still good for our date" I reply that I'm getting ready at that moment for it. "So where are we meeting?" At the resturant? "What time?" I texted 'are you being cute?' with the reply of "I thought 10 but 7 is good too."
Ok, so Dude is trying to be cute. Would have been funnier if I weren't a female preparing for the first date. I laugh anyway and let him know I will see him in a few.
Per the usual, I get to the place about 20 mins early. I'm always early, especially to first dates. The place is PACKED. So, I text him to let him know "Hey it's packed with an hour wait, at least. Do you want to try another place?" He calls, we work out another location (a place that tends to give 90% of the customers stomach issues, but I'm ready for a damn glass of wine by this point, so I don't care
) and I tell him, I will see you there in a few, I just need to grab my truck.
And here is where our story goes to hell in a hand basket....He starts insisting we drive together. I explain that my truck doesn't have an alarm system and no, I don't feel comfortable leaving it. The other place is a 10-15 minute drive away, I'll meet him there. He pushes a little more and I say, We live on opposite sides of town, it just doesn't make sense. So I'll meet him there.
He calls again to try to drive together. His arguements aren't making much sense and again I tell him I'll see him in a few minutes. 5 minutes later...I get this text: "So that you don't have to drive all the way there I'm going to pass on dinner but it was nice talking to you."
Are you effing damn kidding me??
My mother lives in the area of the resturant we were headed to, the one I was almost at, so I headed to her place. Had a glass of wine, rehashed dating horror stories...and she made me food that won't kill my stomach. Not a total dead end of the night, but need less to say I was not a happy camper. I did text back, though... "Thank you so much for the wonderful eveing. Let's not bother with this again." I wasn't hurt (because, let's face it...I was lookin' HOT. Had plenty of smiles headed to CPK alone) but I was pissed off. What kind of person ditches you on a date because you refuse to ride with them? (Don't know if you all caught the story of the lady that met a man in my town on a dating site, let him drive her car, and he lead the cops on a high speed chase. Not a deciding factor in my decisions tonight, just popped into my head while I was typing this.)
So, this was my introduction back into the dating pool. Who has the gallons of chlorine??
Saturday.....One of the better guys I met on Match had called me the night before and amidst the 2-3 hour long conversation, we had set a date to meet at California Pizza Kitchen and just relax and enjoy our first date. I spent a semi lazy day (which included an Insanity workout) doing the prep a woman goes through for a first date: mani-pedi in front of the TV, exfoliating and de-fuzzing of any area in need of it, full on lotion and relax.
About an hour and a half before the date is to happen, I go up, do my hair, fiddle with outfits, and am in the middle of the makeup process when Dude starts texting. "Makin' sure we're still good for our date" I reply that I'm getting ready at that moment for it. "So where are we meeting?" At the resturant? "What time?" I texted 'are you being cute?' with the reply of "I thought 10 but 7 is good too."
Ok, so Dude is trying to be cute. Would have been funnier if I weren't a female preparing for the first date. I laugh anyway and let him know I will see him in a few.
Per the usual, I get to the place about 20 mins early. I'm always early, especially to first dates. The place is PACKED. So, I text him to let him know "Hey it's packed with an hour wait, at least. Do you want to try another place?" He calls, we work out another location (a place that tends to give 90% of the customers stomach issues, but I'm ready for a damn glass of wine by this point, so I don't care
) and I tell him, I will see you there in a few, I just need to grab my truck.And here is where our story goes to hell in a hand basket....He starts insisting we drive together. I explain that my truck doesn't have an alarm system and no, I don't feel comfortable leaving it. The other place is a 10-15 minute drive away, I'll meet him there. He pushes a little more and I say, We live on opposite sides of town, it just doesn't make sense. So I'll meet him there.
He calls again to try to drive together. His arguements aren't making much sense and again I tell him I'll see him in a few minutes. 5 minutes later...I get this text: "So that you don't have to drive all the way there I'm going to pass on dinner but it was nice talking to you."
Are you effing damn kidding me??
My mother lives in the area of the resturant we were headed to, the one I was almost at, so I headed to her place. Had a glass of wine, rehashed dating horror stories...and she made me food that won't kill my stomach. Not a total dead end of the night, but need less to say I was not a happy camper. I did text back, though... "Thank you so much for the wonderful eveing. Let's not bother with this again." I wasn't hurt (because, let's face it...I was lookin' HOT. Had plenty of smiles headed to CPK alone) but I was pissed off. What kind of person ditches you on a date because you refuse to ride with them? (Don't know if you all caught the story of the lady that met a man in my town on a dating site, let him drive her car, and he lead the cops on a high speed chase. Not a deciding factor in my decisions tonight, just popped into my head while I was typing this.)
So, this was my introduction back into the dating pool. Who has the gallons of chlorine??
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Replies
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Well that totally sucks, but sounds like your better off in the long run. Just creepy he insisted on driving together. There are good people out there, just keep trying!0
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Geez, this one was one of the better ones?? Hmm, insisting on the riding together is super suspicious. He wasn't worth your time anyway.
Stuff like this makes me real hesitant at ever trying online dating..
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wow! i'm sorry that was your re-introduction to dating!
i have had some pretty stupid dates! i have learned that there are some guys that just get pissy when women don't do what they think we should do. and, if we question or say no, we are "difficult." i say, you dodged a bullet there!!!!
i hope the next experience is better :-)0 -
Yea, weirded me out too.
As for this being a thing that makes you hesitant...well, it's about as good as going to the bar is what a lot of people have told me. Just gotta live life and meet your person in that life. This is just one of the many stories I have from dating sites. :ohwell:0 -
wow! i'm sorry that was your re-introduction to dating!
i have had some pretty stupid dates! i have learned that there are some guys that just get pissy when women don't do what they think we should do. and, if we question or say no, we are "difficult." i say, you dodged a bullet there!!!!
i hope the next experience is better :-)
I should've known when we were talking on the phone and he mentions that "he has no problems making women fall in love with him" and he tends to go for the "weak, needy women".
I'm not weak, needy, or damaged. I've lived, learned and have a backbone. scares the weaker ones off. 0 -
Well you dodged a bullet. Or actually more like an axe by the sounds of it. Seriously why else would he be so insistent on removing you from the safety of having your own vehicle?
I had been talking to a guy from match but today was kind of a last straw. He keeps calling me hunni and baby in emails. I finally told him I wasn't a pet name person and he apologized for being " too familiar" I though ok cool. Then I told him I wasn't feeling well and I thought I had the flu but I was hoping I would be up for doing something maybe middle of the week. And he asks me if it's ' the lady flu'. Um see ya!0 -
Well you dodged a bullet. Or actually more like an axe by the sounds of it. Seriously why else would he be so insistent on removing you from the safety of having your own vehicle?
I had been talking to a guy from match but today was kind of a last straw. He keeps calling me hunni and baby in emails. I finally told him I wasn't a pet name person and he apologized for being " too familiar" I though ok cool. Then I told him I wasn't feeling well and I thought I had the flu but I was hoping I would be up for doing something maybe middle of the week. And he asks me if it's ' the lady flu'. Um see ya!
O...M....G.
Ok, one of the contenders for the mess of today:
Texts and phone calls were fun and then I got an insanely homophobic text out of the blue (no convos before, just like he mis-texted). I shrugged it off, but kept the idea in my mind. 20 minutes later i get a text about how he did a chinese fire drill at a light with his 9 yr old daughter in the car and she didn't know what he was doing, she was upset and crying and he thought it was the funniest thing he had ever done in his life. NEXT!!0 -
oh i had some serious crazies! i cannot even count how many times i've been asked if i would be willing to have more kids during the initial message!! i've had guys message me with reasons that they won't date me ( per my profile info) clear out of the blue!!! as in the initial message is telling me why they wouldn't date me! WHO does that????? and WHY?0
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Wow..poor girl. Yeah some of these people seem outright disturbed.Well you dodged a bullet. Or actually more like an axe by the sounds of it. Seriously why else would he be so insistent on removing you from the safety of having your own vehicle?
I had been talking to a guy from match but today was kind of a last straw. He keeps calling me hunni and baby in emails. I finally told him I wasn't a pet name person and he apologized for being " too familiar" I though ok cool. Then I told him I wasn't feeling well and I thought I had the flu but I was hoping I would be up for doing something maybe middle of the week. And he asks me if it's ' the lady flu'. Um see ya!
O...M....G.
Ok, one of the contenders for the mess of today:
Texts and phone calls were fun and then I got an insanely homophobic text out of the blue (no convos before, just like he mis-texted). I shrugged it off, but kept the idea in my mind. 20 minutes later i get a text about how he did a chinese fire drill at a light with his 9 yr old daughter in the car and she didn't know what he was doing, she was upset and crying and he thought it was the funniest thing he had ever done in his life. NEXT!!0 -
If I get one more message from a guy who has checked that he will date anything other than an black girl I will scream. Seriously? You literally selected 'other'. Why are you writing to me?? Smhoh i had some serious crazies! i cannot even count how many times i've been asked if i would be willing to have more kids during the initial message!! i've had guys message me with reasons that they won't date me ( per my profile info) clear out of the blue!!! as in the initial message is telling me why they wouldn't date me! WHO does that????? and WHY?0 -
I'd be really upset if that happened to me however I'm really glad for you that the restaurant was full and that this guy showed his true colours before you met him. I'm fairly sure the drive thing was a test to see if he could get you to do as he wanted despite your better judgement. He needs to be in control, no wonder he likes weak and needy women.I should've known when we were talking on the phone and he mentions that "he has no problems making women fall in love with him" and he tends to go for the "weak, needy women".Texts and phone calls were fun and then I got an insanely homophobic text out of the blue (no convos before, just like he mis-texted). I shrugged it off, but kept the idea in my mind
Hope you don't mind me commenting on this but I had to stop online dating because I just can't do the rejection thing unless the guy proves he's a dork and yet I know I'd have passed on him had I met him IRL. I know it seems unfair to reject guys for what may be an off hand comment especially by text but please ask yourself: is there any context in which a friend would say/do this?; If I met a guy in a bar and he said this then asked me out, would I go? If the answer is no then it's better for both of you to back off sooner. You could say you've got cold feet, had second thoughts. You don't owe these guys anything, despite the pre-date build up. Trust your instincts.0 -
He was just trying to get laid, really suspiciously too! What a douche. Very glad you actually didn't have bother with meeting him, while its hard to say if he was unsafe he most certainly was a douche0
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what the eff??? yeah sounds like you avoided a bunch of unnecessary drama.
question.. did he pick the restaurant that was packed? if so i'd be inclined to think he knew it would be crowded and didnt count on you getting there so early to figure it out.
i bet in his mind "let's go to another restaurant. i'll drive." had a better chance of working when you're both at the restaurant and have learned there's a 1 hour wait0 -
As terrible as that sounds maybe it was good that happened to save you some trouble later. He sounds like a real d-bag to me. Who says 'because we can't drive together i'm cancelling?'0
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If I get one more message from a guy who has checked that he will date anything other than an black girl I will scream. Seriously? You literally selected 'other'. Why are you writing to me?? Smhoh i had some serious crazies! i cannot even count how many times i've been asked if i would be willing to have more kids during the initial message!! i've had guys message me with reasons that they won't date me ( per my profile info) clear out of the blue!!! as in the initial message is telling me why they wouldn't date me! WHO does that????? and WHY?
ha. i get this as well.. well got this. i dont online date anymore..cant deal with it.
but yeah, the i dont date black girls but i'll make a special allowance for you guys can bite it.0 -
He calls again to try to drive together. His arguements aren't making much sense and again I tell him I'll see him in a few minutes. 5 minutes later...I get this text: "So that you don't have to drive all the way there I'm going to pass on dinner but it was nice talking to you."
Are you effing damn kidding me??
Proud of you for sticking to your guns :flowerforyou:
It upsets me that guys like this exist. It's made the whole internet dating thing a farce. It's like somewhere in the last 5 years the creeps have just crawled out of the woodwork. (I've been online dating since 1999!!! It never used to be like this!!) It's sad because there are still good guys out there that use it (as per Amazona & cupcake :bigsmile: ) but after my last attempt of picking 4 creeps in a row, I've given up!!
I think the only 'good' thing to come out of creeps like this is that they make themselves known pretty early on!! (Either first phone call or first date stage) That saves a lot of heartache for later on if they mask it initially. For sure, their intentions are dishonourable or they have 'issues'. I can only echo what Lorro said, trust your instincts at all times :flowerforyou:0 -
A lot is wrong with this picture, but I will focus on the elements outside of the clearly obvious ones. Some previous posters have mentioned those.
1. Friday night is not the first time for a first phone call with an online sourced potential date (also true if the potential first date was met in person). 2-3 hours is also too long for a first phone call. The purpose of the first phone call is to set the date. My longest first phone call has been 45 minutes. I think up to an hour is passable for a first phone call. But not on a Friday night. Friday night is your premier time if you're single and should be used either on 4th dates +, hanging out with established bars or doing something in person that would set up future dates (scheduled on weeknights)
2. Saturday night is unacceptable for a first date. Because it is premier time slot, there's added pressure. Not good. From a man's perspective, it also tells a woman that the competition is limited. A man shouldn't want a woman thinking that. You need to do something to raise your status in her eyes.
3. Dinner is a no go on a first date. The "Paying for Dinner" thread is a good thread to read for those who didn't read it or participate in that discussion. Dinner is usually too expensive and hard to escape if it is bad one. And a lot of first dates are bad ones.0 -
What kind of person ditches you on a date because you refuse to ride with them?
Someone who intends to kidnap you, kill you, and dump your body in a river is my instinctive answer. I'd be very uncomfortable with that arrangement on a first date.0 -
Wow soo many alarms going off with the whole driving together thing. On a first date from someone over the internet just no no no no. That is why you always meet in a public place first.0
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A lot is wrong with this picture, but I will focus on the elements outside of the clearly obvious ones. Some previous posters have mentioned those.
1. Friday night is not the first time for a first phone call with an online sourced potential date (also true if the potential first date was met in person). 2-3 hours is also too long for a first phone call. The purpose of the first phone call is to set the date. My longest first phone call has been 45 minutes. I think up to an hour is passable for a first phone call. But not on a Friday night. Friday night is your premier time if you're single and should be used either on 4th dates +, hanging out with established bars or doing something in person that would set up future dates (scheduled on weeknights)
2. Saturday night is unacceptable for a first date. Because it is premier time slot, there's added pressure. Not good. From a man's perspective, it also tells a woman that the competition is limited. A man shouldn't want a woman thinking that. You need to do something to raise your status in her eyes.
3. Dinner is a no go on a first date. The "Paying for Dinner" thread is a good thread to read for those who didn't read it or participate in that discussion. Dinner is usually too expensive and hard to escape if it is bad one. And a lot of first dates are bad ones.
Is there anything that you don't have an analysis, plan or schedule of? :laugh:0 -
A lot is wrong with this picture, but I will focus on the elements outside of the clearly obvious ones. Some previous posters have mentioned those.
1. Friday night is not the first time for a first phone call with an online sourced potential date (also true if the potential first date was met in person). 2-3 hours is also too long for a first phone call. The purpose of the first phone call is to set the date. My longest first phone call has been 45 minutes. I think up to an hour is passable for a first phone call. But not on a Friday night. Friday night is your premier time if you're single and should be used either on 4th dates +, hanging out with established bars or doing something in person that would set up future dates (scheduled on weeknights)
2. Saturday night is unacceptable for a first date. Because it is premier time slot, there's added pressure. Not good. From a man's perspective, it also tells a woman that the competition is limited. A man shouldn't want a woman thinking that. You need to do something to raise your status in her eyes.
3. Dinner is a no go on a first date. The "Paying for Dinner" thread is a good thread to read for those who didn't read it or participate in that discussion. Dinner is usually too expensive and hard to escape if it is bad one. And a lot of first dates are bad ones.
Is there anything that you don't have an analysis, plan or schedule of? :laugh:
LOL! I like the teasing toots . Sometimes I go with the flow. But I do like to be prepared. Dating is really complicated. If it weren't, this group would not exist. 0 -
What kind of person ditches you on a date because you refuse to ride with them?
Someone who intends to kidnap you, kill you, and dump your body in a river is my instinctive answer. I'd be very uncomfortable with that arrangement on a first date.
Exactly what I thought, what a creeper!0 -
That is kinda creepy. I think sometimes its best to just meet someone for happy hour and a quick cocktail and after that put more time into a date.0
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It sucks because of the time you invested but glad it didn't ruin your night.
I say this all the time but when these fellas act stupid before 1st date I'd like to thank them for showing their true colors so soon.
NEXT!!!0 -
Thank you all for your stories and support :flowerforyou:
Yes, the weirdos just started creeping out of the wood work, before I was married I met a number of good guys online! :noway:
DM, your rules are more complicated than the dating rules from 1980 Cosmo Magazine:laugh:. The Dos and Don'ts. Honestly, I don't think of Friday as a great date night because I get up at 430am, work all day, go home, workout, and by 8pm I am dead to the world. As for the first phone call...I'm not sure why we should keep it to under and hour if we're truely both enjoying the conversation (ie give and take, no monologues, lots of laughter). Plus, if the dude is a dud on the phone, I'm more likely to be hesitant about our conversation over dinner/drinks/coffee/lunch/ brunch/snacks. And that brings me to why is dinner not an acceptable first date? I've had many great first dates over dinner, no pressure, and I'm not starting the "Who pays for dinner" arguement here, because I've done it any number of ways with no issues. :drinker:
I'm not giving up on dating, there will always be jerks, weirdos, and people that just don't click. I'm also not settling :smokin:0 -
Ooo, that guy makes me look normal
MauahahaUAHahahah....soo...lonely.0 -
what the eff??? yeah sounds like you avoided a bunch of unnecessary drama.
question.. did he pick the restaurant that was packed? if so i'd be inclined to think he knew it would be crowded and didnt count on you getting there so early to figure it out.
i bet in his mind "let's go to another restaurant. i'll drive." had a better chance of working when you're both at the restaurant and have learned there's a 1 hour wait
He suggested a place closer to his home, actually, and I thought of my favorite resturant at the midpoint of where we were. I didn't even consider it being packed (I don't get out much) and then the suggestion came to drive together.
Though, your question reminded me that he had wanted to pick me up for our first date. I explained that no one comes to my home until I know them, man woman or child. It's just not safe, honestly. My mom used to watch Law and Order SVU and CSI with me. She drilled the better points of safety into my head, the first was listening to my instincts.
I agree, it was creepy. But dude is blocked from my Match profile and I never gave him any personal information other than my phone number. Not that I think he wants to speak to me any more 0 -
A lot is wrong with this picture, but I will focus on the elements outside of the clearly obvious ones. Some previous posters have mentioned those.
1. Friday night is not the first time for a first phone call with an online sourced potential date (also true if the potential first date was met in person). 2-3 hours is also too long for a first phone call. The purpose of the first phone call is to set the date. My longest first phone call has been 45 minutes. I think up to an hour is passable for a first phone call. But not on a Friday night. Friday night is your premier time if you're single and should be used either on 4th dates +, hanging out with established bars or doing something in person that would set up future dates (scheduled on weeknights)
2. Saturday night is unacceptable for a first date. Because it is premier time slot, there's added pressure. Not good. From a man's perspective, it also tells a woman that the competition is limited. A man shouldn't want a woman thinking that. You need to do something to raise your status in her eyes.
3. Dinner is a no go on a first date. The "Paying for Dinner" thread is a good thread to read for those who didn't read it or participate in that discussion. Dinner is usually too expensive and hard to escape if it is bad one. And a lot of first dates are bad ones.
Seriously DM, why have you got such strict rules about this?? Can't you just go with the flow?? Like if you're talking to a girl and it's all going great, and you're laughing and such like, why have you got a timer on??
And if you're both only available to meet on a weekend (fri or sat) then whats the big deal? The only pressure inflicted is the one you give yourself??
And as for dinner, again, if you're both hungry???
Seems to me that you need to be a bit more flexible and stop judging each situation/individual the same!! The girl that blows your sox off could be the one that you speak to for 3 hours, you meet on a Friday and you have dinner with!!!
Just saying :flowerforyou:0 -
A lot is wrong with this picture, but I will focus on the elements outside of the clearly obvious ones. Some previous posters have mentioned those.
1. Friday night is not the first time for a first phone call with an online sourced potential date (also true if the potential first date was met in person). 2-3 hours is also too long for a first phone call. The purpose of the first phone call is to set the date. My longest first phone call has been 45 minutes. I think up to an hour is passable for a first phone call. But not on a Friday night. Friday night is your premier time if you're single and should be used either on 4th dates +, hanging out with established bars or doing something in person that would set up future dates (scheduled on weeknights)
2. Saturday night is unacceptable for a first date. Because it is premier time slot, there's added pressure. Not good. From a man's perspective, it also tells a woman that the competition is limited. A man shouldn't want a woman thinking that. You need to do something to raise your status in her eyes.
3. Dinner is a no go on a first date. The "Paying for Dinner" thread is a good thread to read for those who didn't read it or participate in that discussion. Dinner is usually too expensive and hard to escape if it is bad one. And a lot of first dates are bad ones.
Seriously DM, why have you got such strict rules about this?? Can't you just go with the flow?? Like if you're talking to a girl and it's all going great, and you're laughing and such like, why have you got a timer on??
And if you're both only available to meet on a weekend (fri or sat) then whats the big deal? The only pressure inflicted is the one you give yourself??
And as for dinner, again, if you're both hungry???
Seems to me that you need to be a bit more flexible and stop judging each situation/individual the same!! The girl that blows your sox off could be the one that you speak to for 3 hours, you meet on a Friday and you have dinner with!!!
Just saying :flowerforyou:
Gotta say I agree with this lady, DM!
I may not always have a connection with a guy, but I almost always have fun. And even a Wednesday night date can be awesome! Just sayin' 0 -
Seriously DM, why have you got such strict rules about this?? Can't you just go with the flow?? Like if you're talking to a girl and it's all going great, and you're laughing and such like, why have you got a timer on??
And if you're both only available to meet on a weekend (fri or sat) then whats the big deal? The only pressure inflicted is the one you give yourself??
And as for dinner, again, if you're both hungry???
Seems to me that you need to be a bit more flexible and stop judging each situation/individual the same!! The girl that blows your sox off could be the one that you speak to for 3 hours, you meet on a Friday and you have dinner with!!!
Just saying :flowerforyou:
Hi Anna! :flowerforyou:
I have had dinner first dates in the past. I'm not completely inflexible. But it's not my favorite first date. I like drinks and I also like some sort of active date. It's not what you do, but it's what the other person feels. I have had the same first date plans with different people and the dynamic was completely different.
Most places are more crowded on Friday and Saturday nights. A Saturday night crowding issue contributed to the problem Bikini27 had. With better planning and forethought, the guy could have avoided some trouble. Less crowded nights create a better atmosphere. Though it is likely that the creep factor probably would have come out in a different context.DM, your rules are more complicated than the dating rules from 1980 Cosmo Magazine:laugh:. The Dos and Don'ts. Honestly, I don't think of Friday as a great date night because I get up at 430am, work all day, go home, workout, and by 8pm I am dead to the world. As for the first phone call...I'm not sure why we should keep it to under and hour if we're truely both enjoying the conversation (ie give and take, no monologues, lots of laughter). Plus, if the dude is a dud on the phone, I'm more likely to be hesitant about our conversation over dinner/drinks/coffee/lunch/ brunch/snacks. And that brings me to why is dinner not an acceptable first date? I've had many great first dates over dinner, no pressure, and I'm not starting the "Who pays for dinner" arguement here, because I've done it any number of ways with no issues. :drinker:
LOL!!! It's tempting to go long on conversations. I can see your point of view. I like to leave conversations on a high note. I always want a woman to want more of me in the early stages.
With no chemistry, dinners can feel long. Then again, with no chemistry, pretty much anything can feel long.0
