First Date From Match...This dating pool needs chlorine...
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:explode: :explode:If I get one more message from a guy who has checked that he will date anything other than an black girl I will scream. Seriously? You literally selected 'other'. Why are you writing to me?? Smh
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Seriously DM, why have you got such strict rules about this?? Can't you just go with the flow?? Like if you're talking to a girl and it's all going great, and you're laughing and such like, why have you got a timer on??
And if you're both only available to meet on a weekend (fri or sat) then whats the big deal? The only pressure inflicted is the one you give yourself??
And as for dinner, again, if you're both hungry???
Seems to me that you need to be a bit more flexible and stop judging each situation/individual the same!! The girl that blows your sox off could be the one that you speak to for 3 hours, you meet on a Friday and you have dinner with!!!
Just saying :flowerforyou:
Hi Anna! :flowerforyou:
I have had dinner first dates in the past. I'm not completely inflexible. But it's not my favorite first date. I like drinks and I also like some sort of active date. It's not what you do, but it's what the other person feels. I have had the same first date plans with different people and the dynamic was completely different.
Most places are more crowded on Friday and Saturday nights. A Saturday night crowding issue contributed to the problem Bikini27 had. With better planning and forethought, the guy could have avoided some trouble. Less crowded nights create a better atmosphere. Though it is likely that the creep factor probably would have come out in a different context.DM, your rules are more complicated than the dating rules from 1980 Cosmo Magazine:laugh:. The Dos and Don'ts. Honestly, I don't think of Friday as a great date night because I get up at 430am, work all day, go home, workout, and by 8pm I am dead to the world. As for the first phone call...I'm not sure why we should keep it to under and hour if we're truely both enjoying the conversation (ie give and take, no monologues, lots of laughter). Plus, if the dude is a dud on the phone, I'm more likely to be hesitant about our conversation over dinner/drinks/coffee/lunch/ brunch/snacks. And that brings me to why is dinner not an acceptable first date? I've had many great first dates over dinner, no pressure, and I'm not starting the "Who pays for dinner" arguement here, because I've done it any number of ways with no issues. :drinker:
LOL!!! It's tempting to go long on conversations. I can see your point of view. I like to leave conversations on a high note. I always want a woman to want more of me in the early stages.
With no chemistry, dinners can feel long. Then again, with no chemistry, pretty much anything can feel long.
DM, You're awesome!
We ladies are awful rough on you, I know, but it's because we want you to find your happiness. Thanks for being a sport and not just blocking us all
I understand a lot of what you say, and it would work for me if I weren't the off the cuff person I am. But, honestly, some of the most fun I've had was spontanious and out of the blue.0 -
but yeah, the i dont date black girls but i'll make a special allowance for you guys can bite it.
Usually when I get guys like this they are one of two flavors: 1) the guy who thinks "I'll sleep with whoever's dumb enough to let me, but I'll only 'take home to momma' the right kind of girl" or 2) the guy who thinks I'm not really black. Which might be true, since I don't really know. But I was raised black, and it really irks me that I *always* get a better response from saying I don't know as opposed to saying I was black. SMH!!0 -
What kind of person ditches you on a date because you refuse to ride with them?
Someone who intends to kidnap you, kill you, and dump your body in a river is my instinctive answer. I'd be very uncomfortable with that arrangement on a first date.
Exactly what I thought, what a creeper!
I was gonna write this too, but I'm a bit late to the convo.
Not being facetious here! Guys who prey on women want exactly to do this. And I've been warned about the whole "I've got to stop by my house first to pick something up" thing, where the woman goes in with him "just for a minute" and becomes a victim.
So glad you didn't get caught up with this guy!!0 -
The whole concept of internet dating kind of freaks me out. For the first date, I'd much rather have someone over to my house and cook dinner with them - sit out on the patio and drink a bottle of wine. but, I guess that would not be too cool if the dude was a dud and it got uncomfortable... perhaps that would be date# 3 vs. Date # 1... Curious,... what is the perfect first date for on-line match...I've heard that only a meeting at a coffee house will do, and no drinking, just coffee and conversation.0
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The whole concept of internet dating kind of freaks me out. For the first date, I'd much rather have someone over to my house and cook dinner with them - sit out on the patio and drink a bottle of wine. but, I guess that would not be too cool if the dude was a dud and it got uncomfortable... perhaps that would be date# 3 vs. Date # 1... Curious,... what is the perfect first date for on-line match...I've heard that only a meeting at a coffee house will do, and no drinking, just coffee and conversation.
Nutters about, I don't even let people know where I live till like the 4th date =P. Oh wait, I'm the nutter. I just don't want to have to clean up the bodies.
1st dates should be in public places where you agree to meet. Also, tell lots of people where you are in case you go missing.
MUAHAhahahaAHAHhaha.0 -
The whole concept of internet dating kind of freaks me out. For the first date, I'd much rather have someone over to my house and cook dinner with them - sit out on the patio and drink a bottle of wine. but, I guess that would not be too cool if the dude was a dud and it got uncomfortable... perhaps that would be date# 3 vs. Date # 1... Curious,... what is the perfect first date for on-line match...I've heard that only a meeting at a coffee house will do, and no drinking, just coffee and conversation.
Definitely dont invite a stranger to your house!!
1st dates are in a public place, with plenty of people around and let someone know where you are. I've never had a coffee date, usually a bar/pub or a meal. Or a bar then onto a meal if we're clicking. I think drinking is fine as long as you can keep your wits about you? But I know there might be different views on this. As long as you keep/feel safe then that's the main thing :flowerforyou:0 -
The whole concept of internet dating kind of freaks me out. For the first date, I'd much rather have someone over to my house and cook dinner with them - sit out on the patio and drink a bottle of wine. but, I guess that would not be too cool if the dude was a dud and it got uncomfortable... perhaps that would be date# 3 vs. Date # 1... Curious,... what is the perfect first date for on-line match...I've heard that only a meeting at a coffee house will do, and no drinking, just coffee and conversation.
Definitely dont invite a stranger to your house!!
1st dates are in a public place, with plenty of people around and let someone know where you are. I've never had a coffee date, usually a bar/pub or a meal. Or a bar then onto a meal if we're clicking. I think drinking is fine as long as you can keep your wits about you? But I know there might be different views on this. As long as you keep/feel safe then that's the main thing :flowerforyou:
First date alway always always in a public place. A guy doesn't need to know where I live until I have completely scoped him out. I have had friends where they had guys over right after meeting them and they were really scoping out her house and came back and robbed her.
Alot of first dates are really what I call "Meet and Greets" that would typically last around 20-30 mins. I usually don't plan anything after just in case it goes well then it can be extended into a real first date.
I also had a friend get mad at me since she kept going on that I should write down the time, date, name of my date and place I was meeting them and post it on my fridge in case something happened. That seemed a little too parinod for me since I have been living by myself for 10 years and don't put something up everytime I go out I wouldn't do it in this case either.0 -
WOW! That is creepy. What a jerk. Love when they show their true colors so early tho! lol.
NEXT!
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For online first-timers. You never do dinner. What if you meet, and within 5 minutes, or 10 seconds, decide he's a douche? Now, you have to sit through a whole dinner. For online dating, first date is either a coffee at Starbucks in broad daylight, or a glass of wine at a favorite bar. If things go well, you can always convert that into something else; movie, dinner, whatever.0
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I also had a friend get mad at me since she kept going on that I should write down the time, date, name of my date and place I was meeting them and post it on my fridge in case something happened. That seemed a little too parinod for me since I have been living by myself for 10 years and don't put something up everytime I go out I wouldn't do it in this case either.
I would do something similar to that, back in the day before texting was around. Even if I went hiking by myself in a secluded area, I'd leave a note on my table, and then kinda giggle when I got home and threw it out.
Now I just text my friend his name and number and where we're going, and text her when I'm done to let her know I'm still alive.0 -
For online first-timers. You never do dinner. What if you meet, and within 5 minutes, or 10 seconds, decide he's a douche? Now, you have to sit through a whole dinner. For online dating, first date is either a coffee at Starbucks in broad daylight, or a glass of wine at a favorite bar. If things go well, you can always convert that into something else; movie, dinner, whatever.
I would also prefer something not as long as dinner. I'd prefer to meet at a bar somewhere, have a drink, and if things go well from there, then maybe get a bite to eat and see what happens.0 -
I also had a friend get mad at me since she kept going on that I should write down the time, date, name of my date and place I was meeting them and post it on my fridge in case something happened. That seemed a little too parinod for me since I have been living by myself for 10 years and don't put something up everytime I go out I wouldn't do it in this case either.
I would do something similar to that, back in the day before texting was around. Even if I went hiking by myself in a secluded area, I'd leave a note on my table, and then kinda giggle when I got home and threw it out.
Now I just text my friend his name and number and where we're going, and text her when I'm done to let her know I'm still alive.
If I'm alone for the weekend, and go for a walk/jog whatever, I'll text my mom and let her know even though she lives 200 miles away or leave a note on the whiteboard. Better safe than sorry. After watching I Shouldn't Be Alive, I'm a little paranoid at times!0 -
I also had a friend get mad at me since she kept going on that I should write down the time, date, name of my date and place I was meeting them and post it on my fridge in case something happened. That seemed a little too parinod for me since I have been living by myself for 10 years and don't put something up everytime I go out I wouldn't do it in this case either.
I would do something similar to that, back in the day before texting was around. Even if I went hiking by myself in a secluded area, I'd leave a note on my table, and then kinda giggle when I got home and threw it out.
Now I just text my friend his name and number and where we're going, and text her when I'm done to let her know I'm still alive.
If I'm alone for the weekend, and go for a walk/jog whatever, I'll text my mom and let her know even though she lives 200 miles away or leave a note on the whiteboard. Better safe than sorry. After watching I Shouldn't Be Alive, I'm a little paranoid at times!
I love that show!0 -
And here is where our story goes to hell in a hand basket....He starts insisting we drive together. I explain that my truck doesn't have an alarm system and no, I don't feel comfortable leaving it. The other place is a 10-15 minute drive away, I'll meet him there. He pushes a little more and I say, We live on opposite sides of town, it just doesn't make sense. So I'll meet him there.
He calls again to try to drive together. His arguements aren't making much sense and again I tell him I'll see him in a few minutes. 5 minutes later...I get this text: "So that you don't have to drive all the way there I'm going to pass on dinner but it was nice talking to you."
Are you effing damn kidding me??
anytime someone starts insisting on something on a first date is HUGE red flags. Ask once, they say no, gauge your options: is this really the hill you want to die on?
this guy had disaster all over it, next it'll be a fight over (INSERT STUPID THING TO FIGHT OVER)0 -
I also had a friend get mad at me since she kept going on that I should write down the time, date, name of my date and place I was meeting them and post it on my fridge in case something happened. That seemed a little too parinod for me since I have been living by myself for 10 years and don't put something up everytime I go out I wouldn't do it in this case either.
I would do something similar to that, back in the day before texting was around. Even if I went hiking by myself in a secluded area, I'd leave a note on my table, and then kinda giggle when I got home and threw it out.
Now I just text my friend his name and number and where we're going, and text her when I'm done to let her know I'm still alive.
If I'm alone for the weekend, and go for a walk/jog whatever, I'll text my mom and let her know even though she lives 200 miles away or leave a note on the whiteboard. Better safe than sorry. After watching I Shouldn't Be Alive, I'm a little paranoid at times!
I love that show!
I text/email/call my mom and a girlfriend with where I'm going and the person's info. It makes me feel better knowing someone knows where I am. And if I go anywhere off-trail with the pups I always let someone know.
It's not being paranoid, it's being prepared. Similar to having a pack of tissues, a bottle of water, or first aid kit with you. You may never need it, but if you do it's there!0 -
The whole concept of internet dating kind of freaks me out. For the first date, I'd much rather have someone over to my house and cook dinner with them - sit out on the patio and drink a bottle of wine. but, I guess that would not be too cool if the dude was a dud and it got uncomfortable... perhaps that would be date# 3 vs. Date # 1... Curious,... what is the perfect first date for on-line match...I've heard that only a meeting at a coffee house will do, and no drinking, just coffee and conversation.
If someone invited me over to their house for the first date and I have never met them? Heck no!!
And yes, I get their full names and run a background check. I've been burned very badly in the past by someone that mentioned he had some trouble in the past with drugs. After he went on a bender and disappeared, my mom went online and his wrap sheet was as long as my arm. I have also dated someone that stated they were divorced, but their facebook and the courts showed *no* evidence of this.
It's too easy to lie, omit the truth, or however else you'd like to put it. It's also relatively easy to protect yourself from being a victim. You just have to arm yourself with the facts.0 -
The whole concept of internet dating kind of freaks me out. For the first date, I'd much rather have someone over to my house and cook dinner with them - sit out on the patio and drink a bottle of wine. but, I guess that would not be too cool if the dude was a dud and it got uncomfortable... perhaps that would be date# 3 vs. Date # 1... Curious,... what is the perfect first date for on-line match...I've heard that only a meeting at a coffee house will do, and no drinking, just coffee and conversation.
Even if you meet a person offline, a first date is going to be in a public place.
I'm not a fan of the coffee house date. I like drinks in the evening and/or something active and inexpensive.0 -
Even if you meet a person offline, a first date is going to be in a public place.
I'm not a fan of the coffee house date. I like drinks in the evening and/or something active and inexpensive.
I'm a fan of any type of date where the person shows up.
Active is good, too. Gives you a chance to see if they have a good sense of humor about themselves. For instance, I am *horrible* at pool, but I have no issues making a fool of myself. Also gives a man a chance to teach and, if it's wanted, touch. Or spend the entire time looking down my damn shirt....LOL I'm joking, but I do scope a man out while he moves. The way we move says so much more than words sometimes.0 -
Even if you meet a person offline, a first date is going to be in a public place.
I'm not a fan of the coffee house date. I like drinks in the evening and/or something active and inexpensive.
I'm a fan of any type of date where the person shows up.
Active is good, too. Gives you a chance to see if they have a good sense of humor about themselves. For instance, I am *horrible* at pool, but I have no issues making a fool of myself. Also gives a man a chance to teach and, if it's wanted, touch. Or spend the entire time looking down my damn shirt....LOL I'm joking, but I do scope a man out while he moves. The way we move says so much more than words sometimes.
Showing up is a big deal! No shows and cancellations are relatively commonplace.
Playing pool is a decent date. I'm not that good at it so don't use that as a date often. I like dates to showcase things I am reasonably good at. And attitude is key on active dates. No one can be good at every activity, but it is possible to have a good attitude about things.0 -
The whole concept of internet dating kind of freaks me out. For the first date, I'd much rather have someone over to my house and cook dinner with them - sit out on the patio and drink a bottle of wine. but, I guess that would not be too cool if the dude was a dud and it got uncomfortable... perhaps that would be date# 3 vs. Date # 1... Curious,... what is the perfect first date for on-line match...I've heard that only a meeting at a coffee house will do, and no drinking, just coffee and conversation.
Definitely dont invite a stranger to your house!!
1st dates are in a public place, with plenty of people around and let someone know where you are. I've never had a coffee date, usually a bar/pub or a meal. Or a bar then onto a meal if we're clicking. I think drinking is fine as long as you can keep your wits about you? But I know there might be different views on this. As long as you keep/feel safe then that's the main thing :flowerforyou:
I guess I did it all wrong.. I went over to Sugar Lips' house for our first date. Well, first OFFICIAL date. We had met for lunch twice before that, so I knew he wasn't a creeper, and I had a great connection with him so I was okay with it.
If it was a guy I wasn't sure about or didn't know enough to trust, I probably still would have gone for a public place.
Oh, and DM, we talked on the phone for almost four hours before we met once. :P
Sometimes you find the ones worth breaking all the rules for!0 -
I have also dated someone that stated they were divorced, but their facebook and the courts showed *no* evidence of this.
It's too easy to lie, omit the truth, or however else you'd like to put it. It's also relatively easy to protect yourself from being a victim. You just have to arm yourself with the facts.
Sad but true! Good job being safe, and protecting yourself as much as possible.0 -
Well you dodged a bullet. Or actually more like an axe by the sounds of it. Seriously why else would he be so insistent on removing you from the safety of having your own vehicle?
I had been talking to a guy from match but today was kind of a last straw. He keeps calling me hunni and baby in emails. I finally told him I wasn't a pet name person and he apologized for being " too familiar" I though ok cool. Then I told him I wasn't feeling well and I thought I had the flu but I was hoping I would be up for doing something maybe middle of the week. And he asks me if it's ' the lady flu'. Um see ya!
"the lady flu".....bahahahaha!!! LO-SERS!!!0 -
The whole concept of internet dating kind of freaks me out. For the first date, I'd much rather have someone over to my house and cook dinner with them - sit out on the patio and drink a bottle of wine. but, I guess that would not be too cool if the dude was a dud and it got uncomfortable... perhaps that would be date# 3 vs. Date # 1... Curious,... what is the perfect first date for on-line match...I've heard that only a meeting at a coffee house will do, and no drinking, just coffee and conversation.
Definitely dont invite a stranger to your house!!
1st dates are in a public place, with plenty of people around and let someone know where you are. I've never had a coffee date, usually a bar/pub or a meal. Or a bar then onto a meal if we're clicking. I think drinking is fine as long as you can keep your wits about you? But I know there might be different views on this. As long as you keep/feel safe then that's the main thing :flowerforyou:
I guess I did it all wrong.. I went over to Sugar Lips' house for our first date. Well, first OFFICIAL date. We had met for lunch twice before that, so I knew he wasn't a creeper, and I had a great connection with him so I was okay with it.
If it was a guy I wasn't sure about or didn't know enough to trust, I probably still would have gone for a public place.
Oh, and DM, we talked on the phone for almost four hours before we met once. :P
Sometimes you find the ones worth breaking all the rules for!
The thing with this is you met twice before going to his house. I think most people are talking about meeting for the first time at home.0 -
I guess I did it all wrong.. I went over to Sugar Lips' house for our first date. Well, first OFFICIAL date. We had met for lunch twice before that, so I knew he wasn't a creeper, and I had a great connection with him so I was okay with it.
If it was a guy I wasn't sure about or didn't know enough to trust, I probably still would have gone for a public place.
Oh, and DM, we talked on the phone for almost four hours before we met once. :P
Sometimes you find the ones worth breaking all the rules for!
The thing with this is you met twice before going to his house. I think most people are talking about meeting for the first time at home.
I've had a date end at a house....so I did it wrong too!
But in all seriousness, you had already spent some face time. You were good
Not only that, but I would consider the lunches dates 0 -
I guess I did it all wrong.. I went over to Sugar Lips' house for our first date. Well, first OFFICIAL date. We had met for lunch twice before that, so I knew he wasn't a creeper, and I had a great connection with him so I was okay with it.
If it was a guy I wasn't sure about or didn't know enough to trust, I probably still would have gone for a public place.
Oh, and DM, we talked on the phone for almost four hours before we met once. :P
Sometimes you find the ones worth breaking all the rules for!
The thing with this is you met twice before going to his house. I think most people are talking about meeting for the first time at home.
I've had a date end at a house....so I did it wrong too!
But in all seriousness, you had already spent some face time. You were good Not only that, but I would consider the lunches dates
So does that mean I've been on like five dates with him in less than a week? LOL
Date 1: Lunch 1
Date 2: Lunch 2
Date 3: Dinner at his place
Date 4: Friday afternoon visit to his place
Date 5: Me catching a cab after the club to sleep at his place on Friday
Date 6: Saturday night dinner and pizza
So wait.. 6? Or does the sleeping after the club not count as a date? Hahaha :laugh: :laugh:0 -
I guess I did it all wrong.. I went over to Sugar Lips' house for our first date. Well, first OFFICIAL date. We had met for lunch twice before that, so I knew he wasn't a creeper, and I had a great connection with him so I was okay with it.
If it was a guy I wasn't sure about or didn't know enough to trust, I probably still would have gone for a public place.
Oh, and DM, we talked on the phone for almost four hours before we met once. :P
Sometimes you find the ones worth breaking all the rules for!
The thing with this is you met twice before going to his house. I think most people are talking about meeting for the first time at home.
I've had a date end at a house....so I did it wrong too!
But in all seriousness, you had already spent some face time. You were good Not only that, but I would consider the lunches dates
So does that mean I've been on like five dates with him in less than a week? LOL
Date 1: Lunch 1
Date 2: Lunch 2
Date 3: Dinner at his place
Date 4: Friday afternoon visit to his place
Date 5: Me catching a cab after the club to sleep at his place on Friday
Date 6: Saturday night dinner and pizza
So wait.. 6? Or does the sleeping after the club not count as a date? Hahaha :laugh: :laugh:
I quit counting as soon as I get some.
Joking, but I do quit counting after 3 or 4 because the bigger the number the more serious it seems to me. I don't want to frighten myself.0 -
I also had a friend get mad at me since she kept going on that I should write down the time, date, name of my date and place I was meeting them and post it on my fridge in case something happened. That seemed a little too parinod for me since I have been living by myself for 10 years and don't put something up everytime I go out I wouldn't do it in this case either.
I don't think this is too paranoid at all. If someone kills me, I want him caught, and preferably I want him to become someone's prison girlfriend until someone stabs him to death with a sharpened spoon. I'm vindictive, I am!0 -
I also had a friend get mad at me since she kept going on that I should write down the time, date, name of my date and place I was meeting them and post it on my fridge in case something happened. That seemed a little too parinod for me since I have been living by myself for 10 years and don't put something up everytime I go out I wouldn't do it in this case either.
I don't think this is too paranoid at all. If someone kills me, I want him caught, and preferably I want him to become someone's prison girlfriend until someone stabs him to death with a sharpened spoon. I'm vindictive, I am!
:laugh:0 -
Sorry you had such a terrible date, but not all on Match are terrible. I went on a first date with a lady from Match on Friday. We decided on some nice Cajun food & mutually agreed not to plan anything further...pending on how well dinner went. We had a great conversation followed by her joining me for some karaoke! I had a blast. We talked the next day & she said she'd love to hang out again soon. Told her that Friday would be best as I didn't think she'd be into hanging out at my house on Saturday watching UFC fights:laugh: . This was followed up by I shouldn't assume anything & she'd love to!:bigsmile:
In short, while there are MANY disasters waiting to happen with online dating, I've found a few diamonds in the rough!:flowerforyou: 0
