Fake it till you make it...

jaxdiablo

So when you have zero self confidence, and you are completely and utterly petrified by the potential of rejection by a member of the opposite sex... how do you fake that confidence to actually approach members of the opposite sex in a public setting?

I have never (without help from a friend i.e. Hi, have you met Bryan?) approached a woman in a public setting unless they were in a service capacity (selling something, waitress, ya know). I have never picked up a woman in a bar, nor in any other circumstance.

Any advice other than just go out and do it? Or, the easiest thing is just saying "Hi"! I'm really not sure what the hell else to ask other than stupid cliche crap like, do you come here often, what's your sign... all that dumb crap.

DMZ_1

This is easy. Just smile at them. If they smile back, they are receptive. Then you say hi, maybe make pleasant introductions and start talking about something.

MyTime1985

Let me know when you figure that out. I'm 33 and I've never approached a guy in my life!

"Sprinkle glitter all over yourself and stand in the sunlight. The girls will come running."

Steelheart7

Agreed .. smile .. if she smile back .. walk over and say hi. I was trying to type something up to chat with her .. but yikes .. I got nothing! Everything I type is lame.. lol.

I guess it depends on the setting what you would talk about. Hm .. this is hard! lol. But that is why you are the man! ha!

jaxdiablo

Let me know when you figure that out. I'm 33 and I've never approached a guy in my life!

"Sprinkle glitter all over yourself and stand in the sunlight. The girls will come running."

I shower too much to be a twilight vampire... I'd probably stake myself if I was.

jaxdiablo

This is easy. Just smile at them. If they smile back, they are receptive. Then you say hi, maybe make pleasant introductions and start talking about something.

You my friend, are assuming that I have women actually looking at me. I don't think I've ever gotten or at least noticed a woman looking in my direction.

I promise this is not an attempt at a pity party, I'm just confused about how all this works.

MyTime1985

Not to get open for all the world to see but I would have NEVER guessed this in a million years about you. You seemed very confident and comfortable with yourself when we "spoke". You have nothing to be afraid of. I promise. :flowerforyou:

jaxdiablo

Not to get open for all the world to see but I would have NEVER guessed this in a million years about you. You seemed very confident and comfortable with yourself when we "spoke". You have nothing to be afraid of. I promise. :flowerforyou:

Thanks! You're not opening anything that isn't ok to be opened. I am able to talk and chat with people in a non-real-life interaction all day, all night, whenever.

It's the face to face thing that makes me want to poop myself. lol

DMZ_1

This is easy. Just smile at them. If they smile back, they are receptive. Then you say hi, maybe make pleasant introductions and start talking about something.

You my friend, are assuming that I have women actually looking at me. I don't think I've ever gotten or at least noticed a woman looking in my direction.

I promise this is not an attempt at a pity party, I'm just confused about how all this works.

You have to hold eye contact with them first. Eye contact, then smile.

Steelheart7

This is easy. Just smile at them. If they smile back, they are receptive. Then you say hi, maybe make pleasant introductions and start talking about something.

You my friend, are assuming that I have women actually looking at me. I don't think I've ever gotten or at least noticed a woman looking in my direction.

I promise this is not an attempt at a pity party, I'm just confused about how all this works.

Aw. I would totally look in your direction. I looked at your pics and you have a pic with girls in it .. so you must be doing something right.. ??

DMZ_1

Agreed .. smile .. if she smile back .. walk over and say hi. I was trying to type something up to chat with her .. but yikes .. I got nothing! Everything I type is lame.. lol.

I guess it depends on the setting what you would talk about. Hm .. this is hard! lol. But that is why you are the man! ha!

Talk about the reason why both of you are where you are, what you are both are up to, maybe even something light and fun in the news cycle.

2stepz

Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm 30 and have never been approached BY a guy for a date IRL. Wish I could help, though.

christine24t

So when you have zero self confidence, and you are completely and utterly petrified by the potential of rejection by a member of the opposite sex... how do you fake that confidence to actually approach members of the opposite sex in a public setting?

It is hard, because our society expects men to approach women, so shy guys kind of lose out I think. I'm shy, and I've never approached a guy I've found cute before. If I was braver, perhaps I would, but I also get cut a break because I'm a woman.

The other day though, this guy's mouth was bleeding at the bar, and I went up to him and said, "What happened?" and cracked a joke. He said something back and I wandered off. It's good to sometimes talk to people you don't know, even in general, because it helps build your confidence.

But yes, "Hi" is perfect, and "how about this weather?" or something right. If she finds you attractive, she'll respond back. If she says something back that seems so-so, just respond and walk away. Just gauge how she is feeling you first before you go in hard. And keep your eye open for shy girls like yourself, the ones that are standing in the corner!

jaxdiablo

This is easy. Just smile at them. If they smile back, they are receptive. Then you say hi, maybe make pleasant introductions and start talking about something.

You my friend, are assuming that I have women actually looking at me. I don't think I've ever gotten or at least noticed a woman looking in my direction.

I promise this is not an attempt at a pity party, I'm just confused about how all this works.

You have to hold eye contact with them first. Eye contact, then smile.

Should I be holding the free candy sign at this point? Or just wait till she sees it on the side of the van? lol I kid...

jaxdiablo

This is easy. Just smile at them. If they smile back, they are receptive. Then you say hi, maybe make pleasant introductions and start talking about something.

You my friend, are assuming that I have women actually looking at me. I don't think I've ever gotten or at least noticed a woman looking in my direction.

I promise this is not an attempt at a pity party, I'm just confused about how all this works.

Aw. I would totally look in your direction. I looked at your pics and you have a pic with girls in it .. so you must be doing something right.. ??

That damn picture is going to be the bane of my existance. I work with a local vaudeville/burlesque troupe. They are friends of mine who are performers. lol If I really had gorgeous girls like that on my arm already I'd give up on this weight loss and just be a P.I.M.P. lol

Roadie2000

I get nervous too, but usually once you start talking to someone conversation just comes naturally.

The other night I was at a bar with one of my buddies, had just ordered some drinks and some nice looking ladies come up to the bar to order. I just came up with something out of my *kitten* that me and my buddy were talking about cologne and were debating about whether women liked it or not. Obviously they do, but the conversation started and that's all that matters.

Sometimes I just say "Hey, how's it going?" and if they seem receptive than I'll stay and chat, but if they seem uninterested I'll just move on.

calvert6183

Just say "hi", its that simple. DOnt ever use pickup lines. Also, you are going to have to hide your lack of confidence. FInd a way. Women are turned off by that. Thats why they tend to like bad boys, they just take control and do tha d^mn thing. DO you have a puppy? Do you have baby? DO you like art? Where I am going with this is, you should try to go places where women dont expect men to approach them like in bars. In bars, its hard sometimes. We one of our buddies say "that girl is hot", we just push him into her when he isnt looking and you would be surprised how much that works because he says "omg, im so sorry" and she will say "its ok, its crowded in here" and then they start talking. We dotn push him so hard that it causes her to drop her drink or anything. Try art museums, dog parks, volunteering, running in the park, indoor rock climbing, meetupdotcom, church singles, or like places like target. You would be surprised how many guys meet women at Target because they look clueless and asking things like "do you know where this is or what should I get for my friends bday?". We never know what we are doing and women like to help us. You can meet women anywhere, they are everywhere, just be yourself and say hi. You seem like a cool guy so women would love to meet you just get out there.

Carl01

I am with you on this one,I have no clue either.

rammsteinsoldier

I don't get it. You guys on here are wonderful. These girls just don't have any taste I guess. :flowerforyou:

BigDaddyBRC

There is no such thing as Faking it until you make it.

Confidence comes from through trial and error. Have faith in who you are. Step forward, Jump! BAM! you now have it.

ItsCasey

I would say do something like go to the grocery store and pretend you need help finding something, but I am so clueless when it comes to guys hitting on me that I'd probably assume you really needed help. I am that girl who thinks that if a guy talks to me, he's just being friendly. But one tip I can give you is whenever you approach a woman, introduce yourself properly. It's much less creepy when a guy tells you his name rather than talking to you like he already knows you.

Natx83

You seem pretty witty dude, probably funny too. So when the opportunity arises where interaction is possible just start off with something funny and friendly. If you get a blank stare, don't sweat it, walk away and if you get a laugh or smile, just go with it.

I suck at the initial intro as well, but once past the initial breaking of the ice I'm good as gold. Best thing you can do is be yourself and not come across as your trying hard. If you can make a girl laugh, your half way there to a possible connection.

Saruman_w

This is something I need to learn how to do... I don't want to pretend to be somebody else though. I like myself. I just lack courage

christine24t

Also, make sure you are going for the right age group. I think you are somewhere in your late twenties early thirties? IDK if you do this, but don't try to hit on college girls, make sure you have the right age group! I've gotten a few older guys talking to me before and it is just like "find someone your own age and i'll find someone my age!"

AnnaPixie

You seem pretty witty dude, probably funny too. So when the opportunity arises where interaction is possible just start off with something funny and friendly. If you get a blank stare, don't sweat it, walk away and if you get a laugh or smile, just go with it.

I suck at the initial intro as well, but once past the initial breaking of the ice I'm good as gold. Best thing you can do is be yourself and not come across as your trying hard. If you can make a girl laugh, your half way there to a possible connection.

this^^^ if a guy approaches me this way, I'm always going to respond. If I like him, I'll stay and chat. If I dont like him, I'll cut it short. So you kinda know if you're wasting your time or not.

And if you go to bars on your own, sit/stand centrally at the bar and chat to someone who's ordering a drink next to you. Dont offer a drink unless she's hung around for awhile though. Its embarrassing to be offered a drink by someone you dont actually fancy. And its awkward to say no!

Bar chatting is the easiest way I think. Its more natural than having to actually walk up to someone.

Perhaps just try talking to anyone, male of female. Give yourself the practice of approaching strangers? And obviously a couple of beers are good for some dutch courage! :bigsmile:

mrmanmeat

So when you have zero self confidence, and you are completely and utterly petrified by the potential of rejection by a member of the opposite sex... how do you fake that confidence to actually approach members of the opposite sex in a public setting?

I have never (without help from a friend i.e. Hi, have you met Bryan?) approached a woman in a public setting unless they were in a service capacity (selling something, waitress, ya know). I have never picked up a woman in a bar, nor in any other circumstance.

Any advice other than just go out and do it? Or, the easiest thing is just saying "Hi"! I'm really not sure what the hell else to ask other than stupid cliche crap like, do you come here often, what's your sign... all that dumb crap.

Nike,

Just Do It.

lacroyx

Let me know when you figure that out. I'm 33 and I've never approached a guy in my life!

"Sprinkle glitter all over yourself and stand in the sunlight. The girls will come running."

I shower too much to be a twilight vampire... I'd probably stake myself if I was.

^
this
1000X over this

as for the confidence thing I always hoped I'd meet a girl that is into the tall, semi-dark, handsome, strong and silent type since I fulfill most of those requirements. it's getting better as I drop more and more weight. I am putting my self out there some what. it's coming along slowly like hobbit steps. not baby steps, those are too big... :embarassed:

Roadie2000

A few other things that might help...

- Get drunk, but not too drunk
- Practice chatting it up with normal people, not just girls you are attracted to. They are all just people, some of them will be friendly, some of them won't. Don't always think of it as rejection.
- Seriously, just ask random questions. Ask for directions, ask where the bathroom is, ask if she has any extra ketchup, whatever. This might not spark much conversation, but if you run into her again later in the night she will recognize you and you will appear to be friendly and approachable.
- I've used my dog to pick up girls before, occasionally they will stop to pet him and they'll ask his name. I'll say his name is Cooper, he wants to know what your name is. Then if they're nice enough I'll say he wants to know what her number is.
- Sometimes I panic when I introduce myself and just ask where they're from. It's a little cliche but not too douchey,

But it all kind of depends on what you like to do and what types of situations you are in when you actually get a chance to talk to girls. You could always sign up for a class or something like that, then you at least have something to talk about.

christine24t

Last night at the crowded bar, this guy turned to me and said, "I bet you girls will get served before me" and we all started to laugh because it's mostly true with the male bartenders. "First off, because you're girls and second, because I have a penis." I wasn't interested in him, but it is that little small talk that is a good opener!

jaxdiablo

So I talked to a girl at the bar on Friday. Even exchanged numbers, she made a big deal about me texting her the next day to help her get her mind off of being at work for so long...


She never responded to my texts.

AnnaPixie

So I talked to a girl at the bar on Friday. Even exchanged numbers, she made a big deal about me texting her the next day to help her get her mind off of being at work for so long...


She never responded to my texts.

oh!! Perhaps she's still at work?? Kinda strange to give your number out and then not respond, but hey, people are strange!! :laugh: It's not something I would do if I didnt like the look of you.

But hey, KUDOS for making the move!!! YOU DID IT!! Hoorah! :flowerforyou: