Fake it till you make it...

flimflamfloz

So when you have zero self confidence, and you are completely and utterly petrified by the potential of rejection by a member of the opposite sex... how do you fake that confidence to actually approach members of the opposite sex in a public setting?

Imagine the girl is a friend... It helps when a lot of girls are interested in you and you get plenty of opportunities with girls (takes the pressure off you) and easier to friend zone a girl immediately (at least temporarily).
And the more you do that, the more you practice, the more girls see you can talk to them as a friend (takes the pressure off them), the more confident you are with girls, and it's a virtuous circle.

Any advice other than just go out and do it? Or, the easiest thing is just saying "Hi"! I'm really not sure what the hell else to ask other than stupid cliche crap like, do you come here often, what's your sign... all that dumb crap.

Yeah, doesn't matter what you ask initially, you need to pick up on things (what's your name? Ah that's uncommon, where do you come from? Ah never been there... Why did you move here? Was it really that bad over there? Damn you're courageous, I wish I could move that easily... So enjoying it here? etc.). Keep doing that, don't talk too much about yourself unless asked.
Use chit chat as a way to get clues about what to talk next, and then relate, relate, relate - make the girl talk about her feelings, impressions on things, ask her to comment. Seriously. You don't even need to talk about yourself when you do that (although she'll from time to time ask questions to you, but I pretty much never talk about myself normally).

So you always need to start with small talk, then move on to deeper stuff.

So I talked to a girl at the bar on Friday. Even exchanged numbers, she made a big deal about me texting her the next day to help her get her mind off of being at work for so long...
She never responded to my texts.

Give her time, move on, do it again. Life would be too easy if everything had a 100% success rate.

jesusHchris

Practice on girls you are not interested in. I'm not saying to go lead people on or do pick up on the homeless 90 year old sleeping on the sidewalk, but some harmless flirting with someone who you just don't initially feel any spark or chemistry for. That way, you aren't really lining yourself up for disappointment. Worse case scenario here is that you have a funny story to tell your friends later. Best case scenario, you gain confidence and get to test different tactics without fear of rejection. Who knows, you might even make some new friends.

Also, I'd avoid hitting on randoms who are just trying to go about their daily business. If your only perceived opportunities are someone waiting for the bus or in line at the ATM then that probably means you've got a good opportunity to work on your social life. Join some clubs that interest you, take a class, frequent some sort of regular event - that sort of thing. This means that the chicks around you will already have some of the same interests as you - instant conversation starter without being a creep.

CoryIda

I've been told that smiling and making eye contact are vital - that being said, the only time I'm not too shy to do this is if I've had some alcohol, at which point my judgment is severely diminished, so I'm clueless.

Good luck anyway

chocciechip

it's a mix isn't it, depends on the girl as well - I've never been approached by anyone and I'm far too embarrassed to make eye contact, or if I accidentally catch someones eye I have to turn away !

so if you find the secret then sell it - you'll make a fortune heh.

BlackStarlight

Let me know when you figure that out. I'm 33 and I've never approached a guy in my life!

"Sprinkle glitter all over yourself and stand in the sunlight. The girls will come running."

I shower too much to be a twilight vampire... I'd probably stake myself if I was.

Oh hey I like you already lol
But seriously if she smiles back shes definately receptive so go over and say Hi although I have to say that Ive never approached a guy in a bar so I get how nerve racking it must be x

JanieJack

Confidence appears to be the #1 aphrodisiac out there, so building confidence is key. And one clear sign of confidence is being able to look someone in the eye and smile. Eye contact is hard for people with autism, and when I worked with autisic young adults, this is what I used to tell them to help overcome this:

Find a safe place in a nearby town where you aren't likely to run into a lot of people you know (like a mall in a nice area of town) and walk around. Practice looking people in the eye, briefly, and once you get more comfortable, practice looking them in the eye and smiling as they approach/pass. Once you get comfortable with this, then go to places where there are natural crowds (lounges, line at the movie theater, line at the grocery store) and practice striking up conversation with the people near you, using items around you to strike up conversation or even asking for help though you don't really need it.

All that probably sounds silly, but such practice has helped quite a few of those kids, and I'm hoping it will help someone here build the confidence they need to ask someone out or even just smile to show interest..