WLS bias/hate on MFP
sorchagriannon
Posts: 27
I'm seeing quite a bit of bias against anyone that has gone the WLS route by other overweight/obese people here in forums. It ranges from the passive-aggressive "I wouldn't THINK of having surgery, I don't want to go the easy way" to the out and out "anyone that has WLS is lazy and will just gain it all back because they don't have to work for it." I know I shouldn't let it bother more, but it's just working on my nerves today.
What would you/do you say to people that are like this, if anything?
What would you/do you say to people that are like this, if anything?
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my favorite are those that just flat out say it's a cop out, they have no idea how much work it actually is and while it pisses me off sometimes I realize that it's not my problem. I have been very careful about who I have told in my real life I'm getting the RNY in 3 weeks. I don't want to hear what they have to say and I don't want their bad habits and negative ideas creeping into my head and sabotaging my efforts. I'm glad if they can lose weight without help but I would never presume to judge their methods so I don't value the opinions of those who think they know better than my doctor and me what is the best plan for my body.0
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They just aren't educated. Before I got interested in the surgery, I thought you had the surgery and automatically lost weight. You don't. It's just a tool and you still have to work, as I've learned. I'm still struggling. Here is why surgery is not an easy way out:
-- It's painful.
-- It's expensive.
-- It's surgery, so it's inherently dangerous, and you might have complications.
-- You can still gain weight if you don't change your habits and eat healthy. Anyone who doesn't have healthy habits is still unhealthy, no matter how much they weigh.
-- Eating can now be painful, even if you are eating healthy, and you have to watch everything you eat. Who likes throwing up?
-- You can't drink with meals, can't eat certain foods at all, and can't have carbonated drinks.
I'm sure there are others. Anyone who thinks surgery is like taking a miracle pill has no clue. People who have WLS are DESPERATE to lose weight. They'll go through all this for the chance that they can lose weight and live a normal life. I will inform anyone who says differently.
Also, I don't find the general forums helpful or supportive at all. There are too many a-holes, and I just don't want to deal with them. Don't like WLS? Don't have it.0 -
It is all a form of prejudice. People who are prejudiced are usually down on something that they aren't even up on.0
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My first instinct is to try and educate them, but then I think why bother. I'm not sure that is the right way to respond (a non-response) since it's just ignorance on their part.0
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Idiots will never listen to reason, so there really is no point trying to educate them. I just smile and ignore them because I know I look damn good. But I would love to tell them to kiss my no-longer-fat *kitten*!! : )0
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You all are so right on! It is our body, our future, our choice, and hard work too! We risked out LIFE to go under anesthetic to permanently change our bodies to have a chance to LIVE! Just delete them as friends, find friends that support you in your decision to take control of your future! I have found so much support in this group! Even if its just logging on for a certain amount of days in a row!! I look so forward to opening up this web site each day because of the supporting friends I have here!0
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i tell em to get PHUCKED...follow my post op diet for 60 days and then tell me i took the easy way out you knuckleheadede jackwagon....in NOVEMBER i couldnt walk 50 yrd due to back pain and joint pain from the 360 lbs i was carrying...i was taking 12 meds a day including 1000 units of insulin per day....i take nothing now and i just did my first 5K on Saturday...i didnt have surgery to take the easy way oput...i had surgery to help m,e get to a place where I COULD FINALLY DO THE WORK!!!!!!!!!!
anyone who thinks we dont have to do the work is an idiot and they can kiss my ever shrinking white *kitten*...im soo tired of people who judge others.. why can tpeople just be happy that someone has regained some control in thier life and are making a difference in the positive for a change...we dont get RNY because we can we get it because we HAVE TO or we are gonna die..you can have your uninformed ignorant opinion about WLS just keep your condecending remarks to yourself...OK RANT CONCLUDED... sorry for the language
that is all....0 -
People who think what we have done is the easy way out, have either never been obese or morbidly obese and struggled with their weight all their lives, or they are so insensitive to others feelings that only what they think and feel is right.
This is definitely not an easy road, but for me it is one that I chose and I am seeing some definite results healthwise that are paying off for me.
Fighting with ones own demons is never easy, and the fact that someone who doesn't know me from Adam, can think it is an easy way out or that by doing what I did getting the RNY will allow me to eat whatever I want is completely wrong!
People need to grow up and tend to their own problems and stop judging others on something they know nothing about.0 -
boy oh boy I think you found out we all have a touchy spot. I think that I'm really glad I can use the MFP site and avoid most of the stuff that is negative and brings out my cranky side. I hope you find a way to get around those threads or people that don't support your weight loss plan. I don't think any of us make or take the WLS decision lightly and it's just not worth explaining it to people sometimes.0
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I dont tell many people on MFP that I have had the surgery - they seem to think it is the easy way out - Those who see me every day KNOW it wasnt easy. I struggled for months - had strictures, and cannot eat some foods I LOVE (Green peppers, and green beans, how I miss you!!). I am now able to exercise, run, and keep up with my kids. The surgery gave me my life back - I still have over 100lbs to lose, but I'm optimistic about that. I KNOW if I do the work, it will happen!!0
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I dont tell many people on MFP that I have had the surgery - they seem to think it is the easy way out - Those who see me every day KNOW it wasnt easy. I struggled for months - had strictures, and cannot eat some foods I LOVE (Green peppers, and green beans, how I miss you!!). I am now able to exercise, run, and keep up with my kids. The surgery gave me my life back - I still have over 100lbs to lose, but I'm optimistic about that. I KNOW if I do the work, it will happen!!
The surgery gave me my life back ....you said it !0 -
When people ask me how I've lost so much weight, I tell them I had wls. I also tell them I workout daily and am very careful with what foods I eat. I end with "I've done it with dedication, determination, and commitment".
That usually shuts them up.0 -
Depending on their level of nastiness...sometimes I try to educate them. I secretly want to tell them to kiss my *kitten*, and tell them to come back to me in a year or two when they are fighting their demons all over again. Yes, I'm here because I put on 22lbs I didn't want...but screw them, on 5/3/2012, I'll have my EIGHTH year post op!!!0
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I had the Lap Band surgery in Feb 2008, I was so sick all the time!!! I suffered for 4 years of vomiting, dehydration, esophageal dilation, hiatal hernia, and yo-yo weight loss/gain.
January 2012, I was approved for a revision surgery from band to bypass. I was ecstatic!!!! All the fighting with the insurance company and 3rd appeal finally was done.
In March 2012, I had my revision and have lost 51 lbs since. Nothing about my journey has been easy, so my message to the negative people is: “Get over yourself and mind your own business.” Until you walk in my shoes, you can not judge me!
:bigsmile: :laugh:
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Thanks for the warning, Folks. I haven't checked into any of the other forums since I've been here, and now I probably won't. You would think that anyone fighting obesity would know that there's enough criticism and judgment out there from the "skinny" people. Why would they be judgmental toward those of us who tried a different way? Someone said it, most of us have fought this all our lives. We tried everything else. All diets work while you follow them, but as soon as you get off, the weight is back. Maybe these people just haven't had the problem long enough. Anyway, this is a personal medical decision that involved me, my husband, and my doctor. Like ALL medical decisions, it is nobody else's business.0
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Personally, I don't care who knows. I'll tell anyone who stands still long enough for me to get the words out (not really, but you get the idea).
I haven't been on the main boards here yet.. and I'm not sure I will.
Those few times in my life where I've run into the bias (and it's everywhere, but more prominently on the internet where people are faceless and can hide behind a keyboard), I usually just smile and say, "well then this probably wouldn't be the right decision for you."
If the conversation continues, I tell them the truth. For me, it was life or death. I finally came to the understanding that I WOULD BE DEAD within five years if I did nothing.. and rather than passively allow that to happen, I decided all's fair in love and war.. and this was war. If I was going out, I was going out fighting.
We all know it isn't for everyone -- but I often find that if I resist the urge to reflect someone's anger or frustration back to them.. or if I react in a way that diffuses them, I regain control of the conversation and all's well that ends well.
Then I block the mofo.
:flowerforyou:
Stef0 -
I also don't care who knows, I tell everybody. I have perused the "main" boards, and have seen some bias, but maybe because i'm in a good place today it has mostly rolled off my back, today! Tomorrow, it might well cause my head to explode.
I have had so much support from family, friends and aquaintances i've been able to ignore those few who haven't been so supported. It's times like these that you learn who can be let go from your life.0
