Cherry Thread!!!
thecarbmonster
Posts: 411 Member
Lol, not exactly sure what to call this, but I thought it might sound better than "Virgin" or "Non-Experienced" thread :P
I have appreciated this forum so much to get advice from many who have a lot of experience in dating/being in relationships, but I have been even more thankful to come across many others who are definitely lacking in the same area I am!
I thought I would open a thread to share experiences, anxieties, concerns, updates, etc about being a virgin/having less relationship experience in this crazy, fast-paced dating world!
I have appreciated this forum so much to get advice from many who have a lot of experience in dating/being in relationships, but I have been even more thankful to come across many others who are definitely lacking in the same area I am!
I thought I would open a thread to share experiences, anxieties, concerns, updates, etc about being a virgin/having less relationship experience in this crazy, fast-paced dating world!
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I guess I'll start :P
I'm Katie, 26, and have never been in a relationship. I've had my fair share of bad online dates where they are trying to get in your pants on the first or second date! A lot of times I wonder why I'm still a virgin, and I usually blame it on being overweight, not confidant, low self-esteem, or guys just aren't interested in me. But I have had guys who were "interested" in me, even if it was just interested in getting in my pants (lol), that I easily could have just "done the deed" if that's what I wanted.
It really has been a choice to wait for a relationship I feel comfortable in. I want to enjoy all of the stuff leading up to sex and the anticipation and excitement leading up to it versus moving too fast. I've been very thankful in hindsight when I didn't let a guy push me to far on the third date, and I think I'm going to stop putting so much pressure on myself. The only thing that concerns me is that so many people expect sex up front (especially when meeting guys online and you get **** pics before you even meet them in person). When I put a dating profile back up, I'm going to find a not-stuffy way to say I want to wait for intimacy. It just seems really difficult to find someone who wants to go the same pace. I guess I'm just jaded cause the two guys I dated and trusted to give me time forgot it all once we started making out lol. Heat of the moment, I guess!0 -
hahaha when I saw this I thought it was "Cheery Thread" to counteract all the depressing recent posts. lol!
Not sure if this is the thread for me or not... but I'll at least lurk...I may only have been with one guy (my ex husband) within the confines of marriage, but we were definitely adventurous. Now if only I could get the guys to believe that without showing them, lol!0 -
hahaha when I saw this I thought it was "Cheery Thread" to counteract all the depressing recent posts. lol!
Not sure if this is the thread for me or not... but I'll at least lurk...I may only have been with one guy (my ex husband) within the confines of marriage, but we were definitely adventurous. Now if only I could get the guys to believe that without showing them, lol!
Lol! Cheery Cherries post :P Or the Cherry Cheerios! Hey, I everyone's welcome despite how many partners you may or may not have had!0 -
No matter what you do never stop being able and willing to learn about other people and most importantly yourself.
My list of experiences is pretty short,some good some not so much but there is something to be taken away from every one in hopes of using it later for good.
It is always your choice how to live your life just understand all are actions have results.
Some people will tell you that waiting will be almost a guarantee that when you do have intimacy it will be a beautiful thing...uhm,it may not so be aware of that.
Some will say just go ahead and have fun,it definitely can be that,which is great but also a little empty so prepare for that too.
Always reflect and be honest to and with yourself. :flowerforyou:0 -
I sort of fall into this category .. lol .. with dating. I was married for so long that dating is completely different to me now. Like first thing I noticed was the whole picture thing .. why do men think they are entitled to see naked pictures of me??? I don't want to see their bits either .. the boy part is NOT cute .. just sayin. Obviously things are different when you are actually in a relationship with someone, but when you are dating ... why do you keep pestering for pictures of my bewbs???
I first "did it" when I was 15 .. but the person that I was with I dated all through high school. So .. there is that. Sex really has never been that big of a deal to me .. in terms of oh it is this sacred thing that has to be saved for someone special. If I feel like doing it .. I will .. if not, I won't. Even after I had sex for the first time .. I didn't feel like this magical thing had changed in me. I wonder if this says something about me .. lmao.0 -
why do men think they are entitled to see naked pictures of me??? I don't want to see their bits either .. the boy part is NOT cute .. just sayin. Obviously things are different when you are actually in a relationship with someone, but when you are dating ... why do you keep pestering for pictures of my bewbs???
My first online dating experience I did the whole cyber sex thing because I thought he would like me if I did it (never sent any pics though cause I could never get the angle right lol!!!). After that relationship didn't work out, I waited another year+ to date again and had an amazing first date with a new guy. I thought he was perfect, and then we were IM'ing and he started saying he had talking pics of himself before and asked if I wanted to see them...*bang my head on the desk*. I tried to ignore it and said I wanted to wait for that, but needless to say he brought it up almost everyday and then I started to get the feeling he was probably talking to multiple girls since he couldn't remember I said "HELL NO!".
I think if you're into it, and it gets you excited, go for it. But for me, I feel like you're disrespecting me. I can't blame you if you try, but NO MEANS NO!0 -
why do men think they are entitled to see naked pictures of me??? I don't want to see their bits either .. the boy part is NOT cute .. just sayin. Obviously things are different when you are actually in a relationship with someone, but when you are dating ... why do you keep pestering for pictures of my bewbs???
My first online dating experience I did the whole cyber sex thing because I thought he would like me if I did it (never sent any pics though cause I could never get the angle right lol!!!). After that relationship didn't work out, I waited another year+ to date again and had an amazing first date with a new guy. I thought he was perfect, and then we were IM'ing and he started saying he had talking pics of himself before and asked if I wanted to see them...*bang my head on the desk*. I tried to ignore it and said I wanted to wait for that, but needless to say he brought it up almost everyday and then I started to get the feeling he was probably talking to multiple girls since he couldn't remember I said "HELL NO!".
I think if you're into it, and it gets you excited, go for it. But for me, I feel like you're disrespecting me. I can't blame you if you try, but NO MEANS NO!
YES! There is no way in HELL I am taking pictures of my "girl part" .. I don't care who it is for. Not gunna happen.0 -
Some people will tell you that waiting will be almost a guarantee that when you do have intimacy it will be a beautiful thing...uhm,it may not so be aware of that.
yeah, not always.. until you learn each others' bodies!
(my ex and I were each others' first)0 -
I think if you're into it, and it gets you excited, go for it. But for me, I feel like you're disrespecting me. I can't blame you if you try, but NO MEANS NO!
I also hate when guys won't take no for an answer, whether the question is me sending them a pic or letting them send me one. I've had multiple guys ask if they could send me a penis pic, and even after I'd say no, they would say something to the effect of "Well, I'm going to send one anyway, and if you don't want to look at it, don't look." All that says to me is "Not only do I not respect you, I don't even like you very much."0 -
I think if you're into it, and it gets you excited, go for it. But for me, I feel like you're disrespecting me. I can't blame you if you try, but NO MEANS NO!
I also hate when guys won't take no for an answer, whether the question is me sending them a pic or letting them send me one. I've had multiple guys ask if they could send me a penis pic, and even after I'd say no, they would say something to the effect of "Well, I'm going to send one anyway, and if you don't want to look at it, don't look." All that says to me is "Not only do I not respect you, I don't even like you very much."
Since you'd then have their email address, I'd just go to a dating website that caters to gay men and set up an account for him in his email address and use the picture.0 -
I also hate when guys won't take no for an answer, whether the question is me sending them a pic or letting them send me one. I've had multiple guys ask if they could send me a penis pic, and even after I'd say no, they would say something to the effect of "Well, I'm going to send one anyway, and if you don't want to look at it, don't look." All that says to me is "Not only do I not respect you, I don't even like you very much."
I call this cold-c**king lol. My roommate has an off-and-on again boyfriend and he loves to send her random pics at random times, especially when they are both at work. She is always like "wtf does he want me to do with this right now? 'oh wow, that is a swell meat stick you have there lol'".0 -
I think if you're into it, and it gets you excited, go for it. But for me, I feel like you're disrespecting me. I can't blame you if you try, but NO MEANS NO!
I also hate when guys won't take no for an answer, whether the question is me sending them a pic or letting them send me one. I've had multiple guys ask if they could send me a penis pic, and even after I'd say no, they would say something to the effect of "Well, I'm going to send one anyway, and if you don't want to look at it, don't look." All that says to me is "Not only do I not respect you, I don't even like you very much."
At least they asked, I have had a few that just send one, so now when someone sends a pice, I am always wary........0 -
Since you'd then have their email address, I'd just go to a dating website that caters to gay men and set up an account for him in his email address and use the picture.
Can't. Stop. Laughing!0 -
Since you'd then have their email address, I'd just go to a dating website that caters to gay men and set up an account for him in his email address and use the picture.
Can't. Stop. Laughing!
LOL DAMN WISH THAT I HAD COME UP WITH THAT ONE!0 -
Since you'd then have their email address, I'd just go to a dating website that caters to gay men and set up an account for him in his email address and use the picture.
Can't. Stop. Laughing!
LOL DAMN WISH THAT I HAD COME UP WITH THAT ONE!
Craigslist it baby.0 -
Back to the actually topic now that I have time to write.
I also still have my V - card and I am 35. Yeah I have the fear of being a 40 year old virgin. I always wanted to be in a commited relationship before giving it up. My boyfriend when I was 18 broke up with me because he didn't want his first time with another virgin. After that in college I made the mistake of being in a long distance relationship with a guy that was cheating on me the whole time. Really who was to blame him since it wasn't a true relationship looking back at it. But that was my excuse for passing up dates in college and my sr. year I was working 60 hours a week plus full schedule so didn't have time for anything. After that I gained all my weight and lost all my self confidence. So 12 years goes by where I tell myself I am focusing on my career but really I am just unhappy with myself so why would someone want to be with someone that is always complaining and putting themselves down.
Along came Jan 2010 where I decided I needed to do something about my weight which ended up resulting in more self confidence and coming out of my shell. I picked up where I left off with another long distance relationship that crumbled because we could never see eachother. He was back in MN and I am in SC.
I have tried online dating but for some reason for me it is hard to move past the messaging stage. I just have no practice in actually dating that I don't know how to make that transition from phone/email communicating. My friends can just randomly grab a guy and make out with them but I just can't do that.
I am the kind of person though I know once I do something and I like it I will not stop wanting to do it over and over and over again. Some times I wish I could just get drunk and let my inibitions go and do any guy to get it over with. The problem is when i drink that doesn't happen to me I actually get quieter and pull into myself. I am more out going and more outrageous when I am sober. If J #2 lived here I would have probably have had sex with him since he was one of the first guys ever that truely prursed me. He is also one of the few guys that I told I was a virgin to but he was my rebound flirt to get over J #1 and that has pretty much just turned into friendship now. I just really want to find someone I am comfortable with and trust to not judge me.0 -
I just really want to find someone I am comfortable with and trust to not judge me.
Why would anyone judge you for that...if they do then they are shallow beyond words and not worth any time wasted on.
I had my card until just shy of 30 and without details of all that it was fun for the moment at times but not very satisfying for the most part.
As I said earlier,there is no promise intimacy will be great but doing it for the right reasons (I did not back then) will go a long ways towards it.0 -
I honestly wish I were still a virgin. I should be, considering how I was raised (my parents both think I still am, but that's a whole other story). I was 24 and got sick of being the oldest virgin I knew, so I found a guy I could trust. I still regret opening that door (especially now that I have this huge crush on a pastor :laugh:)
Sex means something different for everyone. Some people think of it as almost sacred. Some people don't, and that's fine too. I think the most important thing to remember is that you need to be true to yourself. If you think it is something that you want to save for the right person, then hold on to it and don't let anyone take it away from you.0 -
I am one too. I wanted to be in a relationship and in love before I lost my virginity. I expected that to have already happened. I am 26 and not so sure anymore…
I am a really shy person and I get even quieter around guys. I dated a bit in late college, but nothing lasted longer than a couple of dates. I also used to get really drunk and fool around with guys, but even my drunk self couldn’t do the deed.
After I graduated college I gained weight and was super depressed. I never socialized or went anywhere. When I finally reached my goal, I felt a lot better about myself. I joined an online dating site and met some great guys. I think I did a good job with screening out *kitten*. I never told them that I was a virgin, but I hinted at it. I let them know that I need to be in a relationship for sex to happen, and that I have never been in a relationship.
I’ve been dating someone for around two months, which is the longest I have ever dated anybody. He is super respectful, maybe even a little too much. I don’t love him (it's too soon) and I know that in some ways we are not compatible, but part of me wants to have sex with him just to get it over with.0 -
I'm a virgin in every sense of the word. Never kissed. Never been on a date. Etc. I'm saving myself for marriage. If Adriana Lima can find a guy to wait for her, so can I!!! haha0
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I just really want to find someone I am comfortable with and trust to not judge me.
Why would anyone judge you for that...if they do then they are shallow beyond words and not worth any time wasted on.
I had my card until just shy of 30 and without details of all that it was fun for the moment at times but not very satisfying for the most part.
As I said earlier,there is no promise intimacy will be great but doing it for the right reasons (I did not back then) will go a long ways towards it.
You would think people wouldn't judge you but they do. This could be mixed in with the media influence thread as people hitting their teens in the 90s or later all grow up with this picture that to be normal you are sexually active no later then 20. I can't even say it is my religon since I am agnositc. Which I find funny because it is my super religious friends that usually sleep around the most.0 -
Thanks for starting this thread! Interesting topic. I am a virgin too and also never been kissed.The only thing that concerns me is that so many people expect sex up front
Same here. I feel like some people think sex should happen on the third date! Third date! That is absolutely ridiculous in my mind. Maybe it is because I am a virgin, but even if that weren't true...no way would that happen!0 -
I am one too. I wanted to be in a relationship and in love before I lost my virginity. I expected that to have already happened. I am 26 and not so sure anymore…
This is exactly how I feel. Sometimes I wonder why I focus on my age or comparing myself to others so much. What really matters is me and when I feel like I'm ready. Even at 26, I'm not emotionally ready for sex. I need to build trust with someone before I would be comfortable with going to that level. I think we need to stop pressuring ourselves. Most people regret the way they lost their virginity and I'm not saying I want it to be this magical, rose petals falling from the sky kind of moment, just the moment that is right for me; not pressuring myself into a cultural "norm".0 -
The only thing that concerns me is that so many people expect sex up front
Same here. I feel like some people think sex should happen on the third date! Third date! That is absolutely ridiculous in my mind. Maybe it is because I am a virgin, but even if that weren't true...no way would that happen!
Some people genuinely WANT sex on the first date, and I think that's fine- they are just ruining it for all of old-fashioned gals :P0 -
There are plenty of perfectly fine and decent men AND women who don`t consider sex to be some sort of special reward or gift.
Lets be cautious that we don`t unintentionally paint them with a brush suggesting there is something wrong with them or that they are bad people for it.0 -
I am one too. I wanted to be in a relationship and in love before I lost my virginity. I expected that to have already happened. I am 26 and not so sure anymore…
This is exactly how I feel. Sometimes I wonder why I focus on my age or comparing myself to others so much. What really matters is me and when I feel like I'm ready. Even at 26, I'm not emotionally ready for sex. I need to build trust with someone before I would be comfortable with going to that level. I think we need to stop pressuring ourselves. Most people regret the way they lost their virginity and I'm not saying I want it to be this magical, rose petals falling from the sky kind of moment, just the moment that is right for me; not pressuring myself into a cultural "norm".
^This!
I've heard so many stories from dorms/cars/parents' basements and even when I was younger, that never sounded appealing. I've had moments where I just wanted to get it over with and out of the way, but then I remember how much better I would feel if it was someone I had a relationship with. Glad to see there are other twenty- (and thirty) something virgins out there!0 -
There are plenty of perfectly fine and decent men AND women who don`t consider sex to be some sort of special reward or gift.
Lets be cautious that we don`t unintentionally paint them with a brush suggesting there is something wrong with them or that they are bad people for it.
Absolutely - it's a different mind-set for everyone. In some ways I wish I could treat sex as being 'not a big deal', but to me, there needs to be at least some emotional connection involved. There's too much vulnerability implied for me to feel comfortable treating physical intimacy as something casual. Maybe I'd feel differently if my own experiences were different. Nearly 30, still waiting for first everything. I too expected that all of those things would happen well before now, and find the apparent expectation of sex at what I think of as a 'getting to know you' stage to be something of a concern, when considering how I go about starting to have some sort of personal life in the environment we're in.0 -
There are plenty of perfectly fine and decent men AND women who don`t consider sex to be some sort of special reward or gift.
Lets be cautious that we don`t unintentionally paint them with a brush suggesting there is something wrong with them or that they are bad people for it.
Yes .. agreed. I have had both ends of the spectrum .. I have done it right away .. I have waited for a while .. I have waited just a couple dates .. they have ALL ended the same way. He cheats. I have never, not once had a long term someone NOT cheat on me. I don't know a single man .. except my brother .. who hasn't cheated on a spouse or girlfriend. No lie. That includes my father, my brother in law, my exhusband, every boyfriend I have ever had, friends spouses .. you name it .. they have cheated. AND .. my brothers exwife cheated on HIM. So .. I guess take that for what its worth. Mind you .. is not much.0 -
This article, while not very well-written(IMO), has an interesting premise... http://jezebel.com/5904952/for-chrissakes-there-is-nothing-wrong-with-you-a-dating-manifesto
Strangely enough, I was thinking about my own 'too's' (too fat, too clever, too shy, too 'intimidating' etc...)when this popped up on my screen. Thought it was worth sharing.0 -
This article, while not very well-written(IMO), has an interesting premise... http://jezebel.com/5904952/for-chrissakes-there-is-nothing-wrong-with-you-a-dating-manifesto
Strangely enough, I was thinking about my own 'too's' (too fat, too clever, too shy, too 'intimidating' etc...)when this popped up on my screen. Thought it was worth sharing.
Loved that article. Put that on my wall yesterday as well as sent it to everyone single woman I know.0
