Cherry Thread!!!
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I just really want to find someone I am comfortable with and trust to not judge me.
Why would anyone judge you for that...if they do then they are shallow beyond words and not worth any time wasted on.
I had my card until just shy of 30 and without details of all that it was fun for the moment at times but not very satisfying for the most part.
As I said earlier,there is no promise intimacy will be great but doing it for the right reasons (I did not back then) will go a long ways towards it.
You would think people wouldn't judge you but they do. This could be mixed in with the media influence thread as people hitting their teens in the 90s or later all grow up with this picture that to be normal you are sexually active no later then 20. I can't even say it is my religon since I am agnositc. Which I find funny because it is my super religious friends that usually sleep around the most.0 -
Thanks for starting this thread! Interesting topic. I am a virgin too and also never been kissed.The only thing that concerns me is that so many people expect sex up front
Same here. I feel like some people think sex should happen on the third date! Third date! That is absolutely ridiculous in my mind. Maybe it is because I am a virgin, but even if that weren't true...no way would that happen!0 -
I am one too. I wanted to be in a relationship and in love before I lost my virginity. I expected that to have already happened. I am 26 and not so sure anymore…
This is exactly how I feel. Sometimes I wonder why I focus on my age or comparing myself to others so much. What really matters is me and when I feel like I'm ready. Even at 26, I'm not emotionally ready for sex. I need to build trust with someone before I would be comfortable with going to that level. I think we need to stop pressuring ourselves. Most people regret the way they lost their virginity and I'm not saying I want it to be this magical, rose petals falling from the sky kind of moment, just the moment that is right for me; not pressuring myself into a cultural "norm".0 -
The only thing that concerns me is that so many people expect sex up front
Same here. I feel like some people think sex should happen on the third date! Third date! That is absolutely ridiculous in my mind. Maybe it is because I am a virgin, but even if that weren't true...no way would that happen!
Some people genuinely WANT sex on the first date, and I think that's fine- they are just ruining it for all of old-fashioned gals :P0 -
There are plenty of perfectly fine and decent men AND women who don`t consider sex to be some sort of special reward or gift.
Lets be cautious that we don`t unintentionally paint them with a brush suggesting there is something wrong with them or that they are bad people for it.0 -
I am one too. I wanted to be in a relationship and in love before I lost my virginity. I expected that to have already happened. I am 26 and not so sure anymore…
This is exactly how I feel. Sometimes I wonder why I focus on my age or comparing myself to others so much. What really matters is me and when I feel like I'm ready. Even at 26, I'm not emotionally ready for sex. I need to build trust with someone before I would be comfortable with going to that level. I think we need to stop pressuring ourselves. Most people regret the way they lost their virginity and I'm not saying I want it to be this magical, rose petals falling from the sky kind of moment, just the moment that is right for me; not pressuring myself into a cultural "norm".
^This!
I've heard so many stories from dorms/cars/parents' basements and even when I was younger, that never sounded appealing. I've had moments where I just wanted to get it over with and out of the way, but then I remember how much better I would feel if it was someone I had a relationship with. Glad to see there are other twenty- (and thirty) something virgins out there!0 -
There are plenty of perfectly fine and decent men AND women who don`t consider sex to be some sort of special reward or gift.
Lets be cautious that we don`t unintentionally paint them with a brush suggesting there is something wrong with them or that they are bad people for it.
Absolutely - it's a different mind-set for everyone. In some ways I wish I could treat sex as being 'not a big deal', but to me, there needs to be at least some emotional connection involved. There's too much vulnerability implied for me to feel comfortable treating physical intimacy as something casual. Maybe I'd feel differently if my own experiences were different. Nearly 30, still waiting for first everything. I too expected that all of those things would happen well before now, and find the apparent expectation of sex at what I think of as a 'getting to know you' stage to be something of a concern, when considering how I go about starting to have some sort of personal life in the environment we're in.0 -
There are plenty of perfectly fine and decent men AND women who don`t consider sex to be some sort of special reward or gift.
Lets be cautious that we don`t unintentionally paint them with a brush suggesting there is something wrong with them or that they are bad people for it.
Yes .. agreed. I have had both ends of the spectrum .. I have done it right away .. I have waited for a while .. I have waited just a couple dates .. they have ALL ended the same way. He cheats. I have never, not once had a long term someone NOT cheat on me. I don't know a single man .. except my brother .. who hasn't cheated on a spouse or girlfriend. No lie. That includes my father, my brother in law, my exhusband, every boyfriend I have ever had, friends spouses .. you name it .. they have cheated. AND .. my brothers exwife cheated on HIM. So .. I guess take that for what its worth. Mind you .. is not much.0 -
This article, while not very well-written(IMO), has an interesting premise... http://jezebel.com/5904952/for-chrissakes-there-is-nothing-wrong-with-you-a-dating-manifesto
Strangely enough, I was thinking about my own 'too's' (too fat, too clever, too shy, too 'intimidating' etc...)when this popped up on my screen. Thought it was worth sharing.0 -
This article, while not very well-written(IMO), has an interesting premise... http://jezebel.com/5904952/for-chrissakes-there-is-nothing-wrong-with-you-a-dating-manifesto
Strangely enough, I was thinking about my own 'too's' (too fat, too clever, too shy, too 'intimidating' etc...)when this popped up on my screen. Thought it was worth sharing.
Loved that article. Put that on my wall yesterday as well as sent it to everyone single woman I know.0 -
The only thing that concerns me is that so many people expect sex up front
Same here. I feel like some people think sex should happen on the third date! Third date! That is absolutely ridiculous in my mind. Maybe it is because I am a virgin, but even if that weren't true...no way would that happen!
Some people genuinely WANT sex on the first date, and I think that's fine- they are just ruining it for all of old-fashioned gals :P
Yes. This is the problem. I recently had a guy straight up ask me for sex a couple of hours after we met. First of all, when did that become socially acceptable? Secondly, when I said no, he said "You know, most women I date don't have a problem with it." Oh, well, in that case ... :noway:
Sweet baby panda tears, that is a tragic commentary on our times.0 -
I just really want to find someone I am comfortable with and trust to not judge me.
Why would anyone judge you for that...if they do then they are shallow beyond words and not worth any time wasted on.
I had my card until just shy of 30 and without details of all that it was fun for the moment at times but not very satisfying for the most part.
As I said earlier,there is no promise intimacy will be great but doing it for the right reasons (I did not back then) will go a long ways towards it.
You would think people wouldn't judge you but they do. This could be mixed in with the media influence thread as people hitting their teens in the 90s or later all grow up with this picture that to be normal you are sexually active no later then 20. I can't even say it is my religon since I am agnositc. Which I find funny because it is my super religious friends that usually sleep around the most.
A lot of people assume that my virginity has to do with religion, but I am atheist. Some people are shocked to hear that those two categories are not mutually exclusive.
I even feel weird using the word 'virgin' and 'virginity' here so freely, because I have been conditioned to think of those words as derogatory.0 -
You would think people wouldn't judge you but they do. This could be mixed in with the media influence thread as people hitting their teens in the 90s or later all grow up with this picture that to be normal you are sexually active no later then 20. I can't even say it is my religon since I am agnositc. Which I find funny because it is my super religious friends that usually sleep around the most.
A lot of people assume that my virginity has to do with religion, but I am atheist. Some people are shocked to hear that those two categories are not mutually exclusive.
I even feel weird using the word 'virgin' and 'virginity' here so freely, because I have been conditioned to think of those words as derogatory.
Well it is because the uneducated think we run around killing people and sleeping with anything that moves since we don't have a traditional belief system to follow so we have no morals.0 -
Two good article I found today!
http://collegecandy.com/2012/04/26/stop-prude-shaming-sexy-time/
http://collegecandy.com/2012/04/26/its-okay-that-im-not-married-at-24-right-this-post-grad-life/
Kinda funny I found them today lol!0 -
I think if you're into it, and it gets you excited, go for it. But for me, I feel like you're disrespecting me. I can't blame you if you try, but NO MEANS NO!
I also hate when guys won't take no for an answer, whether the question is me sending them a pic or letting them send me one. I've had multiple guys ask if they could send me a penis pic, and even after I'd say no, they would say something to the effect of "Well, I'm going to send one anyway, and if you don't want to look at it, don't look." All that says to me is "Not only do I not respect you, I don't even like you very much."
That's an interesting way to look at that, I suppose context would be semi important here yeah lol?
To the OP...worry less about others...more about who you feel YOU need to be. Some people think keeping your virginity is silly. Others think it's the be all/end all when it comes to relationships. Neither is wrong. What's important is how YOU feel about it, and finding someone that respects that.
I was once in a relationship with someone who was a virgin. This didn't mean she wasn't sexual...it just meant she intended to refrain from the actual act of sex. Initially it was 'until marriage', then it became 'until it was right'. My immediate response at that point was 'nope...until marriage...unless you're incredibly, and I mean far beyond the usual incredibly...persuasive, because I'm not going to be the one that ruins that expectation you have carried for yourself for so many years'.
For various reasons, we never did sleep together, which was more than ok.
THAT is the kind of thing you're looking for. Someone willing to look out for you, because he respects and likes you.0 -
This didn't mean she wasn't sexual...it just meant she intended to refrain from the actual act of sex. Initially it was 'until marriage', then it became 'until it was right'.
That was my evolution of thought.0 -
Well I can tell you that, as a man, your virginity is like a curse - and you are trying to get rid of it ASAP. It's like you're half a man if you haven't done the did (which clearly explains the difference of perception in this).
At least that's how I felt...0 -
Some times I wish I could just get drunk and let my inibitions go and do any guy to get it over with. The problem is when i drink that doesn't happen to me I actually get quieter and pull into myself. I am more out going and more outrageous when I am sober.
We have so much in common!
{{hugs}}0 -
This didn't mean she wasn't sexual...it just meant she intended to refrain from the actual act of sex. Initially it was 'until marriage', then it became 'until it was right'.
That was my evolution of thought.
I never had the thought of saving it to marriage.0 -
Yes. This is the problem. I recently had a guy straight up ask me for sex a couple of hours after we met. First of all, when did that become socially acceptable? Secondly, when I said no, he said "You know, most women I date don't have a problem with it." Oh, well, in that case ... :noway:
Sweet baby panda tears, that is a tragic commentary on our times.
It really is. It would seem some girls these days have no morals at all. My best friends ex told her all the girls he slept with/dated happened on the first date or within a week. :noway: I was shocked considering we're talking about more than just a couple of girls. He was also pretty persistent in trying to have sex soon. My ex had told me the same thing about his previous girlfriends too. Even if they were lying... but I'm pretty sure they weren't. Although my ex was nice, he waited until I was ready and didn't pressure me at all, so there are good guys out there!0
