Cherry Thread!!!
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The only thing that concerns me is that so many people expect sex up front
Same here. I feel like some people think sex should happen on the third date! Third date! That is absolutely ridiculous in my mind. Maybe it is because I am a virgin, but even if that weren't true...no way would that happen!
Some people genuinely WANT sex on the first date, and I think that's fine- they are just ruining it for all of old-fashioned gals :P
Yes. This is the problem. I recently had a guy straight up ask me for sex a couple of hours after we met. First of all, when did that become socially acceptable? Secondly, when I said no, he said "You know, most women I date don't have a problem with it." Oh, well, in that case ... :noway:
Sweet baby panda tears, that is a tragic commentary on our times.0 -
I just really want to find someone I am comfortable with and trust to not judge me.
Why would anyone judge you for that...if they do then they are shallow beyond words and not worth any time wasted on.
I had my card until just shy of 30 and without details of all that it was fun for the moment at times but not very satisfying for the most part.
As I said earlier,there is no promise intimacy will be great but doing it for the right reasons (I did not back then) will go a long ways towards it.
You would think people wouldn't judge you but they do. This could be mixed in with the media influence thread as people hitting their teens in the 90s or later all grow up with this picture that to be normal you are sexually active no later then 20. I can't even say it is my religon since I am agnositc. Which I find funny because it is my super religious friends that usually sleep around the most.
A lot of people assume that my virginity has to do with religion, but I am atheist. Some people are shocked to hear that those two categories are not mutually exclusive.
I even feel weird using the word 'virgin' and 'virginity' here so freely, because I have been conditioned to think of those words as derogatory.0 -
You would think people wouldn't judge you but they do. This could be mixed in with the media influence thread as people hitting their teens in the 90s or later all grow up with this picture that to be normal you are sexually active no later then 20. I can't even say it is my religon since I am agnositc. Which I find funny because it is my super religious friends that usually sleep around the most.
A lot of people assume that my virginity has to do with religion, but I am atheist. Some people are shocked to hear that those two categories are not mutually exclusive.
I even feel weird using the word 'virgin' and 'virginity' here so freely, because I have been conditioned to think of those words as derogatory.
Well it is because the uneducated think we run around killing people and sleeping with anything that moves since we don't have a traditional belief system to follow so we have no morals.0 -
Two good article I found today!
http://collegecandy.com/2012/04/26/stop-prude-shaming-sexy-time/
http://collegecandy.com/2012/04/26/its-okay-that-im-not-married-at-24-right-this-post-grad-life/
Kinda funny I found them today lol!0 -
I think if you're into it, and it gets you excited, go for it. But for me, I feel like you're disrespecting me. I can't blame you if you try, but NO MEANS NO!
I also hate when guys won't take no for an answer, whether the question is me sending them a pic or letting them send me one. I've had multiple guys ask if they could send me a penis pic, and even after I'd say no, they would say something to the effect of "Well, I'm going to send one anyway, and if you don't want to look at it, don't look." All that says to me is "Not only do I not respect you, I don't even like you very much."
That's an interesting way to look at that, I suppose context would be semi important here yeah lol?
To the OP...worry less about others...more about who you feel YOU need to be. Some people think keeping your virginity is silly. Others think it's the be all/end all when it comes to relationships. Neither is wrong. What's important is how YOU feel about it, and finding someone that respects that.
I was once in a relationship with someone who was a virgin. This didn't mean she wasn't sexual...it just meant she intended to refrain from the actual act of sex. Initially it was 'until marriage', then it became 'until it was right'. My immediate response at that point was 'nope...until marriage...unless you're incredibly, and I mean far beyond the usual incredibly...persuasive, because I'm not going to be the one that ruins that expectation you have carried for yourself for so many years'.
For various reasons, we never did sleep together, which was more than ok.
THAT is the kind of thing you're looking for. Someone willing to look out for you, because he respects and likes you.0 -
This didn't mean she wasn't sexual...it just meant she intended to refrain from the actual act of sex. Initially it was 'until marriage', then it became 'until it was right'.
That was my evolution of thought.0 -
Well I can tell you that, as a man, your virginity is like a curse - and you are trying to get rid of it ASAP. It's like you're half a man if you haven't done the did (which clearly explains the difference of perception in this).
At least that's how I felt...0 -
Some times I wish I could just get drunk and let my inibitions go and do any guy to get it over with. The problem is when i drink that doesn't happen to me I actually get quieter and pull into myself. I am more out going and more outrageous when I am sober.
We have so much in common!
{{hugs}}0 -
This didn't mean she wasn't sexual...it just meant she intended to refrain from the actual act of sex. Initially it was 'until marriage', then it became 'until it was right'.
That was my evolution of thought.
I never had the thought of saving it to marriage.0 -
Yes. This is the problem. I recently had a guy straight up ask me for sex a couple of hours after we met. First of all, when did that become socially acceptable? Secondly, when I said no, he said "You know, most women I date don't have a problem with it." Oh, well, in that case ... :noway:
Sweet baby panda tears, that is a tragic commentary on our times.
It really is. It would seem some girls these days have no morals at all. My best friends ex told her all the girls he slept with/dated happened on the first date or within a week. :noway: I was shocked considering we're talking about more than just a couple of girls. He was also pretty persistent in trying to have sex soon. My ex had told me the same thing about his previous girlfriends too. Even if they were lying... but I'm pretty sure they weren't. Although my ex was nice, he waited until I was ready and didn't pressure me at all, so there are good guys out there!0 -
THIS!!! i just do not get THIS!!! what is up with requesting boob pics, or half naked pics, or fully naked pics?? especially before even meeting in person?!?!?! and no i don't want a picture of your erect penis to convince me it's ok to send pics of myself!!!!! NO THANK YOU!
i hate that if you aren't "that kind of girl" from the get go you must not be "that kind of girl" at all! OR, if you appear to be "that kind of girl" from the get go you need to follow through and make good on what they are ASSuming you are!
when i first started online dating it came up several times that i have my hood pierced. IMMEDIATELY that changed every. single. thing! YES, i am "that kind of girl!" would you know by looking at me? no, or talking to me? probably not. BUT, i'm more than willing and excited to share that side of myself with someone that is looking for an actual monogamous relationship!
i don't want to be a *kitten* buddy, i don't want to be a friend's with benefits, i don't want to be a one night stand. i want to be a girl, in love with a guy, and in a bona fide relationship, LOL!!!!
THEN and ONLY then, do you get to see that side of me. the one that loves sex ( and all that it entails), is pretty dirty, and doesn't say no :-) a lot of guys don't want to wait. they just want to get there as fast as humanly possible.
so, now i make myself seem like a huge prude and i hide ALL of that. it will come out for the right person ;-)I sort of fall into this category .. lol .. with dating. I was married for so long that dating is completely different to me now. Like first thing I noticed was the whole picture thing .. why do men think they are entitled to see naked pictures of me??? I don't want to see their bits either .. the boy part is NOT cute .. just sayin. Obviously things are different when you are actually in a relationship with someone, but when you are dating ... why do you keep pestering for pictures of my bewbs???
I first "did it" when I was 15 .. but the person that I was with I dated all through high school. So .. there is that. Sex really has never been that big of a deal to me .. in terms of oh it is this sacred thing that has to be saved for someone special. If I feel like doing it .. I will .. if not, I won't. Even after I had sex for the first time .. I didn't feel like this magical thing had changed in me. I wonder if this says something about me .. lmao.0 -
i went out on a date with this guy that said he was divorced, and a non smoker. turns out, he was separated, about to sign papers ( so he said) and he was indeed a smoker.
i didn't find this stuff out until after our second date though! so, we had dinner, and before we paid the check he invited me back to his place. i declined. i told him that i wasn't going to put out for someone that was still legally married. and i paid my half of dinner ( after asking him if he wanted me to) just to make sure he realized i was serious. he proceeded to tell me that he didn't see what the big deal was. they were getting divorced. he said he had dinner and a one night stand with another girl from the online dating site, so why was i being like that??
HUH!!!! i told him he wasn't being very respectful. and he just kept going on and on and on about it!!
THEN!!! that night, he sends a text saying he had a nice time and proceeds to text me all of the things he wanted to do to my boobs!!! i was shocked to say the least! anywhoo, never spoke to or saw him again after that!The only thing that concerns me is that so many people expect sex up front
Same here. I feel like some people think sex should happen on the third date! Third date! That is absolutely ridiculous in my mind. Maybe it is because I am a virgin, but even if that weren't true...no way would that happen!
Some people genuinely WANT sex on the first date, and I think that's fine- they are just ruining it for all of old-fashioned gals :P
Yes. This is the problem. I recently had a guy straight up ask me for sex a couple of hours after we met. First of all, when did that become socially acceptable? Secondly, when I said no, he said "You know, most women I date don't have a problem with it." Oh, well, in that case ... :noway:
Sweet baby panda tears, that is a tragic commentary on our times.0 -
Well I can tell you that, as a man, your virginity is like a curse - and you are trying to get rid of it ASAP. It's like you're half a man if you haven't done the did (which clearly explains the difference of perception in this).
At least that's how I felt...
I actually have quite a bit of respect for men and women who've waited. Its not that I disrespect those that haven't, its just something that's there.
I didn't make that choice for myself...but I respect those who have.0 -
I'm impressed with those of you who have managed to stick to your guns. I lost my virginity at 19, on a cruise ship. I didn't want to be inexperienced in college and didn't want to have some dude from school have it over my head that he deflowered me. I really did just want to get it over with. I never actively pursued anyone or had relationships in school. I partied a bit so once a little alcohol was in me, and the night got late, lots of the dudes that treated you as one of the guys were more than willing to start a make out and see how far they could go. My first few sexual experiences, I may have not even wanted that person in particular, I really just wanted experience. Sex became a matter of opportunity. Once I lived alone or they did, and you ended up somewhere where you were hanging out with boys and you start hooking up and there's no reason to stop...I just didn't. The more persistent guys really do get what they want. You get tired of pushing the hand away and it feels good and you are into it....so, yeah. I respect those of you that never got yourself into those situations in the first place or even more who could do "everything but" for a long time and not give in. Once my pants are off, the intimacy is already there so might as well go all the way. Intercourse is less intimate than oral in my opinion anyway, though I knew plenty of virgins or people that saved themselves for relationships that would let anyone go down on them and they gave away BJ's like candy.
I never had the image that sex would be this magical thing. But I thought one of these days, I would have a relationship go the way I see it on the movies and men willing to work up to intimacy. Life just isn't that way. I think especially once you are in your late 20's or 30's, it's just assumed that you've been around the block so a man feels there is no reason to be coy. Maybe they would back off if they knew. But that may make it more of a challenge for some guys to get in your pants. Stay strong, and do it when you want to do it. But also be careful about expectations. Sex won't make someone love you. And what if you fall in love with someone that you don't like having sex with after all? That would worry me. I respect you all so much that have managed to navigate the dating world without giving in to the hyper sexualized expectations. Lots of girls do sleep with guys on the first, second, third or no date. (Craigslist Casual Encounters---strangers' house to bone? sounds like a movie of the week). Lots of guys may not be willing to wait, but then they aren't the ones worth giving that experience to.0 -
BTW Tough Love this season has a virgin on it and I am guessing she is mid to late 20s.0
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There's a cable channel that had a show called "the Virgin Diaries". I didn't have cable forever, but I saw it when I stayed at a friend's house. It was a reality show that followed a couple virgins, I don't know if it was a one episode thing or ongoing. There was one guy who was over 30 and wasn't waiting for anything in particular, it just never happened for him and now it was like hanging over his head. Then there was a religious, very young couple who were engaged and waiting to get married before doing anything. No peck kissing, etc. At the altar they slobbered all over each other and family was like "it looked like she was eating his face". lol Anyway, it was interesting.0
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There was one guy who was over 30 and wasn't waiting for anything in particular, it just never happened for him and now it was like hanging over his head.
That's how I feel. This reminds me of a Oprah Behind the Scenes episode where they had brought in these women who were 30 year old + virgins and made them seem like some kind of weird, foreign species, like they couldn't understand why or how they hadn't had sex yet and something was obviously wrong with them.0 -
I never had the image that sex would be this magical thing. But I thought one of these days, I would have a relationship go the way I see it on the movies and men willing to work up to intimacy. Life just isn't that way. I think especially once you are in your late 20's or 30's, it's just assumed that you've been around the block so a man feels there is no reason to be coy. Maybe they would back off if they knew. But that may make it more of a challenge for some guys to get in your pants. Stay strong, and do it when you want to do it. But also be careful about expectations. Sex won't make someone love you. And what if you fall in love with someone that you don't like having sex with after all? That would worry me. I respect you all so much that have managed to navigate the dating world without giving in to the hyper sexualized expectations. Lots of girls do sleep with guys on the first, second, third or no date. (Craigslist Casual Encounters---strangers' house to bone? sounds like a movie of the week). Lots of guys may not be willing to wait, but then they aren't the ones worth giving that experience to.
Thanks for your experience and advice!
Have you ever heard the expression "putting p*ssy on a pedestal" lol? Sometimes I feel like I put sex on a pedestal and expect too much from it, but it's really just the pressure of being in the "not had sex" vs "had sex" category that makes me nervous about it. I'm just in limbo right now.0 -
I guess I see it like this...
If you're keeping it for a reason...keep it! Who cares what others think?
If you're not keeping it for a reason, or even purposely...relax...it'll happen when it happens. Who cares what others think?
In the end, the key point is...
Yep, who cares what others think.
Do what you do, and be who you are. As long as you're not hurting others...who cares what they think??
=D0 -
This article is exactly how I feel about sex!
http://thecollegecrush.com/2011/12/can-we-please-talk-about-this-already/0 -
I guess I see it like this...
If you're keeping it for a reason...keep it! Who cares what others think?
If you're not keeping it for a reason, or even purposely...relax...it'll happen when it happens. Who cares what others think?
In the end, the key point is...
Yep, who cares what others think.
Do what you do, and be who you are. As long as you're not hurting others...who cares what they think??
=D
Great advice, and very comforting coming from a guy
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This article is exactly how I feel about sex!
http://thecollegecrush.com/2011/12/can-we-please-talk-about-this-already/
Definitely going to read tomorrow when I'm more coherent 0 -
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This article is exactly how I feel about sex!
http://thecollegecrush.com/2011/12/can-we-please-talk-about-this-already/
Been meaning to come back since reading that article - pretty spot on with my thoughts. Thanks for sharing!0 -
THIS!!! i just do not get THIS!!! what is up with requesting boob pics, or half naked pics, or fully naked pics?? especially before even meeting in person?!?!?! and no i don't want a picture of your erect penis to convince me it's ok to send pics of myself!!!!! NO THANK YOU!
i hate that if you aren't "that kind of girl" from the get go you must not be "that kind of girl" at all! OR, if you appear to be "that kind of girl" from the get go you need to follow through and make good on what they are ASSuming you are!
when i first started online dating it came up several times that i have my hood pierced. IMMEDIATELY that changed every. single. thing! YES, i am "that kind of girl!" would you know by looking at me? no, or talking to me? probably not. BUT, i'm more than willing and excited to share that side of myself with someone that is looking for an actual monogamous relationship!
Couple things .. lmao .. what is a "hood" and why do you have it pierced??
And .. I completely agree with you about the whole erect penis thing .. I know what a penis looks like .. I don't need to see yours. lol.0 -
THIS!!! i just do not get THIS!!! what is up with requesting boob pics, or half naked pics, or fully naked pics?? especially before even meeting in person?!?!?! and no i don't want a picture of your erect penis to convince me it's ok to send pics of myself!!!!! NO THANK YOU!
i hate that if you aren't "that kind of girl" from the get go you must not be "that kind of girl" at all! OR, if you appear to be "that kind of girl" from the get go you need to follow through and make good on what they are ASSuming you are!
when i first started online dating it came up several times that i have my hood pierced. IMMEDIATELY that changed every. single. thing! YES, i am "that kind of girl!" would you know by looking at me? no, or talking to me? probably not. BUT, i'm more than willing and excited to share that side of myself with someone that is looking for an actual monogamous relationship!
Couple things .. lmao .. what is a "hood" and why do you have it pierced??
And .. I completely agree with you about the whole erect penis thing .. I know what a penis looks like .. I don't need to see yours. lol.
Umm...this should be interesting...0 -
Umm...this should be interesting...
lol .. do you know??0 -
Umm...this should be interesting...
lol .. do you know??
Yes Miss...
Google is your friend.0 -
OMG - hood piercing... I will never get any girlie parts pierced.... that is well, just painful sounding! Why????:sad: :noway:
I went out with a guy for a couple months and at one point we were talking about sex and I mentioned I was pretty choosy and had only been with 5 guys. To me this is A LOT... his response was ... that at my age I should have been with much more than that. Really? Most were all really long-term relationships. I find it odd that some people put a number on experience.0 -
hahahaha!!!
google is your friend :-)
and WHY? why not?! i actually have several reasons, but none that i'm all that keen on sharing online.
it did NOT hurt, and it's lots of fun :-)0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5Jved9NkmY