Media Influence
DMZ_1
Posts: 2,889 Member
Here's hoping to the start of a healthy debate thread....
How has the media shaped your expectations on what romantic relationships should be like? How has it changed your expectations of the opposite sex?
Those two questions should get the ball rolling.
Enjoy!
How has the media shaped your expectations on what romantic relationships should be like? How has it changed your expectations of the opposite sex?
Those two questions should get the ball rolling.
Enjoy!
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Replies
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Honestly.. when I'm dating someone, sometimes I'll plan out these romantic scenarios in my head. This will happen because they will do one tiny thing that makes me suspicious that they are going to surprise me.. then when OF COURSE it doesn't happen (never has), I get disappointed and a little irritated. At him, and at myself.
Stupid romance movies and shows.
Does that make sense? Lol.0 -
Honestly.. when I'm dating someone, sometimes I'll plan out these romantic scenarios in my head. This will happen because they will do one tiny thing that makes me suspicious that they are going to surprise me.. then when OF COURSE it doesn't happen (never has), I get disappointed and a little irritated. At him, and at myself.
Stupid romance movies and shows.
Does that make sense? Lol.
If you are a woman sure.
Running away and ducking thrown objects.
:laugh: 0 -
Does porn count as media? Its influence has gotten me some very shocked "wtf are you doing" looks a couple of times. Hey, it looked good on the DVD...
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Honestly.. when I'm dating someone, sometimes I'll plan out these romantic scenarios in my head. This will happen because they will do one tiny thing that makes me suspicious that they are going to surprise me.. then when OF COURSE it doesn't happen (never has), I get disappointed and a little irritated. At him, and at myself.
Stupid romance movies and shows.
Does that make sense? Lol.
If you are a woman sure.
Running away and ducking thrown objects. :laugh:
Haha! The thing is, I KNOW I'm being unrealistic. But I just want it to happen once. Just once in my life! I want a romantic experience! That I can totally **** up by being awkward.0 -
Jersey shore has taught me women just want sex and a cab ride home. Apparently the women around here haven't gotten the message yet, or I am just not tan enough.0
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Does porn count as media? Its influence has gotten me some very shocked "wtf are you doing" looks a couple of times. Hey, it looked good on the DVD...
:laugh:0 -
Here's hoping to the start of a healthy debate thread....
How has the media shaped your expectations on what romantic relationships should be like? How has it changed your expectations of the opposite sex?
Those two questions should get the ball rolling.
Enjoy!
I'm always looking for a happy ending. I cry looking at movies because I think that's what my life should be like. It's what I hope and wish for on a movie basis. And sex should be all candlelight and passion. And of course, I should have the perfect figure too!! And be tall and beautiful....:laugh:
But hey, once the movie is over, its back to reality!! You can't beat joining a dating site and meeting some freaks to burst your romantic bubble!! :laugh:
But its nice to escape for a while.........
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Haha! The thing is, I KNOW I'm being unrealistic. But I just want it to happen once. Just once in my life! I want a romantic experience! That I can totally **** up by being awkward.
I doubt there is a guy alive who has not imagined himself a hero or superhero at some point,it is all cool.
Getting miffed at the guy for it is kind of self defeating though so maybe work on that part. :flowerforyou:0 -
As a guy I think the media in reaction to the feminist movement of the 70s has for the last 30 years instilled an image of men as either being an action figure or an incompetent,useless dolt that needs a woman to keep him from forgetting how to breathe.
Growing up through the 70s it was drilled into our heads to not do anything that could appear condescending or patronizing to a woman with the key word being appear.
It leaves a person cautious and maybe a little jaded when the presumed woman of the 2000s actually in many ways seems to prefer some of the woman of the 50s approach.
Relationship wise nothing has changed,the path life took prevented much but have always and still want a real partner.
A person to walk hand in hand with as well as have a conversation about the news of the day.
Plus the good stuff at night.
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One thing that really bothers me is the glamorization of non-traditional relationships these days. It seems like we are constantly being told that marriage and family are not that big of a deal and that you should just be happy being someone's live-in boyfriend or girlfriend forever, that marriage is just "a piece of paper." These days, I see a lot of people moving in together, having kids together, and ultimately deciding there is no point in getting married because they are already essentially serving in a spousal capacity. So a woman or man who does want to get married and have kids in "the old way" is a freak or old-fashioned or clingy or whatever.
And on that note, I think moving in with someone before you are at very least engaged is a horrible idea, and recent studies in the media seem to verify that.
In terms of popular culture, I just hate the way men and women are portrayed in relationships. I guess one reason I loved the TV series Friday Night Lights so much was that the Taylors had a strong, healthy marriage. They treated each other with respect, they never disparaged each other to other people, and even though they didn't always see eye to eye, they never took sides against each other. That's the complete opposite of how most couples are portrayed on TV, movies, reality shows, etc. Usually, the woman is a boring nag who hates sex and spends too much money, and the husband is either a total moron who gets no respect from his wife, or he's a drunk, a womanizer, and a workaholic. I would like to see more functional relationships in pop culture. I refuse to believe that most marriages are like what we see on the big and small screens.0 -
One thing that really bothers me is the glamorization of non-traditional relationships these days. It seems like we are constantly being told that marriage and family are not that big of a deal and that you should just be happy being someone's live-in boyfriend or girlfriend forever, that marriage is just "a piece of paper." These days, I see a lot of people moving in together, having kids together, and ultimately deciding there is no point in getting married because they are already essentially serving in a spousal capacity. So a woman or man who does want to get married and have kids in "the old way" is a freak or old-fashioned or clingy or whatever.
And on that note, I think moving in with someone before you are at very least engaged is a horrible idea, and recent studies in the media seem to verify that.
In terms of popular culture, I just hate the way men and women are portrayed in relationships. I guess one reason I loved the TV series Friday Night Lights so much was that the Taylors had a strong, healthy marriage. They treated each other with respect, they never disparaged each other to other people, and even though they didn't always see eye to eye, they never took sides against each other. That's the complete opposite of how most couples are portrayed on TV, movies, reality shows, etc. Usually, the woman is a boring nag who hates sex and spends too much money, and the husband is either a total moron who gets no respect from his wife, or he's a drunk, a womanizer, and a workaholic. I would like to see more functional relationships in pop culture. I refuse to believe that most marriages are like what we see on the big and small screens.
Now you're on to a whole 'nuther thing...
I've been married, twice. And what I found is that women's attitudes change drastically after you say, "I do." Things they did for you stop. Suddenly they want things you didn't do before. And, in one case, she put on 70 lbs in seven months (and she wasn't pregnant).
I'm do realize that they don't represent all women, but it did send a very clear message. When I've dated women, and even told them I wouldn't marry them, they continued to treat me well, took care of themselves, and we tended to get along much better.
Why get married? What does it really do for a relationship (besides the tax, insurance and death benefits)?
P.S., I knew I was in big trouble on marriage #2, when my soon to be wife stumbled on the "for richer or poorer part."0 -
I'm sure you're right. I can't speak from personal experience, having never been married, and I think a lot of trouble these days comes from a total lack of respect for the other person's point of view. I would put gaining weight in that category, and I will be castigated by most women for it, but this is how I look at it: your husband was obviously attracted to you when he married you. You cannot gain 70 lbs in 7 months and expect it to not be a problem. If you allow it to become a problem and your solution is to call your husband a superficial pig, you are the one being selfish, not him.
But, as I have probably made obvious through my stances on various issues, I come from a different place than most women. My parents have been happily married for 35 years, and I grew up next door to my grandparents, who will be married 65 years next year. I have never seen more functional marriages than those two, so everything I know about successful relationships, I learned from them, and one thing I learned is that if you get married thinking it's okay for you to substantially change or expecting your husband to substantially change, you're going to fail.
I'm sure relationships do work out better when you are honest with a woman and she is honest with you, and I would guess that's why you had the experiences you did with women when you said you wouldn't marry them. With honesty comes the freedom to act or to not act with the full range of information you need to make the best decision for you, and that takes the guesswork out of the equation.
Why get married? Well, I'm a Christian, and I want to make that commitment to a man before God and the people who mean the most to us. I also want to have kids someday, and I will not do that outside of marriage. I know that doesn't matter to a lot of people, and that's fine, but it does matter to me.0 -
a lot of trouble these days comes from a total lack of respect for the other person's point of view. I would put gaining weight in that category, and I will be castigated by most women for it, but this is how I look at it: your husband was obviously attracted to you when he married you.
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one thing I learned is that if you get married thinking it's okay for you to substantially change or expecting your husband to substantially change, you're going to fail.
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Why get married? Well, I'm a Christian, and I want to make that commitment to a man before God and the people who mean the most to us. I also want to have kids someday, and I will not do that outside of marriage. I know that doesn't matter to a lot of people, and that's fine, but it does matter to me.
Well said!0 -
I'm sure you're right. I can't speak from personal experience, having never been married, and I think a lot of trouble these days comes from a total lack of respect for the other person's point of view. I would put gaining weight in that category, and I will be castigated by most women for it, but this is how I look at it: your husband was obviously attracted to you when he married you. You cannot gain 70 lbs in 7 months and expect it to not be a problem. If you allow it to become a problem and your solution is to call your husband a superficial pig, you are the one being selfish, not him.
But, as I have probably made obvious through my stances on various issues, I come from a different place than most women. My parents have been happily married for 35 years, and I grew up next door to my grandparents, who will be married 65 years next year. I have never seen more functional marriages than those two, so everything I know about successful relationships, I learned from them, and one thing I learned is that if you get married thinking it's okay for you to substantially change or expecting your husband to substantially change, you're going to fail.
I'm sure relationships do work out better when you are honest with a woman and she is honest with you, and I would guess that's why you had the experiences you did with women when you said you wouldn't marry them. With honesty comes the freedom to act or to not act with the full range of information you need to make the best decision for you, and that takes the guesswork out of the equation.
Why get married? Well, I'm a Christian, and I want to make that commitment to a man before God and the people who mean the most to us. I also want to have kids someday, and I will not do that outside of marriage. I know that doesn't matter to a lot of people, and that's fine, but it does matter to me.
Great answer! When I get to a point where the woman I'm with has as much integrity as you and it is the right thing to do, I may get married again. Until then, I'll stick to keeping each other honest and true.0 -
How has the media shaped your expectations on what romantic relationships should be like?
It has shaped it somewhat. When I was younger, I wanted a relationship like Haley and Nathan from One Tree Hill, where the dorky girl gets the hot guy. Never happened lol. In some ways, I knew it was unrealistic though - and same with Ryan and Marissa from The O.C. Loved them. I wanted a guy who wanted me like Ryan wanted her, and how Ryan protected her.
Like I said, it was unrealistic, but I did want it, and I figured it was sort of possible.
Another thing with the media is that EVERYONE is shown having a relationship, even the dorky girls, so I felt like a failure sometimes that I didn't have one. Seeing all the sex on TV between high school students and college students in the shows I watch also makes me feel like a loser, that I haven't even done stuff like that.
Even when I saw the Hunger Games, I told my friends, "I want someone to love me like Peeta loves Katniss."How has it changed your expectations of the opposite sex?
It somewhat has made me expect more from them. The guys on TV are shown wanting girls and going for them - and that doesn't always happen in real life.0 -
Jersey shore has taught me women just want sex and a cab ride home. Apparently the women around here haven't gotten the message yet, or I am just not tan enough.
GTL!! :laugh:
Change your Bruins logo to a New Jersey Devils logo if you want to hang around the Shore.0 -
I'm not going to speak for the men, but I do know that girls are brought up on fairy tales and knights in white armor, being told that we will grow up into beautiful princesses and find the handsome prince and be swept off our feet. Then we grow up, realize (let's face it, most of us haha) that we're not really exceptionally beautiful, the frogs greatly outnumber the princes, and even the princes don't necessarily know how to sweep us off our feet when we find them.
So we turn to romantic comedies. Ok, so the guy and the girl got into a huge fight and didn't talk to each other for weeks or months. But you know that they just HAVE to be together, so one day, something happens. They run into each other on the street. Some well-meaning friend chases them down and forces them to talk. They both get over their stubborn ways and fall into each others arms and promise to have open, clear communication for the rest of eternity. Right. I think it's pretty safe to say that almost never happens in real life. Yet, we still hold our tissues and hope that someday, we'll find that perfect man and all our troubles will be easily overcome because we won't have to face them alone.
Then there are the more, ahem, erotic fantasies. That when you find the right person, immediately sex will become easy and you never have to make an effort again. You will be the goddess he's always wanted, and he'll never have to even think about another woman because you'll always keep him satisfied. Right...
To wrap it up: as a woman, I do think that media (in all forms) portrays a greatly idealized version of what a good relationship will be. It always has. The thing is, most of us are genuinely intelligent enough to realize that relationships aren't about two hot people finding each other and living in connubial bliss (omg I finally used the word "connubial" in a sentence!!!) forever and ever to the end of time. Unless we hide under a rock and do nothing but read romance novels, fairy tales and erotic fiction, then we know real relationships take work, and the perfect man doesn't actually ride a white horse...0 -
Jersey shore has taught me women just want sex and a cab ride home. Apparently the women around here haven't gotten the message yet, or I am just not tan enough.
GTL!! :laugh:
Change your Bruins logo to a New Jersey Devils logo if you want to hang around the Shore.
That would be a travesty.0 -
I would like to see more functional relationships in pop culture. I refuse to believe that most marriages are like what we see on the big and small screens.
Do functional relationships drive ratings? Ratings drive ad rates, which pay the bills. And television is being challenged, not necessarily just from the DVR, but from audience fragmentation and cord cutting. There's been a big push in the marketing world to move ad spending into the digital realm. But that's a long topic for another forum.
Most marriages are not like what is seen on the big and small screens. And that's also hard to generalize as well. Soap opera couples are different from comedy couples, who are also different from so-called reality couples. Sam & Diane on Cheers has given way to Sammi and Ronni on Jersey Shore.0 -
I have a hard time watching most "chick flicks" because they aren't realistic. Maybe they are true for someone (tall, thin, blonde, barbie dolls?) but not for me or the people I know. And I know some folks with REALLY good marriages. I had all those hopes and dreams from the movies until I got married and experienced what living with a man was really like. Not to say that men aren't great to have around, lol, but it's nothing like the movies (and I'm sure the guys would say the same thing about us women)!0
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Honestly.. when I'm dating someone, sometimes I'll plan out these romantic scenarios in my head. This will happen because they will do one tiny thing that makes me suspicious that they are going to surprise me.. then when OF COURSE it doesn't happen (never has), I get disappointed and a little irritated. At him, and at myself.
Stupid romance movies and shows.
Does that make sense? Lol.
Actually, this really does make sense to me. I think Carl is also right that many women think this way.0 -
Jersey shore has taught me women just want sex and a cab ride home. Apparently the women around here haven't gotten the message yet, or I am just not tan enough.
GTL!! :laugh:
Change your Bruins logo to a New Jersey Devils logo if you want to hang around the Shore.
That would be a travesty.
Oh I agree.... But OT in Game 7 is going to send me to cardiac arrest at the age of 32.0 -
Jersey shore has taught me women just want sex and a cab ride home. Apparently the women around here haven't gotten the message yet, or I am just not tan enough.
GTL!! :laugh:
Change your Bruins logo to a New Jersey Devils logo if you want to hang around the Shore.
That would be a travesty.
Oh I agree.... But OT in Game 7 is going to send me to cardiac arrest at the age of 32.
Bloody hell.0 -
See I know the romantic comedys are all fiction. To me it is the "realty" dating shows that paint an unrealistic picture. I can't watch the Bachelor because what normal guy is going to fly a girl he just meet to Cancun to do zip lines over a waterfall. Or you have the ones that were on VH1, you know the ones with Brett Michaels and Flavor Flav. Where it is pretty much who ever is sluttiest wins the "love" of a has been. If Flavor Flav wasn't who he was and if he wasn't on tv those girls would never have been interested in him.
Don't get me started on 16 and pregnant and it pretty much telling teens to have sex and get pregant and become famous.0 -
But, as I have probably made obvious through my stances on various issues, I come from a different place than most women. My parents have been happily married for 35 years, and I grew up next door to my grandparents, who will be married 65 years next year. I have never seen more functional marriages than those two,
You are right, your perception of marraige comes from your role models, ie parents. You've been very lucky :flowerforyou:
All I saw for 45 years was a very UNhappy and unfulfilled marriage forced together, and more importantly, NOT prised apart, because of religion. My Mum just did not believe in divorce so she suffered .... *sigh.
Hence why I dont believe that this 'sacrement' is necessary. But I do appreciate it can and does work for some people :bigsmile: Although when I look at divorce rates and unhappy relationships around me, I kind of think that it has a shelf life for most ........
I've been married, twice. And what I found is that women's attitudes change drastically after you say, "I do." Things they did for you stop. Suddenly they want things you didn't do before. And, in one case, she put on 70 lbs in seven months (and she wasn't pregnant).
Wow!! 70lbs?????? Are you a feeder???? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
I've been married, twice. And what I found is that women's attitudes change drastically after you say, "I do." Things they did for you stop. Suddenly they want things you didn't do before. And, in one case, she put on 70 lbs in seven months (and she wasn't pregnant).
No man is going to be thrilled about that happening.0 -
I just don't understand females at all, I don't think the media has anything to do with it.0
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I don't look at the shows on TV and movies as that is what life is like. Movies and TV are a way to escape real life for a little while. I, too look to my family/friends to see how happy marriages/life work out. My parents were divorced when I was 2 and both were remarried when I was 4...........but that said I had a fantastic childhood!! All 4 parents (and I do consider all 4 of them my parents) got along very well together while I was growing up, and now my mother and stepmother are very good friends!!!
While I realize this is not the norm, when I got married, I tried to have a good relationship with the mother of my ex's daughter. And, it was ok....not that I would be going out with her or anything, but it was comfortable. And, I have a friend that divorced her baby's daddy, she used my situation as a goal to stay in a good relationship with her ex.
I realize I went off an a tangent, but my point was simply that media is an escape, not real life............0 -
Starting this whole dating process again I felt like things were going to be more Sex and the City (damn you E! channel and your reruns that suck me in!), but instead it's just a comedy of errors.
I've heard that statistically teen births are at their lowest point in about 30 years due in part to shows like this that portray how hard the situation actually is.Don't get me started on 16 and pregnant and it pretty much telling teens to have sex and get pregant and become famous.0 -
Damn Taylor Swift and her sappy songs...
I used to be such a daydreamer. I would fantasize about living in the white picket fence home with the handsome guy and 2-3 kiddos.. and we'd be in love blah blah blah.
Yeah. No. After a cheating husband and a divorce after 10 years I understand that **** happens. It's not always rainbows and butterflies like the movies and songs portray.
I used to see everything through rose shaded lens. My ex, my marriage, my future kids, etc... Once those came off I saw what was really in front of me. I will never look through those lens again.
Granted, I now have a bf. I'm pretty crazy about him. Have I daydreamed of marrying him?? Um yeah. :blushing: Have I wondered what my kids would look like with him? Yes. :blushing: But I'm not daydreaming of how in love we'll be or how everything will be perfect.
On the other hand, I do believe in real love. I believe that there can be an earth shaken experience type of love between 2 people... it's hard to find but I believe in it and hope to find it (which is the only way I'll ever get married again).
So yeah, I'm the sick chick in the back during a movie when the super duper gushy romantic part comes on who says "oh puuuuuuuuuhhhhhllllllllleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase".0
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