Why is it up to the guy?
Replies
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with FWB it is usually established pretty early that one of the people is not interested in going further.
I've never done FWB so forgive me if I'm off base here, but, though I know there are ladies on this board who choose FWBs, I thought the typical FWB scenario is the woman thinks they are in a relationship and later discovers he only sees her as a booty call/FWB.
That isn't how my FWB situation started. We were not good together in a relationship, and that was mutually decided which is why it probably works for us. We have been doing this for off and on for 6 years now. We have both been in relationships since and the other backs off with no issues. If he got into a serious relationship I would be happy for him as I have in the past, and vice versa. I admit that our situation is unique, but I just wanted to clarify that each situation is different. Also, I don't see him when I am dating...I just don't think its right. So, I don't "choose" FWB over a relationship, but the option is there when other things are lacking in our lives...
I guess it depends on the people in the FWB scenario... I made it pretty clear to the last one I had, that I thought she was nice and fun to be around but just didn't get any kind of feeling other than friends, we had already slept together so she threw out FWB and usually dudes don't pass on that. I'd be excited for her if she found someone. However I have had a FWB in the past and though happy she found someone I was pretty sad our arrangement ended. Moral of the story if you don't know what you’re involved in ask!
No, you know what a FWB is right from the off!! I've never heard of a woman misreading the relationship to then find she is just a booty call!! FWB's dont 'date' as such. I mean, they can go out together, but its not like a traditional date. Its usually an open and honest way of you both admitting that you either dont want a relationship, or a relationship wouldnt work between you, but you like each other enough to be friends........ with benefits! :bigsmile: it can be with an ex, that didnt work out but you get it on sexually, or it can turn INTO a relationship. There are probably millions of scenario's. But to date and then think you are in a relationship and then find you're not, isnt one I've heard of :flowerforyou:
And yes, I agree with @poncho, there should be clear communication about this :smokin:0 -
You all get me confused...in other discussions ladies have said that they consider eventually after 3 dates or so that cooking a meal for a guy was there participation in the dating/relationship development and that it could take a couple of months to figure out.
Now it is conditional of a guy making some sort of commitment that they are a boyfriend?
haha, no this wasn't cooking for a date.
This was someone who I cooked for often but we weren't "dating." My son and I were at his place a lot and he was very busy so sometimes I cleaned up. Looking back, I don't think I would have done that kind of thing for him had I not felt like we were heading toward a relationship.
Okay gotcha and what the difference is.
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I've never heard of a woman misreading the relationship to then find she is just a booty call!!
So maybe we're talking about two different types of FWBs here... because I *often* hear about women I know who think they're in a relationship, and then they walk out the room and the guys talk about how they're FWBs. Granted, I work with some pretty raw guys sometimes.
I get that there are many times where both parties understand what's going on.
But the OP asked why so many people recommend women wait for the guy to say they're in a relationship before believing they are... and one of my answers to that is because FAR too many women (maybe just American women?) think they are in a "relationship" when the man only sees them as "FWB."0 -
I've never heard of a woman misreading the relationship to then find she is just a booty call!!
So maybe we're talking about two different types of FWBs here... because I *often* hear about women I know who think they're in a relationship, and then they walk out the room and the guys talk about how they're FWBs. Granted, I work with some pretty raw guys sometimes.
I get that there are many times where both parties understand what's going on.
But the OP asked why so many people recommend women wait for the guy to say they're in a relationship before believing they are... and one of my answers to that is because FAR too many women (maybe just American women?) think they are in a "relationship" when the man only sees them as "FWB."
yup, but guys don't tell them that. just leave the terms of the "relationship" very open so that can do what ever they want and have a piece on the side.. as bad as that sounds.0 -
I've never heard of a woman misreading the relationship to then find she is just a booty call!!
So maybe we're talking about two different types of FWBs here... because I *often* hear about women I know who think they're in a relationship, and then they walk out the room and the guys talk about how they're FWBs. Granted, I work with some pretty raw guys sometimes.
I get that there are many times where both parties understand what's going on.
But the OP asked why so many people recommend women wait for the guy to say they're in a relationship before believing they are... and one of my answers to that is because FAR too many women (maybe just American women?) think they are in a "relationship" when the man only sees them as "FWB."
IDK hun, perhaps this is another new wave of man that I have, happily, never encountered!
I was under the impression the FWB standard was an open and honest declaration, from both parties, not wanting a relationship. And that it worked pretty well for both male and female.
I didnt realise it could be used as a rouse by a man to get a woman into bed under the pretense of a relationship. SMH :huh: I agree the men you hang out with are 'raw' !! :laugh:0 -
I've never heard of a woman misreading the relationship to then find she is just a booty call!!
So maybe we're talking about two different types of FWBs here... because I *often* hear about women I know who think they're in a relationship, and then they walk out the room and the guys talk about how they're FWBs. Granted, I work with some pretty raw guys sometimes.
I get that there are many times where both parties understand what's going on.
But the OP asked why so many people recommend women wait for the guy to say they're in a relationship before believing they are... and one of my answers to that is because FAR too many women (maybe just American women?) think they are in a "relationship" when the man only sees them as "FWB."
Far too many women are either not being honest or are at the least trying to rewrite the script after they have either fallen for a guy or pretended they were going to be just FWBs with the secret hope that he would come around to feel the same after they started having sex with him.0 -
I've never heard of a woman misreading the relationship to then find she is just a booty call!!
So maybe we're talking about two different types of FWBs here... because I *often* hear about women I know who think they're in a relationship, and then they walk out the room and the guys talk about how they're FWBs. Granted, I work with some pretty raw guys sometimes.
I get that there are many times where both parties understand what's going on.
But the OP asked why so many people recommend women wait for the guy to say they're in a relationship before believing they are... and one of my answers to that is because FAR too many women (maybe just American women?) think they are in a "relationship" when the man only sees them as "FWB."
Far too many women are either not being honest or are at the least trying to rewrite the script after they have either fallen for a guy or pretended they were going to be just FWBs with the secret hope that he would come around to feel the same after they started having sex with him.
Really?? And where is your evidence? :laugh: I find all the women on here pretty open about their experiences and expectations of a FWB. But perhaps I've missed something? :huh:0 -
I've never heard of a woman misreading the relationship to then find she is just a booty call!!
So maybe we're talking about two different types of FWBs here... because I *often* hear about women I know who think they're in a relationship, and then they walk out the room and the guys talk about how they're FWBs. Granted, I work with some pretty raw guys sometimes.
I get that there are many times where both parties understand what's going on.
But the OP asked why so many people recommend women wait for the guy to say they're in a relationship before believing they are... and one of my answers to that is because FAR too many women (maybe just American women?) think they are in a "relationship" when the man only sees them as "FWB."
Far too many women are either not being honest or are at the least trying to rewrite the script after they have either fallen for a guy or pretended they were going to be just FWBs with the secret hope that he would come around to feel the same after they started having sex with him.
Really?? And where is your evidence? :laugh: I find all the women on here pretty open about their experiences and expectations of a FWB. But perhaps I've missed something? :huh:
No,was directly answering Janies post where she had used the phrase "FAR too many women".
I do not believe for a moment in this day and age very many people can be confused what the term friends with benefits means.
Now maybe that was what they entered into and then developed feelings combined with what most ladies here say as far as quickly moving in their mind to a relationship status (odd when I asked this though it was denied but anyways) they then presumed that was mutual.0 -
I've never heard of a woman misreading the relationship to then find she is just a booty call!!
So maybe we're talking about two different types of FWBs here... because I *often* hear about women I know who think they're in a relationship, and then they walk out the room and the guys talk about how they're FWBs. Granted, I work with some pretty raw guys sometimes.
I get that there are many times where both parties understand what's going on.
But the OP asked why so many people recommend women wait for the guy to say they're in a relationship before believing they are... and one of my answers to that is because FAR too many women (maybe just American women?) think they are in a "relationship" when the man only sees them as "FWB."
Far too many women are either not being honest or are at the least trying to rewrite the script after they have either fallen for a guy or pretended they were going to be just FWBs with the secret hope that he would come around to feel the same after they started having sex with him.
Really?? And where is your evidence? :laugh: I find all the women on here pretty open about their experiences and expectations of a FWB. But perhaps I've missed something? :huh:
No,was directly answering Janies post where she had used the phrase "FAR too many women".
I do not believe for a moment in this day and age very many people can be confused what the term friends with benefits means.
Now maybe that was what they entered into and then developed feelings combined with what most ladies here say as far as quickly moving in their mind to a relationship status (odd when I asked this though it was denied but anyways) they then presumed that was mutual.
OK, sorry for the confusion. I agree there is little room for confusion when you agree with someone you are FWB's.
Women moving quickly in a relationship is a different set of circumstances entirely.
I think a FWB can grow into a relationship. For one or both parties involved, feelings may develop. But I dont think a relationship grows into or can be confused with a FWB!!! Somebody isnt being honest there!! :huh:
:flowerforyou:0 -
I've never heard of a woman misreading the relationship to then find she is just a booty call!!
So maybe we're talking about two different types of FWBs here... because I *often* hear about women I know who think they're in a relationship, and then they walk out the room and the guys talk about how they're FWBs. Granted, I work with some pretty raw guys sometimes.
I get that there are many times where both parties understand what's going on.
But the OP asked why so many people recommend women wait for the guy to say they're in a relationship before believing they are... and one of my answers to that is because FAR too many women (maybe just American women?) think they are in a "relationship" when the man only sees them as "FWB."
yup, but guys don't tell them that. just leave the terms of the "relationship" very open so that can do what ever they want and have a piece on the side.. as bad as that sounds.
I disagree mate. I wouldn't say that is always the case. If I'm dating a girl and things are going well I'm just as keen as her to find out what "we are". I will bring it up when the time is right if she hasn't already.
I agree that it would be nice if the ladies laid it all out in the open and say what they want instead of playing games and getting the guy all confused to the lint where he has to ask as he has no idea what the hell is going on anymore lol. Maybe that's the plan for some girls but life would be so much easier if people were open about what they want.0 -
I've never heard of a woman misreading the relationship to then find she is just a booty call!!
So maybe we're talking about two different types of FWBs here... because I *often* hear about women I know who think they're in a relationship, and then they walk out the room and the guys talk about how they're FWBs. Granted, I work with some pretty raw guys sometimes.
I get that there are many times where both parties understand what's going on.
But the OP asked why so many people recommend women wait for the guy to say they're in a relationship before believing they are... and one of my answers to that is because FAR too many women (maybe just American women?) think they are in a "relationship" when the man only sees them as "FWB."
Far too many women are either not being honest or are at the least trying to rewrite the script after they have either fallen for a guy or pretended they were going to be just FWBs with the secret hope that he would come around to feel the same after they started having sex with him.
Really?? And where is your evidence? :laugh: I find all the women on here pretty open about their experiences and expectations of a FWB. But perhaps I've missed something? :huh:
No,was directly answering Janies post where she had used the phrase "FAR too many women".
I do not believe for a moment in this day and age very many people can be confused what the term friends with benefits means.
Now maybe that was what they entered into and then developed feelings combined with what most ladies here say as far as quickly moving in their mind to a relationship status (odd when I asked this though it was denied but anyways) they then presumed that was mutual.
OK, sorry for the confusion. I agree there is little room for confusion when you agree with someone you are FWB's.
Women moving quickly in a relationship is a different set of circumstances entirely.
I think a FWB can grow into a relationship. For one or both parties involved, feelings may develop. But I dont think a relationship grows into or can be confused with a FWB!!! Somebody isnt being honest there!! :huh:
:flowerforyou:
I think its easier for a relationship to turn into a FWB versus FWB turning into a relationship. If it is at a FWB status there is usually something wrong with the relationship part of things.
I agree that a relationship can't be confused with FWB though. Its pretty obvious when you are on that level, you don't talk all the time, you don't go out to dinners or family functions. At least not in my case.0 -
You all get me confused...in other discussions ladies have said that they consider eventually after 3 dates or so that cooking a meal for a guy was there participation in the dating/relationship development and that it could take a couple of months to figure out.
Now it is conditional of a guy making some sort of commitment that they are a boyfriend?
Excellent point Carl! I was thinking the same thing!0 -
I've never heard of a woman misreading the relationship to then find she is just a booty call!!
So maybe we're talking about two different types of FWBs here... because I *often* hear about women I know who think they're in a relationship, and then they walk out the room and the guys talk about how they're FWBs. Granted, I work with some pretty raw guys sometimes.
I get that there are many times where both parties understand what's going on.
But the OP asked why so many people recommend women wait for the guy to say they're in a relationship before believing they are... and one of my answers to that is because FAR too many women (maybe just American women?) think they are in a "relationship" when the man only sees them as "FWB."
Far too many women are either not being honest or are at the least trying to rewrite the script after they have either fallen for a guy or pretended they were going to be just FWBs with the secret hope that he would come around to feel the same after they started having sex with him.
Really?? And where is your evidence? :laugh: I find all the women on here pretty open about their experiences and expectations of a FWB. But perhaps I've missed something? :huh:
No,was directly answering Janies post where she had used the phrase "FAR too many women".
I do not believe for a moment in this day and age very many people can be confused what the term friends with benefits means.
Now maybe that was what they entered into and then developed feelings combined with what most ladies here say as far as quickly moving in their mind to a relationship status (odd when I asked this though it was denied but anyways) they then presumed that was mutual.
OK, sorry for the confusion. I agree there is little room for confusion when you agree with someone you are FWB's.
Women moving quickly in a relationship is a different set of circumstances entirely.
I think a FWB can grow into a relationship. For one or both parties involved, feelings may develop. But I dont think a relationship grows into or can be confused with a FWB!!! Somebody isnt being honest there!! :huh:
:flowerforyou:
I think its easier for a relationship to turn into a FWB versus FWB turning into a relationship. If it is at a FWB status there is usually something wrong with the relationship part of things.
I agree that a relationship can't be confused with FWB though. Its pretty obvious when you are on that level, you don't talk all the time, you don't go out to dinners or family functions. At least not in my case.
Sorry Jules, I kind of said that wrong. I know that an ex relationship can turn into a FWB as you have both decided the relationship doesnt work, but the sex does. What I was doing is addressing Janies point when she says the woman thinks she's in a relationship and the man thinks he's in a FWB. I dont think the two can be confused unless someone lied about their intentions and is doing the whole thing wrong. As you say, the dynamics are different. :flowerforyou:0 -
I've never heard of a woman misreading the relationship to then find she is just a booty call!!
So maybe we're talking about two different types of FWBs here... because I *often* hear about women I know who think they're in a relationship, and then they walk out the room and the guys talk about how they're FWBs. Granted, I work with some pretty raw guys sometimes.
I get that there are many times where both parties understand what's going on.
But the OP asked why so many people recommend women wait for the guy to say they're in a relationship before believing they are... and one of my answers to that is because FAR too many women (maybe just American women?) think they are in a "relationship" when the man only sees them as "FWB."
Far too many women are either not being honest or are at the least trying to rewrite the script after they have either fallen for a guy or pretended they were going to be just FWBs with the secret hope that he would come around to feel the same after they started having sex with him.
Really?? And where is your evidence? :laugh: I find all the women on here pretty open about their experiences and expectations of a FWB. But perhaps I've missed something? :huh:
No,was directly answering Janies post where she had used the phrase "FAR too many women".
I do not believe for a moment in this day and age very many people can be confused what the term friends with benefits means.
Now maybe that was what they entered into and then developed feelings combined with what most ladies here say as far as quickly moving in their mind to a relationship status (odd when I asked this though it was denied but anyways) they then presumed that was mutual.
OK, sorry for the confusion. I agree there is little room for confusion when you agree with someone you are FWB's.
Women moving quickly in a relationship is a different set of circumstances entirely.
I think a FWB can grow into a relationship. For one or both parties involved, feelings may develop. But I dont think a relationship grows into or can be confused with a FWB!!! Somebody isnt being honest there!! :huh:
:flowerforyou:
I think its easier for a relationship to turn into a FWB versus FWB turning into a relationship. If it is at a FWB status there is usually something wrong with the relationship part of things.
I agree that a relationship can't be confused with FWB though. Its pretty obvious when you are on that level, you don't talk all the time, you don't go out to dinners or family functions. At least not in my case.
Sorry Jules, I kind of said that wrong. I know that an ex relationship can turn into a FWB as you have both decided the relationship doesnt work, but the sex does. What I was doing is addressing Janies point when she says the woman thinks she's in a relationship and the man thinks he's in a FWB. I dont think the two can be confused unless someone lied about their intentions and is doing the whole thing wrong. As you say, the dynamics are different. :flowerforyou:
No worries :flowerforyou: This whole thread makes my head hurt, but I confuse easily at times...:laugh:0 -
heck yeah. personally i dont consider someone to be my boyfriend or a relationship exclusive until we've had some sort of agreement about it. it doesnt have to be anything formal. for instance my last boyfriend, before we became exclusive he saw me out on a date with another guy and was like what the hell? i was like well arent you seeing other people as well? he was. so i was like well why should i make you an exclusive when you're seeing me as an option? i also have options. he took that as an opportunity to say that he didnt like me seeing other people and was willing to stop seeing other people if that's what it takes..You all get me confused...in other discussions ladies have said that they consider eventually after 3 dates or so that cooking a meal for a guy was there participation in the dating/relationship development and that it could take a couple of months to figure out.
Now it is conditional of a guy making some sort of commitment that they are a boyfriend?
i also make it pretty clear that certain behavior i only do for exclusive relationships. no FWB, no me playing holly homemaker and regularly baking and cooking for him...if i'm dating multiple guys there's no way i'd have time for that and living the rest of my life
i've seen too many relationships where the girl has one set of concept of what's going on while the guy has a complete other concept. it's usually a case where the girl thinks they are exclusive while the guy doesnt, even if there's sex involved.
my assumption (which has usually been correct) that guys i date are still seeing other people or keeping their options open to meet other people until they say otherwise.0 -
Probably because we don't need to constantly overthink everything and don't need constant reassurance that people like us.
This is spot on. We dont need it. When we are happy, we dont need to change things or titles. If it feels right then its right and we dont date anyone else. A title doesnt keep a person from dating or sleeping with others. I think too many people focus on the title instead of just being happy and enjoying what they have and that is spending time with someone great who is into them. A title does not assure that they are truely into you, actions do and if he is into you, you have him already and are in a relationship.
Also, most women are in more control of things than men are these days. Women are not the same as they were years ago, they say what they want and go for it. Most are not shy. If you want it then go for it. You have more power than he does unless he is a bad boy and if so then you shouldnt be dating him anyways.0 -
I've never heard of a woman misreading the relationship to then find she is just a booty call!!
So maybe we're talking about two different types of FWBs here... because I *often* hear about women I know who think they're in a relationship, and then they walk out the room and the guys talk about how they're FWBs. Granted, I work with some pretty raw guys sometimes.
I get that there are many times where both parties understand what's going on.
But the OP asked why so many people recommend women wait for the guy to say they're in a relationship before believing they are... and one of my answers to that is because FAR too many women (maybe just American women?) think they are in a "relationship" when the man only sees them as "FWB."
Far too many women are either not being honest or are at the least trying to rewrite the script after they have either fallen for a guy or pretended they were going to be just FWBs with the secret hope that he would come around to feel the same after they started having sex with him.
Really?? And where is your evidence? :laugh: I find all the women on here pretty open about their experiences and expectations of a FWB. But perhaps I've missed something? :huh:
No,was directly answering Janies post where she had used the phrase "FAR too many women".
I do not believe for a moment in this day and age very many people can be confused what the term friends with benefits means.
Now maybe that was what they entered into and then developed feelings combined with what most ladies here say as far as quickly moving in their mind to a relationship status (odd when I asked this though it was denied but anyways) they then presumed that was mutual.
OK, sorry for the confusion. I agree there is little room for confusion when you agree with someone you are FWB's.
Women moving quickly in a relationship is a different set of circumstances entirely.
I think a FWB can grow into a relationship. For one or both parties involved, feelings may develop. But I dont think a relationship grows into or can be confused with a FWB!!! Somebody isnt being honest there!! :huh:
:flowerforyou:
I think its easier for a relationship to turn into a FWB versus FWB turning into a relationship. If it is at a FWB status there is usually something wrong with the relationship part of things.
I agree that a relationship can't be confused with FWB though. Its pretty obvious when you are on that level, you don't talk all the time, you don't go out to dinners or family functions. At least not in my case.
Actually I know a bunch of people whose FWB turned into relationships.Mostly my guy friends. One of them put it this way. There are 2 type of FWB people who really are just friends and scratch an itch and people who are trying to figure out if they have anything besides sex... Its cute cause several of my friends who started out as FWB have been together for years...
Personally I'm just enjoying the ride lol0 -
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I disagree mate. I wouldn't say that is always the case. If I'm dating a girl and things are going well I'm just as keen as her to find out what "we are". I will bring it up when the time is right if she hasn't already.
I agree that it would be nice if the ladies laid it all out in the open and say what they want instead of playing games and getting the guy all confused to the lint where he has to ask as he has no idea what the hell is going on anymore lol. Maybe that's the plan for some girls but life would be so much easier if people were open about what they want.
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This is what I was wondering! So some men would like more women to step up and speak out about what they want. Good to know. Women, take notice!
@ AnnaPixie-I don't think most people are lied to and suddenly find out they are in a FWB situations when they thought they were in a relationship. I think more women think if they have sex with a guy, eventually they will change him and he will develop feelings and want a relationship. I think it's sad personally. All along the truth was staring them in the face and they went along with it but then the guy has a date or sleeps with someone else and he's the jerk because the woman had a future relationship planned out in detail in her mind. SMH! Then the woman gets mad and says she was screwed over and the guy is scratching his head because he thought the woman was down with FWB all along since SHE NEVER SAID OTHERWISE!!!! It's silly! I know many women that have done this exact thing!0 -
I guess it depends on the people in the FWB scenario... I made it pretty clear to the last one I had, that I thought she was nice and fun to be around but just didn't get any kind of feeling other than friends, we had already slept together so she threw out FWB and usually dudes don't pass on that.
Unless the chica is me, evidently...0 -
I don't like that it seems to always be up to the guy, but I'll tell you why it is so often, for me at least. In the past whenever I have taken the initiative or tried to move things along quicker, it never works out. The guy gets cold feet as if I moved it along too quickly. I don't think I rush things, but then again I either really like a guy or really don't, so if I'm into him I'm very much into him. I fall hard and fast, so I leave it up to the guy knowing that he might not be falling as hard or quickly as I am.0
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many women (maybe just American women?) think they are in a "relationship" when the man only sees them as "FWB."
yup, but guys don't tell them that. just leave the terms of the "relationship" very open so that can do what ever they want and have a piece on the side.. as bad as that sounds.Far too many women are either not being honest or are at the least trying to rewrite the script after they have either fallen for a guy or pretended they were going to be just FWBs with the secret hope that he would come around to feel the same after they started having sex with him.Now maybe that was what they entered into and then developed feelings combined with what most ladies here say as far as quickly moving in their mind to a relationship status (odd when I asked this though it was denied but anyways) they then presumed that was mutual.
What the menfolk said 0
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