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Do you believe this.......
Replies
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^^ThisI think it's more that you're fed up with the dating scene when the "it'll come along when you least expect it scenario" takes place.. this presents better grounds for your chances of something working out because you're less emotionally involved in the whole damn mess because you're sick of it and don't put as much pressure on yourself for success.. and also you don't act all cray cray in the beginning and raise the warning flag alerts that scares people off.. and you also don't give two ****s about the dating formalities and generally skip them and jump straight into hanging out where you and the other person are more comfortable,0 -
No... maybe that's somebody's story but not necessarily true for everybody.
It's my story. :flowerforyou:
See, I'm not sure if I've found true love just yet (but it's definately true LIKE :bigsmile: ) and I was dating, not really looking for something serious or for a boyfriend. It just happened. I didn't expect it at all... BUT, I was on a dating site which means I was looking.
Yes, I've been following the Smiley chronicles. I don't post much here anymore, but I do my fair share of creeping! :laugh: And honestly, I was on a dating site looking, and even dating, when a certain someone came to me in a way other than a friend...so yeah, I was looking...but wasn't expecting to find what I did when I did! :drinker:0 -
You will meet someone when you least expect it
When you stop looking so hard, it will happen
etc.
Blegh.
Well, I believe it to the extent that I never leave home thinking I'm about to run into the love of my life, so I'm not expecting it at any given moment.
But in a larger sense, I'm 29, I'm single, and I don't want to be. So of course I am expecting to meet someone in the near future. I can't change that. And it is pretty much always people who are married or otherwise attached who come up with that garbage, anyway.
ditto. to all of the above!0 -
I believe you can find someone when you're not looking for it but you still need to keep your eyes open.
I think you can miss a lot of opportunities to meet someone if you're not paying attention.0 -
It can be lust or lust with amazing chemistry... but I think love takes time to bloom.
I agree!
Also, I don't know if it's the "least expecting it" or if it's the confidence that comes from accepting ourselves as we are, not pining away for what we don’t have and, thus, sending out an entirely different vibe to the world around us. The “no one loves me, what’s wrong with me vibe” is a subconscious turn-off. Conversely, I find that when one guy is interested in me I put out some sort of “I am awesome” vibe that attracts other men. Maybe this is why they say “when it rains, it pours.”
And, also, if you never get out to where people are then you’ll never be in a position to meet someone.0 -
It has happened for me to some extent. I was fine to just date, not get too serious, just have fun. I was in a place I love after losing a bit of weight. I threw on a t-shirt and some shorts and walked to a restaurant. Hours later walking back, I stop in a bar and go to buy a beer. The woman I met there knocked my socks off.
Yes, there was a huge proportion of lust involved. But I knew the instant that met her that I couldn't have a casual relationship with her (one night stand, booty call or FWB). Everything just lined up for me and I saw what I've wanted and needed all in one.
All that said, the things that attracted to her to me were things I may not have had going on before. I was content, happy, smiling, confident and I was in a place I wanted to be having fun. Neither of us were looking, yet we found each other.0 -
It has happened for me to some extent. I was fine to just date, not get too serious, just have fun. I was in a place I love after losing a bit of weight. I threw on a t-shirt and some shorts and walked to a restaurant. Hours later walking back, I stop in a bar and go to buy a beer. The woman I met there knocked my socks off.
Yes, there was a huge proportion of lust involved. But I knew the instant that met her that I couldn't have a casual relationship with her (one night stand, booty call or FWB). Everything just lined up for me and I saw what I've wanted and needed all in one.
All that said, the things that attracted to her to me were things I may not have had going on before. I was content, happy, smiling, confident and I was in a place I wanted to be having fun. Neither of us were looking, yet we found each other.
:bigsmile: Thanks Allan, the cynics on here are doing my head in!! You've just restored my love bug :laugh:0 -
love /lʌv/ Show Spelled [luhv] Show IPA noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.
noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
lust /lʌst/ Show Spelled[luhst] Show IPA
noun
1. intense sexual desire or appetite.
2. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.
3. a passionate or overmastering desire or craving (usually followed by for ): a lust for power.
4. ardent enthusiasm; zest; relish: an enviable lust for life.
5. Obsolete .
a. pleasure or delight.
b. desire; inclination; wish.
With those being said - eh I dont believe in love at first site. Lust at first sight is much more accurate. I do believe there is someone for everyone (if you want them in your life - it is a decision) if my sloth of an uncle can find someone. And no I do not believe you will meet someone when you least expect that. I have heard that for years and now almost 40 with NOTHING I wanted so much for in life (marriage, family etc) So NO I dont believe the crap spewed by others who are where they want to be or have what they have longed for.
Hey, I'm 45. Never married but plenty of LTR's. I never thought it would happen to me either...and to be quite honest, believed in it even before I found it (though to be fair I was starting to have serious doubts!)
so happy for you. Its my dream for this to happen to me again :flowerforyou: 0 -
It has happened for me to some extent. I was fine to just date, not get too serious, just have fun. I was in a place I love after losing a bit of weight. I threw on a t-shirt and some shorts and walked to a restaurant. Hours later walking back, I stop in a bar and go to buy a beer. The woman I met there knocked my socks off.
Yes, there was a huge proportion of lust involved. But I knew the instant that met her that I couldn't have a casual relationship with her (one night stand, booty call or FWB). Everything just lined up for me and I saw what I've wanted and needed all in one.
All that said, the things that attracted to her to me were things I may not have had going on before. I was content, happy, smiling, confident and I was in a place I wanted to be having fun. Neither of us were looking, yet we found each other.
That's awesome. Congratulations.0 -
I believe you can find someone when you're not looking for it but you still need to keep your eyes open.
I think you can miss a lot of opportunities to meet someone if you're not paying attention.
I agree with this. For many years, I just was living my life and not really fretting about being single. I thought it would be nice to meet someone, but it would happen when it happened. It didn't. It's like you have to throw it out to the universe that you want love or you are ready for it. It certainly doesn't deliver itself to your door.0 -
I think it's more that you're fed up with the dating scene when the "it'll come along when you least expect it scenario" takes place.. this presents better grounds for your chances of something working out because you're less emotionally involved in the whole damn mess because you're sick of it and don't put as much pressure on yourself for success.. and also you don't act all cray cray in the beginning and raise the warning flag alerts that scares people off.. and you also don't give two ****s about the dating formalities and generally skip them and jump straight into hanging out where you and the other person are more comfortable,
yep0 -
Only to a limited exist...
I think when you stop worrying about finding love and just enjoy your life as it is, you become a more attractive happy person which leads to better luck in love.0 -
It has happened for me to some extent. I was fine to just date, not get too serious, just have fun. I was in a place I love after losing a bit of weight. I threw on a t-shirt and some shorts and walked to a restaurant. Hours later walking back, I stop in a bar and go to buy a beer. The woman I met there knocked my socks off.
Yes, there was a huge proportion of lust involved. But I knew the instant that met her that I couldn't have a casual relationship with her (one night stand, booty call or FWB). Everything just lined up for me and I saw what I've wanted and needed all in one.
All that said, the things that attracted to her to me were things I may not have had going on before. I was content, happy, smiling, confident and I was in a place I wanted to be having fun. Neither of us were looking, yet we found each other.
:bigsmile: Thanks Allan, the cynics on here are doing my head in!! You've just restored my love bug :laugh:
i'm not cynical, i'm just really good at math. there are instances where some people fall from great heights and survive with only minor injuries. if i ever fell from a great height, i'd hope to be one of the lucky ones but the odds are kind of stacked that i wont be.
i think for certain things - like this idea of love at first site or love happening when you least expect it - certain people want to make the exception into the rule. yeah the improbable can happen but expecting the improbable to happen is sort of ignoring the fact that it's improbable. numerically speaking, the numbers of relationships that start and LAST like this are very very low, so why even waste time expecting it to happen?0 -
It has happened for me to some extent. I was fine to just date, not get too serious, just have fun. I was in a place I love after losing a bit of weight. I threw on a t-shirt and some shorts and walked to a restaurant. Hours later walking back, I stop in a bar and go to buy a beer. The woman I met there knocked my socks off.
Yes, there was a huge proportion of lust involved. But I knew the instant that met her that I couldn't have a casual relationship with her (one night stand, booty call or FWB). Everything just lined up for me and I saw what I've wanted and needed all in one.
All that said, the things that attracted to her to me were things I may not have had going on before. I was content, happy, smiling, confident and I was in a place I wanted to be having fun. Neither of us were looking, yet we found each other.
:bigsmile: Thanks Allan, the cynics on here are doing my head in!! You've just restored my love bug :laugh:
i'm not cynical, i'm just really good at math. there are instances where some people fall from great heights and survive with only minor injuries. if i ever fell from a great height, i'd hope to be one of the lucky ones but the odds are kind of stacked that i wont be.
i think for certain things - like this idea of love at first site or love happening when you least expect it - certain people want to make the exception into the rule. yeah the improbable can happen but expecting the improbable to happen is sort of ignoring the fact that it's improbable. numerically speaking, the numbers of relationships that start and LAST like this are very very low, so why even waste time expecting it to happen?
I'm in the camp that you get out of life what you put in. So, if you go into a math test thinking, "I suck at math" you're probably going to fail that test. I don't want to be rude, but is being cynical working for you?0 -
Only to a limited exist...
I think when you stop worrying about finding love and just enjoy your life as it is, you become a more attractive happy person which leads to better luck in love.
^^^ this ^^^0 -
No0
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heh
yeah
and they'll come out of nowhere and surprise the everlovin **** out of your whole universe0 -
You will meet someone when you least expect it
When you stop looking so hard, it will happen
etc.
Blegh.
sure do!0 -
Well, I think it can happen that way. I believe in love at first sight. But i think it is a rather overused cliché to make single people feel better :huh:
There's no love at first site. There is infatuation, but not love. Unless you're simply loving someone for their looks.
my grandparents met and got married. They were together until they died and were madly in love. They met on their first date, couldnt talk for smiling the whole time at each other. Just sitting there holding hands enjoying being next to each other. The next time they saw each other, weeks later, she saw him giving a seminar and she was handling all the catering oversight and such and they couldnt stop looking at each other. Their third date was the wedding.
Its very VERY rare. Not impossible, does exist, just excruciatingly rare- and more and more difficult to have happen now than it was in the past.
I really dont like generalizations. I feel like this is my second strike and you're about to delete me as a friend.0 -
Its stupid and unlogical. Its the crap that they get from watching romance movies. DOnt ever take advice form Katrine Heigal, she is awesome but her movies are not real. You will not meet a guy in armor riding a horse. Most men cant even ride a horse and that armor is heavy. Its not real. The fact is, you might stop looking but losers never stop looking for you, they never stop. The problem is finding a good person who has sim interests and goals and is compatible with you. Never stop looking for that person, if you do, you will evenually settle for one of those losers who never stop looking. You seem very nice so get yourself out there and find him. The only think you need to know is, its all about getting yourself out there so you can meet a good guy. If you dont, the bad ones will find you. They are everywhere, hell they are even in the tampon section. I dont get it. Women you know what I mean, how many tiems have you got hit on in the weirdest places and you wondered, why in the hell are they here.0
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Funny that the man whose nose has been blown away by a bomb (at war) never gets to experience love at first sight. Or the hobo sitting in the street, surely he has his own match somewhere AND it could be anyone (perhaps this rich woman over there?).
But I think if they don't find love at first sight, it's because they must be rotten people inside, and undeserving of this love.
Well, what I truly believe is that there are certain requirements for "love at first sight" which wouldn't necessarily be there for "love after a long conversation", but to me true love is blind (in the sense that it happens regardless of those circumstances) thus I don't believe in "love at first sight", but as others have said in "lust at first sight".
And what if the first thing that goes out when he/she opens her mouth is a burp? Was it love at first sight? Maybe not in fact.
We tend to interpret things the way WE want after they happen, and if they happen as we hoped they would happen (cf. horoscope).
To be clear:
we think/hope => hope gets confirmed => it was *X => we brag about it everywhere: I was right!
we think/hope => hope doesn't get confirmed => was nothing => mind quickly dismiss the idea (and nobody ever hears about it).
*X = love at first sight, horoscope prediction
Also are we talking about "love at first sight that leads to a successful relationship (i.e. the ONE, the last relationship you will ever experience in your life until death)"? Love at first sight is so absolute for me that it must be the ONE.
But then how do you call "love at first sight" after 7 years together when the routine got boring and one of the two partners starts cheating on the other one? ("But Flam, it won't happen you silly kid! :laugh: No no, it is different for US!" Yeah, I hope for you you're right.) Retrospectively it wasn't so much love at first sight, innit?
* Party pooper goes out *0 -
Also are we talking about "love at first sight that leads to a successful relationship (i.e. the ONE, the last relationship you will ever experience in your life until death)"? Love at first sight is so absolute for me that it must be the ONE.
But then how do you call "love at first sight" after 7 years together when the routine got boring and one of the two partners starts cheating on the other one? ("But Flam, it won't happen you silly kid! :laugh: No no, it is different for US!" Yeah, I hope for you you're right.) Retrospectively it wasn't so much love at first sight, innit?
* Party pooper goes out *
Love at first sight is a feeling that happens when you see/speak to someone for a very short time. It's like a rush or Wow, where has this person been all my life! Nothing to do with what happens before, during or after! Why do you have to analyse romance?? Romance is ideal for the romantic!!
You'll never believe it until it happens to you!! IF it happens!! Of course it doesnt happen to everyone. Just like love, its a feeling some people live their whole lives never feeling! How many people say 'I think I was in love, but I can't be sure' or 'I dont really know what love is'? So many authors and poets would be out of work if we had a definitive explanation of love!
Perhaps you won't believe it if your heart stopped and your stomach flippped and it stared you in the face, because you dont want to!! You might put this down to indigestion!! :laugh: As you have some preconceived idea that it's BS? That's up to you.........
It's like someone says to you "my stomach hurts" and you say "no it doesnt, it's all in your mind" or
"I feel really tearful about this thing" and you say "dont be silly, you shouldnt get too emotional over this"
Well, love is an emotion, a feeling, just the same. You can't feel it for someone else. And you can't tell someone else they didn't feel it!!
:flowerforyou:0 -
Love at first sight is a bunch of BS people make up in their mind to over-romanticize everything. I get love at first sight all the time. Maybe you see someone on the street and lock eyes and have some sort of special "moment". So you go talk to them only to find out that they're married or your long lost cousin.
Or maybe you've just had the best first date of your life, you tell yourself this person could be the one and they're everything you're looking for. So you get to know them over the span of a few weeks only to find out that you don't really even like them as a person or you want different things out of life or you just don't get along.
People think it is love at first sight because of a story they heard from somebody 12 years ago or the saw something about it in a movie. I call it lust or infatuation, love must stand the test of time. This is real life and people have real problems. Can it happen? Of course it can, people fall in love all the time and get married and live happily or unhappily ever after. A lot of people also get rejected or divorced.0 -
Love at first sight is a bunch of BS people make up in their mind to over-romanticize everything. I get love at first sight all the time. Maybe you see someone on the street and lock eyes and have some sort of special "moment". So you go talk to them only to find out that they're married or your long lost cousin.
Or maybe you've just had the best first date of your life, you tell yourself this person could be the one and they're everything you're looking for. So you get to know them over the span of a few weeks only to find out that you don't really even like them as a person or you want different things out of life or you just don't get along.
People think it is love at first sight because of a story they heard from somebody 12 years ago or the saw something about it in a movie. I call it lust or infatuation, love must stand the test of time. This is real life and people have real problems. Can it happen? Of course it can, people fall in love all the time and get married and live happily or unhappily ever after. A lot of people also get rejected or divorced.
So true.0 -
You will meet someone when you least expect it
When you stop looking so hard, it will happen
etc.
Blegh.
It happened to me once. But that was several years ago so I'm not so sure I still do.0 -
Well, I think it can happen that way. I believe in love at first sight. But i think it is a rather overused cliché to make single people feel better :huh:
There's no love at first site. There is infatuation, but not love. Unless you're simply loving someone for their looks.
Well, I can only speak from experience and it's happened to me, so......nothing to do with looks, or infatuation. Just an overwhelming feeling of this is the 'one' as soon as I met him. Can't explain it, but who can explain why they feel love for someone anyhow? And 5 years later, I still feel the same about him. But obviously, its not reciprocated
Hugs! Me too. :frown: I loathe being told to 'stop looking' or 'it'll happen when you don't expect it to/when you're happy being single etc. a) I'm nearly 30, always single, and I'm sick of it - of course I'm looking! and b) I'm so damned oblivious to/un-expectant of men being interested in me that if I wasn't looking/hoping/praying to meet someone, I'd never stand even a half a chance of noticing when someone was. After all, that's how I missed my chance with my 'one' - not looking!
The other thing people say that I find profoundly irritating is "You have to love yourself for someone else to love you" or words to that effect. Self-esteem, fine, but honestly, if the evidence is pretty clear that no-one thinks of you that way, are you supposed to ignore all that evidence forever, and somehow miraculously keep on 'loving yourself'? Logic failure. :grumble:0 -
Hugs! Me too. :frown: I loathe being told to 'stop looking' or 'it'll happen when you don't expect it to/when you're happy being single etc. a) I'm nearly 30, always single, and I'm sick of it - of course I'm looking! and b) I'm so damned oblivious to/un-expectant of men being interested in me that if I wasn't looking/hoping/praying to meet someone, I'd never stand even a half a chance of noticing when someone was. After all, that's how I missed my chance with my 'one' - not looking!
The other thing people say that I find profoundly irritating is "You have to love yourself for someone else to love you" or words to that effect. Self-esteem, fine, but honestly, if the evidence is pretty clear that no-one thinks of you that way, are you supposed to ignore all that evidence forever, and somehow miraculously keep on 'loving yourself'? Logic failure. :grumble:
Hold on just one minute there!
Where is this evidence that you're not a great catch? A lack of male attention is not a proper gauge of your value.
Instead of guessing, how about you try this little exercise? If you were a man, would you date yourself? What traits would you find attractive? What activities would you enjoy doing with a girl like you? Then turn it around, what are the things that would keep you away from dating yourself?
From what I've seen on these forums, my guess is your positive list will far outweigh your negatives.0 -
If it is not reciprocated (or hasn't been reciprocated for a sufficient duration, that led to intimacy), it is not love at first sight. Period.
Hugs! Me too. :frown: I loathe being told to 'stop looking' or 'it'll happen when you don't expect it to/when you're happy being single etc. a) I'm nearly 30, always single, and I'm sick of it - of course I'm looking! and b) I'm so damned oblivious to/un-expectant of men being interested in me that if I wasn't looking/hoping/praying to meet someone, I'd never stand even a half a chance of noticing when someone was. After all, that's how I missed my chance with my 'one' - not looking!Well, I can only speak from experience and it's happened to me, so......nothing to do with looks, or infatuation. Just an overwhelming feeling of this is the 'one' as soon as I met him. Can't explain it, but who can explain why they feel love for someone anyhow? And 5 years later, I still feel the same about him. But obviously, its not reciprocated
The other thing people say that I find profoundly irritating is "You have to love yourself for someone else to love you" or words to that effect. Self-esteem, fine, but honestly, if the evidence is pretty clear that no-one thinks of you that way, are you supposed to ignore all that evidence forever, and somehow miraculously keep on 'loving yourself'? Logic failure. :grumble:
This is, as others have said, infatuation.
You love the *image/representation* you've got of the man, but you don't really *know* him! Living with someone (and loving them) is a completely different story from being attracted to someone (as most of you know).
Your so called "loves at first sight" haven't even gotten past the first "3 months of bliss" (although I might be wrong, but this is what I understand from your post)... This is why you call him the "love of your life", you haven't seen all the annoying side yet and then don't know if you are ready to accept these bad sides (you're stuck in the "3 months of bliss" forever where everyone is beautiful and happy).
As for the "stop looking", someone nailed it in another post/topic. It really means that you stop worrying about it/just are happy about yourself/accept and be in phase with your life. You'll boost your confidence, never appear as needy = WIN.
When you talk to people of the other sex, you approach them as "friends" instead of "potential lovers", which removes a lot of pressure from your shoulders = attractive.
About the "love yourself", this quote:
"if the evidence is pretty clear that no-one thinks of you that way, are you supposed to ignore all that evidence forever, and somehow miraculously keep on 'loving yourself'?"
makes me think that you're probably not loving yourself. Change something then! Be who you want to be...
You can't please everyone, but if you are happy about yourself, you'll attract people like a magnet.
I really believe that other people can "see/feel" your mood subconsciously: fear, awkwardness, happiness, attraction... We don't notice, but our mood affects all our actions/body language, and people can catch these subtle signs subconsciously and it affects their interaction with us negatively or positively.0 -
I'm going with "It happens when it happens". Of course, I might just be waxing philosophical.0
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I'm just not the type of person to wait around for things to happen for me. Everything I have I've worked my *kitten* off for. My last long term girlfriend I pursued for like 10 years. I am not or will never be under the impression that good things will just fall into my lap if I do nothing.0
This discussion has been closed.