The men in our group who won't date ladies with kids
catherine4211
Posts: 944 Member
I'm looking for you to talk to.........
0
Replies
-
haha good one! Love it!0
-
I won't. Not my thing. Tried it once, it's not worth it and doesn't fit my lifestyle. There are several reasons too.0
-
:noway:0
-
never tried it so I can't say its a good or bad thing but each their own
0 -
Send PM and I'll talk.0
-
Send PM and I'll talk.
Hell, you can ask here. I have no problem answering
0 -
Seriously, ask away.0
-
Yeah, let's talk...0
-
Whew...I can`t get into trouble with this one! :drinker:0
-
If you met a girl who you got along with better than any other girl your whole life would you be able to overlook the no kids thing? I'm asking because this is my situation right now. We've been hanging out and he flat out told me I'm wonderful, we got along so well, I'm awesome, blah blah blah. But then said he can't be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Can my awesomeness out-do this feeling he has???0
-
you'll have to ask him that.0
-
you'll have to ask him that.
Well I did. He said he doesn't want to lead me on but for right now he can't see it. But doesn't want our friendship and fun to change. We've been having an absolute blast. I have put my feelings on hold but I do have them and don't want to hold on to any hope if there is none. The way he looks at me I see hope that he could overlook it. But could it be that he's just a really sweet guy? I've never dated a sweet guy before.0 -
I understand the issue of instant fatherhood and the concerns but I also can`t imagine walking away from a lady I felt that way about.
Maybe I will get myself in trouble afterall.0 -
If you met a girl who you got along with better than any other girl your whole life would you be able to overlook the no kids thing? I'm asking because this is my situation right now. We've been hanging out and he flat out told me I'm wonderful, we got along so well, I'm awesome, blah blah blah. But then said he can't be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Can my awesomeness out-do this feeling he has???
Speaking on my behalf. No, it won't change. I wouldn't be able to get over it. It's a deal breaker.0 -
I understand the issue of instant fatherhood and the concerns but I also can`t imagine walking away from a lady I felt that way about.
Maybe I will get myself in trouble afterall.
It's simple really. No matter how awesome the girl, I can't do kids. I just can't. It is an absolute deal breaker. Regardless of how many feelings I have or how awesome she is.0 -
I'm not a man... but to me.. sounds iffy. Iffy because he knew you had kids before starting this. So apparently he knew and only wanted to have fun (nothing serious) and then you started having feelings for him and asked him.
Or he didn't mind you having kids but now is using that as an excuse to not commit.
I'm not sure but that's what I'd think.0 -
If it was something that he couldn't overcome why would he date you in the first place? That's what I would be asking him. If he wasn't upfront about that and is just telling you that now after spending time together then I would think that he likes having fun with you, but doesn't see anything long term coming of it.
Of course, I could be way off...just my opinion :flowerforyou:0 -
I guess I need to keep my glimmer of hope that he'll change his mind inside and keep looking. It's going to be tough because we get along so well. I just don't want to be looking at him with rose colored glasses. He's not perfect by any means but we are a great match. Well I guess that's not true but you know what I mean. It will break my heart to not have him in my life.0
-
I'm not a man... but to me.. sounds iffy. Iffy because he knew you had kids before starting this. So apparently he knew and only wanted to have fun (nothing serious) and then you started having feelings for him and asked him.
Or he didn't mind you having kids but now is using that as an excuse to not commit.
I'm not sure but that's what I'd think.
Dating or hanging out?
To you, is there a difference? To me, there is so it depends on that I suppose.0 -
And yes he knew I had kids. We were friends. I knew we were friends. When I met him he had a girlfriend. I never had any intention of letting things get to this point. But then they broke up. He never ever tried anything while they were together - we just talked alot. Saw each other at the gym. Nothing inappropriate.0
-
I guess I need to keep my glimmer of hope that he'll change his mind inside and keep looking. It's going to be tough because we get along so well. I just don't want to be looking at him with rose colored glasses. He's not perfect by any means but we are a great match. Well I guess that's not true but you know what I mean. It will break my heart to not have him in my life.
I do however, (after re-looking) at your profile, think it's a difference in age groups for me to give my answer. Girls I date typically tend to have younger kids (I only date up to 28) and they require more attention/etc.0 -
I'm not a man... but to me.. sounds iffy. Iffy because he knew you had kids before starting this. So apparently he knew and only wanted to have fun (nothing serious) and then you started having feelings for him and asked him.
Or he didn't mind you having kids but now is using that as an excuse to not commit.
I'm not sure but that's what I'd think.
Dating or hanging out?
To you, is there a difference? To me, there is so it depends on that I suppose.
I'm curious too. I know in his mind we are not dating. We are hanging out. He's new to the area and he said I'm the best friend he has here. EEEK. Was I just friend zoned
0 -
I guess I need to keep my glimmer of hope that he'll change his mind inside and keep looking. It's going to be tough because we get along so well. I just don't want to be looking at him with rose colored glasses. He's not perfect by any means but we are a great match. Well I guess that's not true but you know what I mean. It will break my heart to not have him in my life.
I do however, (after re-looking) at your profile, think it's a difference in age groups for me to give my answer. Girls I date typically tend to have younger kids (I only date up to 28) and they require more attention/etc.
He's 29. My kids are 16 and 13. Almost 17 and 14. They have a dad that they see every other week. He even said he knows they sound like great kids. But something deep down inside him tells him it's wrong. Values, morals. Some crap of that nature (kidding)...........0 -
If you met a girl who you got along with better than any other girl your whole life would you be able to overlook the no kids thing? I'm asking because this is my situation right now. We've been hanging out and he flat out told me I'm wonderful, we got along so well, I'm awesome, blah blah blah. But then said he can't be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Can my awesomeness out-do this feeling he has???
Oh wow, I'm so sorry. When I looked at your post, I thought you were a gal who wanted no kids looking for a date with the guys who also wanted no kids. And now I can’t edit my “love this” post. Sorry! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
I looked at your profile, and it seems like your kids are the same age range of me and my younger sibs when my mom and stepdad married. In his case, he has ABSOLUTELY no intention of getting married (neither did my mom). They were strictly a fling!
But he fell for her hard and in a year asked her to marry him, even though it meant being instant dad to three teenagers and never having his own kids. So, I know you asked the guys and I’m not a guy but the answer is yes, sometimes guys change their mind.
But this:But doesn't want our friendship and fun to change. We've been having an absolute blast. I have put my feelings on hold but I do have them and don't want to hold on to any hope if there is none.
Tells me you should consider moving on. It means he will not change, but he doesn’t want to lose you. If you continue hanging out with him, please don’t make the mistake I did of thinking because he knows you have kids that he’s changed his mind. He’s telling you up front that you’re amazing but that it won’t ever be the kind of relationship you truly want. Or, at least, this is what the guy who told ME something similar meant. I wish I had taken him at face value, but I thought surely if I was that awesome and he continued to be around me that he was changing his mind. Nope.
Really, he thought, “gee, I told her I wasn’t gonna commit and she’s still here as my casual friend. Cool. I get to have fun with her until the real thing comes along.”0 -
If you met a girl who you got along with better than any other girl your whole life would you be able to overlook the no kids thing? I'm asking because this is my situation right now. We've been hanging out and he flat out told me I'm wonderful, we got along so well, I'm awesome, blah blah blah. But then said he can't be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Can my awesomeness out-do this feeling he has???
Oh wow, I'm so sorry. When I looked at your post, I thought you were a gal who wanted no kids looking for a date with the guys who also wanted no kids. And now I can’t edit my “love this” post. Sorry! ::flower
I looked at your profile, and it seems like your kids are the same age range of me and my younger sibs when my mom and stepdad married. In his case, he has ABSOLUTELY no intention of getting married (neither did my mom). They were strictly a fling!
But he fell for her hard and in a year asked her to marry him, even though it meant being instant dad to three teenagers and never having his own kids. So, I know you asked the guys and I’m not a guy but the answer is yes, sometimes guys change their mind.
But this:
But doesn't want our friendship and fun to change. We've been having an absolute blast. I have put my feelings on hold but I do have them and don't want to hold on to any hope if there is none.
Tells me you should consider moving on. It means he will not change, but he doesn’t want to lose you. If you continue hanging out with him, please don’t make the mistake I did of thinking because he knows you have kids that he’s changed his mind. He’s telling you up front that you’re amazing but that it won’t ever be the kind of relationship you truly want. Or, at least, this is what the guy who told ME something similar meant. I wish I had taken him at face value, but I thought surely if I was that awesome and he continued to be around me that he was changing his mind. Nope.
Really, he thought, “gee, I told her I wasn’t gonna commit and she’s still here as my casual friend. Cool. I get to have fun with her until the real thing comes along.”
Not what I wanted to hear. But I know you are probably right. It just sucks because I truly cannot see my life w/o him in it.0 -
If you met a girl who you got along with better than any other girl your whole life would you be able to overlook the no kids thing? I'm asking because this is my situation right now. We've been hanging out and he flat out told me I'm wonderful, we got along so well, I'm awesome, blah blah blah. But then said he can't be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Can my awesomeness out-do this feeling he has???
Oh wow, I'm so sorry. When I looked at your post, I thought you were a gal who wanted no kids looking for a date with the guys who also wanted no kids. And now I can’t edit my “love this” post. Sorry! ::flower
I looked at your profile, and it seems like your kids are the same age range of me and my younger sibs when my mom and stepdad married. In his case, he has ABSOLUTELY no intention of getting married (neither did my mom). They were strictly a fling!
But he fell for her hard and in a year asked her to marry him, even though it meant being instant dad to three teenagers and never having his own kids. So, I know you asked the guys and I’m not a guy but the answer is yes, sometimes guys change their mind.
But this:
But doesn't want our friendship and fun to change. We've been having an absolute blast. I have put my feelings on hold but I do have them and don't want to hold on to any hope if there is none.
Tells me you should consider moving on. It means he will not change, but he doesn’t want to lose you. If you continue hanging out with him, please don’t make the mistake I did of thinking because he knows you have kids that he’s changed his mind. He’s telling you up front that you’re amazing but that it won’t ever be the kind of relationship you truly want. Or, at least, this is what the guy who told ME something similar meant. I wish I had taken him at face value, but I thought surely if I was that awesome and he continued to be around me that he was changing his mind. Nope.
Really, he thought, “gee, I told her I wasn’t gonna commit and she’s still here as my casual friend. Cool. I get to have fun with her until the real thing comes along.”
Not what I wanted to hear. But I know you are probably right. It just sucks because I truly cannot see my life w/o him in it.
Then keep him as a friend, if that's possible for you.0 -
Not what I wanted to hear. But I know you are probably right. It just sucks because I truly cannot see my life w/o him in it.
I've had this happen twice- once with someone I dated who had different goals but I continued to hang out with as friends even after it fell apart. He was one of the most impressive men I'd ever met and even though I knew it took me away from finding "the one" if he ever called, I answered. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
The other time with a friend who we did EVERYTHING together... on facebook it looked like we were an amazing couple but nope. Nothing. And I thought I was grown enough to handle it, and I couldn't stand to not have him around, be apart from him. I *thought* I was ok with friendship and continued doing everything with him even after he told me it was going nowhere. But even though I knew intellectually it was just friendship,*emotionally* I grew attached. And now he is gone from my life completely. Won’t respond to my occasional texts. Talk about hurt.
This is why when I see women in the same situation I recommend moving on. Because the hurt only gets worse the more you hang out.0 -
Not what I wanted to hear. But I know you are probably right. It just sucks because I truly cannot see my life w/o him in it.
Look at it this way though,if he genuinely couldn`t change but agreed to try at some point after the newness wears off you will both be miserable.:flowerforyou:0 -
If you met a girl who you got along with better than any other girl your whole life would you be able to overlook the no kids thing? I'm asking because this is my situation right now. We've been hanging out and he flat out told me I'm wonderful, we got along so well, I'm awesome, blah blah blah. But then said he can't be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Can my awesomeness out-do this feeling he has???
If your awesomeness didn't keep him from making the comment, my guess is no, it won't out do his feelings on this. I can't emphasize it enough how important it is to find someone on a similar lifepath. If either of you compromise too much, it always seems to come back at you later.0 -
If you met a girl who you got along with better than any other girl your whole life would you be able to overlook the no kids thing? I'm asking because this is my situation right now. We've been hanging out and he flat out told me I'm wonderful, we got along so well, I'm awesome, blah blah blah. But then said he can't be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Can my awesomeness out-do this feeling he has???
If your awesomeness didn't keep him from making the comment, my guess is no, it won't out do his feelings on this. I can't emphasize it enough how important it is to find someone on a similar lifepath. If either of you compromise too much, it always seems to come back at you later.
My guess is no as well. I just don't want to admit it. It's a bummer. I haven't dated in over 2 years. I refuse to settle and won't date losers. That's pretty much all my town has to offer.0
This discussion has been closed.