The men in our group who won't date ladies with kids
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I guess I need to keep my glimmer of hope that he'll change his mind inside and keep looking. It's going to be tough because we get along so well. I just don't want to be looking at him with rose colored glasses. He's not perfect by any means but we are a great match. Well I guess that's not true but you know what I mean. It will break my heart to not have him in my life.
I do however, (after re-looking) at your profile, think it's a difference in age groups for me to give my answer. Girls I date typically tend to have younger kids (I only date up to 28) and they require more attention/etc.0 -
I'm not a man... but to me.. sounds iffy. Iffy because he knew you had kids before starting this. So apparently he knew and only wanted to have fun (nothing serious) and then you started having feelings for him and asked him.
Or he didn't mind you having kids but now is using that as an excuse to not commit.
I'm not sure but that's what I'd think.
Dating or hanging out?
To you, is there a difference? To me, there is so it depends on that I suppose.
I'm curious too. I know in his mind we are not dating. We are hanging out. He's new to the area and he said I'm the best friend he has here. EEEK. Was I just friend zoned
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I guess I need to keep my glimmer of hope that he'll change his mind inside and keep looking. It's going to be tough because we get along so well. I just don't want to be looking at him with rose colored glasses. He's not perfect by any means but we are a great match. Well I guess that's not true but you know what I mean. It will break my heart to not have him in my life.
I do however, (after re-looking) at your profile, think it's a difference in age groups for me to give my answer. Girls I date typically tend to have younger kids (I only date up to 28) and they require more attention/etc.
He's 29. My kids are 16 and 13. Almost 17 and 14. They have a dad that they see every other week. He even said he knows they sound like great kids. But something deep down inside him tells him it's wrong. Values, morals. Some crap of that nature (kidding)...........0 -
If you met a girl who you got along with better than any other girl your whole life would you be able to overlook the no kids thing? I'm asking because this is my situation right now. We've been hanging out and he flat out told me I'm wonderful, we got along so well, I'm awesome, blah blah blah. But then said he can't be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Can my awesomeness out-do this feeling he has???
Oh wow, I'm so sorry. When I looked at your post, I thought you were a gal who wanted no kids looking for a date with the guys who also wanted no kids. And now I can’t edit my “love this” post. Sorry! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
I looked at your profile, and it seems like your kids are the same age range of me and my younger sibs when my mom and stepdad married. In his case, he has ABSOLUTELY no intention of getting married (neither did my mom). They were strictly a fling!
But he fell for her hard and in a year asked her to marry him, even though it meant being instant dad to three teenagers and never having his own kids. So, I know you asked the guys and I’m not a guy but the answer is yes, sometimes guys change their mind.
But this:But doesn't want our friendship and fun to change. We've been having an absolute blast. I have put my feelings on hold but I do have them and don't want to hold on to any hope if there is none.
Tells me you should consider moving on. It means he will not change, but he doesn’t want to lose you. If you continue hanging out with him, please don’t make the mistake I did of thinking because he knows you have kids that he’s changed his mind. He’s telling you up front that you’re amazing but that it won’t ever be the kind of relationship you truly want. Or, at least, this is what the guy who told ME something similar meant. I wish I had taken him at face value, but I thought surely if I was that awesome and he continued to be around me that he was changing his mind. Nope.
Really, he thought, “gee, I told her I wasn’t gonna commit and she’s still here as my casual friend. Cool. I get to have fun with her until the real thing comes along.”0 -
If you met a girl who you got along with better than any other girl your whole life would you be able to overlook the no kids thing? I'm asking because this is my situation right now. We've been hanging out and he flat out told me I'm wonderful, we got along so well, I'm awesome, blah blah blah. But then said he can't be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Can my awesomeness out-do this feeling he has???
Oh wow, I'm so sorry. When I looked at your post, I thought you were a gal who wanted no kids looking for a date with the guys who also wanted no kids. And now I can’t edit my “love this” post. Sorry! ::flower
I looked at your profile, and it seems like your kids are the same age range of me and my younger sibs when my mom and stepdad married. In his case, he has ABSOLUTELY no intention of getting married (neither did my mom). They were strictly a fling!
But he fell for her hard and in a year asked her to marry him, even though it meant being instant dad to three teenagers and never having his own kids. So, I know you asked the guys and I’m not a guy but the answer is yes, sometimes guys change their mind.
But this:
But doesn't want our friendship and fun to change. We've been having an absolute blast. I have put my feelings on hold but I do have them and don't want to hold on to any hope if there is none.
Tells me you should consider moving on. It means he will not change, but he doesn’t want to lose you. If you continue hanging out with him, please don’t make the mistake I did of thinking because he knows you have kids that he’s changed his mind. He’s telling you up front that you’re amazing but that it won’t ever be the kind of relationship you truly want. Or, at least, this is what the guy who told ME something similar meant. I wish I had taken him at face value, but I thought surely if I was that awesome and he continued to be around me that he was changing his mind. Nope.
Really, he thought, “gee, I told her I wasn’t gonna commit and she’s still here as my casual friend. Cool. I get to have fun with her until the real thing comes along.”
Not what I wanted to hear. But I know you are probably right. It just sucks because I truly cannot see my life w/o him in it.0 -
If you met a girl who you got along with better than any other girl your whole life would you be able to overlook the no kids thing? I'm asking because this is my situation right now. We've been hanging out and he flat out told me I'm wonderful, we got along so well, I'm awesome, blah blah blah. But then said he can't be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Can my awesomeness out-do this feeling he has???
Oh wow, I'm so sorry. When I looked at your post, I thought you were a gal who wanted no kids looking for a date with the guys who also wanted no kids. And now I can’t edit my “love this” post. Sorry! ::flower
I looked at your profile, and it seems like your kids are the same age range of me and my younger sibs when my mom and stepdad married. In his case, he has ABSOLUTELY no intention of getting married (neither did my mom). They were strictly a fling!
But he fell for her hard and in a year asked her to marry him, even though it meant being instant dad to three teenagers and never having his own kids. So, I know you asked the guys and I’m not a guy but the answer is yes, sometimes guys change their mind.
But this:
But doesn't want our friendship and fun to change. We've been having an absolute blast. I have put my feelings on hold but I do have them and don't want to hold on to any hope if there is none.
Tells me you should consider moving on. It means he will not change, but he doesn’t want to lose you. If you continue hanging out with him, please don’t make the mistake I did of thinking because he knows you have kids that he’s changed his mind. He’s telling you up front that you’re amazing but that it won’t ever be the kind of relationship you truly want. Or, at least, this is what the guy who told ME something similar meant. I wish I had taken him at face value, but I thought surely if I was that awesome and he continued to be around me that he was changing his mind. Nope.
Really, he thought, “gee, I told her I wasn’t gonna commit and she’s still here as my casual friend. Cool. I get to have fun with her until the real thing comes along.”
Not what I wanted to hear. But I know you are probably right. It just sucks because I truly cannot see my life w/o him in it.
Then keep him as a friend, if that's possible for you.0 -
Not what I wanted to hear. But I know you are probably right. It just sucks because I truly cannot see my life w/o him in it.
I've had this happen twice- once with someone I dated who had different goals but I continued to hang out with as friends even after it fell apart. He was one of the most impressive men I'd ever met and even though I knew it took me away from finding "the one" if he ever called, I answered. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
The other time with a friend who we did EVERYTHING together... on facebook it looked like we were an amazing couple but nope. Nothing. And I thought I was grown enough to handle it, and I couldn't stand to not have him around, be apart from him. I *thought* I was ok with friendship and continued doing everything with him even after he told me it was going nowhere. But even though I knew intellectually it was just friendship,*emotionally* I grew attached. And now he is gone from my life completely. Won’t respond to my occasional texts. Talk about hurt.
This is why when I see women in the same situation I recommend moving on. Because the hurt only gets worse the more you hang out.0 -
Not what I wanted to hear. But I know you are probably right. It just sucks because I truly cannot see my life w/o him in it.
Look at it this way though,if he genuinely couldn`t change but agreed to try at some point after the newness wears off you will both be miserable.:flowerforyou:0 -
If you met a girl who you got along with better than any other girl your whole life would you be able to overlook the no kids thing? I'm asking because this is my situation right now. We've been hanging out and he flat out told me I'm wonderful, we got along so well, I'm awesome, blah blah blah. But then said he can't be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Can my awesomeness out-do this feeling he has???
If your awesomeness didn't keep him from making the comment, my guess is no, it won't out do his feelings on this. I can't emphasize it enough how important it is to find someone on a similar lifepath. If either of you compromise too much, it always seems to come back at you later.0 -
If you met a girl who you got along with better than any other girl your whole life would you be able to overlook the no kids thing? I'm asking because this is my situation right now. We've been hanging out and he flat out told me I'm wonderful, we got along so well, I'm awesome, blah blah blah. But then said he can't be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Can my awesomeness out-do this feeling he has???
If your awesomeness didn't keep him from making the comment, my guess is no, it won't out do his feelings on this. I can't emphasize it enough how important it is to find someone on a similar lifepath. If either of you compromise too much, it always seems to come back at you later.
My guess is no as well. I just don't want to admit it. It's a bummer. I haven't dated in over 2 years. I refuse to settle and won't date losers. That's pretty much all my town has to offer.0 -
Try to shift from thinking about him to focusing on you and your needs. You met someone you think is cool and shared some good times. That's great. He's not for you because he won't accept your kids into his life so move on to find someone similar in personality who will not just accept your kids, but welcome them! Look forward and don't let yourself get stuck on this guy. You mentioned he recently got out of a relationship and you may be providing him some comfort. Yikes! If you keep hanging with this guy, you'll just keep hitting the same wall so try to focus on what you and your kids need and take a break from this guy.
:flowerforyou:0 -
If you met a girl who you got along with better than any other girl your whole life would you be able to overlook the no kids thing? I'm asking because this is my situation right now. We've been hanging out and he flat out told me I'm wonderful, we got along so well, I'm awesome, blah blah blah. But then said he can't be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Can my awesomeness out-do this feeling he has???
If your awesomeness didn't keep him from making the comment, my guess is no, it won't out do his feelings on this. I can't emphasize it enough how important it is to find someone on a similar lifepath. If either of you compromise too much, it always seems to come back at you later.
this^^ I was friend zoned by a guy that didnt say something strong enough. I know its hard to accept in view of your strong rapport (like it was for me), but I'm thinking that if there were a compromise, he wouldnt say it. You could delve deeper and ask him why just in case there is a misperception, but I think he just wants to be friends.:flowerforyou: And of course there's nothing wrong with being friends, if you can handle it......0 -
Nope, for me, here is why: I'm 29 and I intend to have kids of my own some day.If you met a girl who you got along with better than any other girl your whole life would you be able to overlook the no kids thing? I'm asking because this is my situation right now. We've been hanging out and he flat out told me I'm wonderful, we got along so well, I'm awesome, blah blah blah. But then said he can't be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Can my awesomeness out-do this feeling he has???
I just have too much choice in terms of women to compromise on something SO important (we're not talking about hair colour here), and no, love is something that is not unique (although every relationship is unique) and I consider I still have plenty of time to meet someone I will want to have kids/start a family with.
There are plenty of women with no kids that I can date.
I might overlook it later down the road though, when I'm, say, 35+ y.o. - then of course, it will be harder to find a girl who hasn't got kids so I might ignore the fact. However, I would still hope to have kids of my own.0 -
I am one of them. I prefer ladies with no kids. Mainly because I don't want to hop into a relationship and I already have to deal with children. I'm not ready for that kind of stuff yet. it's much too fast for me.0
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I've dated a few ladies with kids, Ive met the children etc.. It wasnt a deal breaker for me completely but I was pretty open about how its all very new to me. In retrospect Im really glad things didnt work out with them and this may sound horrible, cause looking back at it now I would just feel trapped to be honest. Im not ready for it and now I wont date woman with children, unless I happen to meet someone who is just that freaking amazing I coudnt live without them.
Im 29 also and there are way more things I would rather be doing than spending my weekends playing games with a 4 yr old. Sounds terrible but there is no way. I wouldnt be able to do the amazing trip ive booked later this year, the girl wouldnt be able to come cause of the child and to be honest I wouldnt want to travel with a child anyways.
I think you'd be better off maybe just being friends with this guy if you can manage it. If he already knew, he was probably toying with the idea that he may be able to deal with it and has later figured out he cant. Its not something you really know for sure if havent done it before and sadly the only way to find out is to try.0 -
I'm curious too. I know in his mind we are not dating. We are hanging out. He's new to the area and he said I'm the best friend he has here. EEEK. Was I just friend zoned
He just wants to hook up, but he's dancing around it so you don't leave.0 -
So I'm not a guy, but I work with a girl who is 22 and is living with her boyfriend who happens to be 31 and has three kids. I guess the kids don't live with them on the weekends, but they have them all week. Honestly, I listen to this girl talk about her life and it completely revolves around this guy's kids! I invited her out once and she told me she never goes out. This girl sounds like she's 15 years older than me and she is 5 years younger. I can't even relate to her on a twenty-something level. So, as far as the younger guys are concerned, I completely understand and agree. I would feel trapped in a relationship like that.0
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I don't think I could do it. I'm not even sure if I want my own kids at this point. I just kind of figured when I meet the right person at least we can decide together and will have about 9 months to prepare mentally.
And like someone said, when I meet someone I want to share my life with someone, not live theirs. When you have kids your whole world revolves around theirs and you can't always do the things you want to do.
Plus, maybe he just doesn't want kids at all, or maybe he wants kids but the OP doesn't want anymore. Kind of a big deal for most people. I don't really want to raise someone else's kids, but some people like kids and it might not be as big a deal.0 -
Be nice. She never even said if they were hooking up. Sounds to me like he is just being honest. Not all guys are players, you know.He just wants to hook up, but he's dancing around it so you don't leave.0 -
I guess I need to keep my glimmer of hope that he'll change his mind inside and keep looking. It's going to be tough because we get along so well. I just don't want to be looking at him with rose colored glasses. He's not perfect by any means but we are a great match. Well I guess that's not true but you know what I mean. It will break my heart to not have him in my life.
I do however, (after re-looking) at your profile, think it's a difference in age groups for me to give my answer. Girls I date typically tend to have younger kids (I only date up to 28) and they require more attention/etc.
He's 29. My kids are 16 and 13. Almost 17 and 14. They have a dad that they see every other week. He even said he knows they sound like great kids. But something deep down inside him tells him it's wrong. Values, morals. Some crap of that nature (kidding)...........
I guess I could understand the no kids thing if your kids were 5 and 3 .. but geez .. one is almost an adult and the other is certainly self-sufficient .. its not like he would have to do diaper duty or push them on a swing! lol.
It's tough with the age difference thing too .. you know I am familiar with that .. lol. Perhaps he has a particular life dream .. wife and kids .. his own kids. Who knows. One thing I have learned on here tho .. most men mean what they say and say what they mean.0
