Help me understand women(be honest)!

Gionni

Ok I need HELP understand how to deal with women. I am 30 and dated (or hooked with) a good number of women. When I was younger it was just a numbers game. I would pursue a lot of women rather aggressively until someone bit. This practice didn't really require much understanding of women .. It was just a matter of talking to as many people as you could and eventually you would find someone to tolerate me.

Fast Forward 7 years and now my tastes are different. I am not satisfied by "conquering" a ton of women anymore.! I'm actually looking for quality and I'm terrible at it. I spend way to much time trying to figure how to deal with the women that I meet. I don't necessarily have a problem meeting and identifying women that are attracted to me .. It's the stuff that comes after the initial meeting that I suck at! My friends say that I am great when a woman is in front of me but once we separate we always find a way to mess it up!

Here are my problems. I don't know when is the right time to call the first time . I have tried all the "theories" (waiting anywhere from 1-7 days) which it always seems to be too earlier for them and appears to be a immediate deal breaker. If I somehow get past the intital call/text phase I usually get killed by the next phase ....making plans. I do fine on the phone BUT I have a huge problem with women standing me up or cancelling plans last minute. Out of the 20 or so dates I planned in the last year only like 4 happened.

Lastly I don't understand how to properly express my desire to get to know her better without totally ruining everything. I have tried all approaches including "being forward" and acting like I don't care. I know you're gonna say "Everyone is different" so I'm gonna call bull**** in advance and point out the fact that the people that seem to be the most successful use the same formula and it works everytime! I spend time talking to each person and try different approaches based on the scenerio. I even tried the "George from Seinfeld" approach of doing the EXACT opposite of what I should do. I try to be myself but that always fails... I tried honesty but that always fails .. I tried lying and that seems worked better but ultimately FAILS! My high failure rate , when I am trying to legitimately date a girl , has led me to try and accurate the situation (aka try to hook up immediately). This is mainly because I usually fail , so why not try to get something out of it while it's still hot? I know this is bad because interactions like this lead no way.

Anyway I need help ... I have a willingness to change and accept feedback !!

OSC_ESD

~ How about you lose words like " conquer " and " deal " ... and when making a statement like this : " I spend way to much time trying to figure how to deal with the women that I meet. " ... You already know what your issues are ...

Why not just be you ??? Why try to find a formula to land a fish that you can't hook ??????

Listen ... when you meet that special lady and trust me ... you'll know her as soon as you meet her ... let nature take it's course ! If a guy waited 7 days to contact me after a first date .... well, he's already history ! Not sure what plans you were attempting to make ... but how about just taking it one day at a time ???

I am pretty certain you will find what your looking for ... when you finally stop looking !

Best of luck my friend ... and always remember ... patience is a virtue !

christine24t

Here are my problems. I don't know when is the right time to call the first time . I have tried all the "theories" (waiting anywhere from 1-7 days) which it always seems to be too earlier for them and appears to be a immediate deal breaker. If I somehow get past the intital call/text phase I usually get killed by the next phase ....making plans. I do fine on the phone BUT I have a huge problem with women standing me up or cancelling plans last minute. Out of the 20 or so dates I planned in the last year only like 4 happened.

I'm afraid I can't help you out with most of that, but one thing comes to mind when I read the above.

A lot of people have trouble saying no, even if they really want to say no. For some people, that doesn't make sense, but for others it is a huge problem.

Also, not saying this is you, but sometimes people have trouble reading signs that the girl is not interested, and they keep pressing. I know this guy who after meeting one time, point blank asked me to hang out. It was not something I was interested in and I kind of avoided answering the question. He kept asking and asking and never took a hint. I normally say don't read into things but if I were you, I would really consider the conversations you are having with women and read between the lines in what they say, so you don't ask them out, they say yes and later stand you up to avoid saying no. I'm not sure if that is the situation but really think about what is happening.

Lastly, just curious - what kind of women are you pursuing? Your age? Younger? Live near you or long distance?

Gionni

Thanks !! I was using powerful words to try and get my point across .. Sorry if I offended !

Gionni

I do it all now ... Online ..offline ... Whatever ! I even tried dating long distance ... I have no age issues unless it's an old lady

LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo

I think it would benefit both of you if you two would start out as good friends before you decide to date her. Friendship builds a solid foundation & by then you will get to know that girl more.

Don't rush things out especially when you have just met the girl.

christine24t

Another poster in a different thread on Single Peeps was talking about Evan Marc Katz, a dating coach, and in one of his columns, he referred to an OkCupid column that says race does affect who writes you back. I'm not sure what type of women you are contacting but it could have something to do it with.

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/

The original Evan Marc Katz column: http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-have-tried-everything-and-online-dating-is-still-not-working/

ETA - In another thread, I said it is important to date someone within your own age range, and I'll add that I think it is important to date within a few years of your age range. In your case, I would say 28-32.

OSC_ESD

Thanks !! I was using powerful words to try and get my point across .. Sorry if I offended !

Dear friend ...

I was not offended ... but understand, those are no where near " powerful " words ! If you want to use power words .. think positive !

If I could wish anything upon you .. it would be to relax and just enjoy life ! :flowerforyou:

Gionni

Thanks !! I was using powerful words to try and get my point across .. Sorry if I offended !

Dear friend ...

I was not offended ... but understand, those are no where near " powerful " words ! If you want to use power words .. think positive !

If I could wish anything upon you .. it would be to relax and just enjoy life ! :flowerforyou:

The word conquer sounds pretty powerful to me... Those words were used to get a point across and were spoken from the perspective of someone that is young. They are also me being honest ...and trying to drum up some interest in the story !
Me relax ?! Never!!! But I do have A LOT of fun ! I travel the world for a living

meshashesha2012

why are you trying to "deal with" women. :laugh: we aren't a clogged drain or sprained ankle, we're not the enemy, we're human beings. how do you deal with human beings? you talk to them and get to know them. i can almost guarantee you that if you're looking at women as something to deal with then you aren't going to do very well with many women.


when to call - the only time most women are going to hold it against a guy for calling too soon is if she wasnt really into him to begin with. if that's what you're running into, then move on. those ladies probably didnt have the guts to be honest with you and say thanks but no thanks, so you're probably better off not chasing them.

cancelling plans and standing you up. - OK I think you might need to start looking at the type of women you are going after if this is something that you run into on a regular basis. basically this signals to me that you're probably going after women who arent interested in you. maybe try to think what do these women have in common? is there a type that you're going after but isnt into you? is it possible that you're being overly aggressive and not judging their interest level correctly? maybe you're reading signals all wrong? but in any case them standing you up is not cool, so even if they arent interested in you that's still no excuse for them to be a*holes about it.


also where are you primarily meeting these women? offline or online?

if it's offline, then determining their interest level is easier. do you find yourself monopolizing most of the conversation? i noticed you said you were aggressive. that's kind of off-putting because usually when a guy admits to being aggressive it means it's going to come off as being stark raving maniac to a woman. remember most women like assertive NOT aggressive. there's a HUGE difference between the two. one will get you flirts and batting eyelashes and the other will make us want to reach for the pepper spray.


so now i have a question for you, how can you tell if a girl is into you? Do you look for her to show this interest before asking for her phone number and trying to get a date?

brewerchick

If there was a theory that worked we all wouldn't be in this forum and single . Just be you like stated earlier.

i have been accused of being "too forward," "too honest," "not making a move fast enough," "making moves too fast...". Truth is you just haven't found the one. When you do, the other person will feel the same way and understand. I used to focus on "what's wrong with me." Now I realize I just know what I want and I don't settle. It can be frustrating but hold true to yourself....that's what work best. I'm 30, single and I know.

Cheer

Jarnard

Another poster in a different thread on Single Peeps was talking about Evan Marc Katz, a dating coach, and in one of his columns, he referred to an OkCupid column that says race does affect who writes you back. I'm not sure what type of women you are contacting but it could have something to do it with.

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/

The original Evan Marc Katz column: http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-have-tried-everything-and-online-dating-is-still-not-working/

ETA - In another thread, I said it is important to date someone within your own age range, and I'll add that I think it is important to date within a few years of your age range. In your case, I would say 28-32.

Very interesting read!

Natx83

As an example I have texted girls the same night as the actual date to say thanks and that I had a great time, if she feels the same way, she won't mind. Sometimes I send and receive a text from the girl in sync, so even girls do it too when they are feeling he connection between the 2 of you. Sounds like the women you are meeting might not be that into you, I try not to follow any rules on the when is to soon or too late, I just go with the flow. If you don't want come across as desperate possibly wait a day or 2 max.

As far as expressing your desire to get to know her, say something nice about the time you have already spent together and suggest that you would like to do it again as you have a great time with her and leave it open to a point where she can come back at you with a reciprocated message if she wants then go from there. If its online you would have already hopefully been talking a little bit if not on the phone via email and will be able to gauge a bit better on how she's feeling.

Don't build it all up so much, just 2 people talking, don't try and be anything but yourself as most ladies are intuitive and will pick up on you trying to hard to be something you may not.

brewerchick

Yeah, what Natx83 said, again...be yourself. I've worn t-shirts n sweats on a first "date" whether it's to starbucks or right before I hit the gym just to see if we click. If they like you for who you are then you will figure it out

2stepz

Not intending to be cruel or rude; you did ask for feedback so I'm going to be honest here. I haven't talked to you one on one, so I cannot say with any certainty that my gut response is correct, but I have read your OKC profile a month or so back when you were asking for feedback there. I have observed your comments and threads within this forum. My thoughts are as follows:

a.) You come off as very ego-centric, too big for your britches, and bull-headed. Confidence is good, arrogance is NOT. You don't HAVE to show off... just be yourself, be confident, but realize you have flaws too. Humility is good.

b.) You also tend to express this as a hunt, and women are the prey. We don't like to be hunted; it's creepy. Trying different methods to "catch" one of us isn't an appealing mind-frame; women can pick up on that pretty easily.

c.) Women are looking for someone who cares about them, not just someone who is interested. I get the impression that you are not so in-touch with feelings. Most men aren't. The combination of strength AND a soft touch could help.

Just a few thoughts... impressions. Hope it's somewhat helpful.

flimflamfloz

I haven't talked to you one on one, so I cannot say with any certainty that my gut response is correct, but I have read your OKC profile a month or so back when you were asking for feedback there. I have observed your comments and threads within this forum.

You know, perception is nearer the truth than reality, and it wouldn't surprise me if other people feel the same as you do about the OP (including those girls he meets).
The thing is that it doesn't matter what he is *really* like inside and what the outcome of a *subsequent* one to one would be: what matters is what he comes across as. Because people don't have time (and won't take the time) to talk to him in one to one long enough to know if their gut feeling is wrong if they have any red flags initially, so he will never go to the one to one stage and will never get the opportunity to be "truly understood" (or rarely).

So you might have nailed it here... Plus he is too deep.

AnnaPixie

My best answer to this is to stop analysing it! Stop trying different things cos they obviously dont suit you. There isnt a right or wrong way to keep someone's interest. Everyone is unique. Its either going to click, or it isn't. Relax!!!

Dating shouldn't be about rules and personalities shouldn't be contrived! If you can't be yourself in this situation, then there is no hope for a relationship to form.

Follow your heart. Do what you do to the best of your ability!! The right girl will want you for YOU!

Gionni

Thanks for all the interesting and helpful responses !!!

ItsMandeeBitch

Bump

polo571

I think as men are ego can't believe that after a date with us we can't believe they don't think we are a catch. Women nowadays are a lot like men that after a date they want to see what's next or maybe better. Don't take it personally or get caught up in it. They may be out checking the numbers too or just out having fun and trying out new places on your buck. You have to kick a lot of tires and keep looking. Don't take it personally and enjoy having fun at the time. Diamonds in the rough eventually shine. Chalk up things that didn't work out to being taught. Be better at homework and it happens.

Roadie2000

It seems like most girls tend to do the opposite of what I feel like any rational human being would do (and they are probably thinking the same thing about me).

Scenario:
You meet someone online, decide to meet them, but it seems like 8 times out of 10 the woman cancels for some reason. Now I think the polite and decent thing to do would be to say "I can't tonight BUT I'm free tomorrow (or whenever) if you are available." Now, usually they just say "I can't tonight, I'm sorry. Can we reschedule?" First of all, I first just assume that their interest level in me is pretty low, I wouldn't expect much else because we haven't met yet, but maybe try just a little bit? Second of all, if YOU cancelled the date, YOU should be telling me when you're available, not put the burden on me again. Third, if you really don't want to meet me then quit asking to reschedule, and if you do then just tell me when is good for you so I don't have to keep playing the guessing game. Fourth, don't apologize to me. Ever. You are not doing me any huge favors by agreeing to meet me, I'm just a little disappointed that you can't make it. Try acting disappointed because you wanted to met me too, not just the other way around, I don't need your sympathy lol.

Okay rant over....phew that felt good.

dbrightwell1270

In poker jargon, what you are describing is Results Oriented Thinking or ROT. It is very flawed as you are saying I tried A with a single girl and A didn't work so A is not a good approach for any woman. Now I will try B. B didn't work with the single girl with whom approach B was attempted, so B is also a failure. I would suggest that if what you are looking for is a meaningful relationship rather than immediate gratification, then 1) find out what it is that you like and want, 2) be sure that you are able to offer that or something similar in return, 3) tailor your search to an area that is conducive to success (i.e. If you like going out drinking, don't look for women at AA meetings), and 4) be patient and quit treating it like a game, hunt or challenge.

JanieJack

Everyone keeps telling you to "be yourself." Well, if "being yourself" isn't working, you have to think about why that is.

Not trying to be mean... but trying to help. About 7 years ago, someone told me I was "too intense." Being myself was never going to help me build the kind of friendships and relationships I now have. I had to learn to stop being so intense all the time.

I had to learn how to relax, accept people as they are (with all their faults and frailties) and esteem others as highly as I esteem myself. Let other people have their way. Recognize that my way isn’t the only right way (and even if my way *is* the right way, sometimes the *right* answer is to let them come up with their own wrong way and find out, on their own, that it’s wrong).

It’s easy to be vain when you excel in so many things, but as we age and deepen our expertise in our chosen fields we begin to see how everyone brings a different skill set to the table. That was a lot harder to see back in college when we could just pick up a book and learn to do just about everything we wanted to do at the same level of accomplishment as any of our peers. Before I got this, I tried to treat people right but they picked up on the fact that externally I was honoring them but inside I thought they were stupid and wasting my time. Only when I learned to let that go did my social life improve.

We get it. You’re awesome. But guess what? I’m awesome too. And the number one consequence to knowing you’re awesome is, unfortunately, being alone.

Maybe take a break from dating, per se, or use the women you are contacting to practice looking for the facet of their personality you can honor. This goes a long way toward defusing the “I’m so awesome you should feel grateful to be in my presence” aura that probably contributes to scaring the women away.

DMZ_1

Wow, I don't know where to start. There's a lot of information in the original post. I could write a lot more than I am going to write.

You need to tone it down a bit. You're intense, we get it. I can be intense at times, but compared to you, I'm light and breezy. Light and breezy is a much better approach.

The idea of a numbers game is a half truth. It is a numbers game if your process is inefficient. Sure, there's a need for a certain amount of volume, but the focus should be on scheduling dates with compatible singles, not scheduling for the sake of scheduling. Your cancellation/stand up ratio is way too high, which tells me your process is inefficient. From online dating, a normal cancellation/stand up percentage should be around 5-10% of dates you schedule, yet you are telling us that your percentage is around 80% of scheduled dates.

I think you do need to evaluate your goals and your process and make some changes. Your travel schedule is not conducive to long term dating either. But most important, tone it down, have fun, smile and meet women going through your day to day regimen (your interests) and not be overly reliant on online dating and run of the mill bars/clubs.

ItsCasey

I don't do online dating, so I can't offer any advice in that regard, but in general, a woman who is genuinely interested in dating a man (not in having him as a friend or a shoulder to cry on or an emergency wedding/work event date) is not going to cancel ANY date with him unless there is an absolute, unavoidable emergency, in which case she WILL make an effort to reschedule. So if you find that a woman keeps cancelling on you, move on. She's not into you and, even worse, doesn't respect you enough to be honest with you.

Also, if you're having a good time with a woman (and she seems to be having a good time with you), don't be in such a rush to put a label on it. I think both sexes are notorious for reaching a certain age and being horrified that they are still single. Don't be that way. Fear and desperation have a smell, if you get what I'm saying. No woman wants to be the one you chose because you thought you were running out of time.

AllanMisner

This is the first volume of what you'll need to know...



However, I have it on good authority, they've already made this obsolete. A rewrite is in the works.

BelMckenzie

It seems like most girls tend to do the opposite of what I feel like any rational human being would do (and they are probably thinking the same thing about me).

Scenario:
You meet someone online, decide to meet them, but it seems like 8 times out of 10 the woman cancels for some reason. Now I think the polite and decent thing to do would be to say "I can't tonight BUT I'm free tomorrow (or whenever) if you are available." Now, usually they just say "I can't tonight, I'm sorry. Can we reschedule?" First of all, I first just assume that their interest level in me is pretty low, I wouldn't expect much else because we haven't met yet, but maybe try just a little bit? Second of all, if YOU cancelled the date, YOU should be telling me when you're available, not put the burden on me again. Third, if you really don't want to meet me then quit asking to reschedule, and if you do then just tell me when is good for you so I don't have to keep playing the guessing game. Fourth, don't apologize to me. Ever. You are not doing me any huge favors by agreeing to meet me, I'm just a little disappointed that you can't make it. Try acting disappointed because you wanted to met me too, not just the other way around, I don't need your sympathy lol.

Okay rant over....phew that felt good.

I have canceled on a few dates- usually something had come up or I'm not feeling the best however I am usually not overly interested in them in the first place but I do end up meeting with them (planning it the same time). I do apologize profusely so I will make sure to not do that next time.

Now for the OP- You are way too intense. I am very easy going and shy so if you approached me, I would be very taken a back from it. You do come off as I am hot ****, I have been with lots of women, now why don't they like me. You have to be confidence not cocky and honestly if you want a women- make it about her not you. If you waited 7 days to call me- I would assume you were not totally interested and would probably never return your call. If it was a great date- I don't mind if you follow up with me when you get home.

DavetheHYNIC

Ok I need HELP understand how to deal with women. I am 30 and dated (or hooked with) a good number of women. When I was younger it was just a numbers game. I would pursue a lot of women rather aggressively until someone bit. This practice didn't really require much understanding of women .. It was just a matter of talking to as many people as you could and eventually you would find someone to tolerate me.

Fast Forward 7 years and now my tastes are different. I am not satisfied by "conquering" a ton of women anymore.! I'm actually looking for quality and I'm terrible at it. I spend way to much time trying to figure how to deal with the women that I meet. I don't necessarily have a problem meeting and identifying women that are attracted to me .. It's the stuff that comes after the initial meeting that I suck at! My friends say that I am great when a woman is in front of me but once we separate we always find a way to mess it up!

Here are my problems. I don't know when is the right time to call the first time . I have tried all the "theories" (waiting anywhere from 1-7 days) which it always seems to be too earlier for them and appears to be a immediate deal breaker. If I somehow get past the intital call/text phase I usually get killed by the next phase ....making plans. I do fine on the phone BUT I have a huge problem with women standing me up or cancelling plans last minute. Out of the 20 or so dates I planned in the last year only like 4 happened.

Lastly I don't understand how to properly express my desire to get to know her better without totally ruining everything. I have tried all approaches including "being forward" and acting like I don't care. I know you're gonna say "Everyone is different" so I'm gonna call bull**** in advance and point out the fact that the people that seem to be the most successful use the same formula and it works everytime! I spend time talking to each person and try different approaches based on the scenerio. I even tried the "George from Seinfeld" approach of doing the EXACT opposite of what I should do. I try to be myself but that always fails... I tried honesty but that always fails .. I tried lying and that seems worked better but ultimately FAILS! My high failure rate , when I am trying to legitimately date a girl , has led me to try and accurate the situation (aka try to hook up immediately). This is mainly because I usually fail , so why not try to get something out of it while it's still hot? I know this is bad because interactions like this lead no way.

Anyway I need help ... I have a willingness to change and accept feedback !!

DavetheHYNIC

Ok I need HELP understand how to deal with women. I am 30 and dated (or hooked with) a good number of women. When I was younger it was just a numbers game. I would pursue a lot of women rather aggressively until someone bit. This practice didn't really require much understanding of women .. It was just a matter of talking to as many people as you could and eventually you would find someone to tolerate me.

Fast Forward 7 years and now my tastes are different. I am not satisfied by "conquering" a ton of women anymore.! I'm actually looking for quality and I'm terrible at it. I spend way to much time trying to figure how to deal with the women that I meet. I don't necessarily have a problem meeting and identifying women that are attracted to me .. It's the stuff that comes after the initial meeting that I suck at! My friends say that I am great when a woman is in front of me but once we separate we always find a way to mess it up!

Here are my problems. I don't know when is the right time to call the first time . I have tried all the "theories" (waiting anywhere from 1-7 days) which it always seems to be too earlier for them and appears to be a immediate deal breaker. If I somehow get past the intital call/text phase I usually get killed by the next phase ....making plans. I do fine on the phone BUT I have a huge problem with women standing me up or cancelling plans last minute. Out of the 20 or so dates I planned in the last year only like 4 happened.

Lastly I don't understand how to properly express my desire to get to know her better without totally ruining everything. I have tried all approaches including "being forward" and acting like I don't care. I know you're gonna say "Everyone is different" so I'm gonna call bull**** in advance and point out the fact that the people that seem to be the most successful use the same formula and it works everytime! I spend time talking to each person and try different approaches based on the scenerio. I even tried the "George from Seinfeld" approach of doing the EXACT opposite of what I should do. I try to be myself but that always fails... I tried honesty but that always fails .. I tried lying and that seems worked better but ultimately FAILS! My high failure rate , when I am trying to legitimately date a girl , has led me to try and accurate the situation (aka try to hook up immediately). This is mainly because I usually fail , so why not try to get something out of it while it's still hot? I know this is bad because interactions like this lead no way.

Anyway I need help ... I have a willingness to change and accept feedback !!

Ok brother I'm going to give you some general tips based on the limited info u gave and also with the knowledge that women are very diverse and complex. If you would like further advice my hours on mfp are from 830-430 Mon thru Fri with occasional evening and weekends stop ins:


Call on the second day after you meet her. This shows interest yet doesn't make you look desperate.
Limit your convo on the first call to an hour. Ask questions regarding her background, career goals interest and make sure you give information about yours. If u don't think your initially compatible fiscally, emotionally, educationly, etc., leave it alone. To many men and oh so many women pursue a relationship that they knew from the beginning was a reach to work.

If out of 20 booked dates u only made it too 4 or 5 your convo must stink, coming across as a jerk or not seeming to be able to bring much to the table. I don't have that many cancelled dates in 20 years(minus a 5 year marriage). Take an active interest in diversifying your interest and broading your conversation. Also ask a lot of questions women love to talk about themselves.

Offer to take her on a date in the second or third conversation. Take her to dinner never take a first date to a movie and make sure you pay. A good dinner date will always hold a woman's interest to perhaps compensate for where you be lacking in other areas.

It shouldn't be that hard the straight , know how to treat a woman guy is in high demand and it is way more eligible women than men. If your losing its cause you don't know the game.

Roadie2000

I have canceled on a few dates- usually something had come up or I'm not feeling the best however I am usually not overly interested in them in the first place but I do end up meeting with them (planning it the same time). I do apologize profusely so I will make sure to not do that next time.

An apology is okay, don't get me wrong, some people could get bent out of shape without an apology. I would just like to see someone express the fact that they are genuinely disappointed. Or else I just chalk it up as a loss and move on.

meshashesha2012

Everyone keeps telling you to "be yourself." Well, if "being yourself" isn't working, you have to think about why that is.

Not trying to be mean... but trying to help. About 7 years ago, someone told me I was "too intense." Being myself was never going to help me build the kind of friendships and relationships I now have. I had to learn to stop being so intense all the time.

i agree with this. i think some people dont quite realize how they come off to others and adjusting that isn't about changing who they are but about them being more aware of the type of energy they send out.

i'm going to bet that if the OP has so many cancelled dates he might not be suggesting date ideas these girls are interested in and either suggesting things that he wants to do (and makes him look awesome) or choosing generic date ideas. this is why it's important to talk to us and by that i mean let us do most of the talking :laugh: when we tell you what are interests are, that should get your mental gears in motion about things to ask us out to do.

i generally dont like intense guys because to me they come off as being incredibly controlling, but i've made exceptions when it's clear they've listened to me and come up with date ideas for things i've expressed interest in. i think, at least for the initial stages, the best advice i can give any guy wondering about women is to make us feel at ease and comfortable and that includes where you take us for dates.