Guys, please don't...

JanieJack

Oh wow!! I found this thread while searching for one I thought I posted about a cheating coworker. These two got engaged and are now married. Check it out at http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/810313-my-friend-s-fianc-hit-on-me?hl=tell+friend+boyfriend+asked+me+out#posts-12125278


Oh, and if anyone can help me find the post about the cheating coworker, please let me know. The husband has returned home from deployment and he's asking me to help prove a case so she can't lay claim to his military retirement.

kimad

Separated is still married and even if you have moved on, you technically can't commit to/marry anyone else. Soooo no thank you!!

fullofwhimsy

My parents have been separated for 24 years. Never finalized the divorce for reasons of $ and "meh". It honestly doesn't bother me if someone has been separated for a couple years etc. For those that do mind...what are your rules regarding potential partners that were common-law previously? Do you have a set waiting period? Clearly there is no official paperwork...

lacroyx

Oh wow!! I found this thread while searching for one I thought I posted about a cheating coworker. These two got engaged and are now married. Check it out at http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/810313-my-friend-s-fianc-hit-on-me?hl=tell+friend+boyfriend+asked+me+out#posts-12125278


Oh, and if anyone can help me find the post about the cheating coworker, please let me know. The husband has returned home from deployment and he's asking me to help prove a case so she can't lay claim to his military retirement.

Here on MFP?

MissingMinnesota

Oh wow!! I found this thread while searching for one I thought I posted about a cheating coworker. These two got engaged and are now married. Check it out at http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/810313-my-friend-s-fianc-hit-on-me?hl=tell+friend+boyfriend+asked+me+out#posts-12125278


Oh, and if anyone can help me find the post about the cheating coworker, please let me know. The husband has returned home from deployment and he's asking me to help prove a case so she can't lay claim to his military retirement.

Here on MFP?

If you click on the number of posts under your profile picture that will take you to all the posts you have posted. If you know about the time that posted about the cheating co-worker you could narrow down the search.

kimad

My parents have been separated for 24 years. Never finalized the divorce for reasons of $ and "meh". It honestly doesn't bother me if someone has been separated for a couple years etc. For those that do mind...what are your rules regarding potential partners that were common-law previously? Do you have a set waiting period? Clearly there is no official paperwork...

For me it's the fact that CAN'T remarry. I was with my kid's dad for 8.5 years, 7 of those he was married to someone else. It SUCKED he couldn't marry me.... But in this case hindsite is 20/20 . I'm not questioning the fact they aren't over their ex, I'm questioning being with someone who can't give me what I'm ultimately looking for...marriage...... Especially when I've witnessed how hard people can make the processes of divorce and how some purposely drag it out, vanish, etc. I know this isn't the case for all, but in my 2 experiences with it, it wasn't in my favour so now I shy against it.

Ps- in Canada you need to be separated 1 year before divorce.

JanieJack

Oh wow!! I found this thread while searching for one I thought I posted about a cheating coworker. These two got engaged and are now married. Check it out at http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/810313-my-friend-s-fianc-hit-on-me?hl=tell+friend+boyfriend+asked+me+out#posts-12125278


Oh, and if anyone can help me find the post about the cheating coworker, please let me know. The husband has returned home from deployment and he's asking me to help prove a case so she can't lay claim to his military retirement.

Here on MFP?

Yes, I thought so. I found a few posts where I referenced their situation, but I could have sworn I posted one about her specifically and how to handle it. Back on my home computer I have a list of all my topics, but don't have that list with me here.

I did find where I posted about it in other forums so that will help, but I thought I posted it on MFP as well.

JanieJack

If you click on the number of posts under your profile picture that will take you to all the posts you have posted. If you know about the time that posted about the cheating co-worker you could narrow down the search.

Thanks, that's where I started but for some reason that doesn't show you every single post.

For example, in searching I found a couple posts where I mentioned her situation in threads on "what is cheating" but those posts did not come up in my long list of user posts. IDK why that is.

JanieJack

For those that do mind...what are your rules regarding potential partners that were common-law previously? Do you have a set waiting period?

Especially when I've witnessed how hard people can make the processes of divorce and how some purposely drag it out, vanish, etc. I know this isn't the case for all, but in my 2 experiences with it, it wasn't in my favour so now I shy against it.

For me it's two fold:

1. Most (not all, but most) guys who told me they were "separated" had no real intention of divorcing their wives. How do I know this? Because I got a lot of guys like this 4 years ago when I first got divorced and guess what? they're still married, still telling women "our marriage has really been over for years, my wife doesn't understand me, etc"

2. If I want to be married, the fact that you are not in a position to marry me is a dealbreaker. And if you were common law for that long then I suspect we won't be compatible in terms of opinions on marriage anyway.

I've made many separated guys an offer to get to know each other in public, group, non-romantic settings until they're officially divorced. Only one guy in 4 years actually took me up on that, but after a year it was obvious he was never gonna leave his wife.

jenbit

My parents have been separated for 24 years. Never finalized the divorce for reasons of $ and "meh". It honestly doesn't bother me if someone has been separated for a couple years etc. For those that do mind...what are your rules regarding potential partners that were common-law previously? Do you have a set waiting period? Clearly there is no official paperwork...

My ex-husband and I have been legally seperated for 7 years now... I expect we will be getting around to getting divorced in the next year or two because his GF wants to get married.... However it was never a big deal for us since we have maintain seperate households and ect since day 1... We own no communal property infact the only thing we ever "possesed" together are the children..When I dated someone I do explain that I'm legally still married but have been seperated for more then 7 years... Apperantly not such a big deal down here lol

RunIntheMud

I have a couple different reasons for not dating separated men...

1. I'm in a position where I'm looking for a long term commitment that leads to marriage. *Most* men fresh out of a divorce are not looking for this. There is a lot of self reflection, a lot of "what did I do wrong" that occurs after divorce. I've been through it. I'm really looking for someone that isn't in that state right now.

2. Even men that are officially divorced get a lot of guilt from their ex-wives when they start dating. It's an emotional issue and even more so when they're separated. I just don't want to deal with it.

3. There are some courts that would still see this as adultery when it comes to custody hearings and I don't want to hurt any man's right to see his kids. (yes, I've seen dirty ex's pull this card even though they were doing the same)

4. I have dated separated men.... 2 went back to their wives. I met one of the the wives at a party of a mutual friends. She knew exactly who I was and it was the worst feeling in the world. I felt like a home wrecker. This is the main reason I won't do it again.