What does a relationship mean to people now adays?
chicky89
Posts: 260 Member
okay, so I'm one of those girls that have a few fwbs. I have had one guy where we have been fwb for 3 years. If one of us gets into a relationship, we have always told each other and stopped.
Welllll, he came over last night. We had a good time. We also talked about him patrolling (hes a cop) and found a friend in a car with some chick... which is no big deal, but his friend is married. He made a HUGE deal about it.
Anyyyways, after he left, I decided to see if he is on FB.... low and behold, he was! AND now he is ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From someone who made a big deal about his friends cheating on his wife... and how we used to always call our fwb off if we were in a relationship with someone else, I'm shocked!!!
I have NO idea what to say to him.... It would be awkward "I was creeping your FB and was wondering where your fiance lives?"
Boggles my mind what a relationship is these days and how people treat them. YES- I do have fwbs, BUT if I'm in a relationship, I am totally committed!! I just don't get it!!!!
Welllll, he came over last night. We had a good time. We also talked about him patrolling (hes a cop) and found a friend in a car with some chick... which is no big deal, but his friend is married. He made a HUGE deal about it.
Anyyyways, after he left, I decided to see if he is on FB.... low and behold, he was! AND now he is ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From someone who made a big deal about his friends cheating on his wife... and how we used to always call our fwb off if we were in a relationship with someone else, I'm shocked!!!
I have NO idea what to say to him.... It would be awkward "I was creeping your FB and was wondering where your fiance lives?"
Boggles my mind what a relationship is these days and how people treat them. YES- I do have fwbs, BUT if I'm in a relationship, I am totally committed!! I just don't get it!!!!
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Thats a tough one! I would just tell him that you want to call it off because you want more and feel that you fwb is holding you back from getting what you really want. I wouldnt even mention the fiance. Just my opinion. I had that happen recently an ex called me and said what happened to us and that we should try to get back together ...about a month later I saw on his FB page that he got married!!0
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I'm with you there honey. I'm also of the mind that a FWB is not required when in a relationship!! And I also had this 'agreement' when I had a FWB.
I guess people just have different views on it. And this guy sounds like a total douche! I would be heartbroken if I was engaged only to find my fiance was still shagging a FWB :explode:
I guess it just shows that some people will always abuse any rational system you give them............. SMH :huh:0 -
I would call his cheating *kitten* out! I would say I was bored, doing some facebook stalking and lookey here .. you are an engaged cheating SOB.
I don't understand cheaters.0 -
I guess people just have different views on it. And this guy sounds like a total douche! I would be heartbroken if I was engaged only to find my fiance was still shagging a FWB :explode:
That's the thing!!! I feel obligated to msg her and tell her!!!! I would want to know!!! I feel like a home wrecker!!!0 -
I would call his cheating *kitten* out! I would say I was bored, doing some facebook stalking and lookey here .. you are an engaged cheating SOB.
I don't understand cheaters.
This is how I feel too! Only if you hate to admit you were creeping you could say "I heard from so-and-so that you're engaged."0 -
I guess people just have different views on it. And this guy sounds like a total douche! I would be heartbroken if I was engaged only to find my fiance was still shagging a FWB :explode:
That's the thing!!! I feel obligated to msg her and tell her!!!! I would want to know!!! I feel like a home wrecker!!!
You're not the home wrecker, he is. But man, if I were her, I suppose I'd want his FWB to tell me what's been going on. I have no problem with casual dating, but to me when you get engaged is the absolute drop-dead time to stop dating others and start erecting those "marriage boundaries" in preparation for your life together.
Maybe she's modern, already knows he has FWBs on the side and it doesn't bother her...?0 -
I would call his cheating *kitten* out! I would say I was bored, doing some facebook stalking and lookey here .. you are an engaged cheating SOB.
I don't understand cheaters.
This is how I feel too! Only if you hate to admit you were creeping you could say "I heard from so-and-so that you're engaged."
We don't know anyone in common!!!!!!! It would be hard to swing that one.0 -
I would give him a chance to be honest first. Just tell him you are aware now that he is engaged - and that he can come clean and tell her the truth or you will.
That way - just in case it's one of those stupid cutesie not really engagements that people do on FB all the time he can also clear the air with you.0 -
That way - just in case it's one of those stupid cutesie not really engagements that people do on FB all the time he can also clear the air with you.
ohhhh, its for real!!!! I crept her!!!! Has pictures of their get away and her ring!!!!!!!!0 -
I would give him a chance to be honest first. Just tell him you are aware now that he is engaged - and that he can come clean and tell her the truth or you will.
That way - just in case it's one of those stupid cutesie not really engagements that people do on FB all the time he can also clear the air with you.
This was my thinking too except was more thinking the engagement may have ended suddenly or something like that.0 -
That way - just in case it's one of those stupid cutesie not really engagements that people do on FB all the time he can also clear the air with you.
ohhhh, its for real!!!! I crept her!!!! Has pictures of their get away and her ring!!!!!!!!
OH SNAPPLE!0 -
once you told us he was a cop, I was more surprised that he would be offended by a friend cheating on his wife than I was that he would do it. Most cops I know are notorious for infidelity. I've also heard some cops talk about how awkward policeman''s balls are because the woman they introduce as their spouse is not the same woman who they were with in the bar the previous weekend.0
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What were the agreed upon terms of becoming FWBs?0
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Ok, I'm clueless. I don't know what a fwb is???
Although from what you've described, I can make an educated guess...
Relationships mean different things to different people. But, for me, I guess I'm a little old fashioned. I'm a ONE man woman, and my man better be a ONE woman man, too. I want committment. I will be committed, and I want him to be committed. Loyalty, trust... and communication... that's what I want.
then again...
Maybe that's why I'm single.
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cool I like that0 -
friends with benefits0
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friends with benefits
LOL Okay... thanks!
I was hoping someone would tell me.0 -
I guess people just have different views on it. And this guy sounds like a total douche! I would be heartbroken if I was engaged only to find my fiance was still shagging a FWB :explode:
That's the thing!!! I feel obligated to msg her and tell her!!!! I would want to know!!! I feel like a home wrecker!!!
You're a FWB, I'm not sure it's your place.
You should comment to him though.
Personally, I'd never do that to a gf/fiance/wife. Single is one thing, but committed is committed.0 -
I guess people just have different views on it. And this guy sounds like a total douche! I would be heartbroken if I was engaged only to find my fiance was still shagging a FWB :explode:
That's the thing!!! I feel obligated to msg her and tell her!!!! I would want to know!!! I feel like a home wrecker!!!
You're not the home wrecker, he is. But man, if I were her, I suppose I'd want his FWB to tell me what's been going on. I have no problem with casual dating, but to me when you get engaged is the absolute drop-dead time to stop dating others and start erecting those "marriage boundaries" in preparation for your life together.
Maybe she's modern, already knows he has FWBs on the side and it doesn't bother her...?
I had a friend who hooked up with a guy who had a girlfriend once. She went on Facebook and sent the girl a message and the girl didn't believe her, and she said, "Well, it's your loss then but I wouldn't make something up about this." Then the girl had a change of heart and dumped the guy because she started to believe my friend.0 -
I don`t get something here.
Do women consider a friend with benefits a relationship or a no strings attached sexual agreement?
I am not defending the guy as a paragon of virtue but unless an expressed and agreed upon stipulation that neither party see anyone else while maintaining the FWB situation I also fail to see justification of outrage.0 -
I guess people just have different views on it. And this guy sounds like a total douche! I would be heartbroken if I was engaged only to find my fiance was still shagging a FWB :explode:
That's the thing!!! I feel obligated to msg her and tell her!!!! I would want to know!!! I feel like a home wrecker!!!
You're a FWB, I'm not sure it's your place.
You should comment to him though.
Personally, I'd never do that to a gf/fiance/wife. Single is one thing, but committed is committed.
I agree. I think you should confront him and if you don't feel comfortable with him being engaged then end it. But I don't think it's you're place to tell her. That's his business. You're his FWB not in a relationship with him.0 -
Yeh .. I don't think it is your place to tell her .. I would HAVE to confront his cheating @ss. Screw worrying about facebook stalking .. he is the one that should be mortified.
My problem is he is SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE TOO .. that should be something he told you!0 -
My exhusband called and asked if my offer of a safe place to stay (my home / his OWN room) was still open... and 3 weeks later he showed up. And tried to get us back together.... I was wary but still had an open mind about it.... one week later I get a phone call at work from his WIFE. Yes, he had just married this woman 3 weeks prior and this was the 2nd time he had married her. I didn't even know he had been married after we divorced.
Fortunately it never had progressed to a sexual relationship because he had groundwork to fix (trust issues) between us before I would take it to that level... but OMG! He married her and then pretty much left her and came to my house begging for US to get back together.
Needless to say he didn't live here very long and his now exwife and myself are friends (on FB at least) ... we are in two different states.
Some people are just ridiculous with their idea of a relationship.
I would never expect that the man I was engaged to was still carrying on a FWB relationship. I've had one and even without expressed rules there are rules that are expected anyhow. (at least I think so!)0 -
I am not defending the guy as a paragon of virtue but unless an expressed and agreed upon stipulation that neither party see anyone else while maintaining the FWB situation I also fail to see justification of outrage.
Can't speak for OP, but if it were me, I'd like to have been able to make the decision about whether or not I was sleeping with someone else's fiance.0 -
I am not defending the guy as a paragon of virtue but unless an expressed and agreed upon stipulation that neither party see anyone else while maintaining the FWB situation I also fail to see justification of outrage.
Can't speak for OP, but if it were me, I'd like to have been able to make the decision about whether or not I was sleeping with someone else's fiance.
It all gets back to drawing up the ground rules for what is now common but still an unusual arrangement.
Personally I would want some exclusivity if I was to try but that is more of a not wanting to be round 2 for someone in a night but the main point is don`t assume that the other person sees things the same way as you/I may when entering into what is a non traditional association.0 -
I don`t get something here.
Do women consider a friend with benefits a relationship or a no strings attached sexual agreement?
no strings attached sexual agreement0 -
Can't speak for OP, but if it were me, I'd like to have been able to make the decision about whether or not I was sleeping with someone else's fiance.
EXACTLY!0 -
Am I the only one who thinks that when you agree to a FWB situation, you sort of lose the right to complain about whatever else your "friend" has going on? You can either handle it or you can't.0
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Am I the only one who thinks that when you agree to a FWB situation, you sort of lose the right to complain about whatever else your "friend" has going on? You can either handle it or you can't.0
