What does a relationship mean to people now adays?
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It's about sex. No details. No kissing. No emotions.
No kissing? WTF? Are you serious? And yes, that is a serious question. Does nobody kiss their FWB? I highly doubt it.
You know what I mean. Romantic kissing under the stars type stuff.
No kissing after breakfast, etc.
I didn't actually know what you meant but I'm reassured a little bit...I guess.
If you knew what I meant, why bother asking for clarification?
Have you not ever seen the movie No Stings Attached?0 -
This may ruffle some feathers, but I think there are a ton of women who use the FWB label because it's a less bitter pill to swallow than "We're just sleeping together because that's all he wants from me." FWB implies that "sex only" is a mutual choice, and that makes the whole thing seem less pathetic than secretly hoping you are entrenching yourself in the guy's life by having sex with him whenever he wants it.
I don't do the FWB thing because I can't do casual sex. I know that about myself, so I avoid it like the plague. I do not pass judgment on those who enjoy it. Live, and let live. And actually, I have more respect for people who are honest about the fact that sex is all they want. At least those people are giving you the option to take it or leave it. Saying you're okay with sex only, followed by massive hand-wringing over whether or not that person is involved with someone else is all sorts of fake.
I have never had nor know if I could do the FWB thing but am rather stunned today by how few ladies seem to understand or accept what it means and that is simply getting an itch scratched with both in agreement to the terms,not some sort of second level boyfriend.
It is no wonder so many come out hurt.
I said on another thread that I didn`t think 90% of women should ever consider it and that was because I thought they couldn`t abide by the rules.
Now I am more inclined to say the same but because they know the rules and choose to ignore them.
You two are cracking me up!! :laugh: You keep casting aspersions about FWB when you haven't had any personal experience with a FWB???? :huh:
Why is it that people pick the worst case scenario and then deem it the norm??
Let me repeat:
1. Nobody said anybody had to be emotionless! Some people choose to be, but that's not a rule, that's a defense mechanism!
2. Nobody I know has sex without kissing!! First I ever heard of that was on this forum.......ewww!
3. You can make up any rules you like as long as you both agree to them! From a wham bam thank you man once a month, to a stay over with dinner and breakfast 3x per week!
4. An exclusive FWB can be a rule if you both agree!!
Notwithstanding liars and cheats, which is what this thread is about, the arrangement can work fine for both involved.
The last thing I would say is that it certainly does NOT represent cold hearted sex!!! (although it might do for some!) What a FWB is, for a lot of us, is someone we dont want to commit to/have a relationship with! Those reasons can be because you've been recently hurt, you've had enough of the domesticity involved in a 'relationship', the person is younger or older than you, you have had a relationship but you've found out you can't live with each other, but still pretty much like each other........................etc.
There can be all sorts of reasons you fall into a FWB situation, cold sex and 'scratching an itch' just being at one end of the scale.
Like I said, it doesnt suit everyone, but it can work fine if people just stick to their mutual agreement :flowerforyou:
1. If there are emotions involved, it's not just sex. It's more, for whoever has those emotions.
2. See my "clarification" above
3. You can, but those rules are typically broken.
4. See above. If it's not something you discuss, it's not something that's any of your business.
Why do people who think they know everything about a topic try to push their way as the normal for everyone? it's all different and depends on the people.0 -
It's about sex. No details. No kissing. No emotions.
No kissing? WTF? Are you serious? And yes, that is a serious question. Does nobody kiss their FWB? I highly doubt it.
You know what I mean. Romantic kissing under the stars type stuff.
No kissing after breakfast, etc.
I didn't actually know what you meant but I'm reassured a little bit...I guess.
If you knew what I meant, why bother asking for clarification?
Have you not ever seen the movie No Stings Attached?
I said that I didn't know what you meant when you said FWB don't kiss lol! And I did see the movie...didn't like it much. The Mila Kunis/Justin Timberlake was 100% better.0 -
[[/quote]
According to Facebook, I'm gay and in relationship with myself (which actually might be truer than I think...).
Oh yeah and I'm an Oompa Loompa working at the chocolate factory too.
[/quote]]
LMAO OMG that is too funny I snorted and spit water at the same time (glad there are no cameras here)
Edited : damn I screwed up the quote lol but LOVED IT0 -
Deceiving people is wrong and if you are sleeping with them then they will justifiably feel exploited. This guy knew he would be out on his ear if the OP knew he was engaged. He concealed it, he maintained that he would be faithful if he was in a relationship and he did this while he was being unfaithful. No arrangement is a license to treat anyone this way.
What's not to get? The arguments about what a FWB is or isn't miss the point, in my view.0 -
Why do people who think they know everything about a topic try to push their way as the normal for everyone? it's all different and depends on the people.
Read what I said again Mack.............that is EXACTLY what I said!! It IS different for everyone!!!! I was just giving examples on the other side of the scale to balance things out, cos most people on this thread were only seeing the colder side :flowerforyou:0 -
Deceiving people is wrong and if you are sleeping with them then they will justifiably feel exploited. This guy knew he would be out on his ear if the OP knew he was engaged. He concealed it, he maintained that he would be faithful if he was in a relationship and he did this while he was being unfaithful. No arrangement is a license to treat anyone this way.
What's not to get? The arguments about what a FWB is or isn't miss the point, in my view.
Well the point was that a lot of people seem to think that FWBs should be some kind of cold hearted person not entitled to any decency or truth!!! Hence trying to explain that FWB arrangements are all different!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Deceiving people is wrong and if you are sleeping with them then they will justifiably feel exploited. This guy knew he would be out on his ear if the OP knew he was engaged. He concealed it, he maintained that he would be faithful if he was in a relationship and he did this while he was being unfaithful. No arrangement is a license to treat anyone this way.
What's not to get? The arguments about what a FWB is or isn't miss the point, in my view.
The thing is that none of that has been stated as being the case everything I have read indicates all was presumed to be the case but then admitted that the OP knew very little of his private life.
I guess to be completely fair about it that would call into question the whole "friend" part of the equation which is another whole topic.
This sounds more like 2 people who agreed to have sex and then literally distance themselves from each other.
In my opinion that is even more of a recipe for potential disaster but maybe some can do it.
In case anyone doubts it I do think the guy is a sleaze let there be no mistake about that.
I also do not think anyone who would enter into an arrangement of this sort without a very clear and detailed set of mutually agreed on rules and some knowledge of backgrounds really can`t complain much if things turn into a rolling crapball.0 -
Deceiving people is wrong and if you are sleeping with them then they will justifiably feel exploited. This guy knew he would be out on his ear if the OP knew he was engaged. He concealed it, he maintained that he would be faithful if he was in a relationship and he did this while he was being unfaithful. No arrangement is a license to treat anyone this way.
What's not to get? The arguments about what a FWB is or isn't miss the point, in my view.
Well the point was that a lot of people seem to think that FWBs should be some kind of cold hearted person not entitled to any decency or truth!!! Hence trying to explain that FWB arrangements are all different!! :flowerforyou:
I agree, I don't get the whole thing about trying to define something as broad as relationships with a label like this, to be honest. Especially if it causes arguments :laugh:
I meant that whatever label you use, it doesn't excuse dishonesty.0 -
This sounds more like 2 people who agreed to have sex and then literally distance themselves from each other.
In my opinion that is even more of a recipe for potential disaster but maybe some can do it.
In case anyone doubts it I do think the guy is a sleaze let there be no mistake about that.
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Well we already know you are a Gent, Carl
I totally agree with the above. I just think that whatever people do in life, they should treat each other with respect. 0 -
You two are cracking me up!! :laugh: You keep casting aspersions about FWB when you haven't had any personal experience with a FWB???? :huh:
Why is it that people pick the worst case scenario and then deem it the norm??
Let me repeat:
1. Nobody said anybody had to be emotionless! Some people choose to be, but that's not a rule, that's a defense mechanism!
2. Nobody I know has sex without kissing!! First I ever heard of that was on this forum.......ewww!
3. You can make up any rules you like as long as you both agree to them! From a wham bam thank you man once a month, to a stay over with dinner and breakfast 3x per week!
4. An exclusive FWB can be a rule if you both agree!!
Notwithstanding liars and cheats, which is what this thread is about, the arrangement can work fine for both involved.
The last thing I would say is that it certainly does NOT represent cold hearted sex!!! (although it might do for some!) What a FWB is, for a lot of us, is someone we dont want to commit to/have a relationship with! Those reasons can be because you've been recently hurt, you've had enough of the domesticity involved in a 'relationship', the person is younger or older than you, you have had a relationship but you've found out you can't live with each other, but still pretty much like each other........................etc.
There can be all sorts of reasons you fall into a FWB situation, cold sex and 'scratching an itch' just being at one end of the scale.
Like I said, it doesnt suit everyone, but it can work fine if people just stick to their mutual agreement :flowerforyou:
I get what you are saying but the issue I am talking about is entering one not being honest about abiding to the rules.
Those that understand and agree dishonestly have no one to blame but themselves for what happens.
The point came up because by definition unless stipulated otherwise it is a have sex,then you go your way and I will go mine.
If the exclusivity was stipulated then the person has a right to be mad,if it was assumed then you risk being burned.
I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept that it would be okay if it was known or if it was not a married situation.
Perhaps I misunderstood that though.
Sure, if you dont set the ground rules then its open to interpretation. Dishonesty to one or oneself is unacceptable in ANY arrangement!?
It just bothers me that people think that FWB's are a certain TYPE or behave in a certain MANNER, when its obvious to me that everyone approaches this in a different way. That's all I was trying to point out.
I had the exclusivity conversation with my FWB. So it was never a case of assumption. If either of us met someone, and more importantly, started sleeping with someone else, then the FWB arrangement ceased. But I'm not saying that is the norm as some people have several FWBs AND a relationship on the go, it would seem!! :laugh: It's just something we agreed so its highly possible to make your own rules up. But you're right, things like that can't be assumed :flowerforyou:0 -
Deceiving people is wrong and if you are sleeping with them then they will justifiably feel exploited. This guy knew he would be out on his ear if the OP knew he was engaged. He concealed it, he maintained that he would be faithful if he was in a relationship and he did this while he was being unfaithful. No arrangement is a license to treat anyone this way.
What's not to get? The arguments about what a FWB is or isn't miss the point, in my view.
Well the point was that a lot of people seem to think that FWBs should be some kind of cold hearted person not entitled to any decency or truth!!! Hence trying to explain that FWB arrangements are all different!! :flowerforyou:
I agree, I don't get the whole thing about trying to define something as broad as relationships with a label like this, to be honest. Especially if it causes arguments :laugh:
I meant that whatever label you use, it doesn't excuse dishonesty.
Ahhhh, WTH, its Friday night, time for a mass debate!!!! :laugh:
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Going to go out on a limb here (not like I haven`t done that before).
If you asked 100 guys what a FWB arrangement entails you will get nearly 100 answers to the effect of...Two friends that agree to have sexual relations within a friendship but without an emotional attachment or commitment.
The exact terms and conditions then can be worked out in mutual agreement.
If you asked 100 ladies what a FWB arrangement entails I won`t say you will get 100 different answers but by the sounds you will get a lot of different ones.
Just something for you ladies to consider and understand before agreeing to it.0 -
My guess is if he just got engaged, he's actually been with her, and therefore cheating on her, for a while now. I find it interesting that in all that time neither of you made mention of other things going on in your lives...0
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Here is how I see, a FWB is someone you give enough of a crap about to show some decency and "TRY" not to hurt... usually someone that you had a friendship with before the benefits kicked in.
On the other hand there is an FB (Fu*k Buddy), this person is your buddy because your F-ing them... not because you care in the least bit about anything else to do with them.0 -
If you asked 100 guys what a FWB arrangement entails you will get nearly 100 answers to the effect of...Two friends that agree to have sexual relations within a friendship but without an emotional attachment or commitment.
The exact terms and conditions then can be worked out in mutual agreement.
If you asked 100 ladies what a FWB arrangement entails I won`t say you will get 100 different answers but by the sounds you will get a lot of different ones.
Just something for you ladies to consider and understand before agreeing to it.
Exactly. I think if more women saw FWBs the way men did, there's be a LOT less FWB arrangements (or FBs, for that matter).0 -
Going to go out on a limb here (not like I haven`t done that before).
If you asked 100 guys what a FWB arrangement entails you will get nearly 100 answers to the effect of...Two friends that agree to have sexual relations within a friendship but without an emotional attachment or commitment.
The exact terms and conditions then can be worked out in mutual agreement.
If you asked 100 ladies what a FWB arrangement entails I won`t say you will get 100 different answers but by the sounds you will get a lot of different ones.
Just something for you ladies to consider and understand before agreeing to it.
Well, I think the definition of 'sex without commitment' is across the board. :flowerforyou:
I think the emotional one is debatable! I think we all started off with trying to define what a FWB was when a lady on here said her FWB (male) wanted a relationship, so men can get emotional too? And then we got to the colder side of it when a couple of women said they dont kiss, hold hands etc. so here we have women completely detached emotionally.
Not that I've been following these FWB threads with any interest!! :laugh:
And I readily admit I am totally emotional about everything!! :laugh: You should see me go when they tried to change a door in my building!! :laugh:
But back on topic, the OP deserves some honesty from this douche. I wholeheartedly agree with Lorro that regardless of the labels or the rules, respect is compulsory and dishonesty is unacceptable! ...We are, by definition, talking 'friends' here!!
This is why I use the words Fu*K buddies if its more of a stranger type set up..........but there we go back to definitions again, so I'll shut up 0 -
Here is how I see, a FWB is someone you give enough of a crap about to show some decency and "TRY" not to hurt... usually someone that you had a friendship with before the benefits kicked in.
On the other hand there is an FB (Fu*k Buddy), this person is your buddy because your F-ing them... not because you care in the least bit about anything else to do with them.
Perfect! That's what I think too! :flowerforyou: I've never had a FB, only a FWB! Hence why I'm a bit more emotional about it I suppose.....
A man and woman agree..........hoorah!! :flowerforyou:0 -
And I readily admit I am totally emotional about everything!! :laugh:
Me too. I care about total strangers, never mind people I actually like :laugh:0 -
I guess then it needs to be recognized that a person you are having sex with but have no other contact is not a "friend" with benefits,have fun but don`t then carp about what consequences may occur.
If the friendship is real then it means a concern for the other even though there is no emotional component to having sex.
To really throw fuel on the fire...please do not suggest that sex with a person you are dating requires an emotional commitment but then also allow for personally having either of the above.
That is a contradiction of terms that can`t be resolved.0
