Kid trying to sabatoge relationship
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rammsteinsoldier
Posts: 1,557 Member
I have recently started dating a great guy but my daughter does not want me dating. She is 18 years old and is going away to college next year so she wants me to spend this year with her before she leaves.
She is having panic attacks when I go to this guy's house and yelling at me about leaving her. She is threatening suicide and says she is completely alone in the world and no one cares about her feelings.
I have cut my dates short in order to rush home to her which isn't easy since he lives over 100 miles away. I am being pulled in two directions and it is mentally draining me.
Has anyone else had problems with their children standing in the way of a successful relationship?
She is having panic attacks when I go to this guy's house and yelling at me about leaving her. She is threatening suicide and says she is completely alone in the world and no one cares about her feelings.
I have cut my dates short in order to rush home to her which isn't easy since he lives over 100 miles away. I am being pulled in two directions and it is mentally draining me.
Has anyone else had problems with their children standing in the way of a successful relationship?
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Replies
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I won't date anyone my kids don't 100% approve of. That's just me, though.0
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No I haven't but WOW.... your daughter needs to ease up and quit being selfish. She is 18, not 8.0
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Bump....Need this one.0
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No offense but I think your daughter's issue goes a lot deeper than you having a boyfriend. Maybe some time needs to be focused on her to figure out what the problem is??? I'm sorry you're going through this! :flowerforyou:0
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I have no idea what to say. I don't think she would approve of anyone you dated.
How much time is dating this guy taking from you being home? I may want to think about talking to her doctor about a referral to a therapist. Sounds like this is just surface stuff to maybe some deeper issues.0 -
Totally serious: Have you sought therapy for her?0
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Totally serious: Have you sought therapy for her?
^This 100%0 -
Wow! That's tough. It sounds like she is a bit immature and selfish...but if she is having panic attacks, there are some serious issues that need to be addressed. I would definitely slow up on the relationship. If he's worth it, he will wait. Your kid should always be your priority. Get some counseling together and enjoy the last year you have her at home.0
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How has she gotten along with other men you have dated?
I think there is something else there. I use to have panic attacks they are no walk in the park.
I agree with you two going to talk to someone. Hopefully this guy is willing to wait until you figure it out with her.0 -
She has some serious abandonment issues. I would suggest you get some serious help before she goes to college. The last thing she needs to do is go off to college (a situation where dating is pretty much a revolving door) with the type of attitude you've described. Especially if she is threatening suicide. How is she going to handle it if a guy dumps her for any of the reasons a typical college-aged guy dumps a girl?0
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Your daughter is 18 and a legal adult. It's a different scenario than dating with kids under 10.
With that said, her underlying feelings are not that unusual from my perspective. Kids don't like it when their parents have a change in relationship status, and it does not matter whether they are 5, 15 or 35 with children of their own.
While I was in college, my mom dated a man (parents divorced when I was in high school). They ended up getting married. There was big family integration issues in that marriage. That guy's kids were very unhappy about him being with my mom. I was sort of go with the flow about it, I wasn't enthused, but I wasn't going to impede my mom. I handled the situation with maturity and class, but his kids pitched hissy fits about it and were rude to their father to varying degrees. And those kids were significantly older than I was during that time.
My mom is now single again (that husband passed away) and I asked her last week if she was interested in dating again. She said yes.
Dating with kids in the picture is just hard, and adult kids aren't much easier to deal with when you consider family integration in the dating/relationship picture.
But your daughter is acting out in a way that is beyond inappropriate and not indicative of a mature, legal adult in my opinion. The poster above who suggested counselling has a valid point.0 -
Kids are something!! My son acted a fool for two guys that turned out to be bad for me. The first one, I took the hint and moved on quickly (my eyes were opened after the first time he interacted with my son). But with the second, he was such a great guy that I ignored the fact that my son’s most rebellious, spiteful, and annoying side always came out around him. I should have paid better attention. And if anyone else I like brings out the worst in my son then I will know to move on before I get attached.
Here’s what concerns me about your daughter though… panic attacks are a very real problem, but people who threaten suicide/bodily harm are often doing so to be manipulative. Whether she realizes it or not, this behavior could destroy her friendships/relationships over the long term.
Being disrespectful to a parent also concerns me.
Could this, perhaps, be a response to her realizing (at 18) that her whole world is about to change? Anxiety about her future combined with a need to control something (YOU) when her life seems out of control?
If he’s really into you, perhaps he can make it easier for you and come out to meet you when she’s at school, activities, or in bed…? It’s harder to do that when he’s 100 miles away, but if she were at an all day art class or some kind of youth group event, he could drive over and you spend the day together while she’s having fun.0 -
Just wanna add that my son (6) is asking me to remarry. Lol.
When my mom left my dad (I was 13) I was happy. When she remarried, my step dad liked doing family things so, again, we were happy.0 -
I won't date anyone my kids don't 100% approve of. That's just me, though.
It's not the guy the kid cares about she doesn't want the mom dating PERIOD. anytime you got a kid threatening to hurt themselves you need to get professional help. It probably doesnt even have anything to do with dating. She just wants to control you. Get a grip on this, stat!0 -
How do you know it's not the guy? Perhaps it is the guy and she over-reacts, threatening herself to get her mother away from said guy? I've seen it before and will see it again.
Regardless, she has an issue that needs addressing...both mom and daughter. I'd seek some mental assistance somewhere.
Doesn't change the fact that I won't date anyone my kids don't 100% approve of.0 -
Thanks everyone for the words of advice.
I have her scheduled for counseling all ready and she has been in counseling before moving to Kansas.
I will have to talk with John but I have a feeling this will be the end of that relationship.0 -
I will have to talk with John but I have a feeling this will be the end of that relationship.
What part of this do you think will end the relationship? What won't he like?0 -
He is frustrated with the rollercoaster ride of emotions we are going through. We have a great time together and feel on cloud nine and then I get home to be yelled at by my daugther and is is wearing on us both.0
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I have recently started dating a great guy but my daughter does not want me dating. She is 18 years old and is going away to college next year so she wants me to spend this year with her before she leaves.
She is having panic attacks when I go to this guy's house and yelling at me about leaving her. She is threatening suicide and says she is completely alone in the world and no one cares about her feelings.
I have cut my dates short in order to rush home to her which isn't easy since he lives over 100 miles away. I am being pulled in two directions and it is mentally draining me.
Has anyone else had problems with their children standing in the way of a successful relationship?
You probably don't want my opinion,
But I would tell your daughter to grow up.0 -
I have recently started dating a great guy but my daughter does not want me dating. She is 18 years old and is going away to college next year so she wants me to spend this year with her before she leaves.
She is having panic attacks when I go to this guy's house and yelling at me about leaving her. She is threatening suicide and says she is completely alone in the world and no one cares about her feelings.
I have cut my dates short in order to rush home to her which isn't easy since he lives over 100 miles away. I am being pulled in two directions and it is mentally draining me.
Has anyone else had problems with their children standing in the way of a successful relationship?
You probably don't want my opinion,
But I would tell your daughter to grow up.
I'm going to agree.
I remember when my mom first started dating again. I hated him with a passion.
Snip ten years and I realize what I fool I was. He and my mom are very happy together and he takes great care of her.0
