Kid trying to sabatoge relationship

lorro

I totally agree she needs help and treatment before she moves away from home. The first year away at uni/college is sometimes very difficult for young people and it's not uncommon for those with psychological vulnerabilities to have their first full blown episode of illness at a time when they are alone without day to day support. I'd get her assessed by a licensed/accredited psychotherapist, clinical psychologist or psychiatrist. Training levels vary and although the ER is the right place to go if someone is threatening suicide the staff are not always qualified or experienced enough to do a full mental health assessment from a diagnosis/treatment point of view. They mainly focus on risk.

Of course your daughter comes first, but she would have these problems with anyone you dated. The fact he is far away may be a factor in that she is on her own for longer periods. It's not reasonable, but a fear of abandonment/rejection this strong, an inability to contain her distress and a refusal tro accept responsibility for herself indicates there maybe a serious underlying problem. Emotional imaturity and apparent manipulation go hand in hand with problems of this type. But make no mistake, the distress is likely to be real and extreme.

I wouldn't make any decisions about the relationship, regardless of the cause it does her no good to shift the responsibility for her well being to you in this way. I do advise seeing the shouting etc as a better alternative to suicidal acts, keeping calm, being very passive and soothing but boundaried in that unacceptable conduct results in a withdrawal of your presence. Always take suicidal threats seriously, even if they have been made frequently and not acted on. Good luck, I hope she gets the help she needs :flowerforyou: