Does Super-Fast-Sizzle Always Lead to Super-Heartbreak?

JanieJack

But in this instance you know and are friends with the guy in question. That would change my advice. I read it as you were stating he is just in it to get laid/scratch an itch and when that wears off be prepared for heartache. That may not have been what you were trying to say but is exactly how I took it, and in this case you were describing one of your friends to another one of your friends and to the entire group here.

I can see why he would think the entire thread is about him and be a bit offended.

Thanks for pointing it out. I didn't see it that way. The point of this thread was actually to try and encourage Helovesme following her response to what I posted on amisnercpa's thread. But, as in life, intentions don't matter nearly as much as interpretations.

If I'm honest with myself, I did think there was an ulterior motive behind such public display of their relationship, but certainly not to get laid (for the record, amisnercpa had THE best answer to the "it's gonna be awhile talk" of any man I ever went out with)...so I'm sorry if I gave that impression.

pa_jorg

2nd, the fizzle: Your thinking here is defensive thinking... who cares what happens most of the time, live life. Let's say one of these fast moving relationships burn up after 2 months... is that any worse than a 2 year relationship burning up, or a marriage??? In fact I would say it's better. Move at what pace feels right and go with the flow. There is no science to relationships.

That is my take.

^^ I really like this take. I'd say often relationships with super fast sizzle will burn out quickly - then again approx. half of all marriages end in divorce too - so really the individuals just have to use their best judgment and do what is right for them, there is no right or wrong answer here.

In my experience, all relationships end up with somebody getting hurt, it doesn't matter how fast or slow you take things. Things always seem to settle after the lust/honeymoon phase is over, that doesn't mean it's the guys fault for leading her on.

^^ Even though I don't disagree, the wording of this makes me depressed about relationships in general... :frown:

La_Amazona

But in this instance you know and are friends with the guy in question. That would change my advice. I read it as you were stating he is just in it to get laid/scratch an itch and when that wears off be prepared for heartache. That may not have been what you were trying to say but is exactly how I took it, and in this case you were describing one of your friends to another one of your friends and to the entire group here.

I can see why he would think the entire thread is about him and be a bit offended.

Thanks for pointing it out. I didn't see it that way. The point of this thread was actually to try and encourage Helovesme following her response to what I posted on amisnercpa's thread. But, as in life, intentions don't matter nearly as much as interpretations.

If I'm honest with myself, I did think there was an ulterior motive behind such public display of their relationship, but certainly not to get laid (for the record, amisnercpa had THE best answer to the "it's gonna be awhile talk" of any man I ever went out with)...so I'm sorry if I gave that impression.

You are a classy woman. You really are.

This whole thing got blown out of proportion. It's hard to interpret things over text/ public forums.

I'm glad that BOTH of you deal with things in a mature manner. I mean that.

I've been called out on the board before and I didn't respond in a very classy manner lol. So much respect to ya'll!!! :flowerforyou:

poncho33

Ok guys... on another thread I posted this which I didn't realize was gonna make some of the ladies sad. I know the people involved in the post, so I'm not gonna delete it... but please answer HeLovesMe's question... in your experience... when someone moves real fast (whether guy or gal) does it usually result in heartbreak?

It's because you are moving much faster than normal. Most guys who do this end up breaking the girl's heart in a big way.

If my friend were showered with gifts, facebook "relationshipped," told he was "in love" with her from the get go and started talking about moving after only knowing the guy for 2 months I would tell her to enjoy it while it lasts but prepare for a huge rude awakening down the road. More than likely he's only doing for show, or ego, upset an ex, or some other ulterior motive. And hot sex. And once that itch is sufficiently scratched, he will likely disappear.

May not be true in your case. But that's what usually happens.

Is this really true?

I wasn't going to respond to this, in fact, I was considering just leaving the group after being called out like this, but I like y'all and frankly this is not a proper depiction of me at all. And since this entire thread is about me, I figure it is time for me to own it.

I was frankly, a very happy single man. I got laid when I wanted (actually more often than I ever did when I was married or in a committed relationship) and I travel the world having fun. I met a great woman through Match.com and from the start told her I wasn't in a hurry to commit. We spent time together, cuddled, kissed, enjoyed each other's company. She has many great qualities. But...

She and I have very different theological beliefs. She needed someone who was comfortable not being sexual. She has a young son (he's awesome, but something that I had to really think about since I know I'm not a great role model). And, well, I could keep going on about things that I considered. She's great, I'm great, but we're not great together. I decided we'd be great friends and every time we went out, I made it clear we were just friends.

Months pass...

God works in mysterious ways. I am still going about my life, doing my thing, which is usually busy/fun/here/there. In an instant, something amazing happened. I met a woman that just blew me away. I'm 46 years old and I can tell you that I'm not new to chemistry and hormones. My eyes are wide open and I see what is what. She isn't what I envisioned, but it turns out, she's what I needed. We speak the same language. And while our FB is the best of us, we are both comfortable talking and dealing with the worst of us (we're just not sharing that in a public forum).

We are planning a future together. Planning, thinking, talking. Neither of us likes the distance between us. So, we are wanting to have a clear path to being together that fits our needs and those of our children. Our gravity is shifting each other's orbit a little. She's thinking of moving a little, I'm thinking of moving a little. I'm falling short of calling that a compromise because I know that we'll both be happier as a result.

I have no intention of hurting her. I am in love.

Things I never thought I needed are now my priority. This woman changed me and guess what? I'm happier than I've been in decades. If a friend can't accept that, well, then they aren't my friend. If they think I'm a bad man (because I am a man) and going to hurt a woman, they are sadly mistaken. My girlfriend has earned my admiration, my adoration and I will give my all to her because, she's worth it.

I don't do things in public in spite of other people. I do things in public because I am myself. My username on here is my real name and my profession (and also my email on gmail and yahoo). While I know this is the Internet, I consider you all my friends. I'm not single (I have a beautiful girlfriend), but I still enjoy the camaraderie here. If/when I marry this woman, I'll extend an invite to all of you to the wedding/reception (open bar :drinker: ).

I am terribly sorry that I earned a thread here. I want to be part of a group, friends. Not a topic. I thank all of you that understand where I'm coming from. I'm 100% committed to this woman and I will treat her well.

2 things, 1 if it's the girl in your pic... well done my friend! and 2. Open bar... count me in!

mrmanmeat

Ok guys... on another thread I posted this which I didn't realize was gonna make some of the ladies sad. I know the people involved in the post, so I'm not gonna delete it... but please answer HeLovesMe's question... in your experience... when someone moves real fast (whether guy or gal) does it usually result in heartbreak?

It's because you are moving much faster than normal. Most guys who do this end up breaking the girl's heart in a big way.

If my friend were showered with gifts, facebook "relationshipped," told he was "in love" with her from the get go and started talking about moving after only knowing the guy for 2 months I would tell her to enjoy it while it lasts but prepare for a huge rude awakening down the road. More than likely he's only doing for show, or ego, upset an ex, or some other ulterior motive. And hot sex. And once that itch is sufficiently scratched, he will likely disappear.

May not be true in your case. But that's what usually happens.

Is this really true?

I wasn't going to respond to this, in fact, I was considering just leaving the group after being called out like this, but I like y'all and frankly this is not a proper depiction of me at all. And since this entire thread is about me, I figure it is time for me to own it.

I was frankly, a very happy single man. I got laid when I wanted (actually more often than I ever did when I was married or in a committed relationship) and I travel the world having fun. I met a great woman through Match.com and from the start told her I wasn't in a hurry to commit. We spent time together, cuddled, kissed, enjoyed each other's company. She has many great qualities. But...

She and I have very different theological beliefs. She needed someone who was comfortable not being sexual. She has a young son (he's awesome, but something that I had to really think about since I know I'm not a great role model). And, well, I could keep going on about things that I considered. She's great, I'm great, but we're not great together. I decided we'd be great friends and every time we went out, I made it clear we were just friends.

Months pass...

God works in mysterious ways. I am still going about my life, doing my thing, which is usually busy/fun/here/there. In an instant, something amazing happened. I met a woman that just blew me away. I'm 46 years old and I can tell you that I'm not new to chemistry and hormones. My eyes are wide open and I see what is what. She isn't what I envisioned, but it turns out, she's what I needed. We speak the same language. And while our FB is the best of us, we are both comfortable talking and dealing with the worst of us (we're just not sharing that in a public forum).

We are planning a future together. Planning, thinking, talking. Neither of us likes the distance between us. So, we are wanting to have a clear path to being together that fits our needs and those of our children. Our gravity is shifting each other's orbit a little. She's thinking of moving a little, I'm thinking of moving a little. I'm falling short of calling that a compromise because I know that we'll both be happier as a result.

I have no intention of hurting her. I am in love.

Things I never thought I needed are now my priority. This woman changed me and guess what? I'm happier than I've been in decades. If a friend can't accept that, well, then they aren't my friend. If they think I'm a bad man (because I am a man) and going to hurt a woman, they are sadly mistaken. My girlfriend has earned my admiration, my adoration and I will give my all to her because, she's worth it.

I don't do things in public in spite of other people. I do things in public because I am myself. My username on here is my real name and my profession (and also my email on gmail and yahoo). While I know this is the Internet, I consider you all my friends. I'm not single (I have a beautiful girlfriend), but I still enjoy the camaraderie here. If/when I marry this woman, I'll extend an invite to all of you to the wedding/reception (open bar :drinker: ).

I am terribly sorry that I earned a thread here. I want to be part of a group, friends. Not a topic. I thank all of you that understand where I'm coming from. I'm 100% committed to this woman and I will treat her well.

In the end, all that matters is that you and her are happy. Things happen, some that you can't control. It's life.

TheKitsune6

Ok guys... on another thread I posted this which I didn't realize was gonna make some of the ladies sad. I know the people involved in the post, so I'm not gonna delete it... but please answer HeLovesMe's question... in your experience... when someone moves real fast (whether guy or gal) does it usually result in heartbreak?

It's because you are moving much faster than normal. Most guys who do this end up breaking the girl's heart in a big way.

If my friend were showered with gifts, facebook "relationshipped," told he was "in love" with her from the get go and started talking about moving after only knowing the guy for 2 months I would tell her to enjoy it while it lasts but prepare for a huge rude awakening down the road. More than likely he's only doing for show, or ego, upset an ex, or some other ulterior motive. And hot sex. And once that itch is sufficiently scratched, he will likely disappear.

May not be true in your case. But that's what usually happens.

Is this really true?

I wasn't going to respond to this, in fact, I was considering just leaving the group after being called out like this, but I like y'all and frankly this is not a proper depiction of me at all. And since this entire thread is about me, I figure it is time for me to own it.

I was frankly, a very happy single man. I got laid when I wanted (actually more often than I ever did when I was married or in a committed relationship) and I travel the world having fun. I met a great woman through Match.com and from the start told her I wasn't in a hurry to commit. We spent time together, cuddled, kissed, enjoyed each other's company. She has many great qualities. But...

She and I have very different theological beliefs. She needed someone who was comfortable not being sexual. She has a young son (he's awesome, but something that I had to really think about since I know I'm not a great role model). And, well, I could keep going on about things that I considered. She's great, I'm great, but we're not great together. I decided we'd be great friends and every time we went out, I made it clear we were just friends.

Months pass...

God works in mysterious ways. I am still going about my life, doing my thing, which is usually busy/fun/here/there. In an instant, something amazing happened. I met a woman that just blew me away. I'm 46 years old and I can tell you that I'm not new to chemistry and hormones. My eyes are wide open and I see what is what. She isn't what I envisioned, but it turns out, she's what I needed. We speak the same language. And while our FB is the best of us, we are both comfortable talking and dealing with the worst of us (we're just not sharing that in a public forum).

We are planning a future together. Planning, thinking, talking. Neither of us likes the distance between us. So, we are wanting to have a clear path to being together that fits our needs and those of our children. Our gravity is shifting each other's orbit a little. She's thinking of moving a little, I'm thinking of moving a little. I'm falling short of calling that a compromise because I know that we'll both be happier as a result.

I have no intention of hurting her. I am in love.

Things I never thought I needed are now my priority. This woman changed me and guess what? I'm happier than I've been in decades. If a friend can't accept that, well, then they aren't my friend. If they think I'm a bad man (because I am a man) and going to hurt a woman, they are sadly mistaken. My girlfriend has earned my admiration, my adoration and I will give my all to her because, she's worth it.

I don't do things in public in spite of other people. I do things in public because I am myself. My username on here is my real name and my profession (and also my email on gmail and yahoo). While I know this is the Internet, I consider you all my friends. I'm not single (I have a beautiful girlfriend), but I still enjoy the camaraderie here. If/when I marry this woman, I'll extend an invite to all of you to the wedding/reception (open bar :drinker: ).

I am terribly sorry that I earned a thread here. I want to be part of a group, friends. Not a topic. I thank all of you that understand where I'm coming from. I'm 100% committed to this woman and I will treat her well.

2 things, 1 if it's the girl in your pic... well done my friend! and 2. Open bar... count me in!

^^^ That

Also: Obviously the situation changes in a case by case basis. If I knew and understood a person wasn't like that and was probably genuinely in love I could believe it. When I spoke I spoke from my experiences. I was not under the impression that this thread was about anyone in particular and I'm sorry you feel that you were singled out. I'm sure most, if not all of us, were speaking in generalities and were not targeting you.

Glad you decided to stay in the group. I'm glad you're happy with your lady

DavetheHYNIC

But in this instance you know and are friends with the guy in question. That would change my advice. I read it as you were stating he is just in it to get laid/scratch an itch and when that wears off be prepared for heartache. That may not have been what you were trying to say but is exactly how I took it, and in this case you were describing one of your friends to another one of your friends and to the entire group here.

I can see why he would think the entire thread is about him and be a bit offended.

Thanks for pointing it out. I didn't see it that way. The point of this thread was actually to try and encourage Helovesme following her response to what I posted on amisnercpa's thread. But, as in life, intentions don't matter nearly as much as interpretations.

If I'm honest with myself, I did think there was an ulterior motive behind such public display of their relationship, but certainly not to get laid (for the record, amisnercpa had THE best answer to the "it's gonna be awhile talk" of any man I ever went out with)...so I'm sorry if I gave that impression.

You are a classy woman. You really are.

This whole thing got blown out of proportion. It's hard to interpret things over text/ public forums.

I'm glad that BOTH of you deal with things in a mature manner. I mean that.

I've been called out on the board before and I didn't respond in a very classy manner lol. So much respect to ya'll!!! :flowerforyou:

Heck yea you called me a douche and and a jerk!


So let me get this straight she , the OP Janie Jack knows the guy in real life? I'm new here and not that familiar with all the main characters and plot lines but it was obviously a post about him.

She def owes him an apology.

La_Amazona

But in this instance you know and are friends with the guy in question. That would change my advice. I read it as you were stating he is just in it to get laid/scratch an itch and when that wears off be prepared for heartache. That may not have been what you were trying to say but is exactly how I took it, and in this case you were describing one of your friends to another one of your friends and to the entire group here.

I can see why he would think the entire thread is about him and be a bit offended.

Thanks for pointing it out. I didn't see it that way. The point of this thread was actually to try and encourage Helovesme following her response to what I posted on amisnercpa's thread. But, as in life, intentions don't matter nearly as much as interpretations.

If I'm honest with myself, I did think there was an ulterior motive behind such public display of their relationship, but certainly not to get laid (for the record, amisnercpa had THE best answer to the "it's gonna be awhile talk" of any man I ever went out with)...so I'm sorry if I gave that impression.

You are a classy woman. You really are.

This whole thing got blown out of proportion. It's hard to interpret things over text/ public forums.

I'm glad that BOTH of you deal with things in a mature manner. I mean that.

I've been called out on the board before and I didn't respond in a very classy manner lol. So much respect to ya'll!!! :flowerforyou:

Heck yea you called me a douche and and a jerk!


So let me get this straight she , the OP Janie Jack knows the guy in real life? I'm new here and not that familiar with all the main characters and plot lines but it was obviously a post about him.

She def owes him an apology.

Because you claimed to know how I felt when you really didn't... lol but I won't get back into that. :flowerforyou:

nickyfm

Well just now i moved super fast with this guy who seemed too good to be true.

And it turned out, he was.

Just a player who was really good at the game.

Of course in some instances it doesn't always end in heartache, but in most cases it does.