just a little rant...

liveyourlifex

i just don't know what to do anymore... binge eating is f*cking taking over my life. this whole day, i refused to go out with my parents because i was "doing hw" while instead, i just ate all day. i didn't even do my hw nor will i do it tonight. i had thousands of calories multiple times today and i just feel gross. i feel like crying and giving up. i just wanna eat until i explode having a meal plan doesn't help either... i don't even follow it. the urge to have a binge is so strong that that's all i wanna do now... i don't care how i look and i stopped wearing jeans. i look in the mirror and literally, all i see is fat. I'm not anorexic anymore, and i know this is horrible to say, but i wanna be it again...i hate having a double chin, flabby arms, big touching thighs, jiggly calfs, fat bloated pregnant-looking stomach. everything is just so wrong for me now... i don't even know what eating normally is anymore. people who have fast metabolisms are so lucky and i truly wish i had one. even though I'm so full, i want more and more and more! sometimes, i just stuff food in my mouth even though I'm not hungry. i get so tired afterwards and i just wanna stop. i wonder where all my self control went... what happened? I'm a messed up child.

gugu0912

omg finally someone who feels the same way! binging is ruining my life! Everytime I binge I'm a fat worthless slob. I hate feeling like this so much and despite the fact of feeling like crap after a binge, I find myself doing it over and over again. I literally sit and eat buckets, not bowls, of ice cream and always get more than one slice of cake and I just sit there in front of the t.v. eating crackers and cookies wanting to stop but find my hand drifting back into to the box for just "one more." I ask my family to get rid of these snacks and to stop me from eating so much but no one helps. I always end up stopping when it's too late and I've just consumed three days worth of calories. I try to tell myself that every day is a new day and I can restart but I always find myself back in the same regretful routine. I used to suffer from mild aneroxia and being thin was so easy back then. My weight was not healthy but I just think that it was better than where I am now. I dont know how i went from barely eating to constantly needing something to eat. I have no self control and there's maybe one day in between binges where I eat like a normal child but then the next couple of days it's just a cycle of binging and guilt and regret. I literally just wanna hide in a hole and not eat. I hate this. I hate doing this to my body and I really just wish I could get some help. It seems like no matter what I do, I'm a failure. I look at other girls who have all this under control, they don't have to worry about over eating or the pain that comes with it. I just want to be able to eat normally and healthy and not binge. This really sucks and it's ruining not just my life but my self- esteem