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Text conversation - tell me what you think
Replies
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a friend? sure... the one in his pants might have wrote the message tho.
Well it's not like he's still trying to get in my pants. We've been doing the deed for a couple months now. We see each other 2-3 times a week. Hang out. Watch movies. Go eat dinner. Eat dinner at home. Whatever we do we have a blast.
Okay, you wanted honest, so here goes:
If he's been sleeping with you for a couple of months and he's not calling you his girlfriend, you need to end this friendship/relationship immediately unless you can deal with just being the chick he's hanging out with.
He gets to spend 2 to 3 nights a week with you. He gets to have sex with you. He gets to have cozy dinner and a movie nights at home with you. And he doesn't even have to commit to you. For the record, most guys love this sort of arrangement and are in no hurry to give it up. It honestly sounds to me like he's playing you like a slide guitar with all the babe this, xoxoxo that.
I'm sure that was a big, fat, wet blanket, but it seems clear to me that you have more than just friendly feelings for this guy, so if he's not willing to step up and be a man for you, then you need to walk before you get hurt. It will take longer to get your self-esteem back than it will to find a new man.
I know you very well could be right. I just know myself and I couldn't be so sweet and caring with someone that I didn't give a damn about. I suppose I'm just looking through rose colored glasses and hoping eventually it would change. And yes - I see alot of hurt in my future. But I have to take a chance because I have been alone SO long without any prospects. I am happy with everything else in my life. I have a great job, great house, great kids, great dogs, great car etc. But adding great sex to that is NICE.0 -
That's the thing. His actions are WAY more sweet than his words. He cannot sit next to me w/o kissing my hand, my arm, my forehead. Holds my face and looks at me. Smiles like crazy. Makes these sweet little noises when he hugs me.
His actions say he's not interested in long term with a woman who has kids, but is gonna enjoy the heck out of you as long as you put up with it because you're beautiful and cool.
When a man (or a woman) gives words to explain why something won't work out long-term, we would be wise to listen to those words no matter how lovingly he looks into our eyes in the drought moments when he can't get affection/companionship/satisfaction from some other woman.
Ugh .. I have to agree with this.
BUT! lol .. if you are happy with the way things are then keep doing it. Just keep in mind that it may not be permanent.0 -
Don't ask me ask him.0
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That's the thing. His actions are WAY more sweet than his words. He cannot sit next to me w/o kissing my hand, my arm, my forehead. Holds my face and looks at me. Smiles like crazy. Makes these sweet little noises when he hugs me.
His actions say he's not interested in long term with a woman who has kids, but is gonna enjoy the heck out of you as long as you put up with it because you're beautiful and cool.
When a man (or a woman) gives words to explain why something won't work out long-term, we would be wise to listen to those words no matter how lovingly he looks into our eyes in the drought moments when he can't get affection/companionship/satisfaction from some other woman.
Ugh .. I have to agree with this.
BUT! lol .. if you are happy with the way things are then keep doing it. Just keep in mind that it may not be permanent.
Well of course I'm happy right now. It's your second sentence that's the toughy. Do I risk that awful heart break to be happy now? Or just go back to my boring alone life now? It's not like I had guys knocking down my door to date me. And I'm friendly - I can meet anyone anywhere. It just doesn't happen for me. The town I live in is small and has alot of people that look like they belong living where I work (prison). My plan is to move in 4 years. I suppose another 4 years of being alone won't kill me.0 -
Are you closing doors with other people because of him? Are you missing out on things because of him? If someone asked you out, would you not go to hang out with him?
Is it going to be heart break anytime it ends with him? What is the difference if you have heart break now or in a few months or possibly years. Who knows when. Will it be worse if he finds someone else and then end things with you .. or will it be easier if you end things with him now. These are things I guess you need to ask yourself.
If you break things off with him, will it make him realize what he has in you?0 -
a friend? sure... the one in his pants might have wrote the message tho.
Well it's not like he's still trying to get in my pants. We've been doing the deed for a couple months now. We see each other 2-3 times a week. Hang out. Watch movies. Go eat dinner. Eat dinner at home. Whatever we do we have a blast.
Okay, you wanted honest, so here goes:
If he's been sleeping with you for a couple of months and he's not calling you his girlfriend, you need to end this friendship/relationship immediately unless you can deal with just being the chick he's hanging out with.
He gets to spend 2 to 3 nights a week with you. He gets to have sex with you. He gets to have cozy dinner and a movie nights at home with you. And he doesn't even have to commit to you. For the record, most guys love this sort of arrangement and are in no hurry to give it up. It honestly sounds to me like he's playing you like a slide guitar with all the babe this, xoxoxo that.
I'm sure that was a big, fat, wet blanket, but it seems clear to me that you have more than just friendly feelings for this guy, so if he's not willing to step up and be a man for you, then you need to walk before you get hurt. It will take longer to get your self-esteem back than it will to find a new man.
I know you very well could be right. I just know myself and I couldn't be so sweet and caring with someone that I didn't give a damn about. I suppose I'm just looking through rose colored glasses and hoping eventually it would change. And yes - I see alot of hurt in my future. But I have to take a chance because I have been alone SO long without any prospects. I am happy with everything else in my life. I have a great job, great house, great kids, great dogs, great car etc. But adding great sex to that is NICE.
Never hope for change.
If you want change, you have to make it.
And you can't change someone, so.. you are only in charge of your own actions.
Like everyone else said, I think he probably does like you, but he doesn't see himself with you in the long run because of children. You are probably going to get hurt in the long run unless you put your foot down now and set up some boundaries (or make some changes).0 -
Are you closing doors with other people because of him? Are you missing out on things because of him? If someone asked you out, would you not go to hang out with him?
Is it going to be heart break anytime it ends with him? What is the difference if you have heart break now or in a few months or possibly years. Who knows when. Will it be worse if he finds someone else and then end things with you .. or will it be easier if you end things with him now. These are things I guess you need to ask yourself.
If you break things off with him, will it make him realize what he has in you?
There is nobody else I'm interested in. I look everywhere I go. The gym, the store, gas station, Target, walking my dogs. Everywhere. And yes - when I think of not having him in my life I could cry. My heart would break.0 -
Well .. if you are going to be hurt either way .. enjoy him while you have him!0
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Well .. if you are going to be hurt either way .. enjoy him while you have him!
. I think I am the worst person ever at accepting relationships ending. After 2 months or after 14 years. Either way I'm in bed crying a good 2-3 days. Well of course after the 14 year one it was a bit longer and more dramatic. I need to just keep everyone's comments in the back of my mind. And remember them when he's sweet and thoughtful to me. He very may well be the best con-artist alive. 0 -
This sounds like a FWB situation. If you can't handle that break it off now. You need to do it cold turkey.0
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Well .. if you are going to be hurt either way .. enjoy him while you have him!
He very may well be the best con-artist alive.
See and this is where I disagree. He can't be a con artist EVER or a liar because he's been honest about what he wants/ doesn't want. He comes around because obviously he likes being with you, for sex, whatever... but he's being honest about his intentions. This is where I say it's OUR fault as women for not listening to what they're saying. Whether it's through actions, words or both.
I was watching a tv show the other day about this guy who was a self proclaimed womanizer. Why? Because he could. He said he was honest with women when he'd say he was dating others. He even said one time one chick called him while he was out on another date and he told her "I'm out on a date.. can I call you later?". The chick didn't even flinch.
They even had a couple of the women on the show. They both said they figured he'd change.. they felt special to him... they thought he was joking around.. excuse after excuse.
Not saying this is you.. but these women were just sad because they ended up being hurt by a guy who was completely honest with them.0 -
What would the commitment change? If it's just a title, to be able to say he's your boyfriend, or whatever... is it worth the drama? If there's more to it, well... either way YOU have to weigh your options. What do you want compared to what you are getting right now? We can't make that decision, YOU have to.0
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Well .. if you are going to be hurt either way .. enjoy him while you have him!
He very may well be the best con-artist alive.
See and this is where I disagree. He can't be a con artist EVER or a liar because he's been honest about what he wants/ doesn't want. He comes around because obviously he likes being with you, for sex, whatever... but he's being honest about his intentions. This is where I say it's OUR fault as women for not listening to what they're saying. Whether it's through actions, words or both.
I was watching a tv show the other day about this guy who was a self proclaimed womanizer. Why? Because he could. He said he was honest with women when he'd say he was dating others. He even said one time one chick called him while he was out on another date and he told her "I'm out on a date.. can I call you later?". The chick didn't even flinch.
They even had a couple of the women on the show. They both said they figured he'd change.. they felt special to him... they thought he was joking around.. excuse after excuse.
Not saying this is you.. but these women were just sad because they ended up being hurt by a guy who was completely honest with them.
I guess I say con artist because I look at myself. There is no way in hell I could treat a guy like he treats me if I didn't really like him. I can't fake feelings. You are right - he has not lied to me once. Well that I know of.0 -
He very may well be the best con-artist alive.Well .. if you are going to be hurt either way .. enjoy him while you have him!
He doesn't appear to be a con-artist. It just seems to me that you are not reading his very clear signals that for him this is just FWB. He's been upfront that he doesn't want LTR b/c of kids. He's still getting the friendship and the benefits.
He's not conning you. He's enjoying you. And you don't sound ok (to me- I could be wrong) with just being a FWB. If you were, then I doubt most of us responding would be suggesting you consider moving on cold turkey.0 -
What would the commitment change? If it's just a title, to be able to say he's your boyfriend, or whatever... is it worth the drama? If there's more to it, well... either way YOU have to weigh your options. What do you want compared to what you are getting right now? We can't make that decision, YOU have to.
If things were to continue the way they are I could call him my best friend for the rest of my life. I could care less - boyfriend, husband, lover. What matters to me is being happy and treated well. But my thing is really - how long can this go on? Months? Years? And if it does turn into years then what?0 -
This whole thread is kind of ridiculous. You post a text conversation and ask if it sounds like friends but really you just want validation for the type of relationship that you have with this guy. Fact is, you're hoping he'll "see the light" and maybe you can "win him over" but it's not going to happen. Life isn't a romantic comedy, or a fairy tale. He's being straight up with you. So if you want to stick with the situation where he is openly using you then do it and enjoy it! But stop fooling yourself into thinking that something more is going to come of it, and don't try to get other people to try and tell you that too.0
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This whole thread is kind of ridiculous. You post a text conversation and ask if it sounds like friends but really you just want validation for the type of relationship that you have with this guy. Fact is, you're hoping he'll "see the light" and maybe you can "win him over" but it's not going to happen. Life isn't a romantic comedy, or a fairy tale. He's being straight up with you. So if you want to stick with the situation where he is openly using you then do it and enjoy it! But stop fooling yourself into thinking that something more is going to come of it, and don't try to get other people to try and tell you that too.
Wow. I was just looking for opinions. And you don't need to tell me life isn't a romantic comedy. I'm fully aware of that.0 -
I hate to be the pragmatic weasel, but to be fair, you did set the tone by calling him "sexy," so I wouldn't go overboard trying to read his intentions into his response.
my thoughts exactly!
I have a guy freind that talks to me like that all the time. He calls me his love, and baby, and all that but he has also made it very clear that we are only friends. I never call him any of those things and feel uncomfortable when he does me. But some people just talk like that. I wouldn't read more into it than it is0 -
What would the commitment change? If it's just a title, to be able to say he's your boyfriend, or whatever... is it worth the drama? If there's more to it, well... either way YOU have to weigh your options. What do you want compared to what you are getting right now? We can't make that decision, YOU have to.
If things were to continue the way they are I could call him my best friend for the rest of my life. I could care less - boyfriend, husband, lover. What matters to me is being happy and treated well. But my thing is really - how long can this go on? Months? Years? And if it does turn into years then what?
Would a commitment change that? Nobody knows what tomorrow, three months from now, a year from now will change. Look at the state of marriage/divorce in today's cultures. All you can do TODAY is be happy TODAY... simplified view of the situation, but it is what it is.0 -
This whole thread is kind of ridiculous. You post a text conversation and ask if it sounds like friends but really you just want validation for the type of relationship that you have with this guy. Fact is, you're hoping he'll "see the light" and maybe you can "win him over" but it's not going to happen. Life isn't a romantic comedy, or a fairy tale. He's being straight up with you. So if you want to stick with the situation where he is openly using you then do it and enjoy it! But stop fooling yourself into thinking that something more is going to come of it, and don't try to get other people to try and tell you that too.
I don't know why it is made out as the guy is openly using her. She's the one looking for more and using sex to try to manipulate him into giving her what she wants. Women would be ripping a guy apart for coming on here to ask if it's okay to lie about your intentions to get sex. Why is it any more honorable to ask if it's okay to use sex in the hopes of getting love?0 -
I don't think he's openly using her. I think he's being quite the deceptive *kitten* about it ("babe, I can't wait to see you tonight! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo"). But she's letting him do it, so whatever.0
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This whole thread is kind of ridiculous. You post a text conversation and ask if it sounds like friends but really you just want validation for the type of relationship that you have with this guy. Fact is, you're hoping he'll "see the light" and maybe you can "win him over" but it's not going to happen. Life isn't a romantic comedy, or a fairy tale. He's being straight up with you. So if you want to stick with the situation where he is openly using you then do it and enjoy it! But stop fooling yourself into thinking that something more is going to come of it, and don't try to get other people to try and tell you that too.
I don't know why it is made out as the guy is openly using her. She's the one looking for more and using sex to try to manipulate him into giving her what she wants. Women would be ripping a guy apart for coming on here to ask if it's okay to lie about your intentions to get sex. Why is it any more honorable to ask if it's okay to use sex in the hopes of getting love?
Um.....not sure where I said I was using sex to get him to fall for me. I would use my witty personality for that. Not my vagina.0 -
This whole thread is kind of ridiculous. You post a text conversation and ask if it sounds like friends but really you just want validation for the type of relationship that you have with this guy. Fact is, you're hoping he'll "see the light" and maybe you can "win him over" but it's not going to happen. Life isn't a romantic comedy, or a fairy tale. He's being straight up with you. So if you want to stick with the situation where he is openly using you then do it and enjoy it! But stop fooling yourself into thinking that something more is going to come of it, and don't try to get other people to try and tell you that too.
I don't know why it is made out as the guy is openly using her. She's the one looking for more and using sex to try to manipulate him into giving her what she wants. Women would be ripping a guy apart for coming on here to ask if it's okay to lie about your intentions to get sex. Why is it any more honorable to ask if it's okay to use sex in the hopes of getting love?
Um.....not sure where I said I was using sex to get him to fall for me. I would use my witty personality for that. Not my vagina.
The general premise from women is that giving him sex is bad because you want more than that and will get hurt in the long run. You've made some statements that support that you hope giving him what he wants (including sex) will lead him to stick around longer. Here are a few:
Well lots of reasons. I went 2 years w/o dating period. My town sucks *kitten*. I have never in my life gotten along with anyone so well. I've never in my life had anyone treat me so sweet. I just plain like him.
But I have to take a chance because I have been alone SO long without any prospects. I am happy with everything else in my life. I have a great job, great house, great kids, great dogs, great car etc. But adding great sex to that is NICE.
The town I live in is small and has alot of people that look like they belong living where I work (prison). My plan is to move in 4 years. I suppose another 4 years of being alone won't kill me.
There is nobody else I'm interested in. I look everywhere I go. The gym, the store, gas station, Target, walking my dogs. Everywhere. And yes - when I think of not having him in my life I could cry. My heart would break.
I guess I say con artist because I look at myself. There is no way in hell I could treat a guy like he treats me if I didn't really like him. I can't fake feelings. You are right - he has not lied to me once. Well that I know of.0 -
This whole thread is kind of ridiculous. You post a text conversation and ask if it sounds like friends but really you just want validation for the type of relationship that you have with this guy. Fact is, you're hoping he'll "see the light" and maybe you can "win him over" but it's not going to happen. Life isn't a romantic comedy, or a fairy tale. He's being straight up with you. So if you want to stick with the situation where he is openly using you then do it and enjoy it! But stop fooling yourself into thinking that something more is going to come of it, and don't try to get other people to try and tell you that too.
I don't know why it is made out as the guy is openly using her. She's the one looking for more and using sex to try to manipulate him into giving her what she wants. Women would be ripping a guy apart for coming on here to ask if it's okay to lie about your intentions to get sex. Why is it any more honorable to ask if it's okay to use sex in the hopes of getting love?
Um.....not sure where I said I was using sex to get him to fall for me. I would use my witty personality for that. Not my vagina.
The general premise from women is that giving him sex is bad because you want more than that and will get hurt in the long run. You've made some statements that support that you hope giving him what he wants (including sex) will lead him to stick around longer. Here are a few:
Well lots of reasons. I went 2 years w/o dating period. My town sucks *kitten*. I have never in my life gotten along with anyone so well. I've never in my life had anyone treat me so sweet. I just plain like him.
But I have to take a chance because I have been alone SO long without any prospects. I am happy with everything else in my life. I have a great job, great house, great kids, great dogs, great car etc. But adding great sex to that is NICE.
The town I live in is small and has alot of people that look like they belong living where I work (prison). My plan is to move in 4 years. I suppose another 4 years of being alone won't kill me.
There is nobody else I'm interested in. I look everywhere I go. The gym, the store, gas station, Target, walking my dogs. Everywhere. And yes - when I think of not having him in my life I could cry. My heart would break.
I guess I say con artist because I look at myself. There is no way in hell I could treat a guy like he treats me if I didn't really like him. I can't fake feelings. You are right - he has not lied to me once. Well that I know of.
Well of course I want him to fall for me. I think he's awesome. I just don't see how sex plays into this? We do lots of stuff that do not include getting naked.0 -
There is no way in *** I could treat a guy like he treats me if I didn't really like him. I can't fake feelings.
Just wanna point out that a guy treating us nice doesn't always means he feels about us the same way WE would feel if we were treating someone that nice.
Sometimes it's just upbringing, or nice guy-ism, or he just likes doing those things.
I could never bond with someone's kid if I didn't want to get into a LTR with someone who had kids. But I've had it happen to me twice. I honestly thought that these men were eagerly getting so involved with my son meant something.
I could never joke around and call a guy sexy/hot or anything like that with a guy I'm not interested in, but guys do that to me all the time. And aren't interested in a relationship.
So we can't say that just because WE wouldn't treat someone this affectionately if we weren't in love with them, that the way a man treats US (which communicates love to us) actually means he's in love with us.. ESPECIALLY if he's said he doesn't want LTR with someone who has kids. It could just mean that they're affectionate and know how to treat a woman nicely (especially since it keeps her around).0 -
This whole thread is kind of ridiculous. You post a text conversation and ask if it sounds like friends but really you just want validation for the type of relationship that you have with this guy. Fact is, you're hoping he'll "see the light" and maybe you can "win him over" but it's not going to happen. Life isn't a romantic comedy, or a fairy tale. He's being straight up with you. So if you want to stick with the situation where he is openly using you then do it and enjoy it! But stop fooling yourself into thinking that something more is going to come of it, and don't try to get other people to try and tell you that too.
I don't know why it is made out as the guy is openly using her. She's the one looking for more and using sex to try to manipulate him into giving her what she wants. Women would be ripping a guy apart for coming on here to ask if it's okay to lie about your intentions to get sex. Why is it any more honorable to ask if it's okay to use sex in the hopes of getting love?
I didn't say either one was honorable or dishonorable. I was just saying it's not going to work.
In my opinion.0 -
Well of course I want him to fall for me. I think he's awesome. I just don't see how sex plays into this? We do lots of stuff that do not include getting naked.
If he has already stated he doesn't want to date you for what ever reason he is thinking of this as a friends with benefit situation. Which mean no emotions involved. While you are wanting to change a friends with benefit into a relationship. To me I see you are just setting yourself up to be hurt. Neither you is in the wrong but you are not seeing things eye to eye.0 -
Well of course I want him to fall for me. I think he's awesome. I just don't see how sex plays into this? We do lots of stuff that do not include getting naked.
If he has already stated he doesn't want to date you for what ever reason he is thinking of this as a friends with benefit situation. Which mean no emotions involved. While you are wanting to change a friends with benefit into a relationship. To me I see you are just setting yourself up to be hurt. Neither you is in the wrong but you are not seeing things eye to eye.
No. That's what FWB means to YOU. Don't speak for him...0 -
See and this is where I disagree. He can't be a con artist EVER or a liar because he's been honest about what he wants/ doesn't want. He comes around because obviously he likes being with you, for sex, whatever... but he's being honest about his intentions. This is where I say it's OUR fault as women for not listening to what they're saying. Whether it's through actions, words or both.
I have to agree with this. Sounds like he has said he doesn't want to date you, just be FWB. I don't think you can read into it any more than that. I'm sure he still wants to have a FWB so he says things that like to appeal to you. But it sounds like he has been honest with you and you might be reading into it more than it is meant to be.
Well of course I want him to fall for me. I think he's awesome. I just don't see how sex plays into this? We do lots of stuff that do not include getting naked.
Maybe this is old fashioned but if you give a guy everything that you get in a relationship: affection, attention, companionship, sex, etc. he has no reason to make it official/real. I just don't really think it's possible at this point that you're sooooo far into this "relationship" without being a relationship.
I'm sorry, that is probably not what you wanted to hear but I think it's pretty close to the truth.0 -
Well of course I want him to fall for me. I think he's awesome. I just don't see how sex plays into this? We do lots of stuff that do not include getting naked.
If he has already stated he doesn't want to date you for what ever reason he is thinking of this as a friends with benefit situation. Which mean no emotions involved. While you are wanting to change a friends with benefit into a relationship. To me I see you are just setting yourself up to be hurt. Neither you is in the wrong but you are not seeing things eye to eye.
So you are telling me that he feels no emotions for me? He treats me like a freaking princess. If he was only using me for sex period we would do the deed and I'd go home. Or he'd go home. He actually got upset one night when I had to go home. Granted yes you are all correct in the fact that we are not in a relationship but I hardly think he thinks of me as just for sex. I have had a FWB before. The only time we contacted each other was for sex. Period. I would say this is more like yes, we are friends, but we are also having sex. We started out as friends to begin with. The sex stuff happened in time. It was not right away.0
This discussion has been closed.