Staying Out of the Results
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ihardy44
Posts: 17 Member
I've been logging onto MFP pretty consistently these days. I am coming out of a pretty significant relapse where I gained all my weight back and needless to say I feel totally ashamed. I never imagined that I would be back in this place again and it really sucks. Thank God that I have been attending meetings regularly, exercising consistently, and being accountable with my food. I just hit 30 days of abstinence yesterday and it has been years since I've had 30 days. So I am definitely grateful, but I want to control the results. You see I want what one of my dear OA friends describes as MICROWAVE MATURITY AND RECOVERY. I wish I could be zapped in the microwave and come out in an instant fully recovered. It doesn't work that way though. My higher power asks that I do the work, be trustful, and live in faith and not fear and he'll take care of the rest. It seems like I am surrounded by folks who are losing weight and reaching their goals and I feel like I'll never have what they have. This is one of my character defects though. I start taking other people's inventories and assume that they have it easy and they have never walked a mile in my shoes, but what do I know. I'm totally assuming. This is why I need OA. I need to be reminded that God is in control and I'm not. If left to my own way of thinking, I would still be face down in the food. I need to work this program, do what I'm told in stay out of the results. No matter how much I may be hurting, I am being taken care of. Recovery is a journey and not a destination.
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Congratulations! I am so happy for you - about 30 days abstinence!0
