Looking "approachable"
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Okay, but I've been chatted up by gay guys... And never ended up in one's bed (as far as I am aware!).As a woman I agree with tchristine. It is odd for women to walk up and talk to random other women in bars. Since bars are usually pick up spots, when a random person starts talking to me that is automatically where my mind goes.
The thing is: what's the big deal? If a girl is after some girl on girl action, you'll normally know pretty quickly (and she'll probably try to wrap the conversation up in 3 mins herself)!
Also girls don't want more competition around them then what they came with.0 -
You're funny :laugh:I wouldn't ignore her but I certainly have never met a friend this way. It is just odd to me. I might compliment someone's shoes I'd never stick around to chat her up - and it would be odd to me if someone started talking to me after that - unless we were in an environment where we needed to be friends, like a work environment. But at the bar? No.
You obviously have too many friends
I never turn someone down, at least for a 2-3 min chat.
PS: not sure if I'd be more friendly at work personally, quite the contrary I think! I'd be more on the defensive thinking I can't let myself go
Oh I'm definitely less friendly at work sometime, but for me, I have to at least get along with my coworkers. I'm not friends outside work with any of them but we just like to talk about random stuff.As a woman I agree with tchristine. It is odd for women to walk up and talk to random other women in bars. Since bars are usually pick up spots, when a random person starts talking to me that is automatically where my mind goes.
Thank you! I don't think men understand we are not like them in this aspect. I might totally talk to a woman like that in the gym locker room - not even trying to be friends but just being nice - but never the bar/restaurant.0 -
I see your point, but for example there is this thing called "social proof" which is true for men - not so sure about women though (yeah, it's some PUA stuff):
Also girls don't want more competition around them then what they came with.
Okay, but I've been chatted up by gay guys... And never ended up in one's bed (as far as I am aware!).As a woman I agree with tchristine. It is odd for women to walk up and talk to random other women in bars. Since bars are usually pick up spots, when a random person starts talking to me that is automatically where my mind goes.
The thing is: what's the big deal? If a girl is after some girl on girl action, you'll normally know pretty quickly (and she'll probably try to wrap the conversation up in 3 mins herself)!
"Social proof is incredibly important on night game. It isn't important because the girl want's to up her social status in the club by being with you. It is because you are everybody's friend there and she wants to know who you are.
When I go to clubs, I talk to whoever I want. I usually end up knowing a bartender or door guy or a shot girl and that's always a good thing. When you walk into a place and someone that works there, who is a major focal point in the room, diverts his attention to YOU, other people in the room will notice. Social Proof.
When there are a group of people at the club and you start talking to them and get them laughing the whole time, you're showing to the whole room that you're a fun guy to be around. Social Proof.
[...] I personally talk to everyone and create this whole vibe about me that I'm just a fun guy to talk to.
If you walk out on the dance floor and don't know anybody and start grinding up against a girl and she blows you off. Every girl on the floor can see this, and it shows you came out with nobody to dance with. Social Proof.
Social proof means everything in night game. It can make or break you. No matter what you do, you display your social proof. You can decide whether or not you want it to be positive social proof or negative social proof."
Admittedly, it will be less important for women since men are the ones approaching women (men must come "clean" and with as many assets as possible when they approach a girl to optimize the chance of a positive outcome), but still, I know that I'd tend to be attracted to "fun/bubbly/smiley" women rather than "boring/closed" ones.
So I still think there is some truth in this for both sex.0 -
When I go to clubs, I talk to whoever I want. I usually end up knowing a bartender or door guy or a shot girl and that's always a good thing. When you walk into a place and someone that works there, who is a major focal point in the room, diverts his attention to YOU, other people in the room will notice. Social Proof.
This is kind of funny because to me, the people who hog the bartender/bouncer's attention are super annoying to me. It shows, at least to me, that you think you're hot *kitten* because you know people there. Big whoop. How are the rest of us supposed to get in and get drinks? Having a lot of connections is not a turn on to me one bit.If you walk out on the dance floor and don't know anybody and start grinding up against a girl and she blows you off. Every girl on the floor can see this, and it shows you came out with nobody to dance with. Social Proof.
Maybe I am reading this wrong - you mean by "nobody to dance with" you don't have a date, or you have no friends in genearl? At the bars at my town, guys just go up and find random girls to dance with. Nobody goes with opposite sex friends to the bar- you go with your girls if you're a girl and guys if you're a guy. Then you go with your friends on the dance floor and find guys.0 -
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How the **** do you make friends as a female then. What difference does it make if you met someone on the moon or in a bar. So glad I'm a male in this regard.
Florian has said pretty much what I was going to add so no need to elaborate. Don't hang out in large groups, don't hang out with males, don't sit down, bee standing but stand Ian closed circle with your friends. Try and look like your having fun, easy going and confident even if your not, your just trying meet someone at this stage, not marry them0 -
We look for something we can relate with to spark up a conversation. Maybe a book that we might have read or that looks interesting, picking out songs on a jukebox and taking your time like you could use a suggestion, playing one of those bar video games that could be multi-player, a cigarette without a lighter (I don't smoke, but I've seen this work), that sort of thing.
Also, you could just drink a ton and pass out with your skirt up over your *kitten*. Might attract a different sort of dude, but hey whatever floats your boat.0 -
If I read this right...it's not about your body language...its about you engaging with the guy.
I have two options for you...1) liquid courage. 2) Cowgirl up and take what you like. Seriously. Guys love a woman that take control at the beginning of a conversation.0 -
How the **** do you make friends as a female then. What difference does it make if you met someone on the moon or in a bar. So glad I'm a male in this regard.
Florian has said pretty much what I was going to add so no need to elaborate. Don't hang out in large groups, don't hang out with males, don't sit down, bee standing but stand Ian closed circle with your friends. Try and look like your having fun, easy going and confident even if your not, your just trying meet someone at this stage, not marry them
We tend not to make friend with other females at bars, we meet them at work, gym, classes, doing everyday things, etc.0 -
These are some good suggestions. I think I ultimately just need to be more confident in myself. I was talking to this girl one time and I mentioned I was shy and she said, "Well, you don't look shy." I don't know what she meant by that, I thought it was the strangest thing.
I wish I was more like my best friend. The other weekend we were at a party and didn't know anyone, so she went up to a big group of girls and just said, "Hey, do you mind if we dance with you guys?" and they all smiled and said sure and introduced themselves. She is super approachable/fun/outgoing. EVERYONE loves her and I think it's because she just doesn't give a s**t what anyone thinks about her.0 -
These are some good suggestions. I think I ultimately just need to be more confident in myself. I was talking to this girl one time and I mentioned I was shy and she said, "Well, you don't look shy." I don't know what she meant by that, I thought it was the strangest thing.
I know you said before that you act in plays, so I guess I would assume someone who loves to do that isn't shy!0 -
Hold on a minute! Bar tenders, bouncers, etc. are only humans! They *kitten*, they cry, they've got friends too...
This is kind of funny because to me, the people who hog the bartender/bouncer's attention are super annoying to me. It shows, at least to me, that you think you're hot *kitten* because you know people there. Big whoop. How are the rest of us supposed to get in and get drinks? Having a lot of connections is not a turn on to me one bit.When I go to clubs, I talk to whoever I want. I usually end up knowing a bartender or door guy or a shot girl and that's always a good thing. When you walk into a place and someone that works there, who is a major focal point in the room, diverts his attention to YOU, other people in the room will notice. Social Proof.
What's wrong with being friend with one of them?!
"Hey! It was nice chatting to you, I'm bouncer at XYZ, why don't you come someday and visit the place Christine! Would be great to see you!"
Would you say: yes, but only if I can ignore you there? Then if it impresses some people as a bonus, all the better.
(I didn't write this, but I agree with this idea)If you walk out on the dance floor and don't know anybody and start grinding up against a girl and she blows you off. Every girl on the floor can see this, and it shows you came out with nobody to dance with. Social Proof.
Maybe I am reading this wrong - you mean by "nobody to dance with" you don't have a date, or you have no friends in genearl? At the bars at my town, guys just go up and find random girls to dance with. Nobody goes with opposite sex friends to the bar- you go with your girls if you're a girl and guys if you're a guy. Then you go with your friends on the dance floor and find guys.
No this part means that you go out there (on the dance floor) to dance/flirt with some girl, you come back miserably without any ("you came out with nobody to dance with"), then you'll have a big flag that says "loser" above your head.
"Then you go with your friends on the dance floor and find guys.": of course, as a woman you're just standing there waiting for the right guy to come. So from the other side (men's side), you go fishing (you go around groups of women) and if you come back empty handed, you're pretty much "spotted". Also, every time you get rejected by a group of women, you get noticed by the other groups of women around, so you start with a disadvantage if you try later on to dance with them.
That's why btw going for a trip on the dance floor as a man is quite a risky strategy (unless you go there to find your friends, and make it look like you guys are having soooooo much fun on the dance floor).
Anyway, social proof is just a reality. Nobody wants to be with the loser, boring guy. Everybody wants to be with the fun guy, who has the potential to brighten up that night.0 -
Hold on a minute! Bar tenders, bouncers, etc. are only humans! They *kitten*, they cry, they've got friends too...
What's wrong with being friend with one of them?!
"Hey! It was nice chatting to you, I'm bouncer at XYZ, why don't you come someday and visit the place Christine! Would be great to see you!"
Would you say: yes, but only if I can ignore you there? Then if it impresses some people as a bonus, all the better.
Oh no that's fine. But to me, when someone goes to the bar where they know one of the workers, and they spend forever talking to the bartender/bouncer it's a little braggy to me. Not attractive to me - doesn't that person know that others need to get in/get a drink? It's selfish at least in my opinion.
Knowing a bouncer/bartender etc. is not a bonus. Hell, it's not even something that attracts me to a person.
For example, I go to my sister's work frequently, but all I do is go by her counter and say hi. I don't stop and chat.(I didn't write this, but I agree with this idea)
No this part means that you go out there (on the dance floor) to dance/flirt with some girl, you come back miserably without any ("you came out with nobody to dance with"), then you'll have a big flag that says "loser" above your head.
"Then you go with your friends on the dance floor and find guys.": of course, as a woman you're just standing there waiting for the right guy to come. So from the other side (men's side), you go fishing (you go around groups of women) and if you come back empty handed, you're pretty much "spotted". Also, every time you get rejected by a group of women, you get noticed by the other groups of women around, so you start with a disadvantage if you try later on to dance with them.
That's why btw going for a trip on the dance floor as a man is quite a risky strategy (unless you go there to find your friends, and make it look like you guys are having soooooo much fun on the dance floor).
Anyway, social proof is just a reality. Nobody wants to be with the loser, boring guy. Everybody wants to be with the fun guy, who has the potential to brighten up that night.
Oh gotcha I didn't get that before.
On one hand I see this. But my friends and I will usually dance with whoever - we might not go grind with them, but we'll let them into our circle or whatever. I'm just there to have fun! Realistically, I'm not going to meet the love of my life on the dance floor so I just let loose and have a good time.0 -
How the **** do you make friends as a female then. What difference does it make if you met someone on the moon or in a bar. So glad I'm a male in this regard.
Florian has said pretty much what I was going to add so no need to elaborate. Don't hang out in large groups, don't hang out with males, don't sit down, bee standing but stand Ian closed circle with your friends. Try and look like your having fun, easy going and confident even if your not, your just trying meet someone at this stage, not marry them
Personally, I've met half my girl friends in a bar!! :laugh: In fact, my whole social circle is bar/pub related!!
I'm thinking that bars have different rules in America from what Minnes and Christine are saying?? :huh:
For me, it's the easiest place to talk to someone. And I'm pretty shy unless I'm drunk! One of my girl friends, would more often than not, have a conversation with every guy or girl that crosses her path in an evening :laugh:
Even if its one or two words you can turn to the person next to you buying a drink and say something "hey, never seen it so busy in here" or someone you make eye contact with "How ya doin?" or someone you spill a drink over........:laugh:
I agree its good practice to practice being sociable and yes, that in itself oozes approachability! :bigsmile:0 -
My problem is missing signs and that key moment to smile or introduce yourself. To me it seems fleeting and a one shot kind of deal.
Another problem I have is I tend to have way more female friends than guys. And I think it automatically creates a "closed off" situation for me if I'm going to the bar with just 1 other female. While she claims to be my wingman for chatting up chicks, I know she has a thing for me and I don't feel like she is really helping much. We happened to bump into a friend of hers who is a model, absolutely gorgeous and totally not in my ballpark, but like a tard I didn't introduce myself to the table, which had at least two other "approachable" girls, and she didn't introduce me either.
Lastly I need to work on reading chicks a bit better. I tend to automatically dismiss girls that have the same guy following them around and I wouldn't dare approach a group of girls to single one of them out. Not only would the rejection in front of all of them unbearable, but girls get pissy if they're friends are getting hit on and not them ...0 -
How the **** do you make friends as a female then. What difference does it make if you met someone on the moon or in a bar. So glad I'm a male in this regard.
Florian has said pretty much what I was going to add so no need to elaborate. Don't hang out in large groups, don't hang out with males, don't sit down, bee standing but stand Ian closed circle with your friends. Try and look like your having fun, easy going and confident even if your not, your just trying meet someone at this stage, not marry them
Personally, I've met half my girl friends in a bar!! :laugh: In fact, my whole social circle is bar/pub related!!
I'm thinking that bars have different rules in America from what Minnes and Christine are saying?? :huh:
For me, it's the easiest place to talk to someone. And I'm pretty shy unless I'm drunk! One of my girl friends, would more often than not, have a conversation with every guy or girl that crosses her path in an evening :laugh:
Even if its one or two words you can turn to the person next to you buying a drink and say something "hey, never seen it so busy in here" or someone you make eye contact with "How ya doin?" or someone you spill a drink over........:laugh:
I agree its good practice to practice being sociable and yes, that in itself oozes approachability! :bigsmile:
That is probably correct as I am taking your bars to be more pubs while our bars are more clubs. Most bars I go to it is hard to have a conversation with anyone most things are done through body language.0 -
I made "friends" last night - well met people at work who are my own age (finally) and that invited me out... The whole "approachable" thing even from just an interaction for making friends is so not natural for me it's crazy. I have to find the outgoing people so that I can use their ablity to talk to anyone to get myself to join in and interact otherwise I just don't speak (or can't). Rawr!
In my head, I know how it works. In real life, even with just casual people it's not the same. They all probably think I'm just some shy girl from Iowa who doesn't do much. Luckily with these people I can have 2nd, 3rd, and 108th impressions to warm up and become more outgoing - but that's not going to work with meeting a random guy.
I probably should say I didn't talk much when younger, even up to high school, and going to something like meeting people I don't really know use to be a big 'can't do' for me - so I've come a LONG way. Hopefully I can go even further! :-)0 -
Gotta say you girls wouldn't like going out with me then. I know all the bartenders and Dj's and security at the bars I go to. I chat up the girls and make friends there all the time. I got out in mixed packs of guys ands girls lol. Oh and I have no problem walking up to a guy and being like hi my name is Jen. I also dance with anybody and sing my *kitten* off..... So apperantly I should be lonely and ect. However I constanly have people to hang with and guys to play with... Then again my guys tell me I think like a guy lol0
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i smile! and i think i have quite good body language - except trying to cover my tummy which i usually feel self conscious about...so maybe i'm not that relaxed.
oof i'd give half my *kitten* to be naturally outgoing!0 -
Trick from the mathematician in "A Beautiful Mind" is to not go for the obviously most beautiful one. The other girls will be so flattered someone approached them instead of their friend who usually gets the guy you’ll have a lot more latitude in getting her number.
Hmmm… note to the ladies… don’t automatically assume guys who hit on you when in a group are automatically thinking you’re the “less attractive, easier one” but do keep it in mind ;-)0 -
How the **** do you make friends as a female then. What difference does it make if you met someone on the moon or in a bar. So glad I'm a male in this regard.
Florian has said pretty much what I was going to add so no need to elaborate. Don't hang out in large groups, don't hang out with males, don't sit down, bee standing but stand Ian closed circle with your friends. Try and look like your having fun, easy going and confident even if your not, your just trying meet someone at this stage, not marry them
We tend not to make friend with other females at bars, we meet them at work, gym, classes, doing everyday things, etc.
Truth be told most ladies simply do not get along all that well nor wish to with other ladies.
They will have a very small BFF group which may be just one but that is it.
Before anyone jumps on me for making a sexist/generalization statement it is not my opinion,it is based on many years seeing women on forums like these saying that they don`t have many female friends,have always had guy friends and prefer it that way.0 -
How the **** do you make friends as a female then. What difference does it make if you met someone on the moon or in a bar. So glad I'm a male in this regard.
Florian has said pretty much what I was going to add so no need to elaborate. Don't hang out in large groups, don't hang out with males, don't sit down, bee standing but stand Ian closed circle with your friends. Try and look like your having fun, easy going and confident even if your not, your just trying meet someone at this stage, not marry them
Personally, I've met half my girl friends in a bar!! :laugh: In fact, my whole social circle is bar/pub related!!
I'm thinking that bars have different rules in America from what Minnes and Christine are saying?? :huh:
For me, it's the easiest place to talk to someone. And I'm pretty shy unless I'm drunk! One of my girl friends, would more often than not, have a conversation with every guy or girl that crosses her path in an evening :laugh:
Even if its one or two words you can turn to the person next to you buying a drink and say something "hey, never seen it so busy in here" or someone you make eye contact with "How ya doin?" or someone you spill a drink over........:laugh:
I agree its good practice to practice being sociable and yes, that in itself oozes approachability! :bigsmile:
Yes, British pubs are quite different from American bars. British pubs are more like house parties in America. In most American bars (unless they get very crowded), we sit at the bar or at a table with people we know. We may chat up some others at the bar, or at the table next to us, but our range tends to be limited.
Most of my conversations in American bars are those seated within four stools of me and those who walk up to the bar, standing next to me to order a drink (or vice versa).
Note: By bar, I don't mean dance club. Those are definitely different as the dance floor is as much a focal point as the bar is.0 -
Trick from the mathematician in "A Beautiful Mind" is to not go for the obviously most beautiful one. The other girls will be so flattered someone approached them instead of their friend who usually gets the guy you’ll have a lot more latitude in getting her number.
Hmmm… note to the ladies… don’t automatically assume guys who hit on you when in a group are automatically thinking you’re the “less attractive, easier one” but do keep it in mind ;-)
Good grief. So can a man expect a woman to reply with "Oh, so you think I'm ugly?" when you just say "Hi"?
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How the **** do you make friends as a female then. What difference does it make if you met someone on the moon or in a bar. So glad I'm a male in this regard.
Florian has said pretty much what I was going to add so no need to elaborate. Don't hang out in large groups, don't hang out with males, don't sit down, bee standing but stand Ian closed circle with your friends. Try and look like your having fun, easy going and confident even if your not, your just trying meet someone at this stage, not marry them
We tend not to make friend with other females at bars, we meet them at work, gym, classes, doing everyday things, etc.
Truth be told most ladies simply do not get along all that well nor wish to with other ladies.
They will have a very small BFF group which may be just one but that is it.
Before anyone jumps on me for making a sexist/generalization statement it is not my opinion,it is based on many years seeing women on forums like these saying that they don`t have many female friends,have always had guy friends and prefer it that way.
I always find it odd when girls say that. I am the odd girl I guess that has more girl friends then guy friends.0 -
Gotta say you girls wouldn't like going out with me then. I know all the bartenders and Dj's and security at the bars I go to. I chat up the girls and make friends there all the time. I got out in mixed packs of guys ands girls lol. Oh and I have no problem walking up to a guy and being like hi my name is Jen. I also dance with anybody and sing my *kitten* off..... So apperantly I should be lonely and ect. However I constanly have people to hang with and guys to play with... Then again my guys tell me I think like a guy lol
If you are ever in my area let me know! But I guess that would mean you wouldn't know the DJs, bartenders, and security then either, huh?0 -
How the **** do you make friends as a female then. What difference does it make if you met someone on the moon or in a bar. So glad I'm a male in this regard.
Florian has said pretty much what I was going to add so no need to elaborate. Don't hang out in large groups, don't hang out with males, don't sit down, bee standing but stand Ian closed circle with your friends. Try and look like your having fun, easy going and confident even if your not, your just trying meet someone at this stage, not marry them
We tend not to make friend with other females at bars, we meet them at work, gym, classes, doing everyday things, etc.
Truth be told most ladies simply do not get along all that well nor wish to with other ladies.
They will have a very small BFF group which may be just one but that is it.
Before anyone jumps on me for making a sexist/generalization statement it is not my opinion,it is based on many years seeing women on forums like these saying that they don`t have many female friends,have always had guy friends and prefer it that way.
Man, every time there's a female generalization out there I always seem to not quite fit it. I didn't think I was that out there, but oh well guess that makes me one of a kind?? lol
Although gotta say I think this one is quite true. Usually of my girl friends, they tend to have more girl friends than guy friends. I, right now, have more guy friends than girl friends but that's because I'm picking up friends from work and it's predominantly male.0 -
Trick from the mathematician in "A Beautiful Mind" is to not go for the obviously most beautiful one. The other girls will be so flattered someone approached them instead of their friend who usually gets the guy you’ll have a lot more latitude in getting her number.
This is smart...as long as he isn't using me to get to my friend!0 -
I have no suggestions so am just bumping this thread to learn! My friends will tell you I'm bubbly, confident, and outgoing to everyone yet honestly, when I'm around any man I find attractive, I revert back to 4th grade where they called me Fatty Four Eyes... Confidence quickly GONE! Hoping to learn something through osmosis on this thread
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advice? dont be super tall and have white hair.0
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I am more approachable and more... approachy... after I've had a drink or two. It's one of the most efficient cures for my anxiety (if I don't get drunk, just a little buzz). Then I stop assuming everyone is a monster that's out to hurt me in some way shape or form and everyone becomes an interesting person that is my friend.
I have met several people this way, and have retained friendships.
Also cleavage. Look good, feel good, show cleavage.0
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