Looking "approachable"

Jarnard

I think the more attractive you are, the harder it is for guys who are average or have lack of confidence to approach attractive women. I think for the most part, it's all about the individual who's going to approach you. It usually takes confidence. Sometimes, I will see an attractive woman but I wont approach because of the environment or the confidence level that I might have at the time. It varies.

castadiva

These are some good suggestions. I think I ultimately just need to be more confident in myself. I was talking to this girl one time and I mentioned I was shy and she said, "Well, you don't look shy." I don't know what she meant by that, I thought it was the strangest thing.

I know you said before that you act in plays, so I guess I would assume someone who loves to do that isn't shy!

Nope! Lots of shy, introverted people in the performing arts - it's much easier to be confident when you're playing someone else onstage, and you know exactly how everyone around you is going to react - ironically, the stage is the ultimate in predictability (after six-odd weeks' rehearsal, it jolly well should be!). My close friends generally call me an extroverted introvert, and they're basically right - I couldn't do what I do as a complete introvert, but I'm usually very uncomfortable in social situations, especially casual ones, with people I don't know, at least for the first half-hour or so, until I figure them out a little. In more formal situations, I just adopt whatever persona is appropriate and run with that. Consequently, I find cocktail/dinner parties and formal dances much less daunting than pubs/clubs etc, probably in part because the 'rules' are much clearer and I'm not good at reading social cues 'freestyle', but those opportunities are much less frequent, so...

kimi131

I have the same problem. I really think it's why I am still single. Because, heck, just look at me, I'm freakin' hot . I'm not very comfortable in social situations though. It takes me a while to get to know people and open up to them. That's why I'm a ton of fun with friends, but uncomfortably quiet and reserved around people I don't know well. I also have the problem that when I am not "into" a guy, I can laugh, flirt, and joke with no problem. When I like a guy, or at least think he's attractive, I clam up, become quiet, shy, serious. Which is why all the guys I'm not into approach me and all the ones I like, steer clear :frown: . My confidence has increased ten-fold since I've lost all of my weight though, and I feel like that is helping at least a little bit. It hasn't really made me more approachable in the real world, but when I do get dates (thank you online dating), I am at least a little more confident and fun on those.

I too have been told I need to smile more. My emotions show a lot on my face, which is why I don't smile much at work, haha. Since social situations make me uncomfortable, I am sure I give off the "stay the hell way" vibe :indifferent: , when really I'm wondering why he approached my non-single friends and not me.

Good advice in this thread. I need to follow some of this advice, especially with the particular guy whose attention I'm trying to grab.

skinnybearlyndsay

So everyone I talk to about my relationships (or lack thereof) tell me my problem is I'm not "approachable" enough to men. A lot of guys I talk to say they will go up to whichever woman looks easiest to talk to. I think my main problem is I'm kind of shy. I say "kind of" because I can be very outgoing, but whenever I'm around a guy I like I can't make eye contact and I have trouble talking to them.

Any tips on being more approachable and outgoing around guys I like?

This is so me too! I can't talk to a guy I like...it makes me so nervous and I come off as not interested.

dbrightwell1270

Trick from the mathematician in "A Beautiful Mind" is to not go for the obviously most beautiful one. The other girls will be so flattered someone approached them instead of their friend who usually gets the guy you’ll have a lot more latitude in getting her number.

Hmmm… note to the ladies… don’t automatically assume guys who hit on you when in a group are automatically thinking you’re the “less attractive, easier one” but do keep it in mind ;-)

You realize John Nash was a schizophrenic who also thought he was a Nazi spy right.

OutOfBreath

I was in the elevator at work yesterday with a co-worker and some random guy. She was talking about random men giving her their number and how annoying she found it to be. I told her to scowl and growl more, it works for me. The random guy in the elevator cracked up. My co-worker told me she hated me. :laugh:

JanieJack

Trick from the mathematician in "A Beautiful Mind" is to not go for the obviously most beautiful one. The other girls will be so flattered someone approached them instead of their friend who usually gets the guy you’ll have a lot more latitude in getting her number.

Hmmm… note to the ladies… don’t automatically assume guys who hit on you when in a group are automatically thinking you’re the “less attractive, easier one” but do keep it in mind ;-)

You realize John Nash was a schizophrenic who also thought he was a Nazi spy right.

Yes, Mr. Economics PhD , he was... and as you know better than me... he also won a Nobel prize in Economics for his contributions to game theory (he favored the premise that there is a way for all parties to be satisfied).

I have yet to meet a man with any real game who doesn't admit, in private, that the best way to score is to go for flattering the older, uglier, and fatter girls.