So I might be getting dumped.
La_Amazona
Posts: 4,855 Member
I'm sad today. I didn't sleep much last night and I don't feel like being at work. I'm not broken hearted and I know in the long run, I'll be okay. It just sucks.
So bf came over yesterday for dinner and he looked a little distracted. We sat down and eventually started to talk. Apparently he's been thinking about how our differences might not be good for long term.
I will say, I don't feel he's making up excuses because he's not interested. I honestly believe he's thinking about the future and how we might not be a good fit.
To me, our differences made us unique. They are differences, that's all. It seems he's seeing these differences as challenges that are too big.
Here are some that he mentioned:
Our family backgrounds. My parents are pastors. One time he asked me if my dad drank which I replied that he didn't. He kept asking questions about it. Anyway last night he mentioned how our families are so different. His family is far from religious. I told him that yes my parents are pastors but that I'm me. I'm on my own journey in my faith and that I am about 100% I'd never be a pastor. He said he just didn't see our families getting along. Sure, they might not be best friends but my family would never look down on his just because they do things differently.
He brought up our racial differences. I'm the first hispanic girl he's dated. But the problem is we have gotten into this inside joke type of deal where we tease each other about certain things. It's all between us and I don't get offended. But apparently he thought I did. He says I'm pretty sensitive about it. I am about the most sarcastic person there is. I can take it. I certainly dish it out to him! We both agreed that our teasing has confused both of us at times.
Those were the main differences.
Then he said something that hurt. He said how we've been going out a 1.5 months and he has feelings for me, even love feelings but not enough to use the words. He says usually he knows by now. He told me he likes me a lot and a lot of my traits are things he wants but then we have our differences which make him question. He says I treat him so well. He's not used to being treated good by women and he's not sure what to do there. He's always been the giver and with us, it's been opposite because I'm always giving. He gives too but he says he feels out of his usual element.
To the love thing, I told him that I wouldn't say the L word yet. To me 1.5 months is way too soon. I like him a lot as well and at times I feel overwhelming feelings but I don't know him well enough to know if I'm in love with him.
The night ended by him leaving and not staying over like he usually does. I feel like he was actually trying to break up with me but couldn't.. or maybe he was just venting. I don't know. It sucks either way.
I have no idea what to do now. We are going to dinner tonight. We just agreed to take it a day at a time. We said we'd cut out the teasing (we do it 24/7) because we can't tell when we're being serious or not.
I hadn't noticed him pulling back or anything. I was pretty shocked that he had been thinking about all of this. I mean, we just got back from our trip which was fine. But we did do some heavy teasing and I think it got out of hand here and there... but I didn't think much of it.
I'm sad. You all know Smiley has me smitten. It'd suck to break up!!
So bf came over yesterday for dinner and he looked a little distracted. We sat down and eventually started to talk. Apparently he's been thinking about how our differences might not be good for long term.
I will say, I don't feel he's making up excuses because he's not interested. I honestly believe he's thinking about the future and how we might not be a good fit.
To me, our differences made us unique. They are differences, that's all. It seems he's seeing these differences as challenges that are too big.
Here are some that he mentioned:
Our family backgrounds. My parents are pastors. One time he asked me if my dad drank which I replied that he didn't. He kept asking questions about it. Anyway last night he mentioned how our families are so different. His family is far from religious. I told him that yes my parents are pastors but that I'm me. I'm on my own journey in my faith and that I am about 100% I'd never be a pastor. He said he just didn't see our families getting along. Sure, they might not be best friends but my family would never look down on his just because they do things differently.
He brought up our racial differences. I'm the first hispanic girl he's dated. But the problem is we have gotten into this inside joke type of deal where we tease each other about certain things. It's all between us and I don't get offended. But apparently he thought I did. He says I'm pretty sensitive about it. I am about the most sarcastic person there is. I can take it. I certainly dish it out to him! We both agreed that our teasing has confused both of us at times.
Those were the main differences.
Then he said something that hurt. He said how we've been going out a 1.5 months and he has feelings for me, even love feelings but not enough to use the words. He says usually he knows by now. He told me he likes me a lot and a lot of my traits are things he wants but then we have our differences which make him question. He says I treat him so well. He's not used to being treated good by women and he's not sure what to do there. He's always been the giver and with us, it's been opposite because I'm always giving. He gives too but he says he feels out of his usual element.
To the love thing, I told him that I wouldn't say the L word yet. To me 1.5 months is way too soon. I like him a lot as well and at times I feel overwhelming feelings but I don't know him well enough to know if I'm in love with him.
The night ended by him leaving and not staying over like he usually does. I feel like he was actually trying to break up with me but couldn't.. or maybe he was just venting. I don't know. It sucks either way.
I have no idea what to do now. We are going to dinner tonight. We just agreed to take it a day at a time. We said we'd cut out the teasing (we do it 24/7) because we can't tell when we're being serious or not.
I hadn't noticed him pulling back or anything. I was pretty shocked that he had been thinking about all of this. I mean, we just got back from our trip which was fine. But we did do some heavy teasing and I think it got out of hand here and there... but I didn't think much of it.
I'm sad. You all know Smiley has me smitten. It'd suck to break up!!
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Replies
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I'm sad today. I didn't sleep much last night and I don't feel like being at work. I'm not broken hearted and I know in the long run, I'll be okay. It just sucks.
So bf came over yesterday for dinner and he looked a little distracted. We sat down and eventually started to talk. Apparently he's been thinking about how our differences might not be good for long term.
I will say, I don't feel he's making up excuses because he's not interested. I honestly believe he's thinking about the future and how we might not be a good fit.
To me, our differences made us unique. They are differences, that's all. It seems he's seeing these differences as challenges that are too big.
Here are some that he mentioned:
Our family backgrounds. My parents are pastors. One time he asked me if my dad drank which I replied that he didn't. He kept asking questions about it. Anyway last night he mentioned how our families are so different. His family is far from religious. I told him that yes my parents are pastors but that I'm me. I'm on my own journey in my faith and that I am about 100% I'd never be a pastor. He said he just didn't see our families getting along. Sure, they might not be best friends but my family would never look down on his just because they do things differently.
He brought up our racial differences. I'm the first hispanic girl he's dated. But the problem is we have gotten into this inside joke type of deal where we tease each other about certain things. It's all between us and I don't get offended. But apparently he thought I did. He says I'm pretty sensitive about it. I am about the most sarcastic person there is. I can take it. I certainly dish it out to him! We both agreed that our teasing has confused both of us at times.
Those were the main differences.
Then he said something that hurt. He said how we've been going out a 1.5 months and he has feelings for me, even love feelings but not enough to use the words. He says usually he knows by now. He told me he likes me a lot and a lot of my traits are things he wants but then we have our differences which make him question. He says I treat him so well. He's not used to being treated good by women and he's not sure what to do there. He's always been the giver and with us, it's been opposite because I'm always giving. He gives too but he says he feels out of his usual element.
To the love thing, I told him that I wouldn't say the L word yet. To me 1.5 months is way too soon. I like him a lot as well and at times I feel overwhelming feelings but I don't know him well enough to know if I'm in love with him.
The night ended by him leaving and not staying over like he usually does. I feel like he was actually trying to break up with me but couldn't.. or maybe he was just venting. I don't know. It sucks either way.
I have no idea what to do now. We are going to dinner tonight. We just agreed to take it a day at a time. We said we'd cut out the teasing (we do it 24/7) because we can't tell when we're being serious or not.
I hadn't noticed him pulling back or anything. I was pretty shocked that he had been thinking about all of this. I mean, we just got back from our trip which was fine. But we did do some heavy teasing and I think it got out of hand here and there... but I didn't think much of it.
I'm sad. You all know Smiley has me smitten. It'd suck to break up!!
This blows!!
Well you have reminded me of an ex I had Megan since the first post I saw of yours, very sweet, caring... like the old school things guys really like in woman! However kind of like you (don't be offended) she can get in her own head. In fact she strait up told me she was high maintenance when we started dating and someone had a post about that a few days ago. Truth be told, I do think he is trying to break up with you... but at the same time knows those qualities I listed above are really hard to come by... trust me haven't found them since Megan. So I would suggest that you suggest maybe slowing things down a bit... y'all were moving at rocket speed and maybe he just needs some space to sort things out.... give him the weekend on his own and maybe set a date next week to see where things sit. Sometimes us fellas just need time to think on our own.
Hope that helps.0 -
well we have dinner plans tonight actually. he left, kissed and hugged me and texted me when he got home.
It just feels like it snuck up on me. He hasn't said one peep about it until last night. Like I said, we'll joke around and maybe I should have taken him more seriously. Whatever. I can't read someones mind when they don't TALK TALK.
I did thank him for finally opening up to me. The guy talks but this is the first time he's ever talked about us.0 -
Family differences is way too heavy of a subject to be dealing with at 1.5 months. I think you two really rushed the family element and I seem to remember saying that. Too much, too soon.
The other thing is that you two are both childless and not needing to integrate families. The two of you could have written the family script any way you wanted. You're dealing with each other day to day, not the families. You two can choose to see your families as much or as little as you want. But family issues can be a significant issues, so they shouldn't be taken lightly.
The writing may be on the wall, or it may not be.0 -
First of all. HUGS.
It is good that he is willing to talk about this with you though and not just keep it all bottled up. This will give you time to discuss the situations.
To me those differences can be over come but that is me and religion and race are just things that make people unique and I know my parents would not judge anyone else on their race or religion either. Since they seem to be important to both of you due to your differences it is better to address them this early in the relationship.
Has he thought that maybe in the past he was able to say the L word so soon but those relationships didn't work out so maybe this time slower might be better? Especially with you who just recently got divorced and do not want to jump into something like that.0 -
I'm so sorry! :sad: That sucks but you never know. Maybe he's just really questioning things and it will blow over and go back to normal. If it doesn't then you just have to know he wasn't the right guy for you. Either way, I'm really sorry.0
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I told him about the L word and how I think it's a good thing we're taking that slow. I mean, in the past, I would have blurted out to him that I loved him 2 weeks ago. But I know better now. Real true love takes time. I don't think he bought it though. He seems to know himself and how he's always been and basing it on that. The fact that he tells me "you're unlike any othter woman I've met" or "I've never been treated the way you have treated me".. well I took those as good things and him not saying he loved me yet was great to me because it meant I was different than all the others.0
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(((HUGS)))
if you read the book mars and venus on a date, it talks about how after you establish a relationship is common to have second thoughts. most guys that have seconds thoughts see the grass being greener elsewhere and move on or back off, and this makes the girl chase. at least he has come to YOU with his concerns. if you two can keep talking, and you can let him have his space to process all of this, then he could very well come back FULL FORCE more committed than ever!!!
another thing that is mentioned is that guys are like rubber bands. they stretch out as far as then can and then bounce back. when they are NOT allowed to stretch out far then they have a much harder time bouncing back all the way. it can be a good thing if a guy is allowed to stretch out, without being chased, so that he can figure stuff out and then come back.
it's hard to know when a guy is distancing himself because he needs to think or because he's losing interest...... this guy has pretty much told you he is thinking. and needs to think.
i know i can say relax and don't worry, but hey let's be honest. you're gonna worry and NOT relax. so, try to keep yourself busy and preoccupied. like you two agreed, take it one day at a time. and just see what happens. i think 1.5 mo is a short amount of time to know if you LOVE someone......... lust can be a powerful emotion, and is often confused for love. but actually knowing you love someone.... i think it comes with a bit more time. that's just me though.
good luck!!! i'll be sending LOADS of positive vibes your way lady!! you certainly deserve happiness and a fun and loving relationship!!!!0 -
well we have dinner plans tonight actually. he left, kissed and hugged me and texted me when he got home.
It just feels like it snuck up on me. He hasn't said one peep about it until last night. Like I said, we'll joke around and maybe I should have taken him more seriously. Whatever. I can't read someones mind when they don't TALK TALK.
I did thank him for finally opening up to me. The guy talks but this is the first time he's ever talked about us.
Well don't rush back into that convo again tonight... let him bring it up if he wants to.0 -
Family differences is way too heavy of a subject to be dealing with at 1.5 months. I think you two really rushed the family element and I seem to remember saying that. Too much, too soon.
The other thing is that you two are both childless and not needing to integrate families. The two of you could have written the family script any way you wanted. You're dealing with each other day to day, not the families. You two can choose to see your families as much or as little as you want. But family issues can be a significant issues, so they shouldn't be taken lightly.
The writing may be on the wall, or it may not be.
Well we're both very close to each of our families.
We don't talk about serious issues too often but we have talked about our futures such as what we wanted in life, where we wanted to live and then compared notes. It was a fun conversation, not deep and heavy.
I'm going to pull back myself. Thankfully, I'm not all emotionally invested. I'm crazy for him but I knew better than to give myself too soon. Space would be good right now. We agreed to spend the weekend together so we'll see how that turns out... then next week I'm going to just think about it all.0 -
I don't know if you're getting dumped or not. I know it is easy to lose yourself in the emotions of a fresh relationship and that at some point one party or the other takes a step back wondering what's happened and takes a longer term view. I wouldn't suspect he is as concerned about how your parents will look at his as much as how his parents will view yours. That may be a problem but it seems to me that it shouldn't be overwhelming.
The teasing and taking offense to it thing seems to indicate a lack of communication (to some extent - you did talk about it last night). This can be worked out but it seems to surprise you. You've stated before that one of the things you like is how much he gets you. He obviously doesn't get you as well as you thought.
I would read the fear of using the L-word as a mixed thing. It's a lot easier to think you love someone when you don't feel as threatened by them than it is when you feel like you could get totally crushed or totally devastate the other person. I would read the overall situation to be that he is scared because he thinks he has someone great and he isn't sure if he is ready for it and it scares him ****less because he knows if it continues he could hurt you badly or you could hurt him badly.0 -
he thinks he has someone great and he isn't sure if he is ready for it and it scares him ****less because he knows if it continues he could hurt you badly or you could hurt him badly.
He said this last night. He said how he didn't know what the hell was wrong with him because he had someone so great yet he's confused. And if what if down the road he hurt me by not being just as great or I hurt him by leaving because he wasn't good enough.
Yet he kept telling me he liked me. I would have noticed if he wasn't interested in me anymore. Nothing has changed.0 -
Family differences is way too heavy of a subject to be dealing with at 1.5 months. I think you two really rushed the family element and I seem to remember saying that. Too much, too soon.
The other thing is that you two are both childless and not needing to integrate families. The two of you could have written the family script any way you wanted. You're dealing with each other day to day, not the families. You two can choose to see your families as much or as little as you want. But family issues can be a significant issues, so they shouldn't be taken lightly.
The writing may be on the wall, or it may not be.
I don't think so. I think it's a cop out though on his part to use family differences as a "problem" - he's with you, not you & your family. I mean, if they hate him and look down on him, sure. But you said your family doesn't do that.
If I date a girl and my Mom doesn't like her, so be it. it's going to be a rough time for my Mom. If she has a reason that's warranted, sure, but if it's something petty - it'll be a rough time for her while I'm with that girl.0 -
Before you get too upset keep in mind that it is normal to sort out feelings and great he can talk about them.
Not to say he isn`t backing away,no way I can know but it doesn`t have to mean that he is either.0 -
grrr.. I just typed this long @ss response and it poofed.
I am going to comment on the stuff I know .. lol.
Race .. if he has never dated someone out of his race, it can be an adjustment. I have never dated anyone that isn't white before. I haven't even told my parents that my boy is puerto rican. So .. I get it. I have thought that perhaps we are too different culturally .. but then I think, we both love God, we both have the same views on love and family and how to treat people .. so what if I don't speak Spanish or like spicy food. lol .. or I'm not tan .. hahaha
I once worked with a pastor. lol.. he was waiting for a spot to open up in a church, so he was wading in the pool of normal people for a while. I felt so uncomfortable around him at first. It took me a long time to not feel like he was going home every night and praying for me to become a decent human being. But once I realized he was a normal person and didn't think I belonged in hell .. I really liked him. It takes some getting used to ..
And lastly .. guys can sometimes get inside their heads too. Maybe he is just having a freak out. I have had two freak outs already and thank God my boy didn't panic and just let me freak out. Maybe he just needs you to not panic and let him freak. lol. These seem like excuses that come from too much time spent in ones head. lol.
I thought you guys just decided that unless you said differently, you would be together on weekends. !! WTF.
Plus ... if you are not used to him talking about his feelings .. then maybe it is just freaking you out a little that he is talking about them. Just because he didn't talk about them, doesn't mean he didn't have them.0 -
i know i can say relax and don't worry, but hey let's be honest. you're gonna worry and NOT relax. so, try to keep yourself busy and preoccupied. like you two agreed, take it one day at a time. and just see what happens. i think 1.5 mo is a short amount of time to know if you LOVE someone......... lust can be a powerful emotion, and is often confused for love. but actually knowing you love someone.... i think it comes with a bit more time. that's just me though.
{{{{Diana}}}}0 -
Oooh .. I just read one of your other posts ..
I feel that way too!!! Like .. this person is so great, I am in way over my head. At some point he is going to realize that I am not as great as he thinks I am right now and be really disappointed. It freaks you out when you think someone is too good for you. lol.
Oh .. and I agree with DM on the family thing. I haven't done the family thing yet and am no where near ready for that yet and we are almost 3 months.0 -
Ahh....the whole thing blows. )o: Of the 2 girls that I've dated in the past I was their first hispanic bf. Niether cared about the cultural differences nor did I. The more serious of the 2 really enjoyed the food, the language, has learned to speak spanish really well and can cook a lot of dishes now too. Her parents however did not approve. They assumed since I came from a Mexican/Latino background I would just knock her up, dump her and move on to the next. Years later they eventually warmed up.
I hope you and smiley can work it out.0 -
Family differences is way too heavy of a subject to be dealing with at 1.5 months. I think you two really rushed the family element and I seem to remember saying that. Too much, too soon.
The other thing is that you two are both childless and not needing to integrate families. The two of you could have written the family script any way you wanted. You're dealing with each other day to day, not the families. You two can choose to see your families as much or as little as you want. But family issues can be a significant issues, so they shouldn't be taken lightly.
The writing may be on the wall, or it may not be.
I don't think so. I think it's a cop out though on his part to use family differences as a "problem" - he's with you, not you & your family. I mean, if they hate him and look down on him, sure. But you said your family doesn't do that.
If I date a girl and my Mom doesn't like her, so be it. it's going to be a rough time for my Mom. If she has a reason that's warranted, sure, but if it's something petty - it'll be a rough time for her while I'm with that girl.
I agree with this completely.
Family differences are such a non-issue, or they should be, especially at the 6 week stage. I'm sorry he's having second thoughts but hope he's just thinking/talking it out. You guys seems to be extremely happy together!0 -
My harsh opinion, sorry
I think he likes you, I think he enjoys spending time with you but in the back of his mind you're not the "one". In my twenties I would date a woman and not think twice about marriage. Now that I'm in my thirties it comes to mind within a week or two of dating. If there are any long-term issues that I think won't work or I'm not happy with I end it.
That said, the two reasons you gave seem a bit trivial. I'm sure you'll talk more tonight, sorry you're going through this
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He said more things and a lot of them are how opposite we are. We are. I agree. We couldn't be more different, from our taste in music to night owl vs morning person. But I thought that's what he liked about me and what I liked about him. As long as our morals and values matched, I thought we were okay.0
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Do people of our age still care about what mum and dad think?Family differences is way too heavy of a subject to be dealing with at 1.5 months. I think you two really rushed the family element and I seem to remember saying that. Too much, too soon.
I'm the one who will have to deal with my choices and mistakes, not them.
People are such wimps sometimes... Time for them to become independent and form their own opinion about things. I thought we all had a crisis at age 16 when we become a PITA for our parents and always do the contrary to what they say.
I guess it's all about the way the line is delivered, in a smart non-offensive way, you can tell anything.He brought up our racial differences. I'm the first hispanic girl he's dated. But the problem is we have gotten into this inside joke type of deal where we tease each other about certain things. It's all between us and I don't get offended. But apparently he thought I did. He says I'm pretty sensitive about it. I am about the most sarcastic person there is. I can take it. I certainly dish it out to him! We both agreed that our teasing has confused both of us at times.
I can't even imagine having to refrain myself from making this kind of jokes to a girl. To me that would be a massive deal breaker (I would feel that I am not myself). Admittedly, everyone has bad days, and you can just cut the jokes short by saying: "Sorry... Definitely not in the mood for joking today. Need some time to think, okay?" (plus a sad smile and you're done).
What's so difficult about that, I don't know. If people take the jokes in, and get frustrated about them, that's their problem not mine.
He knows himself so well that he was single when you met him. Or am I mistaken, and he is still with all the girls he has "loved" (quote - unquote).Then he said something that hurt. He said how we've been going out a 1.5 months and he has feelings for me, even love feelings but not enough to use the words. He says usually he knows by now. He told me he likes me a lot and a lot of my traits are things he wants but then we have our differences which make him question. He says I treat him so well. He's not used to being treated good by women and he's not sure what to do there. He's always been the giver and with us, it's been opposite because I'm always giving. He gives too but he says he feels out of his usual element.
Logic failure, eh?
Not to say he shouldn't listen to his feelings, but if he is enjoying the ride and there is no deal breaker that comes from HIM (not his family) then why not go on?
It happens though that I'm not that much into a girl even though I enjoy the ride, in this case I know it because it's about HER now (not stuff that might or might not happen 5 years down the line).
Well, good luck with that anyway (not sure if luck is involved).0 -
flamfloz .. you sound very "english" in that reply ..lol..0
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I don't want to feel like I'm at his mercy. Hell no! I mean, I have freaked out before and he's reassured me and I was fine. But he isn't emotional like me and he seems to be the type that once he's made up his mind, it's made up. I'm more indecisive so he had wiggle room in my freak outs.
I don't want to be the "ooh pick me, pick me" chick. He knows I'm a good woman and that I treat him well and if he passes that up than he's just not that into ME apparently.0 -
He said more things and a lot of them are how opposite we are. We are. I agree. We couldn't be more different, from our taste in music to night owl vs morning person. But I thought that's what he liked about me and what I liked about him. As long as our morals and values matched, I thought we were okay.
Well, they say opposites attract!!! And mostly it's a true saying :bigsmile: What's the point in being with someone similar to yourself? That could be boring......however, having said that, some people find it too much of a challenge and I think Smiley is going through those thoughts.
My thoughts on family are that we dont marry into families. We dont even date them. For the once or twice a year that families need to integrate I would consider it a non-issue, and a lame excuse on Smiley's part! Sorry, but WTF?? Has he even met them yet, to judge??
My thoughts on race - My heritage is South American, Portuguese decent. I've never dated another Latino person!! I'm culturally nearer to British than to Latino though, so I expect that is why. I DO think cultures sometimes have a problem integrating, but again, it's only a problem if you make it one. I'm a bit surprised about the constant referral/banter though. I find that unhealthy in a relationship. Whilst you can both 'take it', there are underlying cross purposes there and lack of understanding and respect. I totally agree that the teasing needs to stop!!
Listen hun, its nothing you've done wrong. I cant tell you how many 2 or 3 month relationships I've had only to discover that we were not a good match. It's how it is. I think its GREAT that Smiley has voiced his opinion on this. I think that speaks volumes. He's unsure, but he still wants to try. It's now up to you both to overcome these challenges!!
Good luck honey :flowerforyou:0 -
I don't want to feel like I'm at his mercy. Hell no! I mean, I have freaked out before and he's reassured me and I was fine. But he isn't emotional like me and he seems to be the type that once he's made up his mind, it's made up. I'm more indecisive so he had wiggle room in my freak outs.
I don't want to be the "ooh pick me, pick me" chick. He knows I'm a good woman and that I treat him well and if he passes that up than he's just not that into ME apparently.
I think it's game time and he doesn't know for sure if he wants to play... it's moving past just getting to know you/fun and feelings are starting to develop... I think this is a natural stage in a relationship where one needs to decide if they will allow themselves to possibly be hurt. If he wasn't that into you, he wouldn't have taken the time to share why he is having doubt. I think he just needs to figure out if this is something he really wants. I don't get any indication from the information you shared that he is stringing you along or that you are at his mercy. I think you should both take the time and figure out if this is something you really want and go from there.0 -
I asked him why, so that is why he told me. I mean he started it by saying "I'm not sure if I see us together in the long run because of our differences".
Granted he looked torn. He said he was afraid to make a mistake by not giving it a chance. But then again, he was probably torn if he was trying to break up with me and I didn't cry and just sit there. I asked what was going on since I had no suspicion anything was wrong.0 -
I don't want to feel like I'm at his mercy. Hell no! I mean, I have freaked out before and he's reassured me and I was fine. But he isn't emotional like me and he seems to be the type that once he's made up his mind, it's made up. I'm more indecisive so he had wiggle room in my freak outs.
I don't want to be the "ooh pick me, pick me" chick. He knows I'm a good woman and that I treat him well and if he passes that up than he's just not that into ME apparently.
I think it's game time and he doesn't know for sure if he wants to play... it's moving past just getting to know you/fun and feelings are starting to develop... I think this is a natural stage in a relationship where one needs to decide if they will allow themselves to possibly be hurt. If he wasn't that into you, he wouldn't have taken the time to share why he is having doubt. I think he just needs to figure out if this is something he really wants. I don't get any indication from the information you shared that he is stringing you along or that you are at his mercy. I think you should both take the time and figure out if this is something you really want and go from there.
AGREED .. love this!0 -
I'm offended then. :laugh:flamfloz .. you sound very "english" in that reply ..lol..
Yeah, bring a mirror, say: "here is your perfect match" and point the mirror at him. Then slap him as he starts kissing the mirror: "Stop it you idiot!".Well, they say opposites attract!!! And mostly it's a true saying What's the point in being with someone similar to yourself? That could be boring......however, having said that, some people find it too much of a challenge and I think Smiley is going through those thoughts.0 -
Well, the good thing is: he's thinking long term, so he probably sees something.I asked him why, so that is why he told me. I mean he started it by saying "I'm not sure if I see us together in the long run because of our differences".
Granted he looked torn. He said he was afraid to make a mistake by not giving it a chance. But then again, he was probably torn if he was trying to break up with me and I didn't cry and just sit there. I asked what was going on since I had no suspicion anything was wrong.
That's not a decision one should take lightly.
What does he expect from you (concretely) though? The permission to kill your parents? (maybe ask him)0 -
I am so sorry to hear about this - but do not over think this. Be thankful he was able to openly discuss this with you. Communication is critical and I do think he is very into you or else he would not have invested his time into you. He is just trying to feel his way around so to speak.
Give him time to sort out his feelings and be open for him to be able to discuss this with you.
Hang in there - *huge hugs*0
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