Things women wish men knew...
Carl01
Posts: 9,307 Member
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Will have to check this out when I get home.0
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I would say fairly accurate0
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Generalizations of course, but pretty true to life.0
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I don't agree with 1 or 2, but the rest yes!0
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For me, obviously I can't speak for everyone.
1) Absolutely. If there isn't some kind of contact I will lose interest and move on. We don't have to go out everyday but even a text conversation will keep me invested. I don't think it has anything to do with age as far as putting up with that type of behavior, rather I think it's connected to confidence.
2) Yes, if you are looking for something specific be up front about what you want. Of course, there are also people that aren't looking for anything specific and aren't opposed to anything specific and just kinda... go with what happens. As long as you are up front and honest about what you want, then your hands are clean.
3) Yeah. Yeah definitely.
4) Being frugal, having a budget and being smart with money is not a turn off, but if you take someone to a nice place be prepared to pay and don't gripe about it. don't do something that you can't afford. Coupons I don't have a problem with, hell I've even used that as a way to set up a date ("Hey, I have a coupon to cold stone! Let's go!) but griping about how much the date I'm on with you costs? Not cool bro.
5) I've never had this problem.
6) What? I hardly understand this paragraph except for the last bit. Yeah, don't lie. That sucks. Duh?
7) I think "looking for my mother/father" is misunderstood. I openly admit that my dad is the standard to which I hold the men I date. I'm not looking for another father, but I am looking for qualities in another man that I respect and admire in my own dad. This is because I had a great relationship with my dad and I believe he's an amazing man. Someone intelligent, motivated, loyal and positive. So when a guy tells me that he's looking for a woman like his mother I don't assume he's looking for A mother, just someone that has similar qualities that he values as well.
8) Yes. I've said it before and I'll say it again. A guy who tells me he thinks I'm "hot" is basically ignored. Yeah, kay thanks, what do you want? But a guy who tells me he likes my eyebrows (actual compliment, one of my favorites) will garner my interest.
9) ... Once again, honesty is good? This one is weird for me too, I don't really get what they're trying to say other than the very obvious don't be a *kitten*.0 -
#6 is sooo important... I can't begin to tell you how many men I've caught in lies about dating other people (which strikes me as funny considering my progressive opinion about it). I love the look of surprise on their face when I finally find a way to "catch them" without appearing to be a jerk about it.
The rest seem pretty accurate to me too, although I wouldn't be put off by a coupon. I do expect a man to pay if he asks me out (and not grumble about it) but I definitely appreciate frugality, lol!0 -
i'd say these are so true for me as well.
#8 is really important and #3.0 -
Yep! I can't disagree with any of those :flowerforyou:0
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I don't necessarily disagree with the main points, but I feel like several of them aren't really that important. To me, anyway. 3, 6, and 7 are near the top of the list, however.
3 - trying too hard isn't attractive. Be who you are.
6 - again with the honesty. I'm very discerning when it comes to people. I may not be able to put my finger on exactly what's going on, but I'm going to know if you're dishonest. And what's the point? I have more respect for his time and energy than that, it's fair to expect the same consideration.
7 - and the main reason I'm single (and pickier by the day). It seems like the age at which people grow up gets higher every year, and I have no interest in dating a man-child.
I read the mens' list too, and I'd like to know what they think about that. Who are all these women overly concerned about a man's bank account/income? I mean, if it's getting serious I'm going to want to know that he has a steady means of financially supporting himself, and I probably wouldn't be too keen on a 35-year-old pizza delivery guy with no ambition beyond the Domino's, but that honestly has more to do with what that indicates about the differences in our personalities, goals, and values than anything else. Seriously.. how much money a guy makes is one of the last things to cross my mind. Maybe it's because I've never relied on a man (other than my father when I was a kid, of course) for financial support. *shrug*0 -
God, I hate dating.0
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God, I hate dating.
ditto0 -
Accurate for me.0
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God, I hate dating.
I hate trying to date... the actual dates are never that bad. At some point during my last relationship this crap got way too complicated!!0 -
My take on both with womens first.
1. You risk it all if you wait forever to reach out to a woman who interests you.
When all women are agreeable to put themselves at the equal risk of rejection then valid.
2. Not all women who date are looking for a serious relationship.
This seems to contradict discussions we have had here where ladies say they quickly move to a relationship status in their minds.
3. You’d be surprised about what women find to be genuinely sexy in a man.
Everyone is different so for some yes and others no.
4. Being a cheapskate is a deal-breaker for women.
True and not saying all women are materialistic or gold diggers but whether they realize or admit it many do assign a monetary value to a guys feelings for them.
5. Women struggle to make a connection while remaining independent, too.
An issue of our times...they yearn for the protector/Prince Charming but have been conditioned to not accept that.
6. They call it “women’s intuition” because they are adept at reading nonverbal cues if something feels “off” with a date.
The reason they are mystified that a guy doesn`t do this,communicating by unspoken signs and hints is a natural for ladies among each other so expect a guy does too.
7. No woman wants to be your mother (or a carbon copy of her own).
Who can blame anyone for that,it would be soul sucking.
8. It’s the little things that matter when it comes to impressing a woman.
Have heard this often but mysteriously despite number 6 many ladies don`t pick up on those little things.
9. Women are slower to end relationships than men, even short-term ones.
Probably true for a lot of reasons although have not personally experienced this one much.
Many ladies I have known have had an on-off switch.
In fairness though that is in the lead up stage where one misfire or hit a negative trigger ends all chances instantly.0 -
Now the guys list...
1. Men like it when a woman makes the first move.
Yes,you want our necks on the chopping block so at least give a sign you may not be holding an ax
2. It’s OK to play hard to get — but avoid those stale, old-school tactics.
For me I disagree with this one,if you act hard to get I will figure you don`t want me.
If you are truly busy I can deal with it and offering another time is not playing hard to get as the article suggests,nor is not being upfront about your sexual boundaries
3. Superficial objectification cuts both ways; in other words, men want to be loved for more than their provider status.
Maybe it is just what I have seen but if you look at most womens online dating profile if they answer the question regarding desired income of partner they are swinging for the parking lot with their answer.
It is one thing to look cheap but another to not meet a fantasy lottery win.
4. Men cannot read women’s minds, so speak up if you’re unhappy.
Yes,a thousand times yes.
5. Men are more sensitive about the way they look than you think.
Meh...some are some aren`t,we all want to be liked though.
6. Excessive communications drama can push men away.
Everyone is different but few guys I know call just to talk and those that do seem to not have the lady appreciate it.
This is different from checking in though if one is away,that shows care and consideration.
7. Saying “I love you” is a huge step for a guy.
Three words a guy should be very cautious over...an emotional overload to most ladies with the results ranging from ecstasy to utter disaster,Russian roulette but with only one empty chamber and 5 loaded.
A smart guy will always be very careful...sorry ladies,we have learned our lessons on this one and will be really sure it is desired before we say it so if you want this,let us know clearly.
8. It means something when a man introduces you to his friends.
Yes,it should not be a test of some kind but just a running example of him being comfortable with you.
If it is a "trophy" situation be a bit leery though.0 -
8. It’s the little things that matter when it comes to impressing a woman.
Have heard this often but mysteriously despite number 6 many ladies don`t pick up on those little things.
your replies in general come off so jaded :laugh:
anywho, i wanted to comment on this particular one. this is the difference between does he pay attention to me or doesnt he pay attention to me for most women. it's not ANY little thing that will impress us,the ones that have the most weight are related to things we've told you we like or dont like.
it's kind of like if you keep telling a girl how much you love grilled cheese sammiches and when she finally makes you a sammich it's some god awful egg salad monstrosity. it's like as long as you were going to try and do something hat you think i might like, why make things harder for yourself but not doing the thing i specifically mentioned i liked.0 -
8. It’s the little things that matter when it comes to impressing a woman.
Have heard this often but mysteriously despite number 6 many ladies don`t pick up on those little things.
your replies in general come off so jaded :laugh:
anywho, i wanted to comment on this particular one. this is the difference between does he pay attention to me or doesnt he pay attention to me for most women. it's not ANY little thing that will impress us,the ones that have the most weight are related to things we've told you we like or dont like.
it's kind of like if you keep telling a girl how much you love grilled cheese sammiches and when she finally makes you a sammich it's some god awful egg salad monstrosity. it's like as long as you were going to try and do something hat you think i might like, why make things harder for yourself but not doing the thing i specifically mentioned i liked.
I really don`t think jaded as much as honestly realistic but guess one can argue that forever.
You make a good point though and in reflection am a bit surprised something along the lines of "We really do want you to listen to what we say" did not come up in the womens list.
I do that and it is received with a mixture of appreciation and sheepishness though.0 -
1. Men like it when a woman makes the first move.
Oh hell yes, it gets exhausting
2. It’s OK to play hard to get — but avoid those stale, old-school tactics.
I disagree with this too. Lots of people say they don't like game playing, and playing hard to get is game playing. If you play too hard to get I'll assume you're just not interested and move on.
3. Superficial objectification cuts both ways; in other words, men want to be loved for more than their provider status.
This is pretty obvious, we don't want a gold digger.
4. Men cannot read women’s minds, so speak up if you’re unhappy.
Again pretty obvious, we can't stress this often enough. And we know it goes both ways.
5. Men are more sensitive about the way they look than you think.
I Agree with Carl, some do, most don't.
6. Excessive communications drama can push men away.
Uh...yeah, I can't stand talking about my feelings constantly.
7. Saying “I love you” is a huge step for a guy.
Personally, I give it a lot of time before I say this, even if it's true it doesn't mean we need to tell you. Our actions should be enough for you to know how we feel about you, we'll say it when we're ready.
8. It means something when a man introduces you to his friends.
Not for me. It means I want to see my friends and since they're all married I don't want to feel like the odd man out.0 -
1. You risk it all if you wait forever to reach out to a woman who interests you.
I think this is true. If I don't think you're interested, I don't think I'm going to wait around for you. Especially if I've been giving you OBVIOUS (not tiny smoke signals) signs that I'm interested.
2. Not all women who date are looking for a serious relationship.
True. Being terrified of commitment and a "label" I would never rush into something or try to force something to happen.
3. You’d be surprised about what women find to be genuinely sexy in a man.
True. Another thing that men (probably) don't know is how sexy they look in button down collared shirts. Oh Lord.
4. Being a cheapskate is a deal-breaker for women.
50/50. If a guy is being careful with his money, that's one thing.. But something like giving a server a bad tip is really unattractive and most likely a deal-breaker.
5. Women struggle to make a connection while remaining independent, too.
Amen.
6. They call it “women’s intuition” because they are adept at reading nonverbal cues if something feels “off” with a date.
Yeah, mostly.
7. No woman wants to be your mother (or a carbon copy of her own).
Amen.
8. It’s the little things that matter when it comes to impressing a woman.
Yes. Like if I mentioned to you before that when I'm sick I absolutely adore oranges, and I tell you I'm sick, and you bring me oranges...
9. Women are slower to end relationships than men, even short-term ones.
No. If I want out, I want out. And I WILL get out. But I wouldn't just bail. Because I wouldn't that done to me, either.0 -
On the Women's list:
1. You risk it all if you wait forever to reach out to a woman who interests you.
I'm quite frankly not really willing to take that step any longer. Did that in my 20s and only found that I chose great guys who only wanted to be my friend with no guts to be honest. So I figure now, if he's interested, he'll move, but admittedly recognize that I'd want a signal if I were in his shoes and I'm horrible at that part...
2. Not all women who date are looking for a serious relationship.
I don't know any women that fall into this category, but I'm sure they exist....
3. You’d be surprised about what women find to be genuinely sexy in a man.
I find that it changes with time. I used to notice a man's forearms and hands, then his eyes, then quite frankly his thighs, haha. Now I notice his laugh, his smile, and ok sometimes still the other stuff, haha...
4. Being a cheapskate is a deal-breaker for women.
Hmm, well, I want a man who goes for value. I like nice things, but I want a great deal! I'd say I'm middle of the road here on my spend/ save ratio so I'd be looking for the same.
5. Women struggle to make a connection while remaining independent, too.
This is the most accurate thing on the list and precisely why I will likely stay single. I get too close too fast OR hold back to avoid it... neither work! I'm not sure how to avoid this train wreck...
6. They call it “women’s intuition” because they are adept at reading nonverbal cues if something feels “off” with a date.
Agreed... I think we're all looking for that comfortable situation though...
7. No woman wants to be your mother (or a carbon copy of her own).
OMG no I don't! I'm hoping men 35+ aren't looking for one either!
8. It’s the little things that matter when it comes to impressing a woman.
It is and I do notice. Taking the time to recognize them is an issue though...
9. Women are slower to end relationships than men, even short-term ones.
Story of my life!! My first relationship dragged on for years because I thought it would some day work out if the circumstances were different... but it didn't and never would so I'm thankful I finally saw the light!
Wow, all I can say is that we all want a LOT... and are all a mess?! Just how DOES anyone get together any more? Oh yeah... alcohol! I need a drink....0 -
2. It’s OK to play hard to get — but avoid those stale, old-school tactics.
I disagree with this too. Lots of people say they don't like game playing, and playing hard to get is game playing. If you play too hard to get I'll assume you're just not interested and move on.
I can appreciate that viewpoint, but some of us are not "playing hard to get"... sometimes it's just the woman's personality. I'm shy until I know you, so while it might seem like I'm playing a game, that's not the idea at all.
4. Men cannot read women’s minds, so speak up if you’re unhappy.
Again pretty obvious, we can't stress this often enough. And we know it goes both ways.
...
7. Saying “I love you” is a huge step for a guy.
Personally, I give it a lot of time before I say this, even if it's true it doesn't mean we need to tell you. Our actions should be enough for you to know how we feel about you, we'll say it when we're ready.
I am not the type of woman who has any issues speaking up (I get "intimidating" and "intense" a lot from guys who can't deal with how direct I can be), I just want to make sure the contradiction here is as obvious to everyone else as it is to me. 0 -
I would also be interested in hearing comments from ladies on the mens list.0
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1. Men like it when a woman makes the first move.
Sounds great and I know men say they like it, but quite frankly it's has NEVER yielded any good result for me, so... NOT gonna happen for me!
2. It’s OK to play hard to get — but avoid those stale, old-school tactics.
Again, this sounds awesome, yet as many men say they don't want to play games, that's all I seem to find is men who DO play games. Never been good with the hard to get strategy myself... I say what I'm thinking and wanting perhaps to a fault.
3. Superficial objectification cuts both ways; in other words, men want to be loved for more than their provider status.
This one I understand completely and empathize. Too many women are looking for a man to take care of them and chase the ones who make a few extra $.
4. Men cannot read women’s minds, so speak up if you’re unhappy.
Couldn't agree more... most women really do expect men to know what we're thinking but would probably be terrified if they ever did. What goes on in a woman's mind can be scary, so best to only share on a need to know basis, haha!
5. Men are more sensitive about the way they look than you think.
Not all are, but some definitely. Guys are expected to age gracefully and yet it's not always going to be that way. I do like to make sure and call attention when it's clear the men in my life put in some extra effort!
6. Excessive communications drama can push men away.
It's a double edged sword. Per #4, men want to know if a woman is unhappy, yet clearly many of us don't know how to effectively communicate that. I think men like to solve a problem so if women would give them that chance by presenting a concern in a way where the man can solve it instead of making it sound like a personal attack, things would go a lot smoother!
7. Saying “I love you” is a huge step for a guy.
I would think it should be for both men and women, yet do think men tend to wait longer. I'm good with that though because if/ when he does after a while, you know he means it. Men who say it quickly are generally looking to get some!
8. It means something when a man introduces you to his friends.
It CAN but doesn't always. Either way though, it means more if it does or doesn't go well even if it wasn't planned as a test!0 -
1. Men like it when a woman makes the first move.
Sounds great and I know men say they like it, but quite frankly it's has NEVER yielded any good result for me, so... NOT gonna happen for me!
i think the thing is though what some women consider making the first move is different than what some men consider making the first move. according to the article, women making the first move essentially means you are signalling to him that your guard is down and he can make an approach.
when i lived in NYC, a friend of mine and i tried that a few times when we were out and every time we'd spend more time speaking to men who approached us and hardly any time speaking to each other. it was really easy too.
just look around pick out a guy who looks interesting. look at him every now and then (NOT a carebear stare OK? :laugh: ) and when you have eye contact, give him a quick smile then look away. then a few seconds later look back.
every time we did that, we pretty much left with an avalanche of phone numbers and several planned dates.
oh the only thing is, be prepared for some of your smiles to get caught by a guy you DIDNT want to lure :laugh: when that guy comes over you still want to be polite and treat him like a human being because the guy you DO want to come over is more than likely checking out how you deal with the buster.0 -
Well there's a big difference between playing hard to get and being hard to get. While we don't want someone that is too available we also don't want someone that will blow us off or something just because they are "playing" hard to get. I'd rather have someone just be themselves so there are no surprises later on.I can appreciate that viewpoint, but some of us are not "playing hard to get"... sometimes it's just the woman's personality. I'm shy until I know you, so while it might seem like I'm playing a game, that's not the idea at all.
It's contradictory because you can't read our minds, therefore we need to say it so you're not wondering about it all the time? That's my point, why do you need to hear it so badly?I am not the type of woman who has any issues speaking up (I get "intimidating" and "intense" a lot from guys who can't deal with how direct I can be), I just want to make sure the contradiction here is as obvious to everyone else as it is to me.
I've had people say it to me after a few weeks or even a few dates and I wasn't about to say it back. I've had people tell me they love me and then break up with me a week later. Makes me think that they don't really know what love is, or they are mainly saying it so I'll say it back and they can somehow validate our relationship. Or maybe they were just way more impulsive then me, I don't know.
So sorry if I sound contradictory, but for me saying it seems to be a bigger deal than it does to some people.0 -
1. Men like it when a woman makes the first move.
I'll make eye contact or smile, but I'm probably not going to approach a guy. I'm terrified of rejection.
2. It’s OK to play hard to get — but avoid those stale, old-school tactics.
I don't understand why we still need to play games. If I'm interested, and we've established this, I will let you know. But I have my own life, too.
3. Superficial objectification cuts both ways; in other words, men want to be loved for more than their provider status.
Understandable!
4. Men cannot read women’s minds, so speak up if you’re unhappy.
More games.. I don't really even know what to say about this one. I know I've been guilty of this a few times, but I've gotten better at voicing my feelings. Haven't been in a relationship since this awakening, though.
5. Men are more sensitive about the way they look than you think.
50/50 I'd assume.. I'm not a guy, so I don't know.
6. Excessive communications drama can push men away.
I hate the phone. So I don't get stressed out if I don't hear from you. Life happens... I know this first hand. But believe it or not, a lot of guys are actually put off by this. Despite the fact that I've heard so many men say they don't feel the need to have daily communication with a SO.
7. Saying “I love you” is a huge step for a guy.
It's a huge step for anyone. Scary.
8. It means something when a man introduces you to his friends.
It could be. But not always.0 -
I do appreciate the suggestion Meshashesha20, and I have no doubt that it can work for some people. Still not gonna happen with me, but hopefully someone else on here reads it and takes it to heart! I haven't been on a date in a LONG time... a little eye contact isn't going to make me any more visible to men than I have been all along. I'd be surprised if any single male reading this could even see that I was on here, haha...0
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1. You risk it all if you wait forever to reach out to a woman who interests you.
I'm quite frankly not really willing to take that step any longer. Did that in my 20s and only found that I chose great guys who only wanted to be my friend with no guts to be honest. So I figure now, if he's interested, he'll move, but admittedly recognize that I'd want a signal if I were in his shoes and I'm horrible at that part...
Yeah, I'm with you on this one. The tone is set completely different if the woman approaches the man first, at least from what I've experienced.1. Men like it when a woman makes the first move.
Sounds great and I know men say they like it, but quite frankly it's has NEVER yielded any good result for me, so... NOT gonna happen for me!
Same here, learned my lesson from this one. Guy #1 had a fiancee (but either humored me for fifteen minutes by flirting with me, or was just a jerk), Guy #2 laughed after I walked away, and I've texted a guy first and that ended badly. So no, not gonna happen. The type of guy I want to meet is confident in himself to make a move and doesn't need me to do it.0 -
Things Buffcupcake wished men knew...
1. My muscles are always achey. This means you should ask me which part of my body needs to be massaged every day.
2. I like cuddling at bedtime, but once we fall asleep I go my separate way. I get too hot to cuddle all night, so unless you want to bathe in my sweat while you sleep, quit trying to grasp onto me.
3. Don't send me pictures of your pee pee. Even if we've been together forever and I see it everyday. ESPECIALLY if I just met you. Just something about penis pictures makes me go bbblllleeeuuugh or giggle. I have a paint program on my phone and I will happily use it to edit your shlong into a witty character.
4. I appreciate nice gestures such as opening car doors/doors for me; however, I am a big girl. I do not need you to dash in front of me so you can beat me to be nice.
5. When I spend time fixing my very stubborn hair, I would prefer it if you kept the windows rolled up and the AC on. You've never known hair knots until you've had your freshly styled hair whipped around at 80 mph for 20 minutes paired with sweat from 90 degree weather.
6. I don't have much free time on weeknights after work, so if you see me on a weekday, expect it to be in comfy attire with a ponytail and minimal makeup.
7. If I keep making up excuses not to hang out with you for OVER A MONTH that probably means I'm not into you.
8. If I tell you that I don't want to date you because you're moving away in a few months, and then I do #7, I'm not into you.
9. If I avert the subject to how my roommate is extremely beautiful and we're lesbians, I'm not into you.
10. I love being a giver, especially to my significant other, but I expect a little something back every once in awhile. If I'm always doing nice things for you without reciprocation or even appreciation from you, I won't be around for long!
11. My lower back is kind of aching today, commence the rubdown. You can start at my temples.
:laugh: :happy: :bigsmile:0 -
9. If I avert the subject to how my roommate is extremely beautiful and we're lesbians, I'm not into you.
Love this. Funny but true. I had a guy ask me out one time and I told him, and this was partially honest, that I liked another guy and it wouldn't be fair to date him while I had feelings for another guy.
A different guy tried laying it on so thick, and I told him all these awful things about me, like I was boring, and he was still into me...dude that was a hint! I'm trying to let you down nice.0
This discussion has been closed.