Things women wish men knew...
Replies
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You know this isn't going to turn too many guys away right? That's like torture.9. If I avert the subject to how my roommate is extremely beautiful and we're lesbians, I'm not into you.0 -
I do appreciate the suggestion Meshashesha20, and I have no doubt that it can work for some people. Still not gonna happen with me, but hopefully someone else on here reads it and takes it to heart! I haven't been on a date in a LONG time... a little eye contact isn't going to make me any more visible to men than I have been all along. I'd be surprised if any single male reading this could even see that I was on here, haha...
It doesn't make you more visible, it makes you more approachable. Trust me guys notice you, single guys notice every girl that walks into a place. You will just very rarely get approached if there is no indication that you're willing to talk, which is what eye contact does.0 -
The thing is every woman is different and it takes different things to impress them. So to me that's a pretty vague statement and not very enlightening. So I totally agree that it could be reworded to say something like "We want you to listen to our subtle hints to figure out what impresses us8. It’s the little things that matter when it comes to impressing a woman.
Have heard this often but mysteriously despite number 6 many ladies don`t pick up on those little things.
your replies in general come off so jaded :laugh:
anywho, i wanted to comment on this particular one. this is the difference between does he pay attention to me or doesnt he pay attention to me for most women. it's not ANY little thing that will impress us,the ones that have the most weight are related to things we've told you we like or dont like.
it's kind of like if you keep telling a girl how much you love grilled cheese sammiches and when she finally makes you a sammich it's some god awful egg salad monstrosity. it's like as long as you were going to try and do something hat you think i might like, why make things harder for yourself but not doing the thing i specifically mentioned i liked.
I really don`t think jaded as much as honestly realistic but guess one can argue that forever.
You make a good point though and in reflection am a bit surprised something along the lines of "We really do want you to listen to what we say" did not come up in the womens list.
I do that and it is received with a mixture of appreciation and sheepishness though.0 -
1. True. I was more patient when I was younger, but I'm nearly 30, and I no longer have the time to sit around and wait for you to figure out your move. I'm not that woman who is still going to be waiting for your phone call a month after I gave you my number.
2. Depends on your definition of "date." I'm not a recreational dater, so if I don't see relationship potential, there will be no dates after the first one. Some women just want to have a good time while checking commitment and responsibility at the door. That's cool and all, but I don't really consider that dating. Dating, in my opnion, is a pursuit with the ultimate goal of a relationship.
3. True by default. Different things are sexy to different people.
4. The "who pays" issue again. My thoughts on this are well documented. If you ask, you should pay. If you're in a relationship and don't really ask each other on dates except for special occasions, the two of you can decide together how you want to handle it. If you're paying with a coupon in the early stages of dating, excuse yourself from the table and do it discreetly, so as not to make your date feel uncomfortable about the choice of restaurant, what he/she ordered, etc. Habitual cheapness is the problem; if I take you to nice places and, when it's your turn to pay, you want to stay home and order pizza, I'm not going to think you're frugal. I'm going to think you're uptight and selfish. The same goes for poor tipping.
5. Definitely true, at least for me. Even if I really, really like someone, at some point, I'm going to feel a little overwhelmed and need time to be alone and reflect on everything. I'm a classic introvert in that way.
6. I think women just pick up on that fidgety nervousness that guys get when they're lying about something. It makes us uncomfortable, and that makes us not want to be around you because it doesn't feel right. My big "issue" is that I have to be able to trust your word. I don't care how insignificant something may seem to you; if you tell me you're going to do it and you don't follow through, I won't be able to put any faith in anything you say to me, which means the relationship is DOA.
7. This is true for me, but not because it's "creepy" that a guy likes his mom and wants a woman like her. It's because I want a man with leadership skills. I don't mind picking up your dry cleaning when you're working late or taking care of you when you're sick. But otherwise, if you can't do your own chores, you need to start there, and leave dating for when you've figured out how to be an adult.
8. Yes, little things matter, but I think the guys are right that women just expect men to know WHICH little things are the most important. I think what is crucial here is is positive reinforcement. If your man does something that makes you happy, tell him. Better yet, if you can tell he TRIED to do something to make you happy, show some appreciation for his effort, even if it didn't end up the way you would've liked.
9. I don't really agree with this. I think women are probably worse than men about disappearing early on. It's long-term relationships that women are more likely to let drag on past the expiration date.0 -
It doesn't make you more visible, it makes you more approachable. Trust me guys notice you, single guys notice every girl that walks into a place. You will just very rarely get approached if there is no indication that you're willing to talk, which is what eye contact does.
I see your point, solman66. I can only imagine how hard it is as a guy knowing that YOU are expected in our culture to take more of the risk and make the first move but are waiting on someone to give you any signal that you won't be sent back with your tail between your legs.
My friends encouraged me to pay more attention to my surroundings because I wasn't "seeing" who was paying me any attention. I tried that and got scared at the result... I prefer men with teeth and without a mullet, haha! Honestly, I guess I've just been the grenade in the group so long that I'm assuming men paying attention are the wingmen for their buddies and my hot friends. I don't take it seriously any more...so I just go back to staring at my beer and peeling the label!
And my apologies on the Jersey Shore reference. Not a fan, but I have to admit their view is honest and reflects what happens out there today!0 -
I actually prefer if a guy is a cheapskate. A date were money is being spent makes me feel very very uncomfortable. Like, I WANNA LEAVE, uncomfortable. Like, if I cant offer to foot the bill and be able to backup my words with actions, I dont want to go. I feel as though, if Im so boring that you need to take us to the movies, get a fancy dinner and blow too much on drinks, then maybe Im just not the girl for you. But if you wanna go to the beach together, goof off in the sun and mkeout under the pier... let's go!
free dates are my favorite!
there is one other thing I wish men knew about women.
When we go crazy once a month, its more hell for us than it is for you. Imagine if all of a sudden, out of nowhere, you feel rage , insatiable sexual frustration, inability to focus at all and crippling insecurity bubbling up inside of you for absolutely no reason, and before you can register what's happening, your subconscious has already applied all of these emotions to situations that dont need them and aren't related. So we react with all these messed up crazy inaccurate emotions, then we realise what happened, feel worse and stupid AND have to apologise... and yall are there laughing about the rag and how btches all be crazy and saying Calm Down.
Ive had about 240 periods, if I could have mastered how to avoid it by now, I think I would have. We dont do PMS on purpose, and Im sorry.0 -
The thing is every woman is different and it takes different things to impress them. So to me that's a pretty vague statement and not very enlightening. So I totally agree that it could be reworded to say something like "We want you to listen to our subtle hints to figure out what impresses us
I couldn't agree with your rephrasing more.... what person doesn't want to know that someone is listening and cares about what we like and will actually take the step to do something about it. That's how I am all the time and so rarely meet others who are, so when someone does, it really strikes a chord for me!0 -
When we go crazy once a month, its more hell for us than it is for you. Imagine if all of a sudden, out of nowhere, you feel rage , insatiable sexual frustration, inability to focus at all and crippling insecurity bubbling up inside of you for absolutely no reason, and before you can register what's happening, your subconscious has already applied all of these emotions to situations that dont need them and aren't related. So we react with all these messed up crazy inaccurate emotions, then we realise what happened, feel worse and stupid AND have to apologise... and yall are there laughing about the rag and how btches all be crazy and saying Calm Down.
Ive had about 240 periods, if I could have mastered how to avoid it by now, I think I would have. We dont do PMS on purpose, and Im sorry.
Amen to this. I get that men don't and can't understand it, but at very least, I could do without the jokes and the teasing and the dumb comments suggesting we should just be able to flip a switch and be normal again. As if we enjoy being an emotional trainwreck and are consciously choosing to prolong it.0 -
On the men's list...
1. Men like it when a woman makes the first move.
Ah, but then we get told we're 'intimidating' or too aggressive, and you boys tend not to like that at all!
2. It’s OK to play hard to get — but avoid those stale, old-school tactics.
I'm no use at playing games, and frankly I'd probably miss the signals unless you were open about your intentions, so... Hard-to-get from me is probably 'I have no clue that you are interested in me as anything other than a friend'. Sorry!
3. Superficial objectification cuts both ways; in other words, men want to be loved for more than their provider status.
Mais bien sur. As long as you have some sort of paid employment, and ideally some ambition towards achieving financially-secure status at some future point, I really don't care which of us has the larger paycheck. You might though, especially if that's me.
4. Men cannot read women’s minds, so speak up if you’re unhappy.
" And we know it goes both ways." - I'll take your word for it. Yes. The things that really matter to you may be of zero significance to me - tell me what you want/think/need and I will try, within reason, to accommodate that. Do not assume I somehow know that the final of your sporting obsession is on this Saturday at the same time as my opening night.
5. Men are more sensitive about the way they look than you think.
Fair enough.
6. Excessive communications drama can push men away.
May I refer you to #4? We aren't mind-readers either. Communicating is the only way to make most things work. Please don't make me feel guilty for trying to figure out what you need from me/why you're unhappy/whether you're depressed because the rain's going to ruin your upcoming week's skiing or because you think our relationship is disintegrating.
7. Saying “I love you” is a huge step for a guy.
And for a girl. At least the sort of girl who actually thinks about what that means and doesn't just throw it out there. And that's the sort you say you want. Most of us (the sane ones, anyway) know, firsthand, that saying those three words is terrifying. We get it.
8. It means something when a man introduces you to his friends.
It means something if I introdue you to my friends too. It means that I can see you being a part of my wider life, that I like and trust you enough to introduce you to the people who mean a lot to me. That's what I assume it means to you. Am I wrong?0 -
And on the womens'
1. You risk it all if you wait forever to reach out to a woman who interests you.
If I've already decided you're the one for me, I will wait a LONG time. But that may just be me. That said, eventually, even I will get to the point where I decide I have to stop waiting.
2. Not all women who date are looking for a serious relationship.
Just as not all men who date are NOT looking for a serious relationship. I know women like this. Or at least, I know women who don't expect every date to turn into a serious relationship. They generally still want a serious relationship at some point, they just don't necessarily expect that their next date is going to be 'the one'. It's a discipline I wish I had the chance to learn.
3. You’d be surprised about what women find to be genuinely sexy in a man.
Absolutely. I'd guess the same applies to a lot of men, though the physical attributes tend to focus on more obvious areas, judging by most of my male friends. I once developed a mad crush on someone totally unsuitable and unavailable because he had lovely forearms. Another crush spoke so lyrically about his birdwatching hobby that I found myself thinking he was quite hot, and I am NOT an avian fan. It can be almost anything.
4. Being a cheapskate is a deal-breaker for women.
As I think almost every woman here has said, there's a big difference between being financially cautious, frugal, budget-conscious or taking advantage of a coupon/discount and grumbling for the length of dinner about the cost of everything and then pulling out a calculator to split the tab to the last penny. If money is an issue, I'd rather do something inexpensive or free that isn't going to stress you (and by extension, me) out. Sure, great restaurants are nice, but I'd enjoy a picnic with some fresh bread, berries and some decent cheese just as much, if not more. If you are going to niggle that I ate three more chocolate raisins than you did, and should therefore give you 5p more towards the cost (a friend's true story), that is going to be a deal-breaker. Without question. Generosity of spirit is more important than just about anything else.
5. Women struggle to make a connection while remaining independent, too.
"An issue of our times...they yearn for the protector/Prince Charming but have been conditioned to not accept that." Yes, and no. Independence has varying meanings, and I think intelligent women have always struggled to maintain their independence of thought, of feeling, whilst forging the connections that form the basis of a family unit. It's very easy for a woman to be subsumed into a relationship totally, at the expense of who she is outside that grouping - it's partly what we're taught from birth about being nurturers, and I suspect part of evolutionary design, to protect offspring (evolutionarily!! No aspersions intended re. modern men!) from being abandoned by both parents. I would say that this sentence should be reversed - Women struggle to remain independent whilst also making a connection. In a way, it's harder now, because we have more independence to lose, in financial and career stakes as well as personality and intellect, so perhaps we struggle harder.
6. They call it “women’s intuition” because they are adept at reading nonverbal cues if something feels “off” with a date.
Yes - it's part of how we function.
7. No woman wants to be your mother (or a carbon copy of her own).
Quite. You're a grown-up too, so we do expect you will be capable of doing your own dishes/laundry/not forgetting your mother's birthday. By the way, most of us neither expect or wish you to turn out to be carbon copies of your, or our, father, or to behave like one to us.
8. It’s the little things that matter when it comes to impressing a woman.
There really should be a line in here that says 'please listen to what we say and remember a few important things'. If I say I'm allergic to courgettes and you bring me zucchini bread, I'm going to assume that my needs/wants/likes/dislikes are of supreme indifference to you. That's not going to make me feel great about our relationship. If, in contrast, I mention in the dead of winter that I love daffodils, and you bring me a bunch in the early spring, I will feel very special - cherished, appreciated and held in regard by you. The fact that you bothered to remember something like that (and act on it) will go a looooooooong way towards offsetting any later potential disasters. (If you remember and make a habit of it, you can almost guarantee a 'get out of jail free' card). Similarly, if you know I have a long day at work, and you have a hot bath/dinner waiting when I walk through the door, or pick me up on your way, those little things make me feel cared for.
9. Women are slower to end relationships than men, even short-term ones.
Yes.0
