Do men fall in love??
Replies
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You're telling me!! He and I were in love with each other. He just showed me love in a very odd way. He's had a very tough life and it's definitely tainted him. But I will no longer be someone's punching bag because they can't deal with their emotions and their past. I'm the soft warm-hearted person, while he is the tough-it-out type. We are day and night.....guess we just aren't compatible, yet we are crazy for each other. What's one to do?? I mean, we are TOTALLY opposites. We have nothing in common except for a few things....religion is something I believe in while he wants no part in it at all....I say something is blue, he says it's red....My head spins from all the emotional stress I endured the past 2 years I was with him.
I am not sure what I would call it but honestly in my opinion it isn`t love if it was doing that,sorry to be blunt but it just wasn`t.
I don`t think people need to be carbon copies of each other but with what you describe I can`t see how it can work either.
My gut feeling is there was an intense physical/sexual desire coupled with a high from the raw emotion of conflict and passion.
That will run out eventually and even though you don`t feel it now just re read the bolded part and ask yourself if you would want a life time of that.0 -
i sure do!0
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No, tell to your group of friends that men don't fall in love, only women do.
As a man, I can tell you that we only eat, sleep and have sex. So my advice to you is learn to cook and learn new tricks on how to please a man, alternatively you can buy cats.
Best regards,
A man.0 -
No, tell to your group of friends that men don't fall in love, only women do.
As a man, I can tell you that we only eat, sleep and have sex. So my advice to you is learn to cook and learn new tricks on how to please a man, alternatively you can buy cats.
Best regards,
A man.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBIC8JTQMMQ0 -
I'm not even sure infidelity is a lack of love. One of my best friends is absolutely crazy about his wife. He works a job that requires a lot of travel and often gets home around 3-5 am. He'll get up at 8:30 after one of his trips and go have coffee with her before she goes to work. He talks about her constantly and is just lights up when he does. He was the ultimate player before he met her. For him, picking up women is just second nature. It's as natural as breathing. He has told me that his greatest fear is that sometime when he is on the road that he will be tempted to cheat on her. That he doesn't even think he is being flirtatious and has women proposition him.0
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I have twice, didn't fall out of love during those relationships either... however time does heal all wounds and I no longer have those type of feelings toward either gal. I will say the year following each of those relationships I did the most hurting and using of woman.0
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Relationships, especially marriages, require more than physical attraction ... a LOT more. Love and passion are not at all the same things. I agree with Carl that you don't have to be the same person and have exactly the same interests. But if he can't get on board with the most important things in your life (and you his), you don't love each other. Love is about sacrifice and compromise and putting someone else's needs before your own.0
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Just to throw something out there for consideration...
Yes it is anecdotal but a majority of married women I know of don`t now nor did love their husbands when marrying.
Many it was a fear of being alone,some was trying to force a fantasy,others simply thinking being married was a standard to attain and went along with it thinking that it would grow into something perfect.
Very few could be described as being "in love" with the guy...just had reached an acceptable place to them where it was a more comfortable alternative to looking farther.
That isn`t to say that guys are either,I just don`t know because most won`t talk along those lines but my observation is the common thought that women were the ones in the relationship that were emotionally in love is not accurate.
I find this to be true as well. Almost all the girls that I knew growing up that got married before the age of 27 were rushing to have their ducks lined up, their perfect happy little life- seamless from outside eyes:
a diamond bridal set that you can stare at and watch it sparkle when you're typing at work- that you luckily got before you were in your 30s and could be called an old maid! the horror
!
a job you can throw yourself into by day- with girls to chichatter with and complain about stuff to and conspire on ways you can still find a way to have fun even though youve rushed into as much possible responsibility all at once that you can get your hands on
a tall strong pleasant looking husband that mows the grass and drinks beer that you can complain about, but who you dont really know because neither of you really knew who you were before you met and got married. Hell you didnt even really have problems yet that tested your sense of self.
a kid or two or one on the way, so you can decorate that perfect little nursery and be proud that you're having kids now instead of when you're older and wiser and have a better idea of who you are- but hey! you beat the clock!
A mother-in-law from a very tight knit family and your mission in life to become the daughter she always wished she'd had, the perfect person she'd want next to her at picnics and family get togethers so that even though her criticism drives you up the wall, you can smile that fake smile and be that perfect wife.
Now you can be over worked and be a super exhausted mom who doesnt have time to take care of herself and complains that her husband doesnt ever ever help- cause this is what the American dream looks like!
It looks like rushing to get everything as quickly as possible so you can have that perfect portrait from the outside by a certain age or risk being socially embarassed... and there is so much pressure on girls to do all this before 30 that way way way way too many of the people I once knew- were in love with the picture and not the person they married. They didnt even know each other and even worse- because they rushed into this around 24-26 - they had no idea they were about to go through another major personality change between 28-32 and are now basically strangers.
Its not that men dont fall in love. Its that too many people dont realise that what they have is not being in love. There may be love there, there may be the utmost respect, compassion, friendship, love, like, etc... but they may not be in love because they didnt take the time to figure out who they are before they picked who they wanted.
Its no one's fault, its just the way society is, in many cases, now.0 -
Just to throw something out there for consideration...
Yes it is anecdotal but a majority of married women I know of don`t now nor did love their husbands when marrying.
Many it was a fear of being alone,some was trying to force a fantasy,others simply thinking being married was a standard to attain and went along with it thinking that it would grow into something perfect.
Very few could be described as being "in love" with the guy...just had reached an acceptable place to them where it was a more comfortable alternative to looking farther.
That isn`t to say that guys are either,I just don`t know because most won`t talk along those lines but my observation is the common thought that women were the ones in the relationship that were emotionally in love is not accurate.
I find this to be true as well. Almost all the girls that I knew growing up that got married before the age of 27 were rushing to have their ducks lined up, their perfect happy little life- seamless from outside eyes:
a diamond bridal set that you can stare at and watch it sparkle when you're typing at work- that you luckily got before you were in your 30s and could be called an old maid! the horror
!
a job you can throw yourself into by day- with girls to chichatter with and complain about stuff to and conspire on ways you can still find a way to have fun even though youve rushed into as much possible responsibility all at once that you can get your hands on
a tall strong pleasant looking husband that mows the grass and drinks beer that you can complain about, but who you dont really know because neither of you really knew who you were before you met and got married. Hell you didnt even really have problems yet that tested your sense of self.
a kid or two or one on the way, so you can decorate that perfect little nursery and be proud that you're having kids now instead of when you're older and wiser and have a better idea of who you are- but hey! you beat the clock!
A mother-in-law from a very tight knit family and your mission in life to become the daughter she always wished she'd had, the perfect person she'd want next to her at picnics and family get togethers so that even though her criticism drives you up the wall, you can smile that fake smile and be that perfect wife.
Now you can be over worked and be a super exhausted mom who doesnt have time to take care of herself and complains that her husband doesnt ever ever help- cause this is what the American dream looks like!
It looks like rushing to get everything as quickly as possible so you can have that perfect portrait from the outside by a certain age or risk being socially embarassed... and there is so much pressure on girls to do all this before 30 that way way way way too many of the people I once knew- were in love with the picture and not the person they married. They didnt even know each other and even worse- because they rushed into this around 24-26 - they had no idea they were about to go through another major personality change between 28-32 and are now basically strangers.
Its not that men dont fall in love. Its that too many people dont realise that what they have is not being in love. There may be love there, there may be the utmost respect, compassion, friendship, love, like, etc... but they may not be in love because they didnt take the time to figure out who they are before they picked who they wanted.
Its no one's fault, its just the way society is, in many cases, now.
I agree with your insights and have had similar thoughts. You must be one really jaded gal.0 -
Just to throw something out there for consideration...
Yes it is anecdotal but a majority of married women I know of don`t now nor did love their husbands when marrying.
Many it was a fear of being alone,some was trying to force a fantasy,others simply thinking being married was a standard to attain and went along with it thinking that it would grow into something perfect.
Very few could be described as being "in love" with the guy...just had reached an acceptable place to them where it was a more comfortable alternative to looking farther.
That isn`t to say that guys are either,I just don`t know because most won`t talk along those lines but my observation is the common thought that women were the ones in the relationship that were emotionally in love is not accurate.
I find this to be true as well. Almost all the girls that I knew growing up that got married before the age of 27 were rushing to have their ducks lined up, their perfect happy little life- seamless from outside eyes.............Its no one's fault, its just the way society is, in many cases, now.
I agree with your insights and have had similar thoughts. You must be one really jaded gal.
Im not jaded. I also dont think that every couple is like this, by any means!!!!!!!!! I simply stated that alo of the women I know ended up in this position and told me this themselves and on certain occasions,I recognized some of it after they explained this to me.
Im not jaded. Im defending the fact that men do fall in love, and probably fall in genuine loe more often than girls do because of the pressure on them to do everything before the ae of 27.
This isnt jaded. This is me being realistic and sad that its happened to so many people I know.
I cant even.
ugh0 -
I dont want to defend my point of view any more just because it isnt the standard the american fairy tale standard of denial that this stuff happens to people and its a big reason why so many people wake up one day in their late twenties-thirties-early forties and say HEY WAIT A MINUTE! Im not supposed to be fat, tired, old and married to this person! Im going to change my life and get back on the track meant for me, now that i know who I am! And Im going to be the example for my children, that its never too late to grab hold of your life and make it into one that makes sense for you, and NOT the one that you were led into when you were younger because you thought that was what grownups did and you were a grownup now.
this doesnt make me jaded, this makes me an optimist with way too much faith in the human spirit.0 -
Im not jaded. I also dont think that every couple is like this, by any means!!!!!!!!! I simply stated that alo of the women I know ended up in this position and told me this themselves and on certain occasions,I recognized some of it after they explained this to me.
Im not jaded. Im defending the fact that men do fall in love, and probably fall in genuine loe more often than girls do because of the pressure on them to do everything before the ae of 27.
This isnt jaded. This is me being realistic and sad that its happened to so many people I know.
I cant even.
ugh
I find it sad too because eventually they will find the guy they can love which causes all kinds of problems if still married or the marriage goes to the hell it was destined to arrive at and terrible hurt occurs.0 -
Just to throw something out there for consideration...
Yes it is anecdotal but a majority of married women I know of don`t now nor did love their husbands when marrying.
Many it was a fear of being alone,some was trying to force a fantasy,others simply thinking being married was a standard to attain and went along with it thinking that it would grow into something perfect.
Very few could be described as being "in love" with the guy...just had reached an acceptable place to them where it was a more comfortable alternative to looking farther.
That isn`t to say that guys are either,I just don`t know because most won`t talk along those lines but my observation is the common thought that women were the ones in the relationship that were emotionally in love is not accurate.
I find this to be true as well. Almost all the girls that I knew growing up that got married before the age of 27 were rushing to have their ducks lined up, their perfect happy little life- seamless from outside eyes:
a diamond bridal set that you can stare at and watch it sparkle when you're typing at work- that you luckily got before you were in your 30s and could be called an old maid! the horror
!
a job you can throw yourself into by day- with girls to chichatter with and complain about stuff to and conspire on ways you can still find a way to have fun even though youve rushed into as much possible responsibility all at once that you can get your hands on
a tall strong pleasant looking husband that mows the grass and drinks beer that you can complain about, but who you dont really know because neither of you really knew who you were before you met and got married. Hell you didnt even really have problems yet that tested your sense of self.
a kid or two or one on the way, so you can decorate that perfect little nursery and be proud that you're having kids now instead of when you're older and wiser and have a better idea of who you are- but hey! you beat the clock!
A mother-in-law from a very tight knit family and your mission in life to become the daughter she always wished she'd had, the perfect person she'd want next to her at picnics and family get togethers so that even though her criticism drives you up the wall, you can smile that fake smile and be that perfect wife.
Now you can be over worked and be a super exhausted mom who doesnt have time to take care of herself and complains that her husband doesnt ever ever help- cause this is what the American dream looks like!
It looks like rushing to get everything as quickly as possible so you can have that perfect portrait from the outside by a certain age or risk being socially embarassed... and there is so much pressure on girls to do all this before 30 that way way way way too many of the people I once knew- were in love with the picture and not the person they married. They didnt even know each other and even worse- because they rushed into this around 24-26 - they had no idea they were about to go through another major personality change between 28-32 and are now basically strangers.
Its not that men dont fall in love. Its that too many people dont realise that what they have is not being in love. There may be love there, there may be the utmost respect, compassion, friendship, love, like, etc... but they may not be in love because they didnt take the time to figure out who they are before they picked who they wanted.
Its no one's fault, its just the way society is, in many cases, now.
Wow, I don't agree with you much... but you just nailed every married couple I know. I'm pretty sure my brother is that tall guy cutting the grass and drinking beer.
I like what you said "it’s just the way society is" and I think this relates to more than just relationships. It seems to me like we have a path of least resistance that 80% of people take in life... get yourself a job with a cubicle and some benefits... a good looking wife to start popping out kids so on and on, and this is what we call the norm. I have never felt I can relate to it, it's boring really.0 -
I like what you said "it’s just the way society is" and I think this relates to more than just relationships. It seems to me like we have a path of least resistance that 80% of people take in life... get yourself a job with a cubicle and some benefits... a good looking wife to start popping out kids so on and on, and this is what we call the norm. I have never felt I can relate to it, it's boring really.
I agree completely. I've only been home for 6 weeks, and I am slowly going mad and can't wait until next Monday to get away from everything again.0 -
I agree with your insights and have had similar thoughts. You must be one really jaded gal.
Im not jaded. I also dont think that every couple is like this, by any means!!!!!!!!! I simply stated that alo of the women I know ended up in this position and told me this themselves and on certain occasions,I recognized some of it after they explained this to me.
Im not jaded. Im defending the fact that men do fall in love, and probably fall in genuine loe more often than girls do because of the pressure on them to do everything before the ae of 27.
This isnt jaded. This is me being realistic and sad that its happened to so many people I know.
I cant even.
ugh
I'm sorry my sarcasm was lost in the text. As I said, I've had these same thoughts myself. I actually ended an engagement because the girl seemed more in love with the concept of marriage than she did with me. Guys might not get it as bad as women but I've had women "investigate" me because they saw the fact that I am 41 and have never been married as a big red flag. I did find it funny that you said you were just being realistic because when I tell my friends I am just being realistic they tell me that is what every cynical pessimist always says. Welcome to my world.0 -
I know women my age who have admitted to me that once they got married, got the house, the car, and the kid(s), they lost all interest in being a wife. Basically, their husbands are just roommates who pay all the bills. That scares me. I don't ever want to look at marriage that way. Fortunately for me, my parents have set a shining example. Unfortunately for me, most men seem to think I have pretty antiquated ideas about romantic relationships. Whatever.0
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I know women my age who have admitted to me that once they got married, got the house, the car, and the kid(s), they lost all interest in being a wife. Basically, their husbands are just roommates who pay all the bills. That scares me. I don't ever want to look at marriage that way. Fortunately for me, my parents have set a shining example. Unfortunately for me, most men seem to think I have pretty antiquated ideas about romantic relationships. Whatever.
I'll get married (or make a commitment he's comfortable with) when Im sure Ive met the other half of my goddamn holy **** amazing awesome dream team and we're going to conquer the world together, one scary fun thing at a time.
Not because Im a certain age and all my friends already did it. No thank you- Im too scared of spending my life in an eternity of mediocre.0 -
Me too. I was thinking about this yesterday when I saw a post that said "I don't want a knight in shining armor, just someone who is willing to put up with my crap." Maybe I'm lucky, but I enjoy my current lifestyle enough that I am not willing to give it up for someone who merely "puts up with my crap." Now, I'm not a damsel in distress who needs rescuing either. But I'll take a man who wants to give me the world anyday (and who expects the same in return) over one who is just there because he has nowhere else to be.0
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I guess I can`t say what exactly my marriage desires are since it has never been a real consideration nor is now so hard to say I want/need XYZ.
I do think that at my ever advancing age I can say I have learned that adaptation is going to be needed,to think otherwise to me is self delusional.
At the same time if it happened (the odds grow ever slimmer as each day slips by) then also know it is going to be right and once and for all which means not settling for some things just for the sake of it.
Finding that balance would be the difficulty and just have to hope I can.0
This discussion has been closed.