Texting sucks - What are your thoughts.
Jarnard
Posts: 497 Member
So I went on an awesome first date with pretty cool young woman.
So I figured I would try to set something up via text.
Things to know about her - She's a not into the phone thing and she's busy throughout the day with work and school. well, at least that's what she claims.
So my text was:
Nard: Happy Friday! Not sure if you're free on Monday, but I was thinking of doing the blue foot running club at 630, otherwise, maybe we can meet up on Wednesday at a place called Veg N Out. (10:53 am - Friday)
OKC potential: WOrk monday and already have plans wed night. Sorry :-( hope your run goes well :-) (09:45 pm - Friday)
Nard: No worries. Thanks. Keep me posted if you're interested in hanging out.
Have a great weekend 
OKC potential: Thx u 2!
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My thoughts: I took it as if she's not interested... no feelings hurt but I figured if Im reading the texts wrong, then I'll put it in her court to pursue the second date if she's interested.
What are your thoughts? Am i thinking about it too much? Am I right? She's not interested. Should I reach out again?
So I figured I would try to set something up via text.
Things to know about her - She's a not into the phone thing and she's busy throughout the day with work and school. well, at least that's what she claims.
So my text was:
Nard: Happy Friday! Not sure if you're free on Monday, but I was thinking of doing the blue foot running club at 630, otherwise, maybe we can meet up on Wednesday at a place called Veg N Out. (10:53 am - Friday)
OKC potential: WOrk monday and already have plans wed night. Sorry :-( hope your run goes well :-) (09:45 pm - Friday)
Nard: No worries. Thanks. Keep me posted if you're interested in hanging out.
Have a great weekend OKC potential: Thx u 2!
--
My thoughts: I took it as if she's not interested... no feelings hurt but I figured if Im reading the texts wrong, then I'll put it in her court to pursue the second date if she's interested.
What are your thoughts? Am i thinking about it too much? Am I right? She's not interested. Should I reach out again?
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Replies
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I would say she's not interested. I would think if she were, she would say I am busy this and day and this day but maybe we could do something this day...0
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My first impression is that she is not interested. She could have offered up other dates and didn't. I would leave it up to her at this point.
That being said, I suck at dating so I could be WAY off, lol0 -
Thanks Ladies.
Another note:
On our first date, she even said if she's not interested, she would just say it... so I was hoping that she would have said "hey, you know...maybe this wont work out.. there was no chemistry or whatever" the date was fun but then again, maybe she was just being nice. LOL.0 -
You could always text her next week and ask if she is up to doing something?0
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Yeah, that could be an idea, but I figured, I'll let her contact me. It's obvious that I wouldn't mind hanging out since I've tried to set something up this week.0
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Yeah, that could be an idea, but I figured, I'll let her contact me. It's obvious that I wouldn't mind hanging out since I've tried to set something up this week.
Good idea. I would leave it to her.0 -
I think the fact that she gave you both excuses and said sorry with a sad face indicates that she's sorry!!
Your next approach was too casual. You should have just said "Ok, what night are you free then? Perhaps we can work something out?"
Or just say "you said you would tell me if you're not interested, so I'm assuming you are!"
I'm thinking we pU$$yfoot too much around this subject and just need to get a yes or no and move on with our lives!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Use the phone for it's original purpose. Call her.
Or better yet, talk to her face to face.0 -
This is one reason I don't understand why men continue to use texting to try to establish a romantic connection. It's a weak approach. It makes it way too easy for a woman to blow you off. Call her. It cuts through the BS right away. If she doesn't answer and doesn't call back, she's not interested. If she answers or returns your call later, there's hope. Ask her when she's free. If she starts hedging (e.g. "Work is really hectic right now. I'm not sure when I'll be available."), she's not interested.0
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i get that texting is easier, but i think trying to set up dates and not get the wrong idea is hard...... i know that often i don't reply with all of the words i would use if i were on the phone with someone. so, i'm sure that some of my texts get misconstrued.
reading your exchange, i would have to say, she's not interested. 1. she took all day to reply. almost a full 12 hrs ( if i'm reading that right). if i were in her shoes and was anxious to see you again i wouldn't be able to wait all day to respond :-) i would be too excited!
2. she said no, but didn't offer anything up as an alternative. if i was really looking forward to seeing you again, i would let you know when i was free :-)
3. i would find a reason to either prolong our convo or get you on the phone. i wouldn't just say text slang for thanks you too.
i say wait and see if she contacts you..... she might have been somewhere that she had to text fast and had to leave out the texts like " i'd like to see you, but i'm only free on blank day that week..." maybe she figured she'd be in touch with you again and thought it was ok to NOT say that, ya know??? that's why i think setting up dates via text is rough.....0 -
Whenever this happens to me I usually just chalk it up as a loss. When you make it clear to someone that you would be interested in seeing them again and they say they are busy, the courteous/polite/decent thing to do would be to offer a day that does work. So she's either playing hard to get, ie. playing games, wants the guy to do all the work, has awful communication skills, or she's just not that into you. And all of those are good reasons for me to stop seeing someone.
Pretty much, the ball is in her court, leave it there. If she decides to come back to the planet earth and act like a human being she will offer a day when she is available. But that's just me, it's a pet peeve, some people might not care as much.0 -
My 2 cents, is that when a gal says she already has something else going on and doesn't offer up an alternative time/date to get together she's plain not interested. You could give it another go and if you get the same results, the answer is pretty clear.0
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My 2 cents, is that when a gal says she already has something else going on and doesn't offer up an alternative time/date to get together she's plain not interested. You could give it another go and if you get the same results, the answer is pretty clear.
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To me it sounds as if she isn't interested because she didn't offer another day to do something. If you are that busy it's easier for you to offer a day than the other person to. But I do think you should have responded with are you free another day? I would leave the ball in her court and see if she responds to you if not well then...NEXT!0
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I concur with the majority. You offered two options...she may very well be unavailable for those two times but if she was interested she would have offered a time she WAS available. At least I would have.0
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This.Your next approach was too casual. You should have just said "Ok, what night are you free then? Perhaps we can work something out?"
"No probs Miss Prime Minister, when is your next slot then?"
Your text was too vague, served no purpose, and thus achieved nothing. Your text didn't ask for an answer in your text.
Don't let her reply in her own terms, command a reply (at which point she will tell you "Look, I'm not interested").
Don't let her flake because you sent an open text that didn't ask for an immediate answer!
About all the other answers: I might be naive, but she might be really busy, and it's not like you've ever seen a woman taking initiative (so no, she won't suggest something)... Sure she's not really into him...
But why would she "really be into him" anyway? Is he "really into her" already? After only *ONE* date? Time to get real...
Either the people posting here still believe it's going to be "love at first sight" for them (and assume it's the case for everyone else) or they are really clingy and absolutely waiting for someone to come in their life.0 -
I know some women who do not like to do the whole face to face "I am just not feeling it between us thing". Texting is very difficult to read, that is why a phone call is usually best. I agree since she did not offer up any other days that she was available, I would say she is not interested. I would in a few days try to contact her, and if she does the same thing, move on to the NEXT!0
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next! and make sure for the next girl you meet to set the first few dates up via phone call or in person.
i agree that early romancing via text is a good way to quickly lose interest in a guy you might otherwise have been interested in. we're busy and we know you're busy, but actually taking the time out to call tends to show we're not just an after thought. that's just my own opinion of course0 -
You could always text her next week and ask if she is up to doing something?
I agree - you should try one more time, but if she declines, then stop. Some people really don't respond well so I would give her one more chance.0 -
That is one reason why I hate texting. Sometimes it is hard to tell what the person is implying.
I say follow up with her by Wednesday and if she claims she is busy again than try not to waste time waiting for her. If someone is interested, then they would make the effort into meeting up. 0 -
I agree with the other comments. She is clearly not interested. Took the whole day to text you back then didn't suggest a day she was free to meet up with you. I wouldn't even text or call her again.0
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Hello Everyone! I really appreciate everyone's input.
I totally agree with most of you.
1. Texting is dumb. I agree. I feel like my generation relys on texting as communication. I honestly prefer conversation face to face or verbally on the phone vs text. text messaging can be interpreted in many ways because you can't tell the tone.
2. I agree with those who said I wasn't as commanding/demanding in my offer to hang out.. I did seem like I was giving her an option on plans. I should have said "if you are busy, then perhaps tell me when you're free becaue I would love to hang out again unless you think differ" That way, if she's not interested.. she can at least say so then. Ya know
3. I agree with some of you when you say I should try one more time... Instead of texting her.. I'll just call her and say hello and see how her week has been.
4. She may or may not be into me and that's totally fine. As I mentioned before.. she mentioned that she would make it obviously that she's not into me. So i'm thinking that her idea of including sad faces and such, made it seem like she was really bummed that she had plans already and such. .
5. Conclusion - she's probably working tonight but I'll give her a call to say hello and ask about her weekend and take it from there.0 -
Update:
I called her and she asked "who is this" which immediately made me think she didn't even have my phone saved in her contacts. LOL.. which was funny.. I asked her if she was busy and she said she was actually at work.. so i was like.. "I didn't know you were working but just wanted to say hello.. i guess I'll talk to you later" So yeah.. I'm done with that one. LOL.. Moving on.
J 0 -
Update:
I called her and she asked "who is this" which immediately made me think she didn't even have my phone saved in her contacts. LOL.. which was funny.. I asked her if she was busy and she said she was actually at work.. so i was like.. "I didn't know you were working but just wanted to say hello.. i guess I'll talk to you later" So yeah.. I'm done with that one. LOL.. Moving on.
J
Definitely, next! Wow.. "who is this?" Really..0 -
Update:
I called her and she asked "who is this" which immediately made me think she didn't even have my phone saved in her contacts. LOL.. which was funny.. I asked her if she was busy and she said she was actually at work.. so i was like.. "I didn't know you were working but just wanted to say hello.. i guess I'll talk to you later" So yeah.. I'm done with that one. LOL.. Moving on.
J
Definitely, next! Wow.. "who is this?" Really..
LOL!!! It was funny!! Doesn't reflect her age or what i thought her maturity level was... she make an effort to say that she wish she didn't have to work....assuming she meant she wish she could have time to talk... but yeah.. she killed the moment when she said who's this.. oh well.0 -
yeah, if she's that busy with work and school and whatever, then you are better off without her!
I hate the land of limbo! At least you now know not to waste any more time on her. Next! :bigsmile:0 -
I disagree with all the people who say that "one shouldn't text".
Phone calls *can* be useful, but for me texting is a low pressure way of organising dates. The girl can pick up the text when she wants, she will never be bothered while she is doing something else by a phone call.
I'm busy most of the time (99%) and the things I do are more or less "interruptible", but I'm never keen on receiving an impromptu phone call (arranged one is different). I'd rather receive a text that I can leave in the "to do list", and reply to later.
I don't use texting to generate closeness, I do this in person. I think the mistake/misinterpretation people are doing here is that they think you use texting to "get the girl", but you don't.
You use texting to organise dates, dates during which you generate closeness.0 -
I hate talking on the phone. I've said this before, people never answer their phone anymore, people are busy, I know I'm busy and usually in an environment where I can't really talk on the phone but I can text. Plus, I just find phone conversations boring, for some reason it's harder for me to talk to someone when I can't see them.0
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I hate talking on the phone. I talk to my mom and that is about it. I would rather text. Sometimes it is nice to hear a persons voice, but, normally .. meh.0
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I disagree with all the people who say that "one shouldn't text".
Phone calls *can* be useful, but for me texting is a low pressure way of organising dates. The girl can pick up the text when she wants, she will never be bothered while she is doing something else by a phone call.
I'm busy most of the time (99%) and the things I do are more or less "interruptible", but I'm never keen on receiving an impromptu phone call (arranged one is different). I'd rather receive a text that I can leave in the "to do list", and reply to later.
I don't use texting to generate closeness, I do this in person. I think the mistake/misinterpretation people are doing here is that they think you use texting to "get the girl", but you don't.
You use texting to organise dates, dates during which you generate closeness.
I think our generation has made texting very acceptable and I do agree with you.. It's an easier way organize dates or even let some one know they are not interested...
There some people I've met online who have full blown messages via text.. again, I'm used to it so it doesn't bother me. I just miss the closeness you can get from talking on the phone.0
