Today I accepted and I changed.

vatblack

I could not change that I didn't want to use my bicycle today. I was grateful that the rain threatened all day because it could help me not be honest with myself. But then I realized I lacked honesty and accountability and I changed what I could: I did some minor exercises at home.

A small victory over my will.

scarlettsky7

much easier said than done. thanks for the inspiration

i dont always feel like eating healthy or working out, but i never regret it when i do.

vatblack

And I always regret when I don't! So, is it worth the regret? I either need to become completely perfect and always eat 100% right and always exercise to the maximum, or I need to learn to forgive myself without being too lenient at the same time.

A tall order, but I'm willing to work on it.

scarlettsky7

i too find it extremely difficult to not be either too strict or too lenient. thats the nature of addiction. ugh!!!

addiction is a beast, but a tameable one at that. with lots of training practice.

gillleeman

Glad I read this today, thank you. One of my readings this morning was about perfectionism so it looks like today this is my message from my HP.

Hazleden Meditations. Elizabeth L. June 7th

Perfectionism: Part of the ego reduction necessary to our recovery is the acceptance of the fact that we are not and never will be perfect. Perfectionism gets in the way of recovery because it imposes impossible, unrealistic goals which guarantee failure. If we do not think we have to be perfect, then we can accept our mistakes as learning experiences and be willing to try again.

Deepening acquaintance with our Higher Power is good insurance against perfectionism. We come to believe that He accepts and loves us as we are, and this gives us the courage and humility to accept ourselves.

We are not perfect, but we are growing. In spite of our weaknesses, we can serve others according to Gods plan for our lives. Accepting our own limitations makes us more tolerant of the faults and weaknesses of those around us. Together, we progress.

I am thankful that I don't need to be perfect.

casi_ann

I'm a home care nurse. Today after I finished with my second to last patient for the day I started thinking about what I could eat for lunch. I was feeling very hungry, I started thinking of an unhealthy fast food restaurant that I would pass up on my way to the next patients home. Half way to the car I became very short of breath, my next thought was if I wasn't so over weight and unhealthy i wouldn't be so short of breath. I accepted that I need to stop this habit of unhealthy eating and I changed at least for today. Instead of stopping at fast food I stopped instead at the fruit stand and bought an apple and an orange. This was more than enough to keep me comfortable until I got home and ate dinner. Today I accepted that overeating has led to my being short of breath and I changed the way i did things by eating fruit instead of an unhealthy meal for lunch. After dinner I went out to buy a healthy lunch for tomorrow too.

vatblack

Nursecheryl, thank you for the story. I wish I had the same train of thought yesterday. Yesterday was a really bad day for me in terms of my eating. I went right back to complete binge eating and my old addictive behaviors.... not getting off the computer, not wanting to log food (I just put in a high random number of calories to end out the day because I know if I logged it all, it would send me to binging today too!)

So, I will take the advice given by others above, I will learn from my experience yesterday. In the first 13 days on here, I was doing so well and eating enough but I would sometimes second guess this or that choice or whether I am lying to myself...

What I have learned yesterday is that I am incapable of lying to myself when it comes to food. That heavy, guilty, F*&@ good sense feeling that comes over me, only comes over me when I am in "addictive" mode.

I will no longer question my choices on days I don't have that feeling. Self destruction is tangible in my soul. The other stuff is just a question of this choice over that one.

And I am placing a new food on my not-to-touch list: microwave popcorn.

gillleeman

Thank you all for your honesty.

This morning I handed over my food plan to my hp. I handed over the times I would commit to eating and staying with those times as much as I could.

It has now had to change, and I've gone into a mini mental panic. Two clients have now booked in for treatments this evening. Their appointments overlap my meal and snack times. I accept this now, have prayed for the willingness to listen to when its ok to eat and trust that my HP has it all sussed for me and will keep me safe. I also have gratitude my HP is helping me earn more money than expected today :happy: .

vatblack

Gillleeman what beautiful acceptance in action.

Today I decided to be extra anal about my food intake. I cut portions and listened to my body - I am eating as needed and not as I think I should. I stopped looking at the clock for when it is time to eat and let my hunger lead me. When I felt a bit of hunger, I decided to finish the task I was doing before I go to eat... because if I do not complete what I am doing, I might not get back to it. That has worked really well for me this far.

It is merely 12.25am but I have already cleaned two rooms in my house, spoken to my dad on the phone for an entire hour and found time to play a game with my daughter. I've logged my food, and wrote about my progress on here. Now, this might not sound like a great many things considering I have been up since 7am... however, in my addiction and on days like yesterday, I can easily just sit for 4 hours watching television.

So, this is a very, very good progress for me today. Who knows what the afternoon may bring or the next day. I do not think I am rid of the ability to watch TV for four hours in a row, I can fall back to that so easily. I saw that yesterday, but today is good and I like it.

I will try to hold on to these good feelings I have instead of the bad ones yesterday's actions bring.

casi_ann

I am starting day three back on program. Today I accept the fact that I didn't start one year ago, like my profile says. (A year from now you will wish you started today). I can only start where I start and this time not let perfectionism get in the way as others on this board have already said. I tend to get bummed out that I let my eating get the worse of me and ate until I became someone else. I'm embarrassed to see people I know, I don't want them to see me and will go the other way. Yesterday I saw an old friend at a dance recital of my niece and I actually went the other way. I would have loved to talk with her and find out which daughter was hers. But instead went and hid behind some artwork, pretending to be interested. But, I have today to continue what I started 2 days ago and make this 3 days on program. Not perfect days but the best days I can. I will call any day a good day if I can keep moving down on the scale even if it is just a little pinch (.1 pound).

ThriftyChica12

today, i accepted that my craft room had become messy, i accepted that i'd been neglecting the room. then, I CHANGED my behavior by cleaning a good portion of the room.

i also accepted that i did not clean the ENTIRE room (all or nothing, anyone?).

gillleeman

Today I accepted I cant do this on my own, and isolation is part of the disease. I've gradually slipped into old ways this past week and need to get honest with others. This morning I changed by reading Step One again, and reading some other literature. I prayed and handed my day over. Even after 12 years in oa I still feel I should have this licked, but I know its not about that. I continue to be grateful for the progress I've made, the 28lbs I've continued to keep off, the better relationship I share with my family all because of this programme.

My life had got too busy to bother, old habits slipped back in, but today I'm grateful for the willingness to want to change all that.

Thanks for continuing to be there.

vatblack

Today I accepted that we were not going to get going before the heat to cycle. So, we'll go in the evening when it is cooler.

ThriftyChica12

today i accepted that i was not going to make it on time for the earliest yoga class b/c i got caught up in MFP and OA readings.

today, i changed my all-or-nothing attitude by going to a later yoga class instead. staying flexible spiritually and physically!

casi_ann

Today I accept that things are always going to change, especially at work. But, I remember that I have the courage and the wisdom know the difference and make things work out as best as i can for everyone involved. I will remember this when I go to the two meetings related to some major changes in our jobs. I will keep my head, not be compulsive in my words or behavior, listen and think before i talk and remember God is with me and is my strength and courage.

casi_ann

Today I accept that not everyone is going to like me, that sometimes I'm going to do things that are going to make me not like myself, I'm going to get up, brush myself off and try to do it right the next time. I'm going to accept the consequences of my actions or non-actions. I'm going to try to be as honest with myself and others as I can be. I'm going to make amends as i make mistakes instead of allowing them to pile up. I'm going to clean up my own mess instead of trying to clean up someone else's mess, my mess is so big it will take me the rest of my life and all my energy and time cleaning it up.