You guys said to communicate and I did
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He told you about that other girl because he thought it would be a good way to show you that he actually really cares about you. Sure it's not the best way, but your mistake was asking for details. You start of by saying you weren't mad you were just curious but you're lying to yourself - you got upset over it and for what? So first step, in my opinion, drop that from you mind. Remember the part where he couldn't do anything with her because he liked YOU.
Now the other part that's frustrating in this story is how he's trying to do the stuff you like, reciprocating and maintaining contact and you describe it as "texting weirdly" and that you don't know if he's "sucking up". Are you kidding? He's doing what you asked him to do. You communicated what you want and he likes you enough to make the effort to be the kind of man you want but what? It's not enough? It's not what you thought it would be?
Come on lady, you're better than this. Wherever your head is snap out of it.
To be clear, I'm not resentful or mad at him. I appreciate what he's doing and what he said. I think you misinterpreted the way I worded things. I was simply telling what happened and how I feel. Now that I know how he feels and still wants to wait, it makes me cautious. Is he acting differently temporarily or is he actively trying to communicate like I asked? These are just things I'm wondering inside my head. I've put myself out there and told him how I feel numerous times. Now I'm just waiting for him to come around but I don't know how long I'll wait.
No matter whether he didn't have sex with the other girl because of how much he likes me. Why did he put himself in that situation anyway if he knew he didn't feel right (which is what he said). I won't be asking him anymore about it but it's going to take more than a few hours for me to forget about it. I never said it was bad. It is just eye opening. Now I know how deeply I really feel about them when I had the jealous catty Ashley attempting to surface.
Anyway.0 -
Ashley,
After reading a lot of your recent posts, my thought is that you don't know what you want and you are projecting your insecurities toward SL. For at least a week, you've said you were growing impatient with him because he wasn't showing that he was ready for a monogomous relationship. You said something along the lines of there are other guys who do want you so if he doesn't you're leaving because you're getting bored and irritated. Then you posted this weekend that you expected to have the talk when you got back but you weren't sure you were ready because he had potential deal breakers.
I suspect that you've met a nice guy who is sweet on you but as long as it was fun and games you were okay. Now you don't know what to do. You're too serious about him for it to be a fling but at the same time, you are pretty much on the rebound from your divorce. You met him before the ink was even dry on the papers. Figure out what you want. Your actions and thoughts are all over the place. As a detached observer, I cannot figure out what it is that you want from the your numerous posts. I think that you will be better off figuring that out than you will be analyzing his words and actions.0 -
Ashley,
After reading a lot of your recent posts, my thought is that you don't know what you want and you are projecting your insecurities toward SL. For at least a week, you've said you were growing impatient with him because he wasn't showing that he was ready for a monogomous relationship. You said something along the lines of there are other guys who do want you so if he doesn't you're leaving because you're getting bored and irritated. Then you posted this weekend that you expected to have the talk when you got back but you weren't sure you were ready because he had potential deal breakers.
I suspect that you've met a nice guy who is sweet on you but as long as it was fun and games you were okay. Now you don't know what to do. You're too serious about him for it to be a fling but at the same time, you are pretty much on the rebound from your divorce. You met him before the ink was even dry on the papers. Figure out what you want. Your actions and thoughts are all over the place. As a detached observer, I cannot figure out what it is that you want from the your numerous posts. I think that you will be better off figuring that out than you will be analyzing his words and actions.
I am with you. I have been all over the place. While the divorce papers were finalized right before we met, I had been living separately and "single" for about six months prior, so I'm not too concerned with that.
You're right, I didn't know what I want until last night. Like I said, I didn't realize how much I feel for him until I was told that there was someone else. I want to be with him and take a risk. This his what I feel. Especially after getting everything off my chest to him. So now I'm just waiting and seeing what happens. And yes, I'm done even talking to other men until we figure this out.0 -
Ashley,
After reading a lot of your recent posts, my thought is that you don't know what you want and you are projecting your insecurities toward SL. For at least a week, you've said you were growing impatient with him because he wasn't showing that he was ready for a monogomous relationship. You said something along the lines of there are other guys who do want you so if he doesn't you're leaving because you're getting bored and irritated. Then you posted this weekend that you expected to have the talk when you got back but you weren't sure you were ready because he had potential deal breakers.
I suspect that you've met a nice guy who is sweet on you but as long as it was fun and games you were okay. Now you don't know what to do. You're too serious about him for it to be a fling but at the same time, you are pretty much on the rebound from your divorce. You met him before the ink was even dry on the papers. Figure out what you want. Your actions and thoughts are all over the place. As a detached observer, I cannot figure out what it is that you want from the your numerous posts. I think that you will be better off figuring that out than you will be analyzing his words and actions.
I am with you. I have been all over the place. While the divorce papers were finalized right before we met, I had been living separately and "single" for about six months prior, so I'm not too concerned with that.
You're right, I didn't know what I want until last night. Like I said, I didn't realize how much I feel for him until I was told that there was someone else. I want to be with him and take a risk. This his what I feel. Especially after getting everything off my chest to him. So now I'm just waiting and seeing what happens. And yes, I'm done even talking to other men until we figure this out.
Are you cool with his lack of wanting to do "fun" stuff for dates?
Just be sure that you are moving in your mind to a serious long term relationship and not just a rebound sort of thing where he suddenly is more desirable because someone else also wanted him.
It is not uncommon and not gender specific.0 -
He told you about that other girl because he thought it would be a good way to show you that he actually really cares about you. Sure it's not the best way, but your mistake was asking for details. You start of by saying you weren't mad you were just curious but you're lying to yourself - you got upset over it and for what? So first step, in my opinion, drop that from you mind. Remember the part where he couldn't do anything with her because he liked YOU.
Now the other part that's frustrating in this story is how he's trying to do the stuff you like, reciprocating and maintaining contact and you describe it as "texting weirdly" and that you don't know if he's "sucking up". Are you kidding? He's doing what you asked him to do. You communicated what you want and he likes you enough to make the effort to be the kind of man you want but what? It's not enough? It's not what you thought it would be?
Come on lady, you're better than this. Wherever your head is snap out of it.
To be clear, I'm not resentful or mad at him. I appreciate what he's doing and what he said. I think you misinterpreted the way I worded things. I was simply telling what happened and how I feel. Now that I know how he feels and still wants to wait, it makes me cautious. Is he acting differently temporarily or is he actively trying to communicate like I asked? These are just things I'm wondering inside my head. I've put myself out there and told him how I feel numerous times. Now I'm just waiting for him to come around but I don't know how long I'll wait.
No matter whether he didn't have sex with the other girl because of how much he likes me. Why did he put himself in that situation anyway if he knew he didn't feel right (which is what he said). I won't be asking him anymore about it but it's going to take more than a few hours for me to forget about it. I never said it was bad. It is just eye opening. Now I know how deeply I really feel about them when I had the jealous catty Ashley attempting to surface.
Anyway.
Honestly, based on what you've said it sounds like you've also got some commitment issues. You were hoping to pin it on him, that you could accuse him and he'd back off or break up and you wouldn't have to address it. Now that he's actually trying to work on it you don't know what to do other than focus on these little insignificant things and making yourself feel rotten over nothing
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Oh I forgot we talked about that too. He says right now he's just worried about going out because my friends are instructors over at his schoolhouse, and that would not be allowed.
But you're right Carl. That's why I'm waiting to see what happens and giving myself time to wrap my head around everything and figure out exactly how I'm feeling.
Needless to say I'm looking forward to Crossfit this afternoon.0 -
Yeah. Not sure why you cried really. He didn't do it as far as I understand your story - and a man refusing sex is something big.It sounds like things went great to me! He's obviously trying to do the things you asked and it sounds like you guys are relationship bound.
Perhaps try to picture him having sex with an elephant to prevent the tears from coming...
Is it not what he just implied to you? That he wants things to get more serious?He knows I want us to be together and eventually get serious. I just don't know how long I can wait.
I'm missing something maybe.0 -
Yeah. Not sure why you cried really. He didn't do it as far as I understand your story - and a man refusing sex is something big.It sounds like things went great to me! He's obviously trying to do the things you asked and it sounds like you guys are relationship bound.
Perhaps try to picture him having sex with an elephant to prevent the tears from coming...
Is it not what he just implied to you? That he wants things to get more serious?He knows I want us to be together and eventually get serious. I just don't know how long I can wait.
I'm missing something maybe.
Damn you and your elephant LOL.
He said he wants that eventually but still needs time to get over being scared of commitment.0 -
Has he been hurt before? Divorced?0
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Has he been hurt before? Divorced?
Yeah he's divorced but they ended things mutually with no extra hurt feelings besides the normal failure ones. I asked him that.0 -
I really dont understand what a bearded carnival midget has to do with this?0
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Id be happy with that, that he told you and also the fact that he told you he wouldnt see her anymore. Ive been in the situation of a guy that was submissive in asking me over amd I had to decide everything. It got old quick and I realized that that was his personality and it would never change.0
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Id be happy with that, that he told you and also the fact that he told you he wouldnt see her anymore. Ive been in the situation of a guy that was submissive in asking me over amd I had to decide everything. It got old quick and I realized that that was his personality and it would never change.
Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! Men don't change. We can act, for a while, especially to get more sex, but our nature is what our nature is.0 -
Obviously I was kidding about the stabbing, the real story is...SL is considering a sex change operation and wants to know that Cupcake will still want a relationship after the gender re assignment surgery.
Sadly my buddy had a friend who was a lesbian who was in a relationship where both of them were going through the process to have a sex change, but the other one was farther along so they were going to go from a lesbian couple to a straight couple to a gay male couple. Never heard if they went through with it though.0 -
I've followed your updates on this guy and from the outset it seemed you both need to know that the other is serious but are scared to commit yourselves. No doubt this was one ofthe things that drew you together in the first place. If he was more decisive, you may well have backed off. Despite this, you are growing closer. You kissed someone too, you say it's fine for him to have done so - but actually you've found it isn't. That's OK, you both know that now. You had a pretty serious conversation about the long term and things that cause problems in the relationship now and he was understanding and responded well to that. He answered the question honestly about what he was most scared of. It would have been easy to dodge. I think you asked him to put himself on the line and he did. Would you have done the same?
Yes it may be easier and less messy to work on what you want first, but I find that people fall in to two basic types, those that have the capacity/inclination to do this alone and those that find out through their relationships with others. I think you are moving in the right direction, but please continue to be as honest with yourself and him as possible. Otherwise you are risking much and gaining little in return.0 -
So, earlier today he excitedly tells me that softball is cancelled and I say great, what do you want to do? He says he wants to cook me dinner, watch office space, and have a nice evening. Sounds good to me. I asked him a couple of times about letting me take him out to dinner because it's his birthday but he insists on cooking for me.
I get back from Crossit, shower, do my hair and makeup, and put on a little black sundress before I head over. When I get there, he has a small bouquet of flowers taped to the door for me. I go inside, we hug and kiss, I tell him happy birthday, yada yada. Before dinner is ready, he randomly says (paraphrasing here):
You know, I've been thinking a lot today. And I've made some realizations. I like you this much (he puts his thumb and pointer about half an inch apart), and that's A LOT to an ant. I don't want to date anyone but you, and I want to continue to focus on each other. So I guess what I'm asking is if you want to "go steady?" (and he put it in quotations).
So after I clarified that that meant we were in a relationship, he says yeah. So, we're going to continue to do what we've been doing, but now we're goin' steady, lol. I feel really good about this. Still going to take it one day at a time, but I think we will grow together.
Lorro, you are right.
ETA: I asked him what changed his mind because as of yesterday he said he still needed more time. He said he realized that was dumb because he only wanted to be with me, and being in a relationship is normally what people do if they want to be with each other.0 -
Im pretty sure somewhere in there, you said, that you kissed other guys? So what is your exact logic behind not telling him that, then being upset about him possibly being in the same position?
Dont get me wrong, its great that you sorting it out, thats awesome!! But Im curious?0 -
It sounds like he has had some bad luck in the past and still isn't over it.
With that said you have a really great guy here, or so it seems. Stick with it, continue your patience, I think it will work out for the better in the end. Continue to be honest with him, it will show him he can be honest back. Enjoy what you have, it's a lot more than some of the rest of us have0 -
ETA: I asked him what changed his mind because as of yesterday he said he still needed more time. He said he realized that was dumb because he only wanted to be with me, and being in a relationship is normally what people do if they want to be with each other.
Wooo hooooo!! :flowerforyou:
I'm so happy to hear this :bigsmile:
Good luck and have fun! And dont forget to drag his *kitten* out on the weekends!!!! :drinker: And kiss all the time!! :smooched:0 -
Awwwwwwww! Sugar Lips!!!! Yay!!! I'm excited for you!!!0
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awww so happy for you guys.0
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Awww that is so awesome! What a turnaround. 0
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Yayyy!!!!!!0
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WHAT? :noway:No matter whether he didn't have sex with the other girl because of how much he likes me. Why did he put himself in that situation anyway if he knew he didn't feel right (which is what he said). I won't be asking him anymore about it but it's going to take more than a few hours for me to forget about it. I never said it was bad. It is just eye opening. Now I know how deeply I really feel about them when I had the jealous catty Ashley attempting to surface.
He probably invited the girl home to eat some duck.
Who cares? Do you think girls that want to sleep with a man cannot find a way in the house? The important thing is that he didn't do anything of it.
People, remember that you will never be able to prevent your "SO" to be hit on or being in dangerous situation for the relationship. The only thing you will ever have is trust in them, of which they will (or not) make good use.
In my view, you should be happy that he didn't do anything (and I don't mean "at least you should be happy", I mean "Wow, you're a lucky girl, you should be happy"), it means the guy has barriers against "sleeping with other girls" and so you can let him go out without worries. This is a massive statement in "men-who-gets-attention-from-ladies" 's language. And for you it should mean that you've got one less thing to worry about (he's unlikely to cheat)...0 -
flamfloz .. I have such a hard time getting a read on you. Sometimes you say the most sweet and thoughtful things and other times .. I just shake my head. lol. You are a wonder.0
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Yay!!!!!! Congrats Ashley!!!!0
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I'm the 8th wonder of the world.flamfloz .. I have such a hard time getting a read on you. Sometimes you say the most sweet and thoughtful things and other times .. I just shake my head. lol. You are a wonder.
I guess I was trying to be reassuring! I meant: he obviously likes her a lot since he's mentioning that to her (why this happened do not matter and shouldn't matter, there will be new circumstances every time). You will never be able to prevent anyone to hit on your SO, and he just told her basically: "You can trust me, I've got no intention to sleep with any other girl".
I would be proud to say this too, I thought girls wanted to hear that... :laugh:0 -
LOL..this is one of those times where you were thoughtful and sweet. 0
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Wow, so the advice on single peeps actually works!?! I thought it was just a place for bitter singles to b!tch about the opposite sex! haha, congrats... and I don't think I've heard the term "going steady" since the show Save by the Bell0
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Wow, so the advice on single peeps actually works!?! I thought it was just a place for bitter singles to b!tch about the opposite sex! haha, congrats... and I don't think I've heard the term "going steady" since the show Save by the Bell
Haha that's what I told him!0
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