To tell or not to tell?

gspea

I am having LapBand on the 28 th. I don't quite know how friends will react to my having this surgery. I am sitting on the fence ion telling them.

Should I or shouldn't I?

Geri

Moonlitedi

If you are going to tell people then own it! You made this decision for yourself and no one else. Know your facts so you can counter any negative Nancys out there! I had mine done April 4th and told a hand full of people at work and they have been most supportive because they know I want to become healthier and this seemed like a logical solution after many failed diets. My mom was on the fence for a while but in the end was supportive and jokes with me about her finding my lost lbs lol. Good luck on your journey!

J_M1987

Geri, this is something I have been struggling with as well. This is such a personal decision and not everyone can understand or respect it. So I have told a few people who I knew would be supportive of me on this journey, because the last thing I needed was negativity during this time. Perhaps eventually I will let people know, but for now, I am focusing on preparing myself for the upcoming surgery and keeping tons of positive energy around.

Go with your gut, you know who is really there for you. And I agree with Moonlitedi, if you decide to go completely public with the info, own it. Make no apologies, but you should be prepared for some negative comments/feedback from uninformed individuals. Either way, as long as you're comfortable in your decision you will be fine--and you have all of us on here for support if you need it!

puttingmyselfoutthere

I am really proud of myself for making the decision to have this surgery. It wasn't an easy one to make! I tell anyone who asks me.. I don't care how they feel about it because I did the right thing for me.. I'd rather they hear it from me then to whisper behind my back- and you know they all do! If they want to be rude or mean about it, then they are showing their true colors and I don't need to associate myself with them. I am taking control of my life and it is the hardest journey I have ever taken.

minkakross

I think a lot of us ask this question. I decided to tell very few people and strange as it sounds most of them are my co workers. I didn't tell any of my family even though my mother had the same surgery (RNY) over 12 years ago. Part of my reason was because I know that the surgery isn't a quick fix, I still have to eat right, I still have to exercise, and I didn't want my progress to be down played because of the surgery. The other part is that I don't need to feel like I have to defend my reasons for not doing it the "natural way" since I was making some progress with the pre surgery Dr. supervised diet and exercise plan.

imakimm

I think it's a personal decision that you have to decide on your own. When I was getting ready to have my surgery I told some of my friends. Some of them were very supportive and others weren't. I learned that they were scared. Most people that know I had RNY are very supportive. Most of my coworkers know and many of my close friends and all my family knows. I had someone today at work who doesn't know I had surgery ask me how I keep loosing so much weight. She asks me this everyday. I stopped responding to her. I'm sure she means well, but its a fake kind of, "you are doing so great, you are melting" It's fake she just wants to be noisy. Today she told me how hee sister was on weight watchers and lost over 100 pounds. I smiled and said thats great. I think you need to decide what is right for you! Good luck! :-)

gspea

I have decided that right now family and bestest of friends if they inquire

I have a friend right now who can't. Believe that I have lost the weight I have by just watching what I eat and portion control. And today I told her how much I lost so far and she turned away. She is bitter that I am successful and she isn't. Oh well it is problem not mine.

I have done hours of research, reached out to friends who had WLS and many MFP members. My husband I have discussed at length. As you have said I am not going into this without much thought. And it is my decision. And I owe no one an explanation of why I am losing weight.

You guys are great - thank you.

Geri

J_M1987

Part of my reason was because I know that the surgery isn't a quick fix, I still have to eat right, I still have to exercise, and I didn't want my progress to be down played because of the surgery. The other part is that I don't need to feel like I have to defend my reasons for not doing it the "natural way" since I was making some progress with the pre surgery Dr. supervised diet and exercise plan.

That's so spot on, my thoughts exactly! I'm glad you've come to a decision you're comfortable with Geri. Best of luck!

-Jess

Susann1963

I had bypass in Feb. Told my coworkers because first off i knew I would be off work for two weeks (turned out to only be one week off), they are supportive, and I didn't want to have to evade their questions forever. The people that are just now (like this past weekend, and I am over 60 pounds lighter!!!) have noticed...I just smile and say hard work. I figure that if they haven't noticed a change in me before 60 pounds (out of 110 total to lose, so its not like going from 600 to 540) then they don't really know me that well and can stew on it!

linguist98

THINK OF ALL THE THINGS YOU ARE GOING TO MISS....DO I MISS STUFF?..YES...I MISS MY VICODIN...I MISS MY INSULIN...I MISS PRICKING MYSELF 3 AND 4 TIMES A DAY.. I MISS MY CPAP... I MISS MY MAN BOOBS... I MISS THAT LITTLE BEAD OF SWEAT YOU GET JUST BY SITTING IN A RIOOM WITH NO FAN ON.. I MISS THE GROANS WHEN I WENT TO PICK SOMETHING UP OUT OF THE FLOOR.. I MISS THE SIZE 48 PANTS...I MISS HAVING SOMEPLACE RIGHT UNDER MY SET OF CHINS TO SET MY PLATE WHEN I SIT IN ON THE COUCH TO EAT...I MISS LOOKS I WOULD GET FROM WALKING INTO A PIZZA BUFFET.. I MISS MY CARDIOLOGIST... I MISS MY ENDOCRINOLOGIST..I MISS STRUGGLING TO WIPE MY *kitten*....I MISS .. IMISS .. I MISS....

BY THE WAY BAZINGA!

BEST THING I EVER DID! NO REGRETS...

minkakross

THINK OF ALL THE THINGS YOU ARE GOING TO MISS....DO I MISS STUFF?..YES...I MISS MY VICODIN...I MISS MY INSULIN...I MISS PRICKING MYSELF 3 AND 4 TIMES A DAY.. I MISS MY CPAP... I MISS MY MAN BOOBS... I MISS THAT LITTLE BEAD OF SWEAT YOU GET JUST BY SITTING IN A RIOOM WITH NO FAN ON.. I MISS THE GROANS WHEN I WENT TO PICK SOMETHING UP OUT OF THE FLOOR.. I MISS THE SIZE 48 PANTS...I MISS HAVING SOMEPLACE RIGHT UNDER MY SET OF CHINS TO SET MY PLATE WHEN I SIT IN ON THE COUCH TO EAT...I MISS LOOKS I WOULD GET FROM WALKING INTO A PIZZA BUFFET.. I MISS MY CARDIOLOGIST... I MISS MY ENDOCRINOLOGIST..I MISS STRUGGLING TO WIPE MY *kitten*....I MISS .. IMISS .. I MISS....

BY THE WAY BAZINGA!

BEST THING I EVER DID! NO REGRETS...

yes, and all that is awesome, but did you have any input on telling or not telling before or after you had your surgery?

TL0105

I've told my family and close friends. As time went by, I would tell people that I felt comfortable telling. It's funny though..my husband and my 2 best friends (who did not "believe" in the surgery and thought I was taking the easy way out)..they have not said ONE WORD about my 50 lb weight loss. Not that I need to hear anything about it, as I did this for me and for my health...
Some people will look at you and be very supportive, some people will look at you and be bitter...my new motto:

Some will, some won't ...SO WHAT?

beckybernardo

I've told eveyone that I pretty much know. I am not ashamed of it. It might be also that I have friends who in a way make fun of my weight and maybe I am proud that someday I will be smaller then them, hopefully. Most of them that have said something are just as big as me or close to it. I've told my family and they are more worried then anything.

beckybernardo

yeah, don't worry about ding it for them or having them say a darn thing, You did it for yourself and that is all you should worry about. I think that when you have friends like that, they are jealous. My fiance hasnt noticed either. Makes me feel bad, but I'm going to lose it anyway

Onaughmae

I have been very open about it. It was going to be obvious anyway when I took a 3 week medical leave from work and then started to lose weight afterward. I dont feel I have done anything to be ashamed of so why not just own it?
People see that I have to be diligent about what i eat and I have to work out regularly...just like anyone else that loses weight. My RNY was simply one more tool to help me succeed. It had an almost immediate effect on my co-morbidity issues which was my main goal from it. Would I do it again? You betcha!

romyker

I am just one week out from having my RNY. I've only told those closest to me. Lucky in a way, I work in a school so I have the summer off. I'm wondering if there'll be a noticeable difference when I return in August. I refuse to lie about it or take the mental energy required to be evasive, so when/if they start noticing and if they ask, I'll tell them. I don't want to pull a Starr Jones because it seems deceitful in a way. But that's just me... no judging here if you choose to keep your secrets. Your body, your choice.

As for the naysayers and those who don't 'believe' in the surgery, let them bask in their ignorance. No one, and I mean no one, in their right mind would willingly have their guts re-routed and consider that as being the easy way out. I have been overweight all of my life, have been put on diets since I was 12, and never have had any lasting success. When you hit that point where you say enough is enough, when your health and quality of life have taken a nose dive, you make the best decision you can for yourself. For us, that was bariatric surgery. We all know it's just a tool and that the real work begins post-surgery; the surgery just gives us a leg-up. And what's wrong with that?

linguist98

THINK OF ALL THE THINGS YOU ARE GOING TO MISS....DO I MISS STUFF?..YES...I MISS MY VICODIN...I MISS MY INSULIN...I MISS PRICKING MYSELF 3 AND 4 TIMES A DAY.. I MISS MY CPAP... I MISS MY MAN BOOBS... I MISS THAT LITTLE BEAD OF SWEAT YOU GET JUST BY SITTING IN A RIOOM WITH NO FAN ON.. I MISS THE GROANS WHEN I WENT TO PICK SOMETHING UP OUT OF THE FLOOR.. I MISS THE SIZE 48 PANTS...I MISS HAVING SOMEPLACE RIGHT UNDER MY SET OF CHINS TO SET MY PLATE WHEN I SIT IN ON THE COUCH TO EAT...I MISS LOOKS I WOULD GET FROM WALKING INTO A PIZZA BUFFET.. I MISS MY CARDIOLOGIST... I MISS MY ENDOCRINOLOGIST..I MISS STRUGGLING TO WIPE MY *kitten*....I MISS .. IMISS .. I MISS....

BY THE WAY BAZINGA!

BEST THING I EVER DID! NO REGRETS...

yes, and all that is awesome, but did you have any input on telling or not telling before or after you had your surgery?

guess what i should have said was...tell or dont tell...its no biggie either way... because its YOUR HEAD that has to be right....not anyone elses...if you are going to let someone elses opinion of what you choosing to do or not do influence your thinking...then DONT DO IT... because you wont make it...you wont keep the weight off....you have to commit to this for the long haul...so if you can be swayed now...youll definately be swayed when the old cravings and temptation come around....so if people are gonna judge you...tell em to get bent and move on...

"“People break down into two groups, motors and anchors. Surround yourself by people who push you forward, not hold you down.”"

rumpusparable

I openly tell anyone. I told my family and friends when I decided to get the bypass; I tell anyone who it comes up naturally with if we talk about my weightloss.

As others have described, I just "own it". I made a great decision for me and am following my doctors' plans by the letter. My hard work and progress speak for themselves I think.

No one has been unpleasant to me about it. Rather, I've met a lot of other people who have had it by being willing to talk about it and everyone else has been very upbeat and supportive.

DrTerri

I told people.. (I accidently did a reply to all to reschedule a meeting so I ended up not being able to pull a star jones).. but I will tell you.. of the people I know that are not telling.. I think they are doing it because they are not sure if they will be successful.. just like when I went on diets before.. and some of them are getting themselves in bad situations.. (ie.. if you only had a gall bladder out,, then why can't you eat yet?) they are having problems explaining why they can't go out to eat etc..

I think this is a huge decision.. and I told people and I am having a heck of a time getting my head around all the changes.. and honestly, I can't imagine if I had not told anyone..

Terri

crosa527

This was a topic on the Weight Loss Surgery group too, so I am re-posting here as well:

This is a tough one. I didn't tell anyone but my husband, initially, that I was planning surgery because I felt like a failure, like I should have been able to do this on my own. Once I relayed this fear to two of my closest friends (who have never been heavy a day in their lives) they both said the same thing to me, that I was brave. Wow, I had never been called that before. I don't tell people lightly, I tell them with background information. I tell them that I have thought about this for 3 years while still trying to lose weight; that I prayed about it for the past year, and that this is a tool that I am using to reach my goal.

Guess what? When I started to tell some of my family, they called me brave too. I have been overwhelmed by the support. And through all of this, I've said that just like two people that I know who had surgery 3 years ago inspired me to start thinking about it as an option, I hope to pay it forward and inspire some others.

When you tell people, you put yourself out there in a vunerable way. They may say it was the easy way out, I asked that question to my friend and she told me there was nothing easy about it and how she has to (3 years later) workout and track her food everyday.

BUT... you might just be inspiring someone else. It happened for me just this week. I was picking up my dog at the groomers yesterday and Kelly, the groomer, went to hand me the dog. I told her I just had surgery and couldn't pick the dog up. She didn't ask, but said, "I hope you are okay." There is was.... for a fleeting moment I thought 'tell her you had a hernia fixed' (which I did while he was in there). But Kelly is a big girl and I knew she would appreciate the struggle, so I said, "I had weight loss surgery." She proceeded to ask me all kinds of questions, one of which was who was my doctor.

Kelly called me today to tell me that she made an appointment for an informational session and also to see the surgeon. I thought, there you go... I paid it forward to one.

The bottom line is, you need to know your audience. It if is someone who really doesn't have a vested interest in you, or is going to give a snarky remark, then probably better to keep it to yourself. If it is a fellow member of the overweight club, I say, throw it out there. You might just be inspiring them to use the WLS tool also, and you might just be saving their life.