Bad day.... Losing faith
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Well- I don't mean to be glib here, but it isn't my pancreas having a hard time 'shutting off'. My pancreas hasn't worked since I was 12
I'm type 1 diabetic with an insulin pump. Prior to my pump, I was on a diet of 30 carbs at breakfast, 60 at lunch, 90 at dinner, and 45 as an evening snack (I never ate breakfast prior to my diagnosis so breakfast was my lightest meal of the day). so even that totals 225 carbs a day. I was also 12 at the time, so obviously my body's needs have changed, but still.It wasn't my intention to come across as ungrateful and I'm sorry if that's how it sounded. I just know for a fact that, for me, it has nothing to do with my pancreas. Believe me, I wish my pancreas worked!
No where in my post did I say it was your pancreas so I dont know where you are getting that from my post. At all.
Try re-reading my post again - it clearly does not say anything about you and your pancreas.....
I give up.....
You never said anything about my pancreas. In your original post, you talked about how YOUR pancreas has trouble 'shutting off' after you eat higher carb amounts. And then you said something about how you would never dare eat oatmeal because of this. So my comment was to say that I do not and cannot possibly have that issue because MY pancreas doesn't work.
I'm happy that, for you, eating 120 carbs a day (and mainly from vegetables) works. Everybody is different. I do a lot of cardio and need carbs to fuel my workouts. Again, though, I never intended to sound ungrateful or rude in response to your post.0 -
Before EM2WL I was (am?) a binger. Usually its at night. Yes, sometimes it was me being angry for yet another gain or no loss after strict eating and tons of exercise and I wanted to punish myself. Sometimes I was just so dang hungry and I would think, Oh I'll just have a few....but the motions of eating (yes, always carbs!) would be so soothing that I would just keep going. Then in my mind I would think, well, now that I have screwed that up I might as well finish this out with a bang!
Even when my binges started out as hunger, they all always ended emotionally. When I started EM2WL it didn't matter to me if it worked or not. I was so ready to give up and just try to live normal. I am going to be 35 this year, and while I don't feel old....I am definitely more in the mindset of I am not getting younger and time flies so fast that I am so over wasting what time I have on killing myself to fit into a size smaller.
I am on reset, and last week I ate over TDEE almost everyday and I mean by hundreds! I was actually hungry but it felt like what I like to think of as my old binge days. Pretty scary when you know how dark binging can be and how you never want to get sucked back in.:noway:
My macros are always off. I am always aiming to keep protein up, hit my TDEE, keep sodium in check and at least within my carbs! Driving myself crazy! Its definitely a learning process. I am now looking at this reset as my practice. This is where I am suppose to make my mistakes and get my butt in gear then when I feel I have got it, then I can reward myself with a 10% cut. Mainly I am trying to work on my mindset the most. So I am loosening up on having perfect macros. Still always trying but not stressing so much about it either.
So my point being is your not alone. EM2WL can help you drop the binging, just maybe not overnight. And thats ok. The whole point of EM2WL is its going to be a long journey. Things will be slow, so embrace it and slow down with it. Just work on doing better today than you did yesterday. If that means 10 more grams of protein today, then thats awesome! We are all going at it slow right with you. :flowerforyou:
Thank you so much for posting this. I teared up when I read it. I am exactly like you- I was so strict for so long, always diligently working out, always diligently eating 1500-1600 calories a day. And suddenly, that stopped working - and I'd see a gain on the scale - and immediately find comfort in a cereal box or a jar of peanut butter. It is like a bad habit I cannot break. I frequently fall asleep on the couch at night, wake up in a daze, and find myself eating cereal straight out of the box like it's potato chips before going to bed. I will frequently eat an entire box of cereal in a 24-48 hour timespan. Or I'd sit and dig out peanut butter by the fingerful and suddenly half the jar would be gone. My body is so screwed up that, until this week, I honestly couldn't remember what a hunger cue felt like. I was so used to ignoring my hunger cues that for several months I've just eaten because it's time to eat. It's just that since I started increasing my workouts, and seeing gains on the scale, that I've started binging. My weight loss journey started 2 years ago and I hit 144-146 and remained steady there throughout several months of eating (not netting) 1500-1600 calories and 3-4 days of exercise a week. I had to take a break from workouts starting last August due to foot injury and wasn't able to get back to the gym until January. While my foot was broken, I lost 12 pounds in 3 months. so I thought to maintain that low weight, the lowest I've ever seen as an adult, I had to work out more than 3-4x a week. First it was 5, for 45 minutes on the elliptical. Then 7 days for 45 minutes. And then it was an hour a day, every day, sometimes more than once a day. And throughout all of this, my weight kept creeping up, creeping up. I think my first binge was in February or March and it was a jar of peanut butter. For so long I've stayed away from peanut butter because it's so 'bad' - high calorie, high fat, not one of my 'safe' foods - and then one day the scale was up, I was worn out, and I had half the jar. And even with a TDEE of almost 2700, I go over almost every day. Part of it is because now I finally feel hunger and let myself eat, when before I'd squish the feeling until it was 'time' to eat. But part of it is because of nightly cereal binges. Or just random, go into the pantry and have some handfuls of granola or raw oats, moments splattered throughout the day. and then I feel even worse about myself because even at almost 2700 calories I still can't control myself.
The last time I weighed myself I was 153.8 pounds. I haven't since. I started eating at full TDEE on Sunday, so it hasn't even been a full week yet. I feel inflated, bloated, and awful, but I'm not sure how much of it is mental and how much of it is truly 'seen'. I keep squashing the urge to go to the gym to make up for eating over my TDEE. But my time at the gym this week has been awful - my legs feel heavy as lead, it feels like I can barely move them, and I'm worn out within 10 minutes of starting. But now it's almost a new compulsion - that I HAVE to work out to meet my '5-6 hours of strenuous activity' level so I can continue eating 2655. I have a 5k on Sunday that I'm dreading because I just feel so heavy that I know it isn't going to go well. Did anyone else experience this when they first started eating at TDEE? How long does this last??
Also, TripleJ3 - have you stepped on the scale since eating at full TDEE/while you ate over your level for the week? I'm trying to tell myself I won't weigh myself until July 1 because my mentality totally revolves around the number. I feel like if I stepped on the scale right now I'd easily weigh 160. My period is also due to start tomorrow, so I think waiting until July 1 is probably the best thing I can do...0 -
Hi Beth, what has worked for me is only worrying about the protein macro and i try my best to meet the rest, especially the fat. I am almost always over in my carbs but it hasn't affected my weight loss. Just meeting the protein goal has really helped me in avoiding binges. Are they still going to happen? Absolutely, and maybe it is your body just saying it's hungry.
Hope you're having a better day today!
I am having a better day today, thank you! It's just hard because when i was eating VLC, I'd 'save' my calories - just in case I had a big dinner or whatever. So now, eating at TDEE (2655), I *have* to space it out during the day. Right now I'm around 1800-1900 and I haven't eaten dinner yet, and that worries me, because it's comforting to know I could have a 600 calorie dinner and a snack after but tonight I can't do that. This only my first week of eating at TDEE, so I'm hoping this 'saving calorie' mindset starts diminishing.
Are you doing a reset or eating at your cut? How long have you been at it and what's your weight gain/loss been like?0 -
I am doing a cut right now but I plan to do a reset after the summer.
I started at the very beginning of may and I have lost 6.5 lbs so far and feel fantastic.0 -
I am doing a cut right now but I plan to do a reset after the summer.
I started at the very beginning of may and I have lost 6.5 lbs so far and feel fantastic.
That's awesome!! Did you see any initial weight gain or have you been losing the whole time? when I first started eating at MFP's recommended 1640 and then eating my exercise calories back, I started slowly gaining. I'm up about 6-7 pounds from then. Once I did the TDEE calculations, I think during that time (eating back exercise cals) I was eating my TDEE -15%... so I'm hoping increasing to full TDEE was the right way to go0 -
Also, TripleJ3 - have you stepped on the scale since eating at full TDEE/while you ate over your level for the week? I'm trying to tell myself I won't weigh myself until July 1 because my mentality totally revolves around the number. I feel like if I stepped on the scale right now I'd easily weigh 160. My period is also due to start tomorrow, so I think waiting until July 1 is probably the best thing I can do...
No way! No scale for me! I would let that number get me down too much! What I know logically still isn't louder than the voice that would probably send me over the edge!
I am pretty sure I will step on the scale when I need to re-calculate my numbers. My last week of reset I plan on doing a full rest so I will need to know what my TDEE will be then I will do it again to find my cut! I wish someone else could figure my numbers for me so I didn't even have to look at the scale at all!:laugh:
I am excited to do the cut since that means I will start to see some great changes! But I feel the same about my level of working out. I like eating this much and I am hungry for it but there are times where I work out just so I can keep my current numbers! I don't want to lower my TDEE with less workouts but still be so hungry! I went over on TDEE most days last week so I feel like being super careful since I can see in my belly and clothes that it caught up with me.
I started EM2WL eating at cut. Then 3 weeks into it went up to reset and have been doing that for 20 days. Lately I have been feeling that heavy feeling. My legs are like lead when I run. I have a 7 mile race the end of July that I am getting ready for and while I do it for fun because its such a huge party I want to run most of it! I don't mind walking some, theres many many steep hills and one hill at the beginning that feels like it will never end:sad: but my run time now definitely isn't good.
We have very similar feelings and I think theres more like us in the EM2WL family so you are not alone and have people here who know how you feel because we lived or are living it!0 -
@Graysmom
Yes! Its such a trance while binging! I hate when people say, just remember how you felt next time.....Oh I definitely told myself many times during a binge how I was going to regret it and remember how crappy you will feel in the morning but most of the time I ignored it, I didn't care at the time. I HAD to do the binge!
My stomach was such a black hole, I couldn't believe how much I could eat in a sitting yet not ever feel sick or too full. Then wake up hungry the next day!0
