Friend Zone
JanieJack
Posts: 3,831 Member
Can someone get out of the "Friend Zone" with you?
As a woman, I've fallen for friends I wasn't initially interested in just by virtue of how awesome they are. I hear men don't work that way. Your thoughts?
As a woman, I've fallen for friends I wasn't initially interested in just by virtue of how awesome they are. I hear men don't work that way. Your thoughts?
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Replies
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Definitely depends upon the person. Most of my friends are like me, once you're in the friend-zone, you're permanently there. I have a few attractive friends and I could never imagine "going there" with them (I'm sure they feel the same about me too).0
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With the right combination of events, it is possible.. but more often the not, the aftermath can get nasty and make it uncomfortable for the friends..and other mutual friends.. but...i find it's rare that people get out of the FZ..so this scenario is the exception..0
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I've gotten out of the friend zone with someone, it wasn't easy. We dated for 2 years0
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Probably can happen but rare for either men or ladies.0
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Rare in general but would guess less likely for men. My feelings have changed for someone but not had any guy that I know of change his mind, and I've ended up there a LOT! If you figure it out, let me know. I once thought about just throwing myself at him but knew that we'd just end up FWB so I didn't!0
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Has happened with me before. I think it's fairly easy.0
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My current group of friends? No.0
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Yeah, its possible.For sure :flowerforyou:0
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I do have one friend who a guy she was friends with for years changed his mind and wanted to date her. She refused, because what changed his mind wasn't anything about her personality. It was because she had lost 40lbs. She was deeply offended and he ended up marrying someone else. But that's the only case I know of where a guy changed his mind once he had friend-zoned someone.
Thanks y'all. I was trying to explain to a friend that guys don't generally change their mind like women can after friend-zoning someone. She thought I was just being cynical.0 -
I do have one friend who a guy she was friends with for years changed his mind and wanted to date her. She refused, because what changed his mind wasn't anything about her personality. It was because she had lost 40lbs. She was deeply offended and he ended up marrying someone else. But that's the only case I know of where a guy changed his mind once he had friend-zoned someone.
Thanks y'all. I was trying to explain to a friend that guys don't generally change their mind like women can after friend-zoning someone. She thought I was just being cynical.
Uhm...does she not realize that she has changed so it is possible that someone else may change with her?
Really,think about it,if you improve your appearance,is it fair to condemn someone for not being attracted to the old "you" that you didn`t like either?0 -
Exactly! I HATE when I read about someone complaining that someone doesn't like them because of their weight and you get people saying that that person is shallow and doesn't deserve them and they should like you for who you are! It doesn't even make sense!0
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I do have one friend who a guy she was friends with for years changed his mind and wanted to date her. She refused, because what changed his mind wasn't anything about her personality. It was because she had lost 40lbs. She was deeply offended and he ended up marrying someone else. But that's the only case I know of where a guy changed his mind once he had friend-zoned someone.
Thanks y'all. I was trying to explain to a friend that guys don't generally change their mind like women can after friend-zoning someone. She thought I was just being cynical.
Uhm...does she not realize that she has changed so it is possible that someone else may change with her?
Really,think about it,if you improve your appearance,is it fair to condemn someone for not being attracted to the old "you" that you didn`t like either?
valid point :flowerforyou:0 -
I do have one friend who a guy she was friends with for years changed his mind and wanted to date her. She refused, because what changed his mind wasn't anything about her personality. It was because she had lost 40lbs. She was deeply offended and he ended up marrying someone else. But that's the only case I know of where a guy changed his mind once he had friend-zoned someone.
Thanks y'all. I was trying to explain to a friend that guys don't generally change their mind like women can after friend-zoning someone. She thought I was just being cynical.
Uhm...does she not realize that she has changed so it is possible that someone else may change with her?
Really,think about it,if you improve your appearance,is it fair to condemn someone for not being attracted to the old "you" that you didn`t like either?
Not to mention that her attitude and confidence may be vastly improved...0 -
Lol. Yeah poor her, someone's attracted to her!0
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Ok guys which is it. Can someone get out of the friend zone or not? At first it sounded like most guys were saying nope. Now, it's sounding like if the girl makes herself hot (when she wasn't before) that there is a chance.
Let's not turn this into a debate about "you didn't like me when I was fat, so you don't deserve me when I'm fit." That particular girl lost weight to get into the military, IMHO her attitude/confidence/etc didn't change, and she's since gained the weight back so I think it's a good thing for the guy (considering his religious "marriage is forever" mindset) that they didn't end up together. They'd be struggling right now since looks are important to him (and I don't fault him for that- appearance/fitness is important to me too).
This question is about another friend... one who has a long-time guy friend she's become interested in. Even though every one says you should "be friends first" and "marry your best friend" my limited experience has been that once friend-zoned most girls can't become girlfriend material.0 -
This is very vague question it depends on the 2 people's feelings obviously. Anythings possible0
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I liked the way you rephrased your question,Janie, because the concept of friends before dating/ marriage is so heavily talked about but what does it mean really? I don't think it means LITERAL friends but to me is more about not rushing into a relationship and getting to know the other person.
As Nat said, anything is possible, but I'll still stand by my answer that it's not as common for men to change their minds. If anyone has suggestions on how they fix it, PLEASE let me know... the cute 35 year old single guy one aisle over at work is already my friend, and it's getting tough acting like I'm not thinking of what I'd like to do to him in his office (haha, mostly kidding....)!!0 -
If the woman were to make a pass at him, then maybe. Coin toss.0
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Simple: you "friend zoned" someone for a reason (e.g. not attracted physically to them).Ok guys which is it. Can someone get out of the friend zone or not? At first it sounded like most guys were saying nope. Now, it's sounding like if the girl makes herself hot (when she wasn't before) that there is a chance.
If the person (or you, actually, for example you could be unavailable) doesn't change, then why would you put them back in your lover zone? The same reasons you friend zoned them still apply.
If the person change (e.g. make themselves attractive physically to you, or you become single), then you might want to reconsider your initial decision: the point of view has changed, or the person is a different person.
You can also "un friend zone" someone for no particular reason (i.e. no change), but that very rarely happens (hence the "no" you've heard from most men, because they think about their friend and think: no!, they don't think about their friends being a new person).
Here is also another case: the suitor who is friendzoned (i.e. the girl thinks of the man as a friend - Mr NiceGuy - whereas the man is trying to please the woman as much as possible, so stays around and "treat her right" - read: as a friend).
In this case, if you've been friendzoned, it's best to accept your fate and move on. Which might decrease closeness, give you time to change and leads me to...
Closeness: you can get someone out of the friendzone pretty safely if the person is in your 3rd circle of friends, but it's bound to fail if you're in the first circle of friends (and maybe 2nd). Simply because close friends relationships have got a different dynamic from romantic relationships.
You can... But it's difficult, and pointless in most cases.This question is about another friend... one who has a long-time guy friend she's become interested in. Even though every one says you should "be friends first" and "marry your best friend" my limited experience has been that once friend-zoned most girls can't become girlfriend material.
Concrete advice for friend zoned people:
- Move on from the first circle of friends (i.e. stop being the suitor/little puppy dog/best friend, become an acquaintance),
- Work on yourself (physical, mental, emotional),
- Meet other people (attraction, confidence, friendship, balance).
Then 1 year down the line, if you see the person who friend zoned you again, chances are YOU won't be interested because you've changed and learnt so much that you are a new person, with a new point of view, and new opportunities that suit the new you better.
Funny eh?
The "be friend first" thing is bollocks, indeed. Unless both people are really really shy, and are basically moving so slowly that it looks like a friendship, but in fact at least one of them was romantically attracted initially.
This is fine for virgins and first timers, but once you've "been there, done that" it seems a bit childish and silly.0 -
I still say the same,it is rare to happen but can,however most likely if a person makes a change in their life someway.0
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I'm sure it's a yes if alcohol is involved. :P Jk.
I've dated some people who I considered to be friends first, but that was because of situational changes.0 -
I kind of agree with flam, if you are in the friend zone it's for a reason. I know if I'm friends with a girl and we are both single, there should obviously be a good reason for us not to try dating. Usually it's because I'm not attracted to them, there's no chemistry, I think they're annoying, or I've just known them too long and they're more like a sister than a potential mate.
Attraction can definitely change though, not always because of weight, but sometimes people mature, gain confidence, start dressing better, etc. Sometimes just seeing them with someone else can suddenly make them more appealing. Usually if the attraction and the chemistry is there, then it's pretty easy to get out of the friend zone.0 -
So you're saying there's a chance?!?! Haha!! Eh in my case I think we're better off as friends and he'll just be the cute distraction in meetings...I've come a long way on my journey but have only known him for the last 20 lbs lost. Hardly enough to change his attention...I work for a home improvement company and am surrounded by men. Shouldn't be hard to find a new work crush!0
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I had a guy friend for 2 years .. we mainly knew each other from work .. didn't really even think of him as a possibility .. then I hadn't talked to him for a month or so and gave him a shout out on Facebook told him I missed talking to him and he sent me a text the next day and asked me out. I was shocked. I didn't think he saw me in that way. He said he had for a long long time and I never noticed. lol. We dated for a while. Didn't end up working out, but it was fun.
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To all the guys... so we may be friend zoned, but (as stated in a thread last week), 95% of our straight male friends still want to sleep with us... Do I have this right?0
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Simple: you "friend zoned" someone for a reason (e.g. not attracted physically to them).
This girl was dating someone else when she joined our group. She is now single.0 -
To all the guys... so we may be friend zoned, but (as stated in a thread last week), 95% of our straight male friends still want to sleep with us... Do I have this right?
I don't think so. Maybe when they met you... but at least for me, once I'm in that friends mind frame I just stop thinking about them like that. Unless they are smoking hot or super flirty.0 -
To all the guys... so we may be friend zoned, but (as stated in a thread last week), 95% of our straight male friends still want to sleep with us... Do I have this right?
I don't think so. Maybe when they met you... but at least for me, once I'm in that friends mind frame I just stop thinking about them like that. Unless they are smoking hot or super flirty.
Just trying to get my facts straight here because this is not what Nat & Silver said last week:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/632186-do-you-need-a-gaggle?page=1#posts-91578640 -
To all the guys... so we may be friend zoned, but (as stated in a thread last week), 95% of our straight male friends still want to sleep with us... Do I have this right?
"Want"...probably not that many.
"would"...probably not that high but close.0 -
I'd say it's absolutely possible to get out of the friend zone in that circumstance.Simple: you "friend zoned" someone for a reason (e.g. not attracted physically to them).
This girl was dating someone else when she joined our group. She is now single.0
This discussion has been closed.