Friend Zone
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To all the guys... so we may be friend zoned, but (as stated in a thread last week), 95% of our straight male friends still want to sleep with us... Do I have this right?
I don't think so. Maybe when they met you... but at least for me, once I'm in that friends mind frame I just stop thinking about them like that. Unless they are smoking hot or super flirty.
Just trying to get my facts straight here because this is not what Nat & Silver said last week:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/632186-do-you-need-a-gaggle?page=1#posts-9157864
I think it depends on the level of friendship you have... if you hangout in a group I do, yeah I'd probably think about it. If we are longtime best friends or extremly close, or have had a conversation about dating and decided on being friends then no.
That is me though. I think a lot of guys are friends with girls simply to get close to them. Most of the married friends I have were a lighter form of friends w/ their wives before they started seeing each other.0 -
You can easily leave the friendzone by getting 100% hammered alone together and start talking about sex out of nowhere and adopt the mentality 'see what happens'.0
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You can easily leave the friendzone by getting 100% hammered alone together and start talking about sex out of nowhere and adopt the mentality 'see what happens'.
haha, this is probably the best way to break the friend barrier. The next morning could be a little odd though.0 -
Can a girl get out of the friend zone with me, yes. Can I get out of the friend zone w a gal, I hope so. As I've been losing weight I look at it like the more weight I lose the more I go from hearing "no chance in hell" to "what are you doing tonight." I guess it ultimately comes down to attaction and chemistry. While chemistry can be phenomenal there needs to be some attraction to go with it.. I think it really depends on the people, and everyone could think the 2 of you perfect for one another however, often only one of you realizes it.0
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Very interesting topic. Can someone then explain to me why nearly every online dating profile contains the words "let's be friends first and see where it goes"? I've always felt that this was a contradiction in terms.0
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You can easily leave the friendzone by getting 100% hammered alone together and start talking about sex out of nowhere and adopt the mentality 'see what happens'.
haha, this is probably the best way to break the friend barrier. The next morning could be a little odd though.
Nah0 -
Because they probably wouldn't get very many messages if they said, "Let's have sex and see where it goes"Very interesting topic. Can someone then explain to me why nearly every online dating profile contains the words "let's be friends first and see where it goes"? I've always felt that this was a contradiction in terms.0 -
Very interesting topic. Can someone then explain to me why nearly every online dating profile contains the words "let's be friends first and see where it goes"? I've always felt that this was a contradiction in terms.
YES! exactly!
Or why they say, "I'm not trying to rush into anything here... just looking for a companion right now." Which is all I'm really looking for (since I'm moving in a few months). But those guys always push for immediate physical intimacy.0 -
Very interesting topic. Can someone then explain to me why nearly every online dating profile contains the words "let's be friends first and see where it goes"? I've always felt that this was a contradiction in terms.
YES! exactly!
Or why they say, "I'm not trying to rush into anything here... just looking for a companion right now." Which is all I'm really looking for (since I'm moving in a few months). But those guys always push for immediate physical intimacy.
Easy answer: They are saying what they think you want them to.0 -
Very interesting topic. Can someone then explain to me why nearly every online dating profile contains the words "let's be friends first and see where it goes"? I've always felt that this was a contradiction in terms.
YES! exactly!
Or why they say, "I'm not trying to rush into anything here... just looking for a companion right now." Which is all I'm really looking for (since I'm moving in a few months). But those guys always push for immediate physical intimacy.
Easy answer: They are saying what they think you want them to.
Oh FFS. As human beings we are so darn good at getting in our own way.0 -
Can a girl get out of the friend zone with me, yes. Can I get out of the friend zone w a gal, I hope so. As I've been losing weight I look at it like the more weight I lose the more I go from hearing "no chance in hell" to "what are you doing tonight." I guess it ultimately comes down to attaction and chemistry. While chemistry can be phenomenal there needs to be some attraction to go with it.. I think it really depends on the people, and everyone could think the 2 of you perfect for one another however, often only one of you realizes it.0
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I concur: Every one always says " I want a partner in crime" or "I want a best friend". I concur, I think its easier then saying I want someone who is unpredictable and could care less about me.0
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I don't know, I think the guys are playing it smart here... As Janie said: "...which is all I'm really looking for.".
Oh FFS. As human beings we are so darn good at getting in our own way.
Easy answer: They are saying what they think you want them to.
YES! exactly!Very interesting topic. Can someone then explain to me why nearly every online dating profile contains the words "let's be friends first and see where it goes"? I've always felt that this was a contradiction in terms.
Or why they say, "I'm not trying to rush into anything here... just looking for a companion right now." Which is all I'm really looking for (since I'm moving in a few months). But those guys always push for immediate physical intimacy.
So at least the guy's profile resonates in her and he can meet her in person.
And since meeting someone in person is already half the work done (and you've already eliminated 80% of the competition), then it all makes perfect sense to me.
Also, a lot of women who would think about themselves that they are "not trying to rush into anything here... just looking for a companion right now" have no clue about what they really want and end up in something anyway. At least, Janie really means it when she says this.0 -
I don't know, I think the guys are playing it smart here... As Janie said: "...which is all I'm really looking for.".
Oh FFS. As human beings we are so darn good at getting in our own way.
Easy answer: They are saying what they think you want them to.
YES! exactly!Very interesting topic. Can someone then explain to me why nearly every online dating profile contains the words "let's be friends first and see where it goes"? I've always felt that this was a contradiction in terms.
Or why they say, "I'm not trying to rush into anything here... just looking for a companion right now." Which is all I'm really looking for (since I'm moving in a few months). But those guys always push for immediate physical intimacy.
So at least the guy's profile resonates in her and he can meet her in person.
And since meeting someone in person is already half the work done (and you've already eliminated 80% of the competition), then it all makes perfect sense to me.
Also, a lot of women who would think about themselves that they are "not trying to rush into anything here... just looking for a companion right now" have no clue about what they really want and end up in something anyway. At least, Janie really means it when she says this.
My statement was really a comment on the human condition in general.
I'm working hard every day on getting out of my own way!0 -
I've never made it out of the friend zone, but two guys I friend-zoned climbed out of it and became dating material.0
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I don't know, I think the guys are playing it smart here... As Janie said: "...which is all I'm really looking for.".
Oh FFS. As human beings we are so darn good at getting in our own way.
Easy answer: They are saying what they think you want them to.[
So at least the guy's profile resonates in her and he can meet her in person.
And since meeting someone in person is already half the work done (and you've already eliminated 80% of the competition), then it all makes perfect sense to me.
Well... you know what they say... the fastest way to get into a woman's pants is pretend you want friendship/relationship first. (or, as some guys I work with say it, "...pretend you don't want to").
The problem, to me, is that now we're wasting each other's time. But, you're right. If the guys said, "I am not looking for anything serious. I just want hot sex with no strings attached" very few women would respond, even though there are plenty of women who like NSA sex. Why don't they date them, lol?? If you tell me you're not trying to rush into anything, just looking for a companion, but you're trying to get in my pants on the first date you have just put yourself onto my liars list.0 -
I don't know, I think the guys are playing it smart here... As Janie said: "...which is all I'm really looking for.".
Oh FFS. As human beings we are so darn good at getting in our own way.
Easy answer: They are saying what they think you want them to.[
So at least the guy's profile resonates in her and he can meet her in person.
And since meeting someone in person is already half the work done (and you've already eliminated 80% of the competition), then it all makes perfect sense to me.
Well... you know what they say... the fastest way to get into a woman's pants is pretend you want friendship/relationship first. (or, as some guys I work with say it, "...pretend you don't want to").
The problem, to me, is that now we're wasting each other's time. But, you're right. If the guys said, "I am not looking for anything serious. I just want hot sex with no strings attached" very few women would respond, even though there are plenty of women who like NSA sex. Why don't they date them, lol?? If you tell me you're not trying to rush into anything, just looking for a companion, but you're trying to get in my pants on the first date you have just put yourself onto my liars list.
Perhaps it is because so many ladies say they want an emotional commitment but then do jump in the sack with quickly with a guy that hits their triggers?
There are both males and females that have an unwavering code of conduct be it religious or otherwise constructed but most will say one thing and do another at the drop of a hat with not an ounce of realization of the irony and hypocrisy.0 -
Perhaps it is because so many ladies say they want an emotional commitment but then do jump in the sack with quickly with a guy that hits their triggers?
You are really right.
That is why I believe what I do - about not kissing until a few dates, and how sex should be something special and should not happen for a while in relationships. I think if you have a solid idea in your mind, you will stick to it. I think if you have a solid policy, you will be more willing to stick to it than just doing what you want when you feel on dates.
Again, sex messes a lot of things up. So if you put it off for a while and just kiss and cuddle, or use your own devices lol you will be better off in the long run.0 -
Perhaps it is because so many ladies say they want an emotional commitment but then do jump in the sack with quickly with a guy that hits their triggers?
There are both males and females that have an unwavering code of conduct be it religious or otherwise constructed but most will say one thing and do another at the drop of a hat with not an ounce of realization of the irony and hypocrisy.
Tru dat! Guys have no way of knowing (though I think all the church in my profile would give it away) that I really mean what I say. Life would be so much easier if we could just be HONEST. But that's not gonna change so I'll just have to get used to it.0 -
Perhaps it is because so many ladies say they want an emotional commitment but then do jump in the sack with quickly with a guy that hits their triggers?
You are really right.
That is why I believe what I do - about not kissing until a few dates, and how sex should be something special and should not happen for a while in relationships. I think if you have a solid idea in your mind, you will stick to it. I think if you have a solid policy, you will be more willing to stick to it than just doing what you want when you feel on dates.
Again, sex messes a lot of things up. So if you put it off for a while and just kiss and cuddle, or use your own devices lol you will be better off in the long run.
It is not though a question of what is better but one of what is desired and being honest about it and being happily willing to accept the consequences.
I think either is fine for a person ( except for mitigating circumstances such as children to be considered) but if you are lying to yourself about things you will be hurt and unhappy.0 -
Perhaps it is because so many ladies say they want an emotional commitment but then do jump in the sack with quickly with a guy that hits their triggers?
There are both males and females that have an unwavering code of conduct be it religious or otherwise constructed but most will say one thing and do another at the drop of a hat with not an ounce of realization of the irony and hypocrisy.
I do get this. I did exactly what you are saying only once, and it was partly to convince him after he said he didn't want a relationship (I see that now, I didn't then). I wouldn't say I regret it because I learned from it. But I would do it differently now recognizing that it's not worth throwing yourself at someone to win them over if they're unsure. I also wasn't as strong in my faith then either...and I don't think I gave myself enough credit then to know I deserved better.0
