How to say "no" to food in social situations...

kelseyhere

Last night I met a group of friends for dinner at a local restaurant. I looked up the menu online beforehand and came prepared knowing exactly what to order. I always do this so I won't be tempted to pick something unhealthy at the last minute. I make my decision when I'm calm and not hungry. When we arrive at the restaurant some of the group orders appetizers, which is not part of my plan. I sit back in my chair sipping water and enjoying the conversation, trying to ignore the plates of cheese, bread, etc. when my BF tries to get me to eat some of the bruschetta. I say "no thanks" so he holds it up to my mouth. I sternly say "no thanks" again and luckily he dropped it and ate it himself. Then his friend tried to offer me some, again I reply "no thanks." Then a third person tries to offer me some, again I say "no thanks." At this point I'm starting to get annoyed. You are all sitting in at the same table, did you not just hear me say "no?!?" The thing is, I really want to eat the bruschetta and every time I have to say no it's harder. I feel like they are chipping away at my will power (I know it's not intentional, it just feels that way). So then, the waiter comes around to clear the table for the main course and there is still some bruschetta left. The first friend asks me AGAIN if I want to finish it and I tell him no. So the waiter picks up the plate, holds it in my face after he just heard me say no and says, "oh it's really good try it!" And by this point I want to yell NO!! He clearly heard my say no to my friend, so why is he pushing it? I say "no thanks" the best I can without being rude.

So my question to you is, how do you deal with this? I don't want to launch into a conversation every time about how I'm on a diet, because I know they will just attack me and say I don't need to lose weight. Also, I find most Americans have no concept of nutrition or portion size and don't realize what they are offering you can destroy your day in couple bites. Finally, it discourages me from being social at all, but I don't want to be that way. I want to go out to eat with people and be able to order what I want, without other people constantly trying to shove food down my throat. It's not like I even look that thin, I'm just average. If my rib cage was showing that would be one thing, I would understand why these people are trying to feed me, but I eat plenty.

Anyways, that was long but how do you deal with social situations and eating, especially when you are the "small" one in the group? How do you say no politely? I don't like having to repeat myself, and apparently "no" does not mean "no" any more. I'm starting to get frustrated!

sgthaggard

I lie. 'No thanks, I ate a huge lunch'.

chuisle

If they're your close friends just "hey, look, I didn't plan on eating it. I want to stick to my health plan more than I want to eat that. No need to ask me again!"

If they push after that, ask them to respect your choice.

Less close people I lie to...I don't like that etc.

ChLoE1130

Yea I always use the excuse that I already ate so much today.

kelseyhere

That's a pretty good one actually, don't know why I hadn't thought of it yet. Also chuisle I like your suggestion to call it a "health plan" because that way it doesn't sound like you're trying to lose, just be healthier.

HannahDiaz25

Huge lunch lie work great. Sometimes I say I'm just not in the mood.. I usually will take one bite of something because it makes them happy and they dont think I'm missing out on something they are enjoying. Its human nature to want your friends to enjoy what you are enjoying.

summer8it

"I've been thinking about the seared tuna salad all day... I want to save room for it!"

I have to say no to food in social situations all the time, but most of the time it's because I have a severe lactose intolerance, so I can't eat anything that might possibly contain dairy. It kind of sucks, but it helps me control calories because there's are so many super-high-calorie foods I just can't eat anymore. For instance, there pretty much aren't ANY restaurant desserts that don't contain dairy, so there are never any arguments at the table when I decline dessert.

So you could pretend that certain foods bother you, and say something like "oh, that bruschetta looks awesome, but my stomach's been acting up when I eat a whole lot of wheat. If I'm going to have pasta for my entree, I'd better not eat it."

But you should be able to be straight with your BF! Talk to him in private about how hard you're working, and how you'd really appreciate him not pushing food on you.

Huggybearz75

In a case where I am with my BF and/or close friends, I would tell them politely "no" once or twice. After that, I would say, "get it out of my face and stop asking or I'm going to shove it up your nose". Lol! However, if I am with other people and they refuse to let it go, I would simply tell them either I don't like that kind of food or have an allergy. Whatever it takes to get them to back off.

kelseyhere

They know me well enough to know I don't really have any food allergies to speak of, lol, so that doesn't work.

I have spoken to my BF and it's something he's working on. Like Hannah said I think he just wants me to enjoy what he's eating- but he's 6' 3" and work at an custom auto shop and I sit on my butt at an office and sometimes he forgets that my margin of error is much smaller than his.

Thanks for the tips ladies!

chuisle

Specifically with your BF - its good for him to understand that. My BF started "getting" it when I explained how many calories I can eat if I want to lose, how many calories are in things etc. I also explained to him once that I don't *remember* the last time I didn't feel self conscious about my body and how I need to feel in control in that part of me. Letting loose (diet wise) isn't fun for me unless I planned. That got some switches on