Getting through to someone who is truly starving themselves?

Athena98501

Let me start off by saying I know I could just un-friend them, but I care about my friends. The particular friend I'm concerned about right now, had net calories today of -229. When I expressed concern, she tried to "educate" me on Body By Vi. She had lifted weights extensively today, so I tried to tell her that the nutrients she is getting weren't going to prevent her body from burning muscle rather than building it while it was being deprived this way. Of course, it didn't seem to make a difference.

This isn't the first friend I've been this concerned about, and I'm sure it won't be the last. Does anyone have any constructive suggestions?

bradthemedic

No one will change without wanting to. It doesn't matter what you say, you won't have an impact. There's a reason people smoke even after seeing the giant black lungs in water tanks in school - they are ignorant and don't care.

Sorry to be debbie downer here, but it's reality. It's one thing to idly suggest she consider eating more but to try to talk her into it will not help you OR her.

KarinFit4Life

Im sorry to say I agree with brad.... :frown:
I have a couple of those too, especially one new friend that is way under eating....Im so itching to say something ( on her friend fequest to me I replied with all the details of EMTWL so shes very educated about us) but she still eats like 750 cals and exercise 300 of that away...

Its hard supporting people if u dont agree with their habits and you are concerned about their health. You tried talking to her, helping her, there is nothing else u can do. It has to be their decision, and theirs alone.
They are mostly losing weight their way, so they dont want to change. What they dont understand (or care about) is that its lean muscle mass and water mostly ending up in being skinny fat or just plain unhealthy. I know from experience, I was both. Ended up with severe kidney stones, hurt like hell, hair loss, dry yucky skin, bloated tummy, constant fatigue, upper airway infections....agh theres loads.
Either unfriend her or dont look at her diary.... I know its bad either way... :indifferent:

Athena98501

Thanks guys. Anybody else have suggestions?

led6777

sorry to hear you're experiencing this. i applaud you for having the patience to keep this friend and try to help her out. my suggestion would be to lead her to the eat more to weigh less group here, especially the specific testimonials. i hope she starts eating enough food right away so she doesn't damage her metabolism (and overall health).

autumnk921

I have the same issue with a couple of my friends as well...I can't unfriend them b/c they are both pretty young and you can tell that they need support but I am not sure how to do that when I know they are hurting themselves...So thank you for this topic b/c even though I have no advice to give I appreciate the advice given so that I can use it as well!! Thanks guys!!!


ETA: Believe it or not I was one of these people just a few short months ago and I had friends trying to help me as well...But it's been ingrained in us since childhood to eat less b/c that is the ONLY way to lose weight and it is so hard to overcome what our mothers have told us since we were little....Thank goodness for a few of my MFP friends and people in this group b/c I became a member even before I really accepted it in my head but I knew that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results and I swear when I saw that one day it made something click in my head - It still took a bit of going over success stories and other points on this and gradually going up in calories but I finally did it - Doing the Reset now - And I finally realize this is what my body needs...I just wanted to share my experience to coming over to this side and saying Thank you to all of you that helped me get here!!!!:flowerforyou:

HeidiHoMom

I agree with Brad.

All you can do is put the information out there, share your successes and hope people jump on the bandwagon.

ANewLucia

Main thing, is keep them on your friends list...because every once in a while after seeing results they finally come around...had that happen a few times. I put up info on my newsfeed and will comment if they ask for help...

MileyClimb

I used to be that girl that ate way under so I am going to speak from that side. I had been eating 800 calories under. had many people try to tell me how to eat at that time I was not ready to hear them and told them to stop their barking and nagging. that those things only added fuel to the fire. while they may have been well meaning I was at the point where I was just not ready and very blunt about it. the people finially had to back way from me and let me decide for myself. so as what Brad said he is right. this is from someone who came from the other side. also the people who spoke to me about this never starved themself or dealt with emotional issues I faced or they would tell me to do xyz but when it came to them they didn't practice doing what they told me to do. it was more do as I say not as I do. if you are really concerned about your friend maybe send her my way as someone who has been in her shoes is still dealing with things. have a heart to heart talk with her. I would be glad to do so.

cherrybomb_77

No one will change without wanting to. It doesn't matter what you say, you won't have an impact. There's a reason people smoke even after seeing the giant black lungs in water tanks in school - they are ignorant and don't care.

Sorry to be debbie downer here, but it's reality. It's one thing to idly suggest she consider eating more but to try to talk her into it will not help you OR her.

Sadly, as a former anorexic, I have to say this is true. Like someone else said, all you can do is put the information out there and hope it gets through someday.

jomatho

I agree with all the above. I think everyone has their own "lightbulb" moments and you never know if what you say will be that for them. Just putting it out there is enough and then when she is not losing and getting flabbier, she will come looking for answers.

mturgeon05

I completely agree with keeping them on your friends list. Be sure to provide many updates about how great you feel and share all of your successes. For some people, seeing is believing. For most of us it just doesn't make logical sense that you can eat and still lose weight. But, if we continually see people having success, we will be more open to the idea.

Know, however, that she may never come around...especially if she is having even the smallest bit of success with what she is doing.

Athena98501

Thanks everybody. Yeah, I do plan to keep her on my friends list, but I feel bad about not being able to encourage her while she's doing what she thinks is healthy. She had taken my concerns better than most, though.