I'm Looking for a Personal Coach...Someone to Hold My Hand!
AprilRenewed
Posts: 691 Member
I don't really know any of you yet, but I'm hoping I can find someone willing to help me through this whole EM2LM thing. I sort of need someone to hold my hand through it. :laugh:
Here's the short version:
Long story short, my first marriage was to an emotionally manipulative man who cheated on me multiple times with multiple women. That combined with a narcissistic mother (with whom I no longer have contact), I realized through a therapist, was the catalyst that pushed me into both bulimia and anorexia.
Now, I no longer purge. I do occasionally binge. It's a constant battle every night. But I don't not eat.
My second husband is amazing and supportive and wonderful, and life is good now.
But I obsess about food and weight. The number on the scale.
I started with running years ago. Then my second husband bought me an awesome elliptical. I had danced until I was 18, but during my 20's I slacked off, drank a lot, ate whatever I wanted, and didn't workout. Anyway, I went from just elliptical to Jillian Michaels' videos. She got me into fantastic shape, and I moved on about a month and a half ago to P90X. Now, I'm doing a P90X/Insanity hybrid I created myself. I love it. It's fun. But I'm obsessed.
And I'm stuck eating around 1200 calories because I'm scared to death of eating more and gaining weight.
It goes to the EDs and the issues I had leading me toward those.
It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that eating more is GOOD. That I will NOT gain weight if I eat more of the good stuff.
So I'm trying to eat more. That's how I found you.
I'm 5'1. 112 pounds. I don't want bulk. But I want strength. I want to keep the definition I've gained. And I want the confidence. I'm lacking the confidence.
Anyway...that's my story.
Thank you so much for listening.
I'm hoping one of the more experienced members of this group will help ease me into this and keep me encouraged along the way. It's super scary from someone that still has to take a walk to avoid binging on her boss' peanut m&ms (I just did that today...haven't had a binge craving like that in awhile, but I think it's because of all this thought I'm putting behind food and calories and working out and not overdoing it...I panicked.)
Any takers? I'm afraid all I have to offer is my wonderful smile and heaps of gratitude. :happy:
Here's the short version:
Long story short, my first marriage was to an emotionally manipulative man who cheated on me multiple times with multiple women. That combined with a narcissistic mother (with whom I no longer have contact), I realized through a therapist, was the catalyst that pushed me into both bulimia and anorexia.
Now, I no longer purge. I do occasionally binge. It's a constant battle every night. But I don't not eat.
My second husband is amazing and supportive and wonderful, and life is good now.
But I obsess about food and weight. The number on the scale.
I started with running years ago. Then my second husband bought me an awesome elliptical. I had danced until I was 18, but during my 20's I slacked off, drank a lot, ate whatever I wanted, and didn't workout. Anyway, I went from just elliptical to Jillian Michaels' videos. She got me into fantastic shape, and I moved on about a month and a half ago to P90X. Now, I'm doing a P90X/Insanity hybrid I created myself. I love it. It's fun. But I'm obsessed.
And I'm stuck eating around 1200 calories because I'm scared to death of eating more and gaining weight.
It goes to the EDs and the issues I had leading me toward those.
It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that eating more is GOOD. That I will NOT gain weight if I eat more of the good stuff.
So I'm trying to eat more. That's how I found you.
I'm 5'1. 112 pounds. I don't want bulk. But I want strength. I want to keep the definition I've gained. And I want the confidence. I'm lacking the confidence.
Anyway...that's my story.
Thank you so much for listening.
I'm hoping one of the more experienced members of this group will help ease me into this and keep me encouraged along the way. It's super scary from someone that still has to take a walk to avoid binging on her boss' peanut m&ms (I just did that today...haven't had a binge craving like that in awhile, but I think it's because of all this thought I'm putting behind food and calories and working out and not overdoing it...I panicked.)
Any takers? I'm afraid all I have to offer is my wonderful smile and heaps of gratitude. :happy:
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Replies
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We are all here to answer any questions, its a pretty supportive group of people so feel free to ask any questions. Sounds like your on your way you just need to get your numbers to start eating right and healthy.. you are going to have to lift weights, but don't worry about bulking up, that would take a long time to get where you might be thinking of bulk, you wont wake up and be a beast.. thats the way to get strength up. Gaining muscle will make you gain wait as well.. just a fat muscle weights more.
Read the stickies and get your numbers and again ask any question you may have.0 -
ohhh you are such a sweetheart!! we are definitely all here for you!! my advice would be to first, throw away the scale. literally. it will drive you crazy but its the only way to stop weighing yourself. i binge on peanut butter....so having it the house would be counterproductive!! take that step. second. read read READ these forums. i became OCD with calories too but i feel SO MUCH BETTER in this group. our bodies need fuel to function properly...if not then you are in just as bad shape as a 300+lb person because your body isnt getting enough of or the right nutrients.
feel free to add me as a friend and message me any time you need
good luck, and take that leap of faith!! 0 -
also can use a personal coach to help me through it and hold my hand too as well. my story is a bit different I undereat and would shut down emotionally. grew up in an abusive home. I would react by undereating and cover with excessive work outs or I would shut down altogether. I divorced an abusive husband as well. so like the above poster I too could so use a personal caoch also.0
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Thank you, all of you.
Greenrun - I AM lifting. As I said, i'm on my second phase of P90X, and I LOVE it. When I started with Jillian Michaels, she got me doing real pushups and gradually more and more until I needed something even MORE. That's when I started P90X. Which I love, love, love.
I'm not really worried about getting bulky. I guess I didn't really need to mention that part of my goals.
stephanie - I'll come add you as a friend. Thank you! It's just so scary taking that leap. As I mentioned, I'm starting very small. I may even just start with actually eating my exercise calories because I wasn't before. I'll start there as I read these forums. Fortunately, work has been slow, so I've had a lot of time to read them these past couple days. I've learned a lot, but I just can't get past that emotional/mental thing of DON'T EAT. Or....throw it all up because you just ate too much!!!! It's so hard to get out of that. It was hard enough to get out of that to where I am now. And now I'm learning I'm supposed to eat a good 1700 calories!??? On a REST day??? I don't even know how to eat that much based on the things I eat!!!
And I'm totally with you on the PB! LOL My favorite ever is PB and Co White Chocolate Dreams. OMG...heaven!0 -
Hi!! Remember that Bb programs recommend eating well ! I think the 1700 sounds good considering 1800 is level 1 in the p90x guide! I am finishing up on my p90x2 hybrid and I feel that increasing calories has really helped my workouts!0
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Hi!! Remember that Bb programs recommend eating well ! I think the 1700 sounds good considering 1800 is level 1 in the p90x guide! I am finishing up on my p90x2 hybrid and I feel that increasing calories has really helped my workouts!
I'm just terrified of gaining if I up my calories. That's so much! And then to eat your workout calories on top of that? I have to start out slow...0 -
Have you put your details through the scooby calorie calculator to get a daily calorie intake. On emtwl most of us don't us the mfp system we use scooby. You don't have to eat back daily exercise calories, you end up eating consistently the same amout everyday. It doesn't matter if you exercise or not as it's taken into your daily activity level. It makes it easier to plan meals etc I find. But I'm pretty boring and eat mostly the same day in day out. We are all here to help you guide your way through.
Personally I'm confused about my activity level so I'm using myself as a science experiment. Tweaking how I go so I don't freak out. We are all different and I believe you have to use what works for you and what you are comfortable in doing.
R:flowerforyou:0 -
Have you put your details through the scooby calorie calculator to get a daily calorie intake. On emtwl most of us don't us the mfp system we use scooby. You don't have to eat back daily exercise calories, you end up eating consistently the same amout everyday. It doesn't matter if you exercise or not as it's taken into your daily activity level. It makes it easier to plan meals etc I find. But I'm pretty boring and eat mostly the same day in day out. We are all here to help you guide your way through.
Personally I'm confused about my activity level so I'm using myself as a science experiment. Tweaking how I go so I don't freak out. We are all different and I believe you have to use what works for you and what you are comfortable in doing.
R:flowerforyou:
I have...and now that makes sense. It gave me...well, now I forget. I'll have to do it again. It's a lot though! Let me go look...lol
ETA: 1932!!! Holy Cow that's a lot of calories!0
