obese boyfriend?

Yhadi

While hanging out with family, the conversation led to everyone in the room stepping on the scale and my BF was surprised to see that he now weighs 203 lbs. (im not so surprised) I could tell in his face that he was a bit shocked and his sister in law mentioned to me that she noticed it too. He's only 5'6'' and I typed in his stats online behind his back. Turns out his BMI level puts him in the obese category.

I personally think he is very sexy, im very much attracted to him, thats not the issue. Im very worried about him. He's hispanic and at a greater risk of diabetes and heart disease. Plus his family has history of both and his dad had a heart attack just last year. The thing is, I dont know how to encourage him to eat better and lose weight. He says he doesnt have time to work out, but I feel the kind of labor he does is workout enough, he just needs to control what he puts in his mouth.

I know this is a sensitive topic because every time I bring it up he gets all defensive saying that he's big boned and mostly muscular and that he really doesnt care what people think. I want him to be healthy though, and I want our kids to learn how to be healthy through us. How should i bring it up again, and what should I say

amysj303

sounds like he is sensitive about it. Do you live together? You can set an example for him and your kids by fixing healthy meals, and making healthier swaps for his favorite foods. I would just tell him that you want him around for a long time and would hate to see his health suffer because diabtes and heart disease are not pleasant.
If his job keeps him active, he could probably lose weight with some small changes, guys seem to be lucky like that! My dad just stops eating chocolate and loses weight. Maybe if he just ate low-carb two days per week he could see changes.
Good luck!

Yhadi

We do live together, and I try to cook healthy meals that are low in sodium. Since I just had a baby three months ago, Im working on getting back in shape so he also sees me exercise all the time and I read a lot of fitness and healthy eating articles and Im constantly talking about them with the hope that he'll pick up a few tips here and there and start practicing them.

He has very liberal ideas when it comes to food and it really bugs me because of my daughter who lives with us. I feel it is my duty as a parent to teach her good eating habits but he seems to think that breaking the rules (like ice cream for breakfast) is okay. He says that it was done all the time in his house growing up and it was no big deal. I pointed out that this wasn't a good argument considering that most of his relatives are overweight and are also very liberal with their food. My biggest pet peeve is with what they drink, nothing but soda and beer. Maybe one a day could be okay if you choose to eat healthier meals, but they have these drinks at every meal, which are packed with calories.

Im going to bring it up in a very sensitive way. I know I need to be as kind as possible. I know its something he wants, but maybe he just needs motivation to actually get started

johloz

I know exactly how you feel! My husband is also hispanic, and he will not drink anything that is not sugary with his meal. He also has to put sauce on everything, and eat it with either bread or tortilla, which adds a bunch of extra unnecessary calories. He keeps telling me that it's just his culture and that's how his family does things, that he's not going to change. It doesn't matter that I point out that his mother was diagnosed with diabetes at only ten years older than he is now, or that his entire family is obese. When I make a healthy meal, he just adds a bunch of un-healthy to it to suit his tastes. We don't have kids yet, but are discussing it, and I have mentioned to him that I will want to encourage them to eat healthy 99.9% of the time, but I don't think it will make a difference. Yesterday he said that he would rather give up sex than sugar (either he's an addict, or I need to step my game up).

My main concern is that I plan on growing old with him, but I don't know how old he'll make it to on his current path, or how healthy he'll be when we are older. I don't plan on spending my retirement years sitting next to him in a hospital bed, that's for sure. I wish I had some advice for you, but I can't figure it out myself. Good luck!

theglencoegirl

i understand!! my husband is obese!! totally addicted to food! he is a recovering addict and in a 12 step program--but i feel he has just traded in drugs for food--and the food will still kill him (just slower) we eat very healthy at home--we have 2 young daughters and my husband often gives "treats" to them--i don't feel like all activities need to evolve around food--and i feel like i have to be the bad cop
my husbands weight is very concerning to me--its a big problem in our marriage--i have had a few people die too early from preventable causes and i feel like my husband is going to die early
my husband knows he is obese and says hes working on the solution--but i know its BS!! its sooooo frustrating!!
i am a control freak--and part of the struggle is not being able to control this aspect of my life--but on the other hand--its very hard to sit back and watch someone kill themselves with food

TheStephil

My boyfriend has the same stats. He is 5'6 and bounces a few pounds around 200. He hasn't always been this way. We started dating a year ago and he was probably 30 pounds lighter. A month before we started dating he had been riding his bike 10 miles a day to and from work for a long time because his car had died. That extra exercise every day allowed him to eat whatever he wanted. When he was in his teens his metabolism allowed him to eat a diet of primarily pizza.

I find him so attractive and honestly don't care if he gained another 50 pounds but it's not healthy. He constantly hints at his weight problem and complains that he is "fat". However he doesn't want to change anything. He worked in a warehouse and is on his feet all day and trying to drag him with me to the gym is like pulling teeth. We've bickered a lot because he complains he is gaining weight yet won't do anything about it or allow me to help him.

We live together but when we go shopping he always buys ice cream and other unhealthy treats. Even when we eat healthy dinner he eats such a large amount that it ends up being unhealthy. He refuses to change his eating habits and gets so upset when I bring it up. He thinks that I am bringing it up because I'm not attracted to him anymore.

It's so frustrating.

Rockmyskinnyjeans

My husband isn't obese, but he is overweight. I'm trying to be encouraging to him to drop a few lbs before things do get out of hand without sounding like I'm being pushy toward him. I love him just the way he is, of course, but I also want him to be healthy and live a long life. I'm trying to get him to keep tracking on here the way I do. Maybe your boyfriend could do that, too, if he isn't already.

arwensb

@theglencoegirl - how long has he been in recovery? Sounds to me like that should be his focus and the food next (speaking as one who is also in recovery and knows which path will kill him quicker).
Also sounds like you could use Alanon - how about focusing on your own recovery for a while instead of (however kindly, subtly or well intentioned you are) trying to fix him?

theglencoegirl

@arwensb! he is 15 yrs clean of drugs and alcohol. and in the past 10 years has put on 100 lbs! you are for sure correct--there are no alanon programs close to our home! i am seeking therapy to help with this and a few other things going on!!

avir8

No offense to any of you but I remember what my coach said to her husband, her and her kids btw were all very active. She said either you start taking better care of yourself and workout or I will take out a $1 MILLION life insurance on you. I love you and I want to grow old with you but if you choose not to change, I will choose to have my family well taken care of without you. After that you saw him busting a sweat at the gym everyday. haha.