Need men to translate date code...
Mom2rh
Posts: 612 Member
So I have a friend (really) who has just started seeing a new guy. She's a single mom and wouldn't normally involve her 6 year old early in a relationship but how they met was her dog ran off, guy found her and called, she went to retrieve her dog with her son, stayed for a glass of wine. Now they've been on several dates with and without her son. He's divorced for 9 years, almost 20 years older, has grown kids. He's GREAT with her son.
So what I was curious about, and wanting translation for...he told her that he has dated a LOT of women. Basically, I take that as he is a serial dater, is probably seeing other women at the same time and DON'T get attached. Have fun, date as long as you keep it light, then move on.
Or am I reading more into that comment?
So what I was curious about, and wanting translation for...he told her that he has dated a LOT of women. Basically, I take that as he is a serial dater, is probably seeing other women at the same time and DON'T get attached. Have fun, date as long as you keep it light, then move on.
Or am I reading more into that comment?
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Really hard to forge a guess on this without more context.0
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I thought he told her that:he told her that he has dated a LOT of women. Basically, I take that as he is a serial dater, is probably seeing other women at the same time and DON'T get attached. Have fun, date as long as you keep it light, then move on.
"He has dated a lot of women."
which means:
- He dated a lot.
- He dated women.
Now there are some implications with this (of course!) and what you are saying are likely implications, but might or might not be true.
I guess the woman involved can ask:
"Are you seeing other women?"
"Wow! You must be quite the serial dater! Yes?"
"So... Are you looking for something more involved... more long term?"
Not that he is going to say the truth btw.0 -
I've dated a lot. It doesn't mean that I'm not open to a long term serious relationship, I just haven't met the right person in a while. You may be reading into it a little too much. It also depends on the context of the rest of the conversation.
I'd have your "friend" ask him what his intentions are. He may very well have had a messy divorce and doesn't want anything serious, or he could just be waiting for the right one. Either way it might be best to keep the kid out of it until they know it will be more than just a fling.0 -
I've dated a LOT of men!! :laugh:
It's really not indicative of being shallow. Just the age of internet dating and mismatching makes it almost inevitable that you date and date and date and date, and never find/keep the ONE ! :flowerforyou:0 -
He could simply have been on tons of first dates that go nowhere or maybe he's a real player, so I think she needs to clarify with him and determine his intentions.0
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Would need to know the time frame he is talking as well as what "a lot" is to him.0
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Would need to know the time frame he is talking as well as what "a lot" is to him.
This. He's an older guy so he is more experienced. Honestly, though, your friend should discuss with him what direction their potential relationship is going in.0 -
I think they were having a conversation in that early getting to know each other stage of dating. I would not read anything into it...Ive also dated a lot of women. Im 38 and have been divorced for 6 years. It doesnt mean anything when I say it, other than some hilarious first date stories.
I am learning though that everything a man says, at least in the early stages, is going to be examined relentlessly by women. That is a bit off putting because I dont want to be nor will I be on guard when I say things and it seems random non important comments end things with women before they ever get started. That sucks.0 -
I think they were having a conversation in that early getting to know each other stage of dating. I would not read anything into it...Ive also dated a lot of women. Im 38 and have been divorced for 6 years. It doesnt mean anything when I say it, other than some hilarious first date stories.
I am learning though that everything a man says, at least in the early stages, is going to be examined relentlessly by women. That is a bit off putting because I dont want to be nor will I be on guard when I say things and it seems random non important comments end things with women before they ever get started. That sucks.
Usually to the wrong conclusion too.0 -
I think they were having a conversation in that early getting to know each other stage of dating. I would not read anything into it...Ive also dated a lot of women. Im 38 and have been divorced for 6 years. It doesnt mean anything when I say it, other than some hilarious first date stories.
I am learning though that everything a man says, at least in the early stages, is going to be examined relentlessly by women. That is a bit off putting because I dont want to be nor will I be on guard when I say things and it seems random non important comments end things with women before they ever get started. That sucks.
Usually to the wrong conclusion too.
It's good for women to know this kind of stuff. And for men too. There are too many judgments based on little fact that goes on in the dating world. I think we are all guilty of it. :flowerforyou:0 -
Better to freak them out... Their loss.
Usually to the wrong conclusion too.I think they were having a conversation in that early getting to know each other stage of dating. I would not read anything into it...Ive also dated a lot of women. Im 38 and have been divorced for 6 years. It doesnt mean anything when I say it, other than some hilarious first date stories.
I am learning though that everything a man says, at least in the early stages, is going to be examined relentlessly by women. That is a bit off putting because I dont want to be nor will I be on guard when I say things and it seems random non important comments end things with women before they ever get started. That sucks.
I'd rather be single than having to worry constantly about what I'm saying.0 -
I'd rather be single than having to worry constantly about what I'm saying.
Women invariably underestimate how simple we men are. This leads to overanalysis.
Ladies: more or less ignore 90% of what we say. If you're confused about something we've said, it's probably best to forget it. We already have. Oh, and wear more dresses.
You're welcome. ;-)
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Or skirts. I like skirts...Oh, and wear more dresses.0 -
I really do not think over analyzing has anything to do with gender. There are some women who over analyze and some who do not and I know for a fact men do the same. I have noticed that women tend to talk more about it where men seem to mull it over quietly, but that's just my personal experience and it could differ for everyone.
From what I've experienced and noticed, people over analyze when they're not confident in the situation, the person, or themselves so I think they just tend to over explore the potential outcomes. There's nothing wrong with it; that's how you learn what works for you and what doesn't and it also helps you prepare for whatever the outcome is. Once you build confidence in yourself, the relationship, or whatever the scenario is, you'll start letting go of the analyzing.
I think there was maybe too much thought into this guy too quickly. If your friend is interested in him, but was confused by what he said then she should just discuss it with him directly when the time is right. It could be as simple as he has dated a lot. It only takes one special person to change someone saying, I dated a lot to I now want to date just you.
Sidebar: I liked the way they met. I'd try this with my dog, but he would just sit at my front door waiting for me to open it...terrible wing man.0 -
I really do not think over analyzing has anything to do with gender. There are some women who over analyze and some who do not and I know for a fact men do the same. I have noticed that women tend to talk more about it where men seem to mull it over quietly, but that's just my personal experience and it could differ for everyone.
From what I've experienced and noticed, people over analyze when they're not confident in the situation, the person, or themselves so I think they just tend to over explore the potential outcomes. There's nothing wrong with it; that's how you learn what works for you and what doesn't and it also helps you prepare for whatever the outcome is. Once you build confidence in yourself, the relationship, or whatever the scenario is, you'll start letting go of the analyzing.
I think there was maybe too much thought into this guy too quickly. If your friend is interested in him, but was confused by what he said then she should just discuss it with him directly when the time is right. It could be as simple as he has dated a lot. It only takes one special person to change someone saying, I dated a lot to I now want to date just you.
Sidebar: I liked the way they met. I'd try this with my dog, but he would just sit at my front door waiting for me to open it...terrible wing man.
I think this detailed analysis proves my point... ;-)
--P0 -
I really do not think over analyzing has anything to do with gender. There are some women who over analyze and some who do not and I know for a fact men do the same. I have noticed that women tend to talk more about it where men seem to mull it over quietly, but that's just my personal experience and it could differ for everyone.
From what I've experienced and noticed, people over analyze when they're not confident in the situation, the person, or themselves so I think they just tend to over explore the potential outcomes. There's nothing wrong with it; that's how you learn what works for you and what doesn't and it also helps you prepare for whatever the outcome is. Once you build confidence in yourself, the relationship, or whatever the scenario is, you'll start letting go of the analyzing.
I think there was maybe too much thought into this guy too quickly. If your friend is interested in him, but was confused by what he said then she should just discuss it with him directly when the time is right. It could be as simple as he has dated a lot. It only takes one special person to change someone saying, I dated a lot to I now want to date just you.
Sidebar: I liked the way they met. I'd try this with my dog, but he would just sit at my front door waiting for me to open it...terrible wing man.
I think this detailed analysis proves my point... ;-)
--P
:laugh: Touche.0 -
I've dated a lot. It doesn't mean that I'm not open to a long term serious relationship, I just haven't met the right person in a while. You may be reading into it a little too much. It also depends on the context of the rest of the conversation.
I'd have your "friend" ask him what his intentions are. He may very well have had a messy divorce and doesn't want anything serious, or he could just be waiting for the right one. Either way it might be best to keep the kid out of it until they know it will be more than just a fling.
I agree with this person 100%. After dating someone for 2 years before I realized he was worth the long hall and last weekend was the first time he met my 16yr old son.0 -
Or skirts. I like skirts...Oh, and wear more dresses.
I like skirts too but i also like summer dresses. while we are on the topic I am also a big big fan of side boob lately!
And as always but very very important all men like sammiches!!0 -
I really do not think over analyzing has anything to do with gender. There are some women who over analyze and some who do not and I know for a fact men do the same. I have noticed that women tend to talk more about it where men seem to mull it over quietly, but that's just my personal experience and it could differ for everyone.
From what I've experienced and noticed, people over analyze when they're not confident in the situation, the person, or themselves so I think they just tend to over explore the potential outcomes. There's nothing wrong with it; that's how you learn what works for you and what doesn't and it also helps you prepare for whatever the outcome is. Once you build confidence in yourself, the relationship, or whatever the scenario is, you'll start letting go of the analyzing.
I think there was maybe too much thought into this guy too quickly. If your friend is interested in him, but was confused by what he said then she should just discuss it with him directly when the time is right. It could be as simple as he has dated a lot. It only takes one special person to change someone saying, I dated a lot to I now want to date just you.
Sidebar: I liked the way they met. I'd try this with my dog, but he would just sit at my front door waiting for me to open it...terrible wing man.
I think this detailed analysis proves my point... ;-)
--P
:laugh: Touche.
A) your dog is blind and
as an editor have you never heard Brevity is a virtue!!
And P that was well played !!! Kudos to you!!!0 -
I really do not think over analyzing has anything to do with gender. There are some women who over analyze and some who do not and I know for a fact men do the same. I have noticed that women tend to talk more about it where men seem to mull it over quietly, but that's just my personal experience and it could differ for everyone.
From what I've experienced and noticed, people over analyze when they're not confident in the situation, the person, or themselves so I think they just tend to over explore the potential outcomes. There's nothing wrong with it; that's how you learn what works for you and what doesn't and it also helps you prepare for whatever the outcome is. Once you build confidence in yourself, the relationship, or whatever the scenario is, you'll start letting go of the analyzing.
I think there was maybe too much thought into this guy too quickly. If your friend is interested in him, but was confused by what he said then she should just discuss it with him directly when the time is right. It could be as simple as he has dated a lot. It only takes one special person to change someone saying, I dated a lot to I now want to date just you.
Sidebar: I liked the way they met. I'd try this with my dog, but he would just sit at my front door waiting for me to open it...terrible wing man.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a noise?
Same thing. A man quietly mulling it over? it never happened.0 -
I call bull shenanigans.
Men analyze just as much as women do! I hear it all the time and my brother is a huge mull-it-over guy. When he finally realizes he's not getting anywhere he asks me WTF is this chick doing and then I tell him the same thing I always do: stop dating snooty bishes.
My dog is only half blind.
I'm off duty so I can express freely without editing myself.
:drinker:0 -
Did he steal her dog in an attempt to meet her (aka get laid?)0
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Wait, what was this thread about again?
--P0 -
I have known "mull it over" guys but not "mull it over quietly" guys.
Also, I'm a little bit irked by the suggestion that if a woman is upset over something a man said, she is necessarily overanalyzing. Maybe he's being a self-centered prick and she's had enough of his BS. There comes a point, when you really care about a person, where you start thinking about how your words and actions affect that person. It's called mental and emotional adulthood. Having a penis and being "simple" does not absolve you of any responsibility for the words that come out of your mouth.0 -
I have known "mull it over" guys but not "mull it over quietly" guys.
Also, I'm a little bit irked by the suggestion that if a woman is upset over something a man said, she is necessarily overanalyzing. Maybe he's being a self-centered prick and she's had enough of his BS. There comes a point, when you really care about a person, where you start thinking about how your words and actions affect that person. It's called mental and emotional adulthood. Having a penis and being "simple" does not absolve you of any responsibility for the words that come out of your mouth.
I don't disagree with you, but the Op here and in many cases female OP's very early (2-5)dates start asking he said x or y what does that mean. Just like all men are not big dumb animals hell bent on destroying women, not all women over analyze. However in this forum we seem to see a lot of over analyzing early on in the process.
But having a penis and being simple is pretty damn fun! Even if we do have to grow up at some point...0 -
I like sun dresses. :bigsmile: :drinker:0
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I call bull shenanigans.
Men analyze just as much as women do! I hear it all the time
I agree... I was hanging out with a friend, and he told everyone in the place how he really liked me by I get on his last nerve because I over-analyzed EVERYTHING. Funny thing is, he himself analyzed things more than any guy I ever spent time with (besides my ex)...even down to how much time each of us should talk when hanging out.0 -
Did he steal her dog in an attempt to meet her (aka get laid?)
I don't steal dogs but I do try to get laid, and I won't apologize for that!0 -
I have known "mull it over" guys but not "mull it over quietly" guys.
Also, I'm a little bit irked by the suggestion that if a woman is upset over something a man said, she is necessarily overanalyzing. Maybe he's being a self-centered prick and she's had enough of his BS. There comes a point, when you really care about a person, where you start thinking about how your words and actions affect that person. It's called mental and emotional adulthood. Having a penis and being "simple" does not absolve you of any responsibility for the words that come out of your mouth.
There is a difference though between trying to find hidden meanings or "code" in normal conversation and a person being rude,callous or hurtful.
That is usually obvious and not really in the same context as the thread.0 -
It's nice to see this thread take on a life of it's own. :laugh:
The conundrum is do we over-analyze and perhaps misinterpret things in the beginning? Or do we ignore possible red flags and then get the head slap later when if we had PAID ATTENTION we would have seen the signs? :noway:
She had another date...and I think at this early stage my interpretation is he comes on strong and must burn out fast. Don't know. Only time will tell...she likes him, she's having fun. She's going to tell him to slow his roll. And we'll see.
Thanks for the interesting debate.0
