Is it wrong not to tell I have had WLS?
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I try not to say...It's no one's business anyhow. Plus, it was and has been and always will be the toughest thing to do deal with in my life. I get so annoyed when ignorant people say things like "you took the easy way out". For that reason alone I try not to say anything. I stopped using my card the first time I tried using it to get a kids meal. The waiter made a HUGE deal about it with the manager and they let me have the kids portion but charged me the adults price. I had management at my table and two waiters trying to come to a decision on my meal. Attracted way too much attention. So stupid....I don't eat out often anyhow and if I do I usually don't eat I pick at my kids left overs if there's any protein left. Anyhow, Me personally I just don't like to advertise it.
Many people are opting for the kid meals becasue the kid meals are the normal amount anybody should eat anyways so not sure why you had a problem with that. but I order kids size because of the size alone and was doing it before I had WLS. I got the idea from one of my skinny friends who always did this for years. She would order a kids frosty from Wendy's, and McDonald's happy meals for herself. and I thought wow and tried it and it was enough food for me along with an additional fruit or something. That is what she did so I follow her example and that is one of the ways she told me she keeps her weight in check.0 -
I want to thank you for posting this question. I have also personally struggled with this decision. It is nice to hear from the WLS community and to know alot of us are struggling with the same issue. I personally initally told my immediate family. Unfortunately my mother in law told the rest of the extented family against my wishes. I wasn't ready to discuss at first. I also haven't told anyone from work. I am finding that as I run into extended family that know they are very supportive but I do find I am constantly justifing and defending myself by telling all my hard work at the gym etc. And they always ask what is my weight etc. I would never ask somebody what their weight is, but for some reason with WLS people feel they have the right to all info. I am not sure why my mother in law insisted I tell everyone because if this were any other surgery I feel most would respect my privacy.
However all that being said, It is now 6 months out for me and I like people knowing now, and regret keeping it from coworkers as sometimes I almost slip and feel it is something I am hiding. But a few coworkers asked me if I had the surgery months ago and I said no, so I would rather just deal with them not knowing and hope eventually it won't be a topic anymore.0 -
I haven't told many people also0
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I agree not telling people, but telling some. I've been 4 years out and still to this day some people just don't get it. Of course my best friend and my family knows but that's about all. When I did tell one of my friends (best friend at the time) she saw me as a threat and needless to say, don't talk to me anymore. The people who knows are there for support and motivation and that helps a lot too.0
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It's difficult to tell people about WLS because there are a lot of different opinions out there, and some people just don't get it. I thought my family would be supportive until the day I was sitting at my kitchen table surrounded by my mom, sister and brother and they were telling me that they thought it was a terrible idea. My mom was convinced I'd die on the operating table (even though I endured 2 C-Sections prior - I mean c'mon, that's pretty major surgery too). My brother and sister thought it was crazy to modify my own body just to lose weight, and they assured me that lots of people have problems with weight and everyone has to work at it.
I went forward and got the surgery anyway
I'm glad I had the surgery, and I'm sure people can tell that I've had it, but I don't tell people about it unless they really push me to tell them. My co-workers all figured it out, and I think people I don't even know in my small town know about it too. It seems all of my extended family has heard about it (not from me, in most cases). I guess you don't have to tell people about your WLS but sometimes it ends up getting out regardless...0 -
I tell everyone! I have had 2 people get surgery that I recommended! I have a very supportive friend and family network and I don't really care about any negative comments. If I can help to educate someone about the upside of getting surgical help, I'm all in. I think it is ultimately your decision. Let's face it, sometimes having to defend your decision for surgery is more burdensome than omiting the surgery details all together.
Don't let anyone discourage you about your methods....you are going to live a longer and healthier life and no opinion is going to change that!
Heather0 -
Hey there,
You should do whatever you are comfortable with. Just remember that there is nothing about having WLS to be ashamed of. I do understand being careful whom you choose to share this with. Some people do not understand that WLS is not taking the easy way out in the least. But most people are supportive. Either way, you need to what feels right to you.
Take care and God bless,
Doni0 -
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH VALUING YOUR PERSONAL PRIVACY. WE DON'T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION. I HAVE YET TO ENCOUNTER EXPLANATIONS OF OTHER HEALTH OR COSMETIC PROCEDURES AS THOUGH FOLKS HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW. WHAT MAKES WLS DIFFERENT? IT IS EQUALLY PERSONAL.
I AM VERY OPEN ABOUT MY RNY. IT IS LIKE A BADGE OF HONOR TO ME. HOWEVER, IT IS NONE OF ANYONE'S BUSINESS. I CHOOSE TO FLAUNT IT AND OPENLY SHARE THE BENEFITS OF WLS INCLUDING TAKING ON THE BULLSH!T DIET AND EXERCISE ARGUMENTS.
MOST FOLKS I KNOW PICK & CHOOSE WHOM THEY SHARE THIS INFO WITH. MAKES SENSE TO ME. IT IS WHAT WE DO WITH OUR PERSONAL INFORMATION. WE GET TO DECIDE WHO KNOWS OUR BUSINESS IN ALL AREAS OF LIFE.
I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU I'M JUST HARD OF SEEING ;-)
MSW0 -
I don't think it's wrong. I personally haven't told many. Not even some of my close friends. I'm embarrassed & ashamed that I had to go to such drastic measures to limit my food intake. I'm sure some figured it out since I too went out on medical leave for several weeks and came back slimmer. (202 lbs total when done) The problem with not telling my coworkers was that when they asked me about it I told them I was eating less, exercising and that was all true but I felt bad for holding back and the old philosophy of "when you tell one lie you have to tell more to cover." Not really a lie just evasive:) I just didn't want the negative feedback but I realize now (14 yrs post op) I was also limiting myself to some possible support.
Whatever you decide is your business. I'm now going through the same difficult decision in choosing who to and not to tell regarding PS on the skin removal now. I feel dishonest in not telling some but also wish I had to balls to not give a **** to others. It's nobody's biz unless they want to help fork over some $$$ to cover it:) Good luck with your decision!0 -
It's your story to tell or not tell. Do you feel the need to explain anything in your personal life to others? How is it any of their business. I, personally, told nobody at work because I heard too many gossips already talking about one co-worker who had lapband and then failed to lose weight. I was asked outright if I had a lapband, and I was able to say NOPE, because I didn't. Now, had I been asked it another way, I might have felt uncomfortable lying, but I would not have felt the need to share my business. You don't need the food police (which people love to become) and you don't need the constant barrage of questions which are sure to come, unless that's what you want.
Also, be careful who you tell. You tell one co-worker and they ALL will know - no matter how much you trust them.0 -
I consider my surgery to be a very personal part of life and although I have shared it with a handful of friends and fam, as I rule I haven't discussed it.
That isn't to say I won't, but at 3 months pos-op I am just beginning to enjoy the fruits of all the hard work and preparation and would like to settle into it a bit before having 45 minute conversations about the whole thing with everyone I tell about it...0 -
I struggled with this. Then I decided that for me to keep it to myself I was placing shame where shame didnt belong. I was worried about being judged, about how others would feel about it. Then I realized that the only opinion that mattered was mine. I share my story with everyone. I talk about it here, I make freaking youtube videos about it. I have 3 other people I know right now who are morbidly obese and never considered surgery until they saw me do it. All 3 are considering it themselves now. If even one of them takes that step and gets healthy then every single negative comment I have heard will be worth it.
I am very open about my journey before and after weight loss surgery. But that is ME. I understand that some people are more private, and there is nothing wrong with that....as long as you are doing it for the right reasons. If you are doing it because you are private, great! If you are doing it because you are ashamed or guilty about your decision to have surgery...then that would worry me. It makes me sad to think that there are people who feel shame over their decision to take back their lives. There is no shame in asking for help, or in realizing that you need a new tool for the job.
I do have to say one more thing about it. If you are telling 300 pound people that all you did was eat right and walk...then I do think it is wrong. It is feeding into their failure mindset. How could they not feel even more like a failure when someone who was once like them is now thin and fit and all they did was follow a diet? I know it used to make me feel like a failure. The fact is that I needed this surgery, and there are others that do as well. If you dont want to tell them the full truth then it is kinder not to answer the question at all. I hope that doesnt offend anyone.0 -
JF
I ran into someone I hadn't seen in over a year. She was amazed at my weight loss. When she asked I told her about the bypass. She said, "ohhhhh you took the easy way out". I thought EASY???? are you kidding....
This is hard work plain and simple. The surgery helps and limits intake. But what I put in my mouth is my decision and it's hard to make the right choices.
I need the positive energy to keep flowing to support the new me I am becoming.
Thanks for the input.
Wow, some people have no clue and speak without thinking. I'm with you, it certainly isn't the "easy way out" sure it limits your intake, but as you said you have to make a decision on food choices and there are ways to sabotage yourself. I had RNY surgery and everyone I work with knows, I don't hide the fact I had surgery. I feel fantastic, saggy skin and all, but it's a personal choice for everyone, so do what is best for you.0 -
Is it wrong not to tell? No, because that implies there is some sort of justified moral judgement that other's have the right to infringe upon you relative to your choices.
You have to ask yourself a few questions:
1. What right does anyone have to know the finest details of your health and welfare decisions? Would you be asking this question if they wanted to know why you had a cancerous breast removed or your gallbladder out?
2. If you're happy with your decision, and you're dieting and exercising--just like everyone else in the world who wants to be thin and tone--what difference does your WLS make in the big picture other than giving you an extra weight loss tool? Face it, without the good food choices and consistent exercise, nobody's WLS keeps the weight off all by itself.
3. I'm in the best health and shape of my life right now and I have no intent of ever "going backwards". Anyone who doesn't like that I had WLS or holds an opinion of my choice as being the "easy way out" is invited to run with me on any of the 5-6 days I run each week for 4-10+ miles each run, and explain to me in detail why what I did was the "wrong" choice and "easy way out". Sarcasm intended.
My point is, you deserve to be the best you can be. Your choices are yours and anyone who has an issue with that concept can blow off because God knows, there is probably plenty of choices they've made you could take issue with.
Now go and worry no more!0 -
SO TRUEFace it, without the good food choices and consistent exercise, nobody's WLS keeps the weight off all by itself.
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