Significant Others

johloz

Hey everyone! This looks like a great group. I have avoided joining these groups in the past because I'm pretty fit, but don't want to make someone with 100lbs on me feel bad when I mention that I ran 5 miles today or am having a hard time with those last couple pounds.

Speaking of those last couple pounds -- does anyone else have problems with their signicant others adding on the weight? My husband and I have been married for a year. Prior to us living together, I kept my house stocked with fresh fruits and veggies, organic everything, no sugar, no bread, no junk food. It was easy to avoid bad foods when they weren't in front of me. My husband, on the other hand, has the pallet of a five-year-old. He keeps kool-aide in the house, has enough Little Debbie to make me consider her the "other woman," and insists on having junk food in the house at all times. He's in the military and works out enough to not be fat (well, as he ages it is adding up a little bit, but not to the point where I'm going to mention it to him).

Me, on the other hand -- I only have to smell a doughnut and gain a couple pounds. I avoid buying junk food when I go grocery shopping, but he keeps bringing it in, and I can't say "no" when it's right in front of me. He doesn't seem to understand or care about nutrition, and I can't seem to get back to 125lbs.

Does anyone have any experience with your significant other or any tips for motivating him to get on the healthy eating track? It would really help me out!

stlinares

Damn girl. That sucks. Sorry, I have no tips.

jsapninz

I would lay down the law with him and tell him it's ok to eat **** once in awhile, but even if he is in shape and works out doesn't give him an all expense pass to treat his body like a garbage disposal.

He needs to pay more attention to his health or you BOTH (and any children you might have) are going to be heading down a very ugly path very soon.:frown: I don't get why people don't understand that just because you aren't XXX amount of lbs overweight doesn't mean you aren't unhealthy...

CoffeeNBooze

You're going to have to lay down the law yourself and say no to the junk food when its in front of you. Buy healthier foods for yourself to eat or give him a list if he does the shopping. Do you cook? I bet it'd be easy to find healthy, delicious recipes you could both agree on. It's not a change that will happen overnight but I do believe you can do it. My biggest issue is restaurants because my boyfriend and I go out to eat ALL THE TIME. You learn to adapt and make healthier choices, swap a bag of chips for a banana, choose iced tea over coke, etc. Otherwise it can be very overwhelming and you're likely to crave the junk food more and more!

Also, it really is ok to treat yourself to a little debbie (the other woman lmao!) cake once in awhile, but it is soooo beneficial and fantastic when you start to lose taste for them....which happens by eliminating them out of your diet more often than not. I hope this helps!

kogloff

I know exactly what you mean! Even though I don't live with my boyfriend, every time I go over to his house, my will power seems to disappear. His mom eats fairly decently and buys good, healthy food, but his sister loves anything bad for you, so there are just the worst (but tastiest!) spreads and desserts there all the time.

If there are any unhealthy foods in my house, I try to keep them out of my sight. I find that, if they are kept on the counter, I'll eat them. So maybe try that? And I mean completely hidden away, like in a cupboard, not just in a container on the counter. Ask him to put them away too. It's really hard to eat well when someone is eating very tasty-looking junk food right beside you. But keep your water intake up, as it'll keep you fuller as well. Also, if I feel like something sweet, I'll reach for fruit instead of whatever is gooey and chocolately and it usually satisfies my craving, plus I feel good about all the nutrients I'm eating and all the calories, fat and sugar I'm not.

As the others have said, it's alright to have a little "bad" something once in a while. I like having one cheat meal per week and that usually keeps me in balance; I just don't go totally crazy. You can't completely deprive yourself of junk food because, sooner or later, you'll go on a massive binge, and that will make you feel much worse than having a little something every so often. I hope this helps! Also, feel free to add me if you need more support.

arwensb

"I would lay down the law with him and tell him it's ok to eat **** once in awhile, but even if he is in shape and works out doesn't give him an all expense pass to treat his body like a garbage disposal. "

Please tell me you are kidding. Is he an adult? Are you his keeper? What the hell gives you the right to "lay down the law" and tell him how to eat?
I honestly don't understand why so many women feel it is okay to boss their husband/significant other around. Tell him you are concerned - fine. Tell him if he is interested you will help him learn a healthy lifestyle. But it is his choice and you either have to deal with it or move on to someone who behaves the way you want him to.

Beeps2011

I'm pretty fortunate that my husband does NOT have any appetite for "junk food"....if there's junk food in the house, I probably bought it and I'm probably the one who is going to eat it (damn TOM....).

My difficulty is that my husband can eat A LOT of food, and not gain anything. In restaurants, he can have an appetizer, full entree, half of my entree AND dessert....all while I'm eating 1/2 an entree. So, THAT gets me riled up - for no significant (or controllable) reason. He gets to eat more (because he is bigger than me) and he enjoys food SO much.

ktwest2107

See, the problem in our house is opposite lol. Although I meal plan, and try to ensure we only have healthy options at our house, I'm the one who wants to splurge occasionally and get a soft serve ice cream (preferably dipped in chocolate) I say everything in moderation, but if having it in the house is causing a problem, why not explain to him what you're going thru and ask if he can keep snacks like that at work instead of in the house. Hopefully he'll be ready to listen and try to understand your position on this subject. Also, maybe you can look to plan a "cheat" meal? Maybe once a week, cook something appealing to the 5-year-old pallet you know he has??

Just some idea

-Katie

iluvprettyshoes

My hubs and son both can eat whatever they want. Plus they both love to eat out!! My son is 6 ft and weighs 130 lbs.

I gain weight if I think about eating LOL.

It's been difficult. We've been married 18 yrs. I was 118 when we married and 13% bodyfat- in very good shape. Even after my son was born within 10 days I'd lost all my baby weight. However raising a child and cooking kid friendly food was too much for me. I added on 30 pounds.

What's finally worked for me is asking them to hide the foods that I truly have trouble saying no to. These aren't kept in our pantry. But they are somewhere in the house. I know that sounds crazy, but it works for me. I'd ask them to keep it under lock and key if I had to!

Also- when I cook, I cook healthy. If they want to eat otherwise then they have to cook it!!!

It can be expensive too, but worth it. We buy 4 kinds of milk. My son drinks full fat, my hubs 2% and I drink skim & soy.

I'm now down to 133 lbs. So about 15 lbs to go!

LittleMissAlx

I totally get where you're coming from. My man has no will power in these things, so when what I need to hear when I suggest biscuits etc is 'Stick to your diet', what I get is told to go to the shop and buy some.

My best suggestion if you have the space is having separate cupboards, or at least shelves, for each of your foods - that way when you're hungry you go to your area and aren't tempted to eat things from his.

Also, explaining to him might be a good idea. And you say that it's getting harder for him with age - perhaps you should point it out now when it would be easier for him to fix than let him continue to gain a little bit of weight each year?

Swissmiss

My husband also fills the kitchen with junk food. Worse part? He can lose weight eating this way !!!!!

bartleby9

I'm in the opposite situation. I am the filler of the house with junk foods. I really enjoy baking so I keep chocolates on hand and tend to make cookies/ cakes/ etc. I do eat some of it, but generally my bf eats the majority of it and he resents me for the weight he has gained. It's something I'm working on curbing. When we sit down and talk about it, the bottom line is I want him to be happy and the thought of him hurting from his weight gain and resenting me for it bothers me enough to change my habits, or at least make the effort. I do fall off the wagon and make something fairly unhealthy and in way too big amounts, but I'm human. Usually if we sit down and talk, I can get back on the wagon of not filling the house with deliciousness.

You also might try baking some healthy versions of 'junk food' so that he can fulfill his cravings and you can stay closer to your diet. I find if healthy things are accesible, I'll eat them unless if we are going out. If i go out for food, games off and i'll order the large ice cream.

peridot1383

I feel like some of these responses are harsh. The bottom line is that he married you because he loves you and it is absolutely OK for you to ask him to be conscious of your efforts. "Laying down the law" may sound rough, but if you do it in a way where you're asking for his support, it might not seem so restrictive. I don't think that the comment suggesting that asking him not to eat that food would be treating him like a child and that if you don't like it to move on to someone who doesn't eat that was at all appropriate. In fact, I think that's very unfair. Of course, it is is his choice what he is ingesting. But, he is your life partner and I am sure you'd like him around for awhile.

Start by letting him know how hard you've been working to avoid eating those foods and to keep a more healthful lifestyle. Let him know that it is very difficult when he brings snacks in. Maybe limit it to 1 or 2 snacks every couple of weeks that he brings in or ask him to eat it outside the house. Compromise is key.

kelseyhere

This is a very tough situation. I was very much the same before my boyfriend moved in. I lived with a female roommate and we always shopped together only buying healthy, organic produce, lean meat and whole grains. We were always making salads and other healthy meals together, and never bought junk. Then she moved out, he moved in and with him came all the crap. First off, I would not suggest that you "lay down the law." I can pretty much guarantee he will not react positively. Forcing someone to do something they don't want is never going to work. You have to make it about you, not about him. Tell him how unfortunately, when you eat that doughnut, you have to spend 3 hours on the treadmill to work it off. It helped to explain to my boyfriend how guilty I feel when I eat those things, especially when I've been working so hard in the gym. Also, you can ask him to help keep YOU in check (see again, it's gotta be about YOU). Ask that when he is having a treat, he tells you no. Part of my issue was that every time my BF reached for an ice cream bar, I would grab one too. Now he knows to tell me "no" and I just have one bite of his. That is plenty to satisfy my craving. Sometimes I feel a little butt hurt at first when he tells me "no," but then I remind myself that I gave him permission to. He is doing what I asked and it does help.

Also like another poster suggested, it helps if he can hide his stuff. My BF loooves to buy boxes of candy bars when they are on sale. I asked him to hide them for ME, not for him, he can eat when he likes. Again I made it about me, so he was more willing to comply.

When he first moved in I tried the "lay down the law" approach, and it didn't work. I told him to stop buying junk, but that didn't work. I realized he is an adult and can make his own food decisions. The best thing you can do is set a good example and hopefully he will start to follow. I do most of the cooking so that helps. It's OK if he adds a tortilla every now and then, at least you are still making sure most of his meal is healthy. One of the other women mentioned that the less you have sweets and junk, you lose a taste for them. She is absolutely right. The less you have, the less you will want. Hopefully by you having less, he will eventually cut down too. I love to eat and it's been hard for me to accept the fact I can never eat the way my man does and still look good. I know it's just because I'm smaller than him, and because I'm a woman I will always have to work harder. That's kind of a cool thing about being a girl though- we usually have to work harder for what we want, so when you get it, you've really earned it!! Stay strong. If you look healthy and good that's the best motivation for your man to do the same!

agneszs

It's my first time writing a message, and the reason I was planning to is the same problem you mentioned.
I've been trying to drop few pounds, or at least maintain my current weight, and chose to give up on crappy food few years ago (no sugar in my tea, no processed drinks, no fast-food, no chips, no bread, and so on) and have mostly fruit and vegetable based meals. But unfortunately my boyfriend eats whatever he comes across. I'm having a hard time avoiding all the calorie-bombs he brings into our house, I don't have enough discipline to resist the temptation.
I really want to eat clean. I really love my boyfriend, and I also know him well enough to know that I can't convince him to change his eating habits. I just don't know what to do.

BeetleChe13

My husband took a while to come around. (We've been married ten months.) While he doesn't bring much junk home, it concerns me what he eats outside the house. He's a fast food manager. I made it clear to him how important his own health is to our relationship, since we both want to live as long as possible together. Flash forward a few months of clean(er) eating later, and I catch him checking nutrition facts while grocery shopping and consequently making healthier choices. I'm not sure the best way to reach your own husband, but if he doesn't care about his health at all, you have to make it clear how important it really is.

johloz

Well, I think I might be getting through to him. I tried the "nagging" thing for a while, which obviously didn't work, and I'm not one to tell him what to do. So I stopped saying anything (other than the occasional stank-eye when I see him eating ice cream), and now I think he might be getting it. The other day, I came back from two back-to-back fitness classes to him lying on the couch. His response "you're making me feel guilty with how fit you are -- I think you may be in better shape than me now." Since then, he's been running more. I also brought his attention to the fact that I haven't been complaining about stomach problems lately. I have a very sensitive stomach, and when I don't eat clean, it's miserably upset. When he noticed the correlation between me eating healthy and feeling good, he said that he needs to start eating better, because he's tired of feeling bloated all the time. He is still eating crap, but in smaller amounts and less frequently. Hopefully this trend continues!

keddins1

I have a very similar problem- my boyfriend is 6'6" and skinny as a rail, and loves buying junk food and fast food. He's also convinced that my motivation to eat healthy is driven by a need to lose weight, and he doesn't think I need to lose any more weight, so sometimes he even encourages me to splurge and eat crap with him, which can be frustrating.
So, what to do? Get creative!
I encourage him to buy junk food that I don't personally like, and the junk food I do like is put on the very top shelf of our very tall pantry. Him being hugely tall, it's easily accessible, but for me the top shelf might as well not exist. Since I can't easily see it or reach it, I forget about it and don't eat it.
Also, I'm glad to see you haven't resorted to ordering him around as if you were his mother. I dare you to find one healthy, happy relationship in which this happens regularly.

And as a last resort, if you're craving his junk food and a little resentful of his ability to eat crap all day, just think about how much better you feel after you eat well, and how terrible you feel when you eat crap. The memory of that awful bloated heavy feeling after a particularly appalling meal is sometimes enough to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Good luck!

AbsEN

Me and my boyfriend have both put on around 14lbs since we met just over a year ago. We now live together and we have both agreed we need to shift the weight we have put on so we plan healthy meals for the week. It all goes well until my boyfriend goes to do the food shop and he has no will power at all and comes home with cakes, biscuits etc.

We also have a lodger who we sometimes have meals with. He is as skinny as a rake and can eat what ever he wants and is always tempting us wiht naughty treats... especially wine and beer!

I'm determined to have the will power to shed the extra weight plus a bit more by the time i'm bridesmaid at the beginning of next year!