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Renae_Nae
Posts: 935 Member
I figure I'll share my story.
My name is Renae and I'm 25.
I had symptoms of bulimia from the time I was 15 till I was about 23. I started with purging, moved to exercise, diet pills, skipping meals...all to make up for the binges.
Two years ago I realized that no matter what I did I had gained 30 pounds over 3 years. Its easy to blame it on nursing school (we ate so much candy to stay awake), my ex-husband (the only time we were happy was when we went out to eat) or bulimia (I learned how to stop purging but still dealt with the binging). It was two years ago (today in fact) that I realized how unhappy I truly was in my marriage. His affairs, excesses spending, and lying made me an emotional wreck. I finally decided I was done and was going to leave. (This was after counseling and spending 90% of the time we were married trying to save our marriage).
I lost 20 pounds over the course of about 9 months. It wasn't hard. I was finally finding myself and realizing that food was not the source of happiness. Then I meet my fiance. We started out very causal but after a few months I realized he was everything I wanted. A year later my parents gave him their blessing and he asked to marry me. I'm now 10 pounds heavier than when we started dating. Once again I've found that if we have a spat that I want to go out to eat to make everything better.
I'm not only one that loves to eat when I'm up-set...I love to eat with people I love to fix things. I'm slowly learning other ways to make me feel better in my relationship. He's realizing how much I want to go out to eat when I'm having a bad day or we had a misunderstanding so he's working on getting me to really talk things through.
I'm also bad at justifying it as "it's a special occasion" in order to not count calories and eat to much. I've gotten better with letting my fiance know that "I'm done" and then he'll get on to me when I go back to pick at food and eat more. It's really helped me realize how often I stuff myself and let my emotions take over. I'm always "scared" that there won't be food and I'll be hungry later (trust me, I've never missed a meal in my life that I didn't choose to miss). I need to face my fears and realize that worse case scenario (I can't find food in 4 hours) does not mean I'll die!
My name is Renae and I'm 25.
I had symptoms of bulimia from the time I was 15 till I was about 23. I started with purging, moved to exercise, diet pills, skipping meals...all to make up for the binges.
Two years ago I realized that no matter what I did I had gained 30 pounds over 3 years. Its easy to blame it on nursing school (we ate so much candy to stay awake), my ex-husband (the only time we were happy was when we went out to eat) or bulimia (I learned how to stop purging but still dealt with the binging). It was two years ago (today in fact) that I realized how unhappy I truly was in my marriage. His affairs, excesses spending, and lying made me an emotional wreck. I finally decided I was done and was going to leave. (This was after counseling and spending 90% of the time we were married trying to save our marriage).
I lost 20 pounds over the course of about 9 months. It wasn't hard. I was finally finding myself and realizing that food was not the source of happiness. Then I meet my fiance. We started out very causal but after a few months I realized he was everything I wanted. A year later my parents gave him their blessing and he asked to marry me. I'm now 10 pounds heavier than when we started dating. Once again I've found that if we have a spat that I want to go out to eat to make everything better.
I'm not only one that loves to eat when I'm up-set...I love to eat with people I love to fix things. I'm slowly learning other ways to make me feel better in my relationship. He's realizing how much I want to go out to eat when I'm having a bad day or we had a misunderstanding so he's working on getting me to really talk things through.
I'm also bad at justifying it as "it's a special occasion" in order to not count calories and eat to much. I've gotten better with letting my fiance know that "I'm done" and then he'll get on to me when I go back to pick at food and eat more. It's really helped me realize how often I stuff myself and let my emotions take over. I'm always "scared" that there won't be food and I'll be hungry later (trust me, I've never missed a meal in my life that I didn't choose to miss). I need to face my fears and realize that worse case scenario (I can't find food in 4 hours) does not mean I'll die!
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Replies
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Hi and thanks for sharing your story. I also struggled with eating disorders since adolesence. For myself, I have always been insecure about my sexuality, since there was incest in my family and also because I was sexually molested by a neighbor at the age of 7. When I was just a kid, I believed the molestations were my fault and I began to use food as a way to control my blossoming femininity. For example, I went through anorexia, deciding not to eat, making myself look so thin that I lost all my boobs and curves to my body. Then I went through bulemia, feeling guilty when i found pleasure in something, I would have to purge myself. Then i would jump towards over eating, especially when I was married, subconsciously trying to make myself undesirable to my husband to avoid sexual intimacy. It's been a very difficult road towards healing. I wish you the best.0
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Both of your stories are quite touching and I applaud you for sharing.0
