Could you do it?
BondBomb
Posts: 1,781 Member
I have been 'stalking' this really cute guy. Well we talked and exchanged numbers. He has 4 kids! Clearly I'm a craptastic stalker since I am just now getting this info. I just can't seem to get my brain around it. I don't really like kids. I love my son but other people's children scare me. Plus I have been a step-mom and it sucks to get so attached to someone only to have no right to see them.
So could you do it? Date someone with 4 kids.
*And for the ladies...when I say he is hot, I am talking drooling, hair-twirling, turn into a 15 year old again hot.
So could you do it? Date someone with 4 kids.
*And for the ladies...when I say he is hot, I am talking drooling, hair-twirling, turn into a 15 year old again hot.
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Replies
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Negative Ghost leader.
I couldnt date Jessica Alba if she had 4 kids... The novelty of someone being extra hot will wear off when you have someone elses kids spewing on you in bed.
Pass.0 -
I think I'd pass and step aside for a woman who really loves kids and the idea of insta-family. That's just not me.0
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I definitely could not. I think the main thing that would bother me is having to deal with the mother of the children...regardless of whether or not the divorced ended in shambles or amicably, a woman is definitely not going to like their child's stepmom so much. And you never have the opportunity to NOT deal with it, until the kids are grown.0
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Probably not. I could see instances where I could. And it has nothing to do with the kids, but the girl. I'm just not sure a woman with that many kids and I would want the same out of life. Being 32 and assuming the girl is the same age or younger, I just don't know anyone that age with that many kids who is single and stable (or honestly responsible for that matter). There could be one but I'd think it'd be more the exception than the rule.0
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So could you do it? Date someone with 4 kids.
*And for the ladies...when I say he is hot, I am talking drooling, hair-twirling, turn into a 15 year old again hot.
The 2nd guy I dated since becoming single was indeed a "drooling, hair-twirling, turn into a 15 year old again hot" single father of 4.
He often lamented that no woman would want to get involved with a man who had 4 kids. I told him I *lost* 4 pregnancies, so I would LOVE to date someone with such a full family.0 -
Well we are the same age. And he was a professional athlete so I am guessing has some sense of stability. I just don't want to even agree to meeting up if this is something I can't ultimately deal with. There is no reason it can't be casual right? :blushing:Probably not. I could see instances where I could. And it has nothing to do with the kids, but the girl. I'm just not sure a woman with that many kids and I would want the same out of life. Being 32 and assuming the girl is the same age or younger, I just don't know anyone that age with that many kids who is single and stable (or honestly responsible for that matter). There could be one but I'd think it'd be more the exception than the rule.0 -
So could you do it? Date someone with 4 kids.
*And for the ladies...when I say he is hot, I am talking drooling, hair-twirling, turn into a 15 year old again hot.
The 2nd guy I dated since becoming single was indeed a "drooling, hair-twirling, turn into a 15 year old again hot" single father of 4.
He often lamented that no woman would want to get involved with a man who had 4 kids. I told him I *lost* 4 pregnancies, so I would LOVE to date someone with such a full family.
What happened to him? Sounds like a perfect match! And you're just the type of person I'd want to step aside for in that situation. It wouldn't be fair to the kids, me dating a guy knowing I really wasn't interested in interacting much with them.0 -
I have seen your posts before and honestly I can see you being the accepting type. You seem really sweet and understanding. I think we might be exact opposites lol. You are the Jesus to my antichrist. Wanna be friends? :happy:So could you do it? Date someone with 4 kids.
*And for the ladies...when I say he is hot, I am talking drooling, hair-twirling, turn into a 15 year old again hot.
The 2nd guy I dated since becoming single was indeed a "drooling, hair-twirling, turn into a 15 year old again hot" single father of 4.
He often lamented that no woman would want to get involved with a man who had 4 kids. I told him I *lost* 4 pregnancies, so I would LOVE to date someone with such a full family.0 -
i married a woman that had 3 kids and it was great till she decided to cheat on me. now the kids live with there dad she lives alone and so do i but i get to see the kids so that is cool. if i couldnt see the kids that would be tragic0
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Hit it and quit it.0
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I could, but I'm a kid magnet. I LOVE kids. My house is always full of kids. I have three, but at any given moment, there could be 6-9 kids running around. That's me.
If you honestly know that you do NOT like kids, please do yourself, the man, and the kids a favor, and pass. There are other hot guys out there... and plenty of them that do not have kids...
Now... can I have his number? LOL jk0 -
Not a chance. I need a kid free woman for a longer term relationship.0
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Hit it and quit it.
lol. or
F*^k 'em 'n' duck 'em0 -
While I don't think it is necessarily a deal-breaker, it gives me something to think about - it would honestly depend on the circumstances.
For example, if he was married for 10 years and all four kids were from one woman, then yes, I'd consider him. But if two were from one woman and one from another and one from another and he was never married to any of them, then no, I'd be out of there quick. You know what I mean? Personally, I'd like to scope the situation before making a decision.0 -
I made several earnest attempts at dating women with younger children and just couldn't do it. I am reluctant to become a father figure (or a father for that matter - snip snip). Also, the second or third time our plans changed because of the kid(s), I opted out.
My current gf does have three kids, but the youngest just graduated HS. So, by the end of this Summer, all of the kids will be "out of the house." I've found that to have someone child compatible, I have to stick to my age range. Every woman I met in their 30's had kids or wanted kids.
Does he have full custody? If he doesn't, then you may be able to see what his visitation schedule is and it might not be too bad.0 -
What's he got going for him apart from 'hot'?
How old are the kids?
Where is the mother?
Is he a full time Dad?
Is he kind, generous, compassionate?
Does he work?
Does he have time to date you?
Is he allergic to condoms??? :laugh:
I would need more info to make a decision :flowerforyou:0 -
The 4 kids would be a very hard obstacle for me to overcome but it would have to be included in an overall pictures.
As someone stated if all kids were with the same mother or multiple women?
His age - having 4 kids before 30 or after 35
Age of kids - are they young or teens
Is he a full time dad or a weekend father?
How does he treat the kids and has he taught them how to respect adults?
Etc.0 -
What happened to him? Sounds like a perfect match! And you're just the type of person I'd want to step aside for in that situation. It wouldn't be fair to the kids, me dating a guy knowing I really wasn't interested in interacting much with them.
He was a cheater. I understood when he told me about the first one (a "retaliation" affair after discovering his wife and best friend/ministry partner.) But when I found out about others...well... I just couldn't handle the stress of every little thing appearing to be a red flag.0 -
Also, the second or third time our plans changed because of the kid(s), I opted out.
Yikes- as a single parent I definitely resemble that remark, lol! I used to be the kind of person that planned my life down to the minute. Then I had a child, and now all such plans are just a waste of energy. Someone currently parenting young kids understands because their life is already in flex mode (evening plans depend heavily on how junior is doing that day, whether the sitter shows up on time or at all, etc).
A man who has never parented doesn't get it and takes way more offense to the schedule changes that naturally result when you have young kids.
A man who's already reared his and sent them out into the world has earned the right to enjoy life w/o having to deal with this.0 -
Negative Ghost leader.
I couldnt date Jessica Alba if she had 4 kids... The novelty of someone being extra hot will wear off when you have someone elses kids spewing on you in bed.
Pass.
That is negative ghost RIDER..
and hell to the no on four kids. whew. I know my limits .. lolol0 -
Been there, did that. Never again.0
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Don't let something as simple as 'looks' lead you down a path you would rather avoid.0
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I could do it, but then again, I love kids and generally have about 6-8 in my home most weekends. Oh, and only 2 of them are mine. I connect well with my daughters' friends so yeah.... a guy with kids, no biggie to me.0
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What happened to him? Sounds like a perfect match! And you're just the type of person I'd want to step aside for in that situation. It wouldn't be fair to the kids, me dating a guy knowing I really wasn't interested in interacting much with them.
He was a cheater. I understood when he told me about the first one (a "retaliation" affair after discovering his wife and best friend/ministry partner.) But when I found out about others...well... I just couldn't handle the stress of every little thing appearing to be a red flag.
I don't blame you, that's a big dealbreaker for me.0 -
Since my divorce I haven't had a real relationship let alone dated anyone with more than one child. I think 4 might be a little scary but not a deal-breaker if everything else was positive.0
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Nope.
There's a guy in my life that is a 12 on a scale of 1-10, but he has a kid. We have amazing sexual chemistry. Like, fantastic. But because of the kid thing, and one or two other significant dealbreakers, we are nothing more than fwbs.
I've met men before that fit all my criteria except the kid thing and every single time I've walked away because I just can't/won't do it.
That said, I've met someone that's completely changed my way of thinking and so far it's going well although we're not even in the "together" stage yet. He's a dad. But he is fully aware of my perspective, and he is so far from ordinary that I don't mind making the concessions needed to make it work.
It comes down to you and the guy. Always. Kids grow up and move out (hopefully). You never stop being a parent, but you do stop being a host at some point.0 -
Perhaps a bit off topic, but it seems quite harsh to say you'd never date a guy/girl because of kids. Even four kids. Maybe you can say you're "reluctant," it would "stop and make you think," etc. But to categorically rule out someone with kids? Especially when the underlying theme on these boards is how hard it is to find a partner. Why make it even harder?
I accept there are some red lines in choosing someone, we all filter to some degree. I would never date a drug addict. I'd be highly reluctant to date a smoker (although I have dated a few in the past). Etc. But we're talking about children, not destructive personal habits!
Of course I'm biased, as I have two kids.... Still, while it might be more challenging, as in life, sometimes the best things are worth a bit of effort.
--P0 -
Perhaps a bit off topic, but it seems quite harsh to say you'd never date a guy/girl because of kids. Even four kids. Maybe you can say you're "reluctant," it would "stop and make you think," etc. But to categorically rule out someone with kids? Especially when the underlying theme on these boards is how hard it is to find a partner. Why make it even harder?
I accept there are some red lines in choosing someone, we all filter to some degree. I would never date a drug addict. I'd be highly reluctant to date a smoker (although I have dated a few in the past). Etc. But we're talking about children, not destructive personal habits!
Of course I'm biased, as I have two kids.... Still, while it might be more challenging, as in life, sometimes the best things are worth a bit of effort.
--P
For me the logic is rather simple.
I have chosen to remain childless for a variety of reasons. I have taken necessary precautions and great care to maintain this status. I have a long list of reasons for this decision, but most of them are irrelevant here. Basically, I'm selfish, a bit impatient, and rather coarse. I'm not a kid friendly individual. I have no maternal instinct, and therefore I am not even approached as a potential babysitter to my friends' kids.
With all of that, why decide suddenly that it's ok to date someone who will change my life in such a dramatically inconvenient way? I enjoy last minute planning, long sleeps, extra cash, and take advantage of these regularly. I wouldn't even know how to begin relating to someone with children.0 -
With all of that, why decide suddenly that it's ok to date someone who will change my life in such a dramatically inconvenient way? I enjoy last minute planning, long sleeps, extra cash, and take advantage of these regularly. I wouldn't even know how to begin relating to someone with children.
Actually, a very good point. In effect, you're doing the kids a huge favor. Makes perfect sense.
I'm just not a fan or hard filters for selecting potential partners, but I have to admit in your case, you're right.
--P0 -
I have chosen to remain childless for a variety of reasons. I have taken necessary precautions and great care to maintain this status. I have a long list of reasons for this decision, but most of them are irrelevant here. Basically, I'm selfish, a bit impatient, and rather coarse. I'm not a kid friendly individual. I have no maternal instinct, and therefore I am not even approached as a potential babysitter to my friends' kids.
I admire your honesty :flowerforyou:
In my case, I never wanted children, but I kinda like them! So I agree with P, its not a deal breaker, but an overall consideration.0
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