The ugly truth

casi_ann

This has been such a hard week. I have experienced prejudice three times this week and I did not handle it well. I have a bumper sticker on my car, (marriage is based on love) to support gay and lesbian rights to marry. A co-worker came up to my car and looked at the bumper-sticker and made a snide remark about my bumper sticker. She voiced gay people should not be able to get married, why would they cause all kinds of problems with their rights, why would they cause problems with the church, it just isn't right. I tried to make her see things the way i see them which was a big mistake because this lady was obviously not on the same track as me. She started saying even meaner things about gays, including things like… She got me mad and I sort of told her off. Earlier in our conversation I was talking with her about the two other experiences of prejudice. One isn't even worth mentioning since it did not affect me specifically, even though I allowed it to bother me. The second experience was that I had a person who did not want to use my services because i was obese. I will not go into detail what exactly she told my boss but it wasn't very nice at all. It was down right ugly. So I was talking with this co-worker about these experiences and she said to me your about ___ pounds right. It was a number way higher than I am. I told her no, and that i didn't feel she needed to know that. She kept it up, she than guessed another number, I again told her she didn't need to know, she guessed a third number which is the moment i got mad and said that is none of her business. Anyway, back to the bumper-sticker which is the reason i'm telling you this story. I learned something important about myself by using the steps. When she made this comment and I was attempting to get her to see the lie in her thinking I told her my son was gay, why would i tell someone something this personal who obviously is not my friend. I didn't put a question mark on this statement because it isn't a question. It is a statement. Why do I care what she or anyone else thinks about me or my son. I always say I don't like people, I don't like religious people, They have been a thorn in my side. A constant reminder of the hate that exists in this country and most of the world. Why do I even have a bumper sticker on my car. Is this my way of trying to control the world, my way of telling people what I think, telling them to f___ off without saying it. My obsession with telling it as it is. I'm thinking of buying a different bumper sticker for my car in fear that this may cause trouble for my son, hurt him, not help his situation. Also, I need to stop trying to teach the world. Let the world learn the hard way, the way I had to learn.

Doing the 12 steps over has brought out a lot of things I still have to work on. I am very compulsive in what I say, how i say it and how I still try to control others, even people who just work with me or people who are strangers. These experiences didn't cause me to eat, but helped me see the ugly truth about my actions and reactions. These two experiences have taught me where I still have to do the steps to clean up my side of the street. Thanks for listening if you have read up to here.

jessiekanga

I am pretty new to this group, and so just read this. Regarding your bumper sticker, I only ask you to see one alternative before you remove it, if you still have it. I am gay. Seeing rainbows, equality signs, other lgbt friendly stickers on folks' cars is a deep breath of peace each and every time. I don't need to know you to have a better day because you passed me on the highway. For a moment, I remember that I have family, allies, that I don't even know. That rejuvenates me for the next time I need to take someone head on, defending my right to live, love, work, and have a place to live. I honor your risk, and I thank you for it.

GOOD for you for not taking the weight bait. There is criticism/critique out there, and there is mean-spirited behavior. Your colleague was mean. I'm so sorry you went through all that, and I'm totally impressed you handled it as well as you did. My world is a little better because I share it with you.

Thank you.

janesmith1

n/s

jensweighingin

That sounds horrible. I wish that didn't happen to you. Focus on yourself and your 12 steps. It's important for us to not let their bad behavior influence our eating. Hugs.

MichelleOnWheels

Thanks for sharing. Interesting insight. I have a close family member who is going through some questioning and have to be careful not to mention it, because SHE is not comfortable with being called gay. I have to remember that it is about HER not about ME. I am already comfortable with the idea, and I don't need other people to think I am 'open minded' or 'accepting' etc. It is more respectful for me to just shut my mouth about it.

Being a religious person also, I have made peace with these things by remembering that God didn't make ME that way, so I don't know what it's like or what it means or doesn't mean, it's not mine to figure out. I have enough of my own stuff to work out and live the best life I can without trying to micromanage the world.

raggyanndoll

I have experienced similar prejudices, although in a different area, so I feel like i can empathize a little bit. I have never understood some people's obsession with fixing other people. I guess it is just a distraction so they don't have to fix themselves. When we see the dysfunction in others, it makes our own dysfunction smaller. Even though I strongly believe that gay marriage is wrong, I cannot imagine confronting someone about it in a parking lot. I think a lot of people do things while invoking God's name that God would not approve of. This sounds like an emotional issue for you and it is good that you do not let someone else's stuff become your stuff. This person in the parking lot is a sick person and it is a shame that she does not recognize it. We are so blessed to have OA in our lives to know what is our own stuff and what we do not need to own.

I stand beside you and support you. Even if our points of view disagree, we share a common disease that links us together.

kimimila86

I have never understood some people's obsession with fixing other people. I guess it is just a distraction so they don't have to fix themselves.

This sums up what I was thinking the whole time!

I don't know what this lady has been through in her life that she is reflecting so much hate towards others... I guess you can be thankful that you're not her. I'm not a bumper sticker kind of person, but I do speak up when I hear people dissenting against gays or any other minority group. It's gotten me into trouble more often than not, but I can't help it. There are times where there is actually an opportunity to teach someone something new, but that only works if they have an open mind. It's pretty obvious this woman is a closed clam shell! I'm still reading up on the 12 steps, but it seems they're more applicable to life in general than just the addiction we're faced with.

:flowerforyou: