The texting game...
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I need to do a better job with women about making my communication methods preferences clearer. The problem is that it is so difficult to get certain people on the phone. I like best a combination of phone calls and messages on Facebook.
The problem is that this sounds very one-sided... all about how you want to communicate and not taking into consideration the other person's preferences. You may have valid reasons for choosing one method over another, but the other person might too. Just something to remember. :flowerforyou:0 -
I'd say, on average, to establish closeness:
Date >> phone >> texting >> email >> mail (letter)
BUT different channels have got different advantages...
- Speed (at which the message travel),
- Body language (or not),
- Possibility to communicate emotions (to avoid misunderstandings),
- Reachability (how likely are they to see your message, at what speed),
- Interruption (are you disrupting their flow),
- Spontaneity (to communicate your feelings)
Etc.
Also different people react differently to different channels.
For the young-ish crowd, here is what I do:
- Texts to arrange dates (that they can pick up when they want, when they've got time, without disrupting their day, and that I'm pretty sure they're going to see - who hasn't got their mobile with them these days?). For all these reasons, it's a very casual/light hearted and low pressure way of communicating, and >>arranging<< events. Also quite spontaneous: "Hey! Just saw a dog poo that looks like your face on the pavement :-)"
- Email for links/youtube videos/pictures/events where ticket booking is necessary: people don't pick emails as often, but it's a nice way to complement an interaction via text or in person, to send "extra stuff". Less spontaneous, less casual, less fun. Still useful.
- Phone: never use it. Except when I'm running late, or when I'm lost (when the focus of the other person is on me, basically and I know I'm not interrupting anything). Dating in person + text beats phone any day, and yes, as pointed out before, people are not listening to you when they're doing something else. Useful for LDR though...
- Paper mail: good for LDR, or sprinkle a letter from time to time as a good surprise. Always nice.
- Date: well... Hands on the best one. I personally think phone conversations gimp my future dates (wasting topics on the phone, while I can't be touchy), so I normally prefer to avoid phone and date in person as much as possible. Good though if you're not seeing the person often (but I don't do LDR these days).
Guess it also depends at what stage of the dates/relationship you are. Just my $99.0 -
I think that's probably the most sensible approach these days, flimflamfloz. Now, can you have a word with the men around here?
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I’m not a big fan of texting for romantic relationship building, but I do use it a lot with my established friends- especially long-distance ones. I can’t have my phone at work during the day and it seems like some guys just want immediate responses to their texts and want to text allllllll day. If I get out for lunch and find a bunch of texts on my phone, yours might get missed. Or I intend to get back to it and it gets overcome by other texts.
One guy, in defense of all this texting, told me if he didn’t text all day the ladies would think he wasn’t interested. The kind of man I want most likely has enough going on all day that he probably can’t carry that convo on all day ;-).I'm a little old fashioned, too, I guess. I was taught to NEVER call a boy first. I will once we've established some sort of communication process, but not in the beginning.
Me too. I had a guy once tell me that if I wanted to talk to him, call him/text him/chat him. Don’t think something was wrong with “us” because he didn’t reach out to me first. But you know what? When he met “the one,” he had no problem showering her with daily attention.0 -
Texting happens on a phone. A phone was originally invented for people to talk to one another. The cell phone was invented for people to talk without being tethered to a landline.
Texting is far too frequently used. It is really best for the simplest of message exchanges and in no way should it be thought of as a relational development tool. I don't think text messaging has enhanced the quality of human relationships. In fact, I believe that it has de-personalized many processes and made us ruder to one another.
The only text based form of communication that I see as having value in one on one interpersonal relationships is something that allows for longer form, non immediate messaging. Something like an email or a private message on Facebook. But even that has limited utility.
The focus should be on phone calls and your in person interactions.
To the OP-Maybe you need to let people know how you perceive texting and how you like others to communicate with you.
This is your opinion, which is great, but you come across as incredibly arrogant when you present it as though it's fact. Different people have different preferences and it's fantastic that you know what you want but a lot of people that aren't you manage just fine. (to be clear, I'm criticizing the presentation of your opinion, not your opinion in and of itself.)
Not cool to call him out. Ive seen many posts and comments from you that doesnt represent you well. I agree with David, he also is not arrogant. He is a great guy and very nice. He is way more tolerant than I am. There is nothing wrong with wanting to communicate the old fashion way. People suck today and never talk anymore cause they are always on their phone. Texting with not ever replace actually talking in person. I have dumped women cause of their texting. I wanted a relationship with her not her phone.0 -
I'm a little old fashioned, too, I guess. I was taught to NEVER call a boy first. I will once we've established some sort of communication process, but not in the beginning.
Me too. I had a guy once tell me that if I wanted to talk to him, call him/text him/chat him. Don’t think something was wrong with “us” because he didn’t reach out to me first. But you know what? When he met “the one,” he had no problem showering her with daily attention.
I agree with this soooo much.
But also in He's Just Not That Into You, Justin Long's character pretty much says the same thing - if he likes you, he will take initiative to call you. You won't have to call him.0 -
I agree with this soooo much.
But also in He's Just Not That Into You, Justin Long's character pretty much says the same thing - if he likes you, he will take initiative to call you. You won't have to call him.
YEP! That has been my experience. When a guy is super interested, he doesn't worry about who texted who first or whose turn it is, he takes the initiative and makes contact. Now the guys who just see me as plan B or option C may only call or text every once in a while.0 -
Texting happens on a phone. A phone was originally invented for people to talk to one another. The cell phone was invented for people to talk without being tethered to a landline.
Texting is far too frequently used. It is really best for the simplest of message exchanges and in no way should it be thought of as a relational development tool. I don't think text messaging has enhanced the quality of human relationships. In fact, I believe that it has de-personalized many processes and made us ruder to one another.
The only text based form of communication that I see as having value in one on one interpersonal relationships is something that allows for longer form, non immediate messaging. Something like an email or a private message on Facebook. But even that has limited utility.
The focus should be on phone calls and your in person interactions.
To the OP-Maybe you need to let people know how you perceive texting and how you like others to communicate with you.
This is your opinion, which is great, but you come across as incredibly arrogant when you present it as though it's fact. Different people have different preferences and it's fantastic that you know what you want but a lot of people that aren't you manage just fine. (to be clear, I'm criticizing the presentation of your opinion, not your opinion in and of itself.)
Not cool to call him out. Ive seen many posts and comments from you that doesnt represent you well. I agree with David, he also is not arrogant. He is a great guy and very nice. He is way more tolerant than I am. There is nothing wrong with wanting to communicate the old fashion way. People suck today and never talk anymore cause they are always on their phone. Texting with not ever replace actually talking in person. I have dumped women cause of their texting. I wanted a relationship with her not her phone.
Well it's a good thing hypocrite man came to the rescue. Anyway, I didn't call him arrogant.0 -
The only text based form of communication that I see as having value in one on one interpersonal relationships is something that allows for longer form, non immediate messaging. Something like an email or a private message on Facebook. But even that has limited utility.
Iagree with DM. I think texting should be used for situations that doesn't require an immediate response.. For example.. "Good Morning, have a great day" Sometimes it's polite for the other person to say "Thanks, you too" whenver they get a chance, but at the same time.. it really doesn't require an immediate response.. ANything that requires a response right away.. perhaps they should call.0
