Sleeping with my wife ticks me off
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SwannySez
Posts: 5,860 Member
Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and I think she and I will be together for a good long time. Like at least the end of the month or something. But the problem is in the bedroom, or as some people call it, the bood war! Well, it sure as heckfore IS a war, I tell you what.
We both work. I work a lot longer than she does though. I mean my day is a 12.5 hour day every day. So when I get home, I generally am ready for a sammich, an episode of Murder, She Wrote, a cup of warm Diet Dr. Pepper, my evening bowel movement, 22.5 minutes of attentuion to my daughter (generally hide and seek) and I am ready to hit the sack.
The probnlem is, that she is already there. Naked. Writhing and purring and whispering sexually explicit phrases at me. It's like she's possessed by the spirit of Tallulah Bankhead or something. I try as best I can to just curl up on my side of the bed and shuffle off to dreamland, but the next thing I know there's a set opf toes stroking my love handle (not the one over my hip either!). How she manages this is clearly some ancient Korean love secret, but I mean, boy howdy!
If that wasn't bad enough she'll just start rubbing against me and moaning and I mean, really, how am I supposed to sleep through this?
Does anyone else have to deal with this kinda thing? Does anyone have any advice for how to somehow get her to just gte over onto her side of the bed and mind her night time manners? I mean good gravy, it's one thing for her to voice her sexual talk on sex night - and it's darn distracting then, I tell you what - but just on a normal night? I am really just about at my wits' end!
HELP!
We both work. I work a lot longer than she does though. I mean my day is a 12.5 hour day every day. So when I get home, I generally am ready for a sammich, an episode of Murder, She Wrote, a cup of warm Diet Dr. Pepper, my evening bowel movement, 22.5 minutes of attentuion to my daughter (generally hide and seek) and I am ready to hit the sack.
The probnlem is, that she is already there. Naked. Writhing and purring and whispering sexually explicit phrases at me. It's like she's possessed by the spirit of Tallulah Bankhead or something. I try as best I can to just curl up on my side of the bed and shuffle off to dreamland, but the next thing I know there's a set opf toes stroking my love handle (not the one over my hip either!). How she manages this is clearly some ancient Korean love secret, but I mean, boy howdy!
If that wasn't bad enough she'll just start rubbing against me and moaning and I mean, really, how am I supposed to sleep through this?
Does anyone else have to deal with this kinda thing? Does anyone have any advice for how to somehow get her to just gte over onto her side of the bed and mind her night time manners? I mean good gravy, it's one thing for her to voice her sexual talk on sex night - and it's darn distracting then, I tell you what - but just on a normal night? I am really just about at my wits' end!
HELP!
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Replies
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Get her a hooker.0
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Wear cactus pajamas to bed.0
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did i hear sammich?0
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Get her a hooker.
and blow....don't forget the blow0 -
Get her a hooker.
and some blow
damn, Shan beat me to it.0 -
Eat four double bean burritos an hour before bed. She'll sleep in the garage.0
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French kiss the bearded clam. That's the cure she seeks.0
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Just for that I'm gonna sleep with my husband tonight0
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Get her a hooker.
and some blow
damn, Shan beat me to it.
Great minds my dear0 -
Have her give me buzz. I've got some studies that I can explore with her on how to deal with these issues of hers.0
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Just eat her damn kimchi and all will be well in the world.0
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Send her over to my place. She won't ever want to bother you again brother....0
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Have you two prayed about this together? Because you know, sex is for procreation only, and it's clear that you've already spawned, so you really have no need for this sort of thing.0
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I'd like to thank all the people who have offered legitimate responses to this heart-wrenching dilemma.0
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Have you two prayed about this together? Because you know, sex is for procreation only, and it's clear that you've already spawned, so you really have no need for this sort of thing.
Praise the lord!0 -
Have you two prayed about this together? Because you know, sex is for procreation only, and it's clear that you've already spawned, so you really have no need for this sort of thing.
Great, now I have to clean off my laptop monitor from the mouthful of diet coke I was drinking...NIIICCCEEEEE!!!! +1 internets to you.0 -
Baby, is that you? I didn't know you had an account here! :noway:
*scooting off to delete a few profile pics*0 -
Kortney, I have asked the Lord, "Dear little baby Jesus, lyin' there in the manger, all innocent and pure and not even a little bit scared that the camel might eat you ebcause you know that you're God and can rain hellfire and damnation down on that twisted f*cking hump-backed *kitten* for even eyeing you like you were a meal, please help my missus to understand that I need my beauty sleep and that her insatiable needs are sent directly from Satan. In your name we pray. Amen."0
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Have you tried leaving your dirty socks under the coffee table every day?0
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The probnlem is, that she is already there. Naked. Writhing and purring and whispering sexually explicit phrases at me. It's like she's possessed by the spirit of Tallulah Bankhead or something. I try as best I can to just curl up on my side of the bed and shuffle off to dreamland, but the next thing I know there's a set opf toes stroking my love handle (not the one over my hip either!). How she manages this is clearly some ancient Korean love secret, but I mean, boy howdy!
If that wasn't bad enough she'll just start rubbing against me and moaning and I mean, really, how am I supposed to sleep through this?
Does anyone else have to deal with this kinda thing? Does anyone have any advice for how to somehow get her to just gte over onto her side of the bed and mind her night time manners? I mean good gravy, it's one thing for her to voice her sexual talk on sex night - and it's darn distracting then, I tell you what - but just on a normal night? I am really just about at my wits' end!
I know what your problem is (it's something I've done too many times). See, you have your wife mixed up with your cat. Your wife is the one who is yelling at you to take out the garbage. The cat is the furry naked thing on your bed rubbing up against you at night nibbling on your toes. It's important to remember that, confusing the two can really create some uncomfortable situations like:
When you accidently take your cat to your company Christmas party. When you accidently spank your wife for clawing on the furniture...
Knowing is half the battle!!!0 -
Wear cactus pajamas to bed.
that's what I call my unshaved legs...0 -
Pee in her.0
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Have you tried leaving your dirty socks under the coffee table every day?
But what if she's into that? She might think it's some sort of sign.0 -
Am I the only one that thinks this isn't a problem? I work similar hours and do the dirty often and regular. Hell, last night I woke up at midnight, went 2 hours, slept and got up for work at 5. Otherwise, take a day off, get you a couple little blue pills and *kitten* her so hard and long that she'll be too sore the rest of the week to ask.0
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I'm sorry, what does this have to do with weight loss?0
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i think you should hook her up to that one machine in inception.. then yall can do it in a dream.. and viola! you have best of both worlds...
yep...0 -
Kortney, I have asked the Lord, "Dear little baby Jesus, lyin' there in the manger, all innocent and pure and not even a little bit scared that the camel might eat you ebcause you know that you're God and can rain hellfire and damnation down on that twisted f*cking hump-backed *kitten* for even eyeing you like you were a meal, please help my missus to understand that I need my beauty sleep and that her insatiable needs are sent directly from Satan. In your name we pray. Amen."
A-FU*KING-MEN!!!!!!!!!!0 -
I'm sorry, what does this have to do with weight loss?
OMG! If I can't get my rest, HOW can I exercise? She is deliberately sabotaging my progress with her hornications! It could not be more clear if it were written in Hangul!0 -
I wish I had this problem0
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Sleeping with my wife ticks me off
Have you tried sleeping with someone elses wife instead?0
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